Hello everyone, how have you been? It is I, Despair Author Shuji Nonohana. What is my agenda for today? Writing a Zetsubou Fantasy story. Is it a Satire? No, not really. What is it then?

Well, our beloved Sensei is still a heavily depressed man, but this will actually make him one of the more sane members of the group, given this is a fantasy story, and he finds such things illogical. He's still very depressed.

Haga: And you were just two chapters from finishing your other story too…

Shut it! Oh, for all of you who don't know, my co-host is a guy who's hardly been introduced, Haga!

Haga: Yeah yeah, I'm awesome. In any case, the author here is a pervert, so watch out. Ladies, I'll protect you!

Yeah right! You're the pervert you idiot! *Blades Clash*

Disclaimer: I do not own Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei or it's characters!

Introduction, Chapter One: Nozomu's life.

There was a man who lay face down in the dirt, at an empty street in the middle of the night during Nihon's 12th century. This man was currently in a perpetual state of despair. "If only I weren't his son…" He muttered under his breath into the dirt. "I wouldn't have to live this life…"

Hiroshi Itoshiki had a wife, Tae Itoshiki, and three sons, Nozomu, Kei and Enishi. Enishi was the older brother by many years, but his disobedience angered his father. He didn't want anything to do with Hiroshi anyways, so Enishi was disinherited. Kei was next in line, but he ran away to avoid the inheritance his father would pass on to him. All he wanted to do was draw, no matter how bad he was at it.

Nozomu was doomed to live the life of an Aristocrat. After his brother's escape, there was security everywhere. He was never allowed to even leave his home. He had been betrothed, unwillingly, to a young woman easily nine years younger. It's not that he didn't like her, it's just… she was a little obsessed with him. She would come in to his home at random and follow him around just about everywhere. It creeped him out.

At the age of 14, Nozomu learned to see the faults of the society he lived in, complained that power was not where it should be, and that the system Japan was in was destined to fail in a few centuries time. Actually, Nozomu is half the reason the Itoshikis rose to power. His views on society combined with Hiroshi's persuasive nature and strategic mind put him at the top from the absolute bottom. Ever since then, Hiroshi has been obsessed with preserving his family name.

"Enishi is worthless and Kei has abandoned his name, so you must carry on the Itoshiki name."

"But I don't want fame, I don't want money! I don't want to live a married life! All I want is to live away from everyone!"

No matter how much he protested, or asked his father to have another son, he was still the Itoshiki family heir. Two years ago, then 24, Nozomu embarked on a journey. He had heard rumors of a forgotten child of Hiroshi's. The old man had left him in the hands of a fortune teller. She said his son had "Death written all over him." Hiroshi had named him Mikoto, but by now he might have a completely different name. He would be two years older than Nozomu is now.

Nozomu was here now, on the dirt path, after finding nothing. No leads at all on his older brother, no leads on the fortune teller. He got up from the ground and walked back home in despair.

"Ah. Hello, Nozomu-sama." A familiar voice greeted him as he walked into his home.

"Good afternoon, Zashiki-Warashi." He was speaking to a young woman wearing an all white kimono. Her skin was snow white and her hair extended to her hips. She was just like a normal girl… but there was an eerie glow about her. "I'm sorry for leaving you here…"

"It wasn't a problem at all. After all, I'm here to protect your home." She told him with a smile. "Would you like me to do anything? Make tea, cook the beef…"

"No thank you. I'll be in my room." As he walked into his room, he sighed. Nozomu's room was incredibly bleak. He didn't even have a window. All he had was a door. He usually slept in the corner. Again, today, he huddled himself into his corner. "It's been five years since I met her, and she's the only one I talk to now." His door opened. The Zashiki-Warashi brought him a plate of beef.

"Please, try to eat today, Nozomu-sama."

"… Not today. Maybe tomorrow."

You never eat when you need to. I bet that you didn't eat properly these two years either! You need to eat something." She looked concerned. "I'm worried about your health."

"I'm not. Just please… leave me be."

Zashiki-Warashi nodded, and left.

"Honestly… I just want to die…"

There was a loud crash, and his ceiling was destroyed. Whatever fell, landed on Nozomu.

"Ow, ouch! That seriously hurts…" He looked up. He saw a young girl with short hair and a strange hair ornament shaped like an X. She was… scantily clad, in strange garb. She was wearing something unusual on her wrist, and she kept speaking into it.

"Mission Complete! Travel back in time was successful! Now searching for… um…" She held her wrist to her ear. "Hey! You guys sound like that channel I watch every morning! The one that goes, 'Fssssshhhhh'!"

"E-excuse me…"

The strange girl looked down, and saw something beneath her feet. "Oh! Sorry Mister!" She got off of him and introduced herself. "Hello! My name is Kafuka Fuura, 18 years old, and I'm a Time Traveler! I come from the future!"

"Future…" He stood up and brushed himself off. "You mean, events yet to happen?" He chuckled a bit. "I'm sorry to say, I don't believe in such things."

Kafuka pushed something on her wrist. A large hand made of iron came out and grabbed Nozomu's face. "Eh?"

The owner of that iron hand said, "Kafuka-chan, the connection is damaged… I cannot… arrive… without…" It's hand went back into that strange device, and Nozomu backed up into his corner.

"This is all a dream… it has to be… I'll wake up soon… A ha… ha ha ha!" He was going hysterical.

