Author's Note: I do not own or claim to own any part of the Resident Evil/Biohazard franchise. All of those characters belong to people who are not me.
The character of Vasily is the intellectual property of SFTiki, who is letting me play with his OC. After he reads this, I'm not sure if he will again.
Yes, I know that this is probably crap. I wrote it anyway, and I'm not sorry.
RESIDENT EVIL ONE: THE VASILY VERSION
"I've got a bad feeling about this." Jill Valentine said.
"Aw, you always say that." Barry racked a shell into his pistol gripped Remington 870. "Of course it's going to go badly. Why else would we be here?"
Jill Remembered this exchange, about eight minutes later as she ran through the forest, the stumbling gray mockeries of human existence groaning out behind her. It wasn't that they were fast-They didn't need to be fast. They didn't give up. She saw one of them take two shots to the chest from Barry's .357 magnum and it didn't even bleed. Oh, shit, Barry…
The others were probably dead. You don't lose that much blood and get back up again. The only thing that she could do from here was get to the mansion and call for help. Of course, what if Umbrella knew that she was coming?
No. The- The monsters- would not be part of anyone's plan. Something had gone wrong.
She went in through the kitchen door, though, just to be safe.
Click.
Ka-click.
"Well, the light doesn't work." She mumbled to herself. Squinting in the dark, she thought that she saw a steak knife sticking out of the place where the bulb was. But… why? she thought to herself.
And then she noticed the moonlight glinting off of the fishing line hanging from the blade. With the switch turned on, it could electrocute anyone who didn't see the wire. clever, she thought. but who..?
Something stumbled into the door with a CLUNK. She drew her Beretta 92FS and silently set the kitchen table on its side, hiding behind it.
It slammed itself against the door with another CLUNK, Then she heard The sound of something that only barely remembered what it was like to be alive choking on its rotting tongue. She considered firing through the door, but that might attract more of them. Would it just go away if she didn't move? No. it had nowhere else to be.
Jill went to the kitchen door with the intent of going around the thing, but she saw two more outside. oh shit. she checked her Beretta's magazine, finding only one cartridge left after the battle with the rotting things outside. That left two total, counting the one in the chamber.
Well, I could take out a few of them if they stand in a line. she thought.
Clunk, clunk, clunk, Went the rotting parody of human life behind the door.
"Пизда!" A wet crunch, followed by incomprehensible eastern European screaming.
The door came off its hinges, and flew across the room, a screaming zombie stuck to it by something large and sharp. It landed in the corner, and squirmed, making wet groaning noises.
It was followed by a large man in a Russian military uniform and peaked cap, his hands empty. He noticed the three monsters outside, roared at them with a great "HRAAAAH!" and unstuck his weapon from the creature on the floor, now reduced to a broken-spined, impotent lump of gray flesh.
She could see now that the weapon which he wielded was a model swordfish, of the type mounted on walls by tacky fishermen.
He ran through the kitchen, nearly trampling her, and kicked through the reinforced door to the outside, snapping it right off of its hinges and knocking it into one of the creatures.
He brought the wooden swordfish in a great upward swing under the second one's jaw, smushing its face like a sat-upon cupcake. A cupcake made of rotting flesh.
The third creature, looking unpleasantly surprised and terrified, tried to shamble away, but the large Russian grasped his swordfish by the tail and threw it like a javelin, nailing the rotting monstrosity through the forehead.
"Oh!" he said, noticing her for the first time. He seemed genuinely pleased to see another human, and a pretty young lady at that. "Hello!"
The creature with the crushed face got up in and sheepishly attempted to stumble towards him, the dripping remains of its features contorted in what Jill would later realize was fear.
The large man turned, grinned broadly, and rushed at the now terrified creature. Jill was pretty sure that the sounds it was making were fearful ones.
The first punch was the only necessary one, driving the bone of its nose deep into its brain and out the back of its head. The second lifted it off of its feet, and back two meters where it landed on the driveway, its bones cracking irreparably.
The large man turned to her, and spoke in a thick Russian accent. "Please excuse manners. I am having to attend to these." He kicked one of the broken corpses. "I am Vasily."
She could see him fully in the moonlight by this point. He was younger than she had thought, maybe younger than her, blond, muscular, and at least six and a half feet tall.
"I-uh-what?" she stammered, distracted. "wait, what's that noise?"
"Is nothing to be afraid of." he scoffed. "Is only bear."
Indeed, a large bear, nine hundred pounds at least, was sniffing around the dead bodies.
"Bear is nothing to be afraid of!" Vasily exclaimed. "I play with bears as child! They raise me as their own for two months when I run away from home! That I why I am getting job as bear trainer for Umbrella Corp! but, then, dead rise, I lose job, bears run away…" He hung his head. "Is very sad."
