A Sound Like Angels Falling
Summary: You think maybe it is the sound angels make as they hurtle towards the ground.
You've finally graduated. Lilly has been dead for two and a half years, Meg for several months, you haven't seen your mother since she stole round two of your college money, and your boyfriend skipped town with his bastard child by his dead ex-girlfriend, but when you woke up this morning, you had glee in your heart.
And to think you gave up the chance to leave all of this behind just so you could watch Aaron Echolls acquitted. The thought burns.
You've graduated, and now you're on to summer, during which you look forward to working as much as you can in hopes that you can earn enough money to somehow make it out of Neptune.
Looking back over your day so far, it hasn't been too bad.
At least up until now.
"Pick up, please pick up…"
"Oh well." And Cassidy presses send.
You can barely hear the sound of the explosion in the distance, the fiery ball that used to be a plane and Woody and your father dispersing to pieces behind you.
You think maybe it is the sound angels make as they hurtle towards the ground.
Then there is a mocking voice and an intense pain. You don't know if the pain is from the taser that Cassidy presses into your soft flesh or from your heart breaking. You don't know that it matters.
Somehow you manage to make yourself send a message to Logan, and then he's there, and Cassidy can't hurt you anymore, but you think you are still far from "safe".
You don't argue when this is what Logan whispers into your hair. You don't have the energy anymore. The gun slips from your grasp into Logan's as it becomes too heavy for you to hold up. You can't ever remember being this exhausted in your life. You're pretty sure the only reason you haven't fallen over is that Logan's holding you up.
Then all of a sudden he isn't anymore, and for one terrible second, you think that it was all a dream, Logan rescuing you. You choke out a sob, flinching back from wherever Cassidy might be, but no new pain comes, and you let yourself float back to the real world.
Where Cassidy currently stands on the wrong side of the railing that lines the rooftop. You don't really remember what he says, just that he hates his nickname (duh, you could have told them that) and Logan doesn't want him to jump.
"Why not?"
Because nothing you do will bring him back. Daddy!
But you don't say it; you can't, you're still in a daze.
"That's what I thought."
He doesn't scream. He doesn't make a single sound beyond the woosh of displaced air.
You think it sounds like wings, tearing.
You don't remember finding Mac, or what you said to her, if anything. You feel Logan's steady hand at the small of your back, and you wish it would comfort you as much as he wants it to. But you are numb, and the only thing you feel is the cold ache in your chest where your heart used to be, and the heat from his hand on your back.
Somehow you get home, and somehow, he is still with you.
You want to thank him for this. You wouldn't even have made it this far without him.
When you enter the apartment you and your father used to share, you are strangely okay. Until you decide to go to your room and pass by your father's door.
Then you break so hard and fall so far that you aren't even aware of Logan anymore. All you're aware of is the pain and the sobs being ripped from your throat. You don't know what time it is, who you are, where you're from, and you're pretty sure that at some point you even lose track of what galaxy you're in. You definitely don't know how long you stay like this, curled into a ball on the floor, choking and sobbing and dry heaving in the doorway of your father's bedroom.
DADDY! No, no, no, please don't do this to me, I can't – I don't even know what to do without you! Please come back , daddy, please!
These are the words in your heart, but you aren't sure they make their way off of your tongue.
Gradually, you become aware of the world around you again. The sounds grate against your tired mind; Logan's quiet humming mixed with your own weak, gasping sobs, and the sound of your little fists pounding on the arm of the sofa.
You're throwing a temper tantrum without even knowing it, but once you realize what you're doing, you pour your whole being into that fit. You rip yourself from Logan's arms and stalk around the apartment in agitation, tearing things from drawers and ripping apart pictures and clothes. Anything to prove just how frustrated you are.
Frustrated. That's a euphemism if you've ever heard one.
There is a large framed picture of you and your father hanging in the hall, and once you run out of things to tear up, you stomp over to the picture and start beating it with your fists and screaming at the man smiling back from the frame.
"I HATE YOU! How could you do this to me? You left me alone, you bastard! Fuck dammit! I hate you I hate you I hate you…"
And by this point you don't really even know what you're saying or who you're saying it to, just that you're filled with so much anger and hate right now and screaming is the only outlet you can think of.
Until Logan is at your side, trying to calm you and stroking your back soothingly, worried that you've lost your mind.
"Shh, Ronica." There are tears in his own eyes; tears for you and your pain. You don't even want to think about the fact that clearly he's taken on some of your pain, helped shoulder your burden, because you still hurt so much that its unbearable, and if he's taken some of your pain for himself it means that there's even more than you know, and this thought makes you nauseous.
"You're okay, baby, you're safe now. We'll get through this, you'll see, everything will turn out-"
"Turn out what, Logan? Turn out okay? You think everything will be solved by you hugging me and telling me that everything's okay? FUCK! Logan, nothing is okay, Goddammit, nothing will ever be okay again! Don't lie to me, you jackass! Fuck, I hate you, I hate you all!"
And with this last, you slam your fists – nay, your entire body against the wall with such force that the huge heavy frame leaps from the wall and crashes to the ground, the broken glass raining down around you like debris from a plane crash. It sets off a chain reaction of bad vibrations that lead the frames around it to follow its path downward, and Logan lurches forward and pulls you from the wreckage (again) and back into his arms, sinking with you to the floor as your stomach finally decides to empty itself all over the floor.
He mouths "I'll never leave you," against your temple, in response to the pleas that you can no longer force past your raw throat, but you can't hear him over the resounding tinkle of shattered glass (and dreams, and hope, and hearts and airplanes) hitting the ground.
It sounds like angels falling.