The door opened and Zashiki-Warashi rushed in. "Nozomu-sama, are you alright? I heard a loud noise and… oh. I'm sorry, who might you be?"

"Kafuka Fuura, Time Traveler!"

"Z-Zashiki-Warashi…" Nozomu turned to look at her. "Please tell me I'm just seeing things! Please tell you don't see this girl!"

"I'm sorry, but I do."

Kafuka pressed her wrist again. "It looks like the time traveling watch wasn't damaged at all! All right!" The whole room shone.

"Wait right there!" Nozomu grabbed her arm. "Don't leave! I want an explanation!"

Zashiki grabbed his wrist. "Nozomu-sama, please let this go. This may all be a dream-"

The light flashed from Kafuka's wrist, and the room was empty. Nozomu could not see a thing. The light cleared, and Nozomu could see again. When he opened his eyes, he was surrounded by structures that we all know as buildings.

"What is this? These buildings look different from… wait, in the first place, where are we? Why have we left my room?"

"We time traveled!" Kafuka cheerfully explained. "It's always been my dream, and now I'm living it!"

"But where are we?" Nozomu was hysterical. He still thought this all to be a dream. "Where have we gone!"

"Oh, we're still in Nihon. It's just been 900 years! Welcome to the future!"

Nozomu fell flat on his face. He was crying. "This can't be real… it just can't be… not now… I finally planned that out…"

"No Nozomu-sama, this isn't a dream. I see it." Zashiki had come along with them.

"How do you know?"

"Because in my dreams, you act completely out of character." She did not want to go further than that.

"How do I know you're not just a dream!" Kafuka gave him a pinch. "Ow… what was that for?"

"Now you know it's not a dream!"

This depressed Nozomu considerably. "We're in the future… it's real…"

"Don't be like that!" Kafuka said. "There's a lot of fun to be had in the future!"

"Like what?"

"Like… um, I'm sorry, this isn't the year 3000, is it? I don't know how to have fun in 2000... But we'll find locals who'll tell us how!"

"I just want to go home!" He looked around. Some buildings were made using wood. Some were made of some strange stone he had never seen before. The roofs on the buildings were smooth. "These buildings are so strange…"

"Yeah!" Kafuka was running up and down the street. "Where I come from, the houses levitate off the ground, are exact geometric shapes, and have a monochromatic color scheme!"

Nozomu backed away from her. 'I'd really hate to see where she comes from…'

"Nozomu-sama." Zashiki asked him, "Why are you so flustered?"

"Why aren't you flustered?" He asked back.

She put a sleeved hand to her mouth. "Well I've seen generations pass… and change occurred all around me. I suppose I'm used to seeing things different from what they once were."

Nozomu stood there thinking. 'I want to ask how old she is, but that would be rude.'

"Aren't you just excited to be here?" Kafuka asked them.

Nozomu shook his head. "Not exactly. I'd like to go back…" He thought about his previous life. He shunned society and it shunned him back. He only did so because he feared it, feared he would never fit into it, what society had planned for him. He could see it's faults, and people scorned him for it. He was to inherit a family name he wanted no part of. "On second thought, can you take me a century after my time? I don't feel like talking to my father."

"Okey-dokey!" Kafuka held out her watch and shouted out, "Pororoca Wave!" The strange light came again from her wrist. In an instant, they were transported from the year 2000.

Nozomu opened his eyes. Everything looked similar to that earlier time, "2000".

"Um… where are we now?"

"In the year 2013." Kafuka ran about the streets and took a gander at all the houses. I'm so excited! It's been 13 whole years since way back when! Ah, I remember it like it was yesterday…"

"No! We are not doing that! I only remember it being a few seconds ago!"

"Nozomu-sama," Zashiki pointed, "it seems some people have noticed us."

A nervous boy with red-rimmed glasses pointed back at them. "H-Haga-san! A bunch of weird looking people appeared from nowhere!"

A tired looking boy with messy hair followed behind him. "What is it Aoyama-kun? Strange people? You must be imagining it." He took a look at where his friend was pointing. "Holy crap…"

Nozomu asked Kafuka, "Is it alright if he sees us? We don't even belong in this strange future!"

"Nozomu-sama. Please try to understand this time before you say strange. You would have thought my time dull and boring."

Kafuka happily exclaimed, "Nope! Allowing a person from any different time period to see me is expressly forbidden!"

Nozomu opened his mouth in shock. "But I saw you! I still see you!"

"Yeah, nobody in this time is allowed to see you either."

"Eh? Does that mean I'm in trouble too?"

Probably.

Author's Notes

Haga: Wha- I'm in the story?

Yep. Guess what, I actually find including you in the story practical. After all, Geekies jumped on the Haga train with that fic pairing you with Harumi and Aoyama.

Haga: Wait, WHAT?

Yeah. See, Harumi ships you with your best friend-

Haga:… I need to lay down for a while.

*whispers* I finally win.

Well, I hope you enjoy this concept. It would be nice if you review and give me your opinion on this (soon to be) multi-genre fantasy story. A time traveler, a Zashiki-Warashi (house spirit) and a depressed civil servant we know as Zetsubou-sensei. I can't wait to write the next chapter!

I also sort of hope to revitalize people's interest in this series.

Good bye for now, Sayonara!