"But," He said, pointing to the enormous creature now sniffing at Jill's hair, "Bear has come back! Is good! I have career in bear wrangling to look forward to!"
The bear began to eat the dead zombies.
"Oh, shit. That is not being good."
The bear howled, and dropped to the ground.
After an eternity, It got back up again, eyes glowing red.
"!" The bear roared, standing at least a foot and a half taller than before.
"HNAHRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHRRR!" It sprouted three foot claws from its hands, and tentacles from its stomach.
Vasily ripped off his shirt. 'HRAAAAAH!" He roared back.
Vasily drew a huge combat knife from his boot, then rushed at the monster, roaring and screaming insanely in Russian.
The two giants fought on the pavement while Jill threw up, reloaded her handgun, and moved inside. Maybe she could find a phone. Chris Redfield had his cell phone, maybe he had escaped…
Nah. Nothing could have survived those horrible dogs.
MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE FOREST:
"HNAHRAH!" Screamed Chris, uprooting a small tree and hitting the zombie dog like a baseball. "COME AND FUCKING GET ME!"
BACK AT THE HOUSE:
Jill tried Chris's cell, but no answer. Maybe the local police could send a message to someone who could send a message to her boss at S.T.A.R.S.
"Hsssssssssss."
Wait, what was…. Oh, shit.
"!"
Went the window as Jill jumped through it. Broken glass in her arms and legs were okay. She could deal with that.
Giant fucking zombie snake? She might have a little trouble with that one.
"VASILY!" She called. "GIANT FUCKING ZOMBIE SNAKE, RUN!" She double tapped it in the face, then rolled as it snapped its jaws just at where she had been.
She looked up, hoping that maybe the zombie bear could fight the zombie snake, and get rid of each other.
Wait… The bear was gone?
"NOT TO WORRY ABOUT BEAR!" Vasily called, putting a red and yellow ball away in his pocket.
"PROBLEM IS SOLVED!" He noticed the Snake. "HOLY SHIT! GIANT FUCKING ZOMBIE SNAKE!"
As the great beast came close to snapping its jaws shut on Jill, she heard a yelp, and a hiss. And a:
"DOGS-DESTROY THAT BEAST!" Chris rode on two zombie dogs, one strapped to each foot, like roller blades, with an entire pack following close behind him. "I AM THE ALPHA MALE, AND YOU SHALL DO AS I SAY!"
The dogs made short work of the writhing snake, and Jill moved to call out to Chris, but Vasily stepped in.
"Is still one more monster." He said. "Over the last few days, I've succeeded in rounding up the zombies and putting them in the upstairs of the mansion. Mostly because even if they do escape, they'll fall and die. But, I've been saving them for something else. You see, there is one more monster, who I am keeping in basement, and who is breaking out of basement quite soon. Your timing is incredible."
"Aw, shit! Can't I have one moment of fucking peace! Chris, gimme that." She took Barry's old .357 from Chris's belt. Barry's dead. She thought. Gone.
Payback time.
"HEY!" She called out to the enormous beastie breaking through the walls of the house, tentacles writing, exposed heart beating.
She rushed in under the Tyrant's writhing tentacles, and delivered a kick to his shin. Then, She flipped him the bird.
"FUCK YOU! AND THOSE TENTACLES DON'T COME ANYWHERE NEAR COMPENSATING FOR THIS!"
And she shot him right in the groin with Barry's Magnum.
He stumbled back, surprised, screaming, holding the ruined shreds of his manhood in his great claws and weeping out to the sky. He swatted Jill away like a fly, then stumbled around the courtyard, dazed and in pain.
Vasily threw the yellow and red ball from before, shouting "ZOMBIE BEAR, I AM CHOOSING YOU!"
The ball somehow turned into the simplified bear from before, flying through the air, and scored a direct hit on the tyrant's body.
The bear ripped off the Tyrant's face with one swipe, then tore out his heart with another.
The beast, dead, but not yet knowing it, stumbled back through the hole in the wall and fell upon the floor.
Jill turned to Vasily. "You said that you had a plan?"
Vasily pressed the button, wordlessly.
The shaped charges in the basement and ceiling went off with an ear-splitting roar, tearing the house into pieces and shredding everything inside to powder.
Jill, Chris, and Vasily flew back across the yard, and lay there for many minutes after the explosion.
After what felt like years later, Vasily said, "Good plan, huh?"
When the S.T.A.R.S. cleanup crew showed up to take care of things, Vasily was long gone. Chris and Jill made up something on the spot about how they had survived the long night, and they lived happily ever after.
Until next time….
EPILOGUE:
The two great figures stood on the mountain, watching the sun rise, and give heat to the earth, blessing it with the ability to produce life once more.
Vasily turned to the Bear.
"I shall call you… Soulbomb."
END