I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER! If I did, this would've happened. No joke. Plus, Harry would've died.

Warning: This is crack. Insanity abounds. It's set up to be little mini-drabbles in chapters, but that may change. If you have any ideas or requests for chapters in the future, please review!

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Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry is the most perfect place for young, untrained magical children. Starting at age eleven, these boys and girls take classes to control their untamed powers, such as Defense Against the Dark Arts, Charms, Potions and more. They grow and learn for seven years, until their final year, when they are eighteen and adults. True wizards! They have many other courses as well, such as Astronomy and Advanced Writing. However, the most infamous class is one that includes teachers and students as equal, and is by audition only. The class that is two hours a day, five days a week. The class that is taught by the headmaster himself. The class that is the envy of every student. That class is the Advanced Symphonic Band, and this year the two of us made it.

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh..." Leigh found herself spewing nothingness for the remainder of the class period to her best friend. It was DADA, and she couldn't focus at all. In less than an hour, she would be playing in theband. THE BAND!There was no way she would calm down.

"Geez, Leigh! Calm down! Professor Lupin will hear you and deduct house points. Not that less Ravenclaw points bothers me..." She grinned. As a Slytherin, she would love the ruin of fellow houses.

"But he's sohot, I don't care if he yells at me!" A dreamy look appeared on her face. "He's so much better than..." she shuddered, "Lockhart." She seemed to think the overly-smiling man was a disgrace to her house.

"Who's better than Professor Lockhart?" Lupin appeared next to the two, sending them in fitful giggles.

"Um...she's just joking...Professor!" Lanie awkwardly filled.

The bell went off. "Saved by the bell," Leigh whispered. She grinned flirtatiously at her Professor. "See you next hour, Lupin!" She ran off.

"That's professor to you!" He sighed. Girls these days.

"Bye, professor!" Lanie grinned humorlessly and ran after her insane friend.

XxX

Class began with a struggle of bodies in a small room for the acquisition of one's instruments. Lanie caught up with Leigh and scolded her as she grabbed onto her oboe case and Leigh pulled out her euphonium. "You really shouldn't talk to your professors like that, you'll get in trouble at some point."

Leigh obviously didn't care. "Does it look like I care?" She laughed and headed to the round, open band room when the Headmaster Albus Dumbledore stood imperiously, yet kindly. "Welcome, all of you! Seating will be later, just find a seat and leave your instruments in their cases," was scrawled in large cursive on the whiteboard, most likely via magic.

Lanie casually slid into a seat in the second row next to Leigh, who was almost on top of her 'dear bo', McLaggen. Lanie didn't care for him all that much, but kept most of her comments to herself. "Why can't we get our instruments out yet?" she whined. For all that she loved hearing her own voice, she cared even more about her euphonium, Euie.

Dumbledore stepped up on his director's platform and spoke. When he did, the entire room suddenly was deathly silent: everyone respected the Headmaster extremely so. "Welcome, staff and talented students! All of you have earned yourselves a place here, in this, most honored band, and for that, I congratulate you. Now, I'm sure you are wondering why we're not simply starting up some wonderful sounds and enjoying ourselves to the fullest. That is because we are going to find our seats in a very professional manner. And that is because I think of all of you as adults, equals and fellow professionals. Please be patient over this next half hour or so, and let's all do this in an orderly manner."

When his speech ended, a wildfire of quiet murmuring went through the band. Where they would sit would determine their fate for the rest of the year.

"As you all recall," The Headmaster continued. "Your chair placements were by auditions, and your professors were given seniority. However, if you perform well unceasingly, you may compete for a higher chair, even if it is a teacher you are ahead of, and you are a student." There was a sudden stiffening of professor's backs, as if they had forgotten that they were genuinely considered equals with their students.

"All of you, please stand up." Dumbledore stated, as opposed to asked. He did that a lot. When everyone did as he asked, he flicked his wand, "Your names are now on your chairs, as well as are your folder numbers. Please slowly find your seats and don't bump into anyone!" He smiled and whisked away to his office to do heaven-knows-what.

Just before he closed his door, a raven-haired girl ran through the door. "I'm not late!" She announced to no one in particular. "Really, I'm not!"

Dumbledore smiled at her. "You're Miss Blades, are you not?"

"Kat," she stated.

His smile became wry. "Alright, Kat. It's fine, your seat is over on the right. Please find it, I'll return to the class in a few moments." He closed his door and the hush on the room disappeared.

"Where are you sitting, Leigh?" Lanie asked. She already knew where she was supposed to sit, and was a bit loathe to go there immediately.

Leigh smiled, and suddenly Lanie decided she didn't really want to know. "Next to Cormie," she said a little too sweetly. The kind of sweetly that leads to a horrid stomach ache.

Lanie gave up. No matter the situation, nothing was worse than Leigh in 'flirt' mode. Sometimes it was amusing in a stupid sort of way, but generally it was just irritating, or worse, sickening. It was pointless to try to understand her friend's mind, even if she claimed to be the only one that understood Leigh. She stopped putting off the inevitable and found her seat without looking for it. Delaney Reesewas written on it in the same penmanship that was on the whiteboard. Underneath was Oboe, Folder Six. She didn't need to look, not really, since she had researched her folder and seat number weeks ago. Still, she studied it. It was better than staring at her section leader, something she did on a daily basis, from the back of the Potions classroom.

"Hello, Miss Reese." The drawl that she loved and hated and tried to ignore so muchdecided to intrude her peace once again, this time from her direct right.

Lanie did her best to smile. She would have to sit next to him for the year, so getting off on a bad start would leave her miserable for months, at least. "Good afternoon, Professor Snape." It wasn't as if she hated him, either. In fact, it was rather the opposite. Still, it was so hard for her to talk to him.

"Do you have at least three reeds ready for today? I don't want you making the oboe section look bad," was the next thing he said.

Okay, never mind. I do hate him.She growled internally. Yes, Professor McGonagall had mentioned that it might be difficult to keep up with Snape, and that he would expect more than other section leaders. But he didn't have to go and say that! "Of course I have three reeds ready, sir," she fibbed. She had exactly one, but he didn't need to know that. Tonight would be full of reed shaving, apparently.

He looked at her, scrutinizing. "Good. Now get prepared to tune to me." He somehow magically had his oboe out, and no other teacher or student did. Everyone else was talking or playing around, why did she have to start now? At her frustrated scowl, he scolded her. "Oboes take longer to warm up than other instruments. I expect you to be here ten minutes before class every day. I will tell your last teacher to let you out early."

Man, he was hardcore. Lanie knew he was one of the best, but this would be intense. It was hard enough to concentrate in his class! Especially with that amazingly low voice of his...

After pulling out her own, less expensive oboe, she began playing a few notes. "No, you're flat!" He interrupted. He sighed. "You're supposed to soak the reed first." He paused, then stared down at her. "Please tell me you have a water container for your reeds."

"Um..." having neglected to bring her own, even though she owned one, she didn't know how to reply to that without sounding like more of an idiot.

He sighed again, then handed her his own. "Soak it, for now. In two minutes it will be ready enough and we can tune."

She took the little water-filled cup, embarrassed, and placed her reed inside it. She, again, stared at something else, anything else, so she didn't need to stare at her teacher. This time, she examined the room in a little more depth. There were a few music-related signs, posters and banners. One in particular was a little famous, as a previous Hogwarts director had left a blue-lettered banner that stated boldly, "Results Not Excuses". That director had been a genius, if a bit overzealous. A few of the flutists had sat down next to Lanie, and she smiled at them, but wasn't very concerned with meeting them. Not to mention, they had already formed their own groups and could only feel sorry for the poor oboist stuck with Nazi Snape.

"It should be soaked well enough now." Lanie started, forgetting where she was. Then she turned, and found the words to be truthful. She removed the reed and placed it into the hole at the top of her oboe.

XxX

"THAT'S FOUL PLAY, LOCKHART!"Came a yell from across the room. It was James Potter; Gilderoy Lockhart had sent an Oblivious curse his way to try to steal first chair from Potter. Apparently that wasn't the first time this exchange had happened, however. Most of the students looked horrified, but the teachers couldn't care less.

"Yeah! I thought you were a teacher! Don't be messing with my father!" Harry was livid. As third chair trumpet, just under Lockhart, he could see said scene better than anyone.

"Oh, Harry. I wasn't messing with your father, I was just...trying out a new speedy-finger spell! It was supposed to help him!" Lockhart insisted. But Harry didn't miss the sideways glare over in his father's direction.

"Liar! You were trying to curse him!" I know from experience. Why on earth didn't they fire him after they returned his memory?

James sauntered over to his son. "Don't worry about him, Harry. This is my problem to solve, not yours." His voice lowered at 'problem'.

XxX

A girlish scream ripped through the air, right next to the trumpets. "Stop tickling me!" Leigh shrieked. She was sitting next to her dear, beautiful, lovely, perfect, god-like, Quidditch-playing boyfriend, McLaggen. She adored him. They had been dating for like, so long! A whole summer! They were so deeply in love. She could never imagine another day without him by her side.

Cormac's face seemed to glitter as he spoke. "But you're so much fun to tickle, Leigh! Come here, give me a little kiss." He was the epitome of kindness of man.

"Can you pleasestop flirting? I'm trying to warm up..." Neville tried to politely ask Leigh to refrain, but didn't get the response he was hoping for.

"Shove it, Longbottom, she's my girlfriend. Go back to your scales and leave us alone." He heroically defended Leigh's love; she could only return it twofold as she kissed his cheeks in thanks and hugged him tightly.

"I love you so much," she simpered. He was soperfect.

XxX

"Hey, dudes! Can you believe it? We're all in the band! The band!" Lee Jordan pumped his fist in the air, doing every effort to break the mile-thick ice layer between the percussionists.

Crabbe stared at Lee disbelievingly. "Yeah." He wasn't much for small talk and couldn't understand the pointless energy that seemed to come from every pore in Lee's body.

Zabini said nothing.

"Come on, guys! It's the best honor you can get without being a post-grad! Why so glum? Aren't you excited?" Lee was worried that his year of percussion might not be quite as fun as he had envisioned.

Crabbe was getting annoyed. What was wrong with this guy? He glared at Lee in all his Crabbe-glory-evilness...ness.

"What? It's not that scary. I mean, yeah, I was nervous at first too, but it's-"

"Shut up, Jordan. Please. Now." Lucius Malfoy, on bass, demanded quietly.

XxX

Percy found his way into his seat rather quickly. The french horn is said to be one of the most difficult instruments to play, along with the oboe, and even if it didn't take as long to warm up as said oboe, it would take some time. He began with a few basic scales: Bb major, Eb major, C chromatic. After the three, a rather wide, and somewhat despicable woman put her posterior down on the seat next to him.

"You, boy, how many years have you spent studying this instrument?" She demanded immediately.

Percy, out of drilled response, answered immediately, "Nine years and seven months, ma'am." He wasn't sure he liked her all that much, but he had been taught to obey commands from superiors without question at the Ministry for the last two years.

"Only nine years? Tsk. Well, that will have to do. I suppose a good boy like you knows how to listen to..." she slowly picked her words at the end, as if suddenly trying to be polite in a sickly, sweet way, "his elders. The Ministry teaches its pupils well. My name is Dolores Umbridge, Under Secretary to the Minister for Magic, and I hope we will get along this year." Her smile was disgusting.

Percy decided he didn't like her at that moment.

A significantly older, but still handsome man sidled in on the other side of Umbridge. "Dolores, stop picking on the kids." Lupin turned to Percy, purposefully looking over his exceptionally pink colleague. "Nice to see you again, Percy. Been doing well, I hope?" His usage of 'I hope' was so many times more likable than Umbridge's. He could try to calculate the number, but the zeros would be too many for his head at that moment.

XxX

The trombone section was scattered around the room in various places. Colin Creevey was taking pictures of practically everyone, especially Harry and his father. Fred and George Weasley were pulling pranks on people they didn't like (Snape and Umbridge in particular) and getting House Points taken away from them by the dozen. Peter Pettigrew was scrambling about as a mouse, his new ability: he had spent the last six years learning how to change from a rat to a mouse.

Like I said, the trombone section was scattered about the room.

None of them enjoyed staying in the same place for very long, which tended to be a Hogwarts' trombone section tradition. They were also making just about as much noise as physically possible, another trombone section tradition, though I doubt that's just for Hogwarts.

"Eeeekk! There's a mouse in my Euie!"

"Stop that you fools! Ectoplasm is detrimental for the oboe reed! Forty points from Gryffindor!"

"Colin! Not now, I'm trying to play my trumpet!" "Oh, Harry, don't be shy! Fame is a good thing! Especially in your youth! Let me in the picture, too!"

Like I said, they were making just about as much noise as physically possible.

XxX

The clarinet section was very disturbed and distracted about all the noise going around. It consisted of Hermione Granger, Quirinus Quirrell, and Ernie MacMillan as clarinets, and Trelawney and Moody as bass clarinets.

In other words, the clarinet section is unnecessary.

XxX

"My father will hear about this!"

"Oh shut up, Malfoy," Kat snarled. She was putting her alto sax together trying to hide the obvious fact that she had a crush on the blonde haired boy next to her. She tried looking away from him but the other side was just as bad. There was an ex-con on tenor sax. How could they even let him into this school, she thought.

"You know I was found not guilty, right?" The long haired man asked rhetorically.

"Ummmm... yeah." Oh crap I must have said that out loud.

"You did and you said that out loud too," Black confirmed.

Maybe I should stop thinking,Kat decided.

"Maybe you should, your thoughts are really loud," said Cedric who was already done putting together his enormous bari sax.

XxX

There were two tubas, Rubeus Hagrid and Gregory Goyle. They had their instruments out and were trying to outplay each other. Who ever got the lowest note won. Goyle went first and played the lowest note he could muster. When he finished he let out a "GOYLE RULES!" with one fist in the air. Now it was Hagrid's turn. He took one breath and played the lowest, most rumbling note that filled the space with vibrations. The whole room became silent and looked back at the tubas. "Woah," Goyle gasped.

XxX

The flutes, being ever so auspicious, already had their instruments out. Except for Luna, who's piccolo was still in its case because she was trying to make Professor Flitwick aware about Nargles and how they were making his brain fuzzy. Lilly Potter and Cho Chang were trying to tune to each other but neither could be successful. You know, because flutes are never in tune, even though they're the easiest instrument to tune.

XxX

Oliver Wood found his seat almost too late because he had been finishing giving broom lessons to newbie Gryffindors. His section leader, Professor McGonagall was already there, sat down and halfway ready. She nodded at him politely, but didn't smile. McGonagall never smiles. True to the strictness of double-reed professionals, she added, "Make sure you do well again this year, Wood. I expect only the best from you."

He replied with a distracted nod in her direction, but was more concerned with who the bassoons sit next to; the french horns. More specifically, the youngest member of the bassoons.

"Hello, Wood! How has your summer been?" Percy asked, spiritedly. For some pointless reason the last chair french horn was positioned next to the last chair bassoonist, something that would never happen in a normal band. Wood had a feeling that Professor Dumbledore did that on purpose. Still, he wasn't complaining.

"Alright. It's a g-good day for flying." Oliver did his best to speak correctly. It was more than a little difficult, and he remembered that McGonagall worked directly under Dumbledore. Maybe she picked up the signals, and told Dumbledore? That would explain it. Not that it made it any easier.

Percy moved his head in just the way that made Oliver's heart beat an extra time. "Are you alright? You seem a bit...off today. You look flushed. Are you sick?" Percy just had to think in terms of science. There was no way he could possibly understand the feelings Oliver had, and if he did understand, he would flip.

"Uh...yeah. I think I have a fever," he covered awkwardly.

"No, you don't - I would be able to tell and would have sent you to the office earlier, Wood." McGonagall had a small smile on her face, and Oliver knew she knew. That conniving old woman! She would only smile if it were extremely amusing, after all.

"Well...maybe because it's the beginning of this year's band, and it's making me nervous! Yes, that's it!" He excused himself again. McGonagall raised her eyebrows at that, but made no comment.

"Is that so? I hope it is a good year, then." Percy smiled, and Oliver nearly had a heart attack. Dang that kid for being so cute! He just wanted to scream I love you!,but that would make Percy hate him, and that was the last thing he could take. Friends forever, and that would be all.

XxX

Dumbledore knew that everything was in order, and it was time to start band. He sauntered over to the podium, and everyone went quiet again. "Hello again, all of you! I hope your summer was wonderful, and this year will be even better. Now, all of you should have met your section leaders and underclassmen. Please get along very well over the course of the next school year." He smiled. "Now onto business. Please get out your piece by Ticheli, it should be entitled Joy."

XxX

After class, Lanie and Leigh left in two minds. Lanie was freaked out and shaken by her Head of House, while Leigh was still fawning over McLaggan. It was the usual.

As they walked to their respective next classes, a rather...large Slytherin passed them. "What do you want, pussies?" Millicent Bulstrode glared at them.

Leigh tried to compliment her. "I like your...eyebrow." She ended up giggling like crazy, running off, and Lanie did her best to catch up and send apologetic grimaces in Bulstrode's direction.

XxX

I hope you like! This is the first in a set of...interesting chapters we have semi-planned. Yes, it's crack again. Anyways! R&R! Love you all!