A/N: I wrote this on the Mass Effect Kink Meme for the prompt 'coffee shop AU'.
'This anon has a preference for mShep/Kaidan but for the rest of the crew, go wild for pairings.
I just want a coffee shop AU. Who's the barista? Who's the asshole customer? Who sits with their laptop all day, penning The Next Great American Novel?'
It wasn't what I expected when I wrote it but I hope it's enjoyable none-the-less!
James Vega was running late, his boss was riding his ass, handing him a list of drinks orders a mile long and asking for each one to be distributed around the office like he was a god damn diner girl. "As soon as you get back I need those reports from Brasko, he's been telling me all week they'll be done and I'm so sick of waiting." The sour look on James' face would have been comical except he was no longer calm and collected, eye twitching as he entered the coffee shop. The line had several others ahead and he fought back a growl in frustration, he did not get paid enough for this.
A salarian dressed in a lab cloak was staring up at the board, deciding on his drink. "Perhaps an iced coffee. No-" He muttered to himself, seemingly unaware of the impatient line behind him. "Too cold. A cappuccino would have too much foam, suggest café latte?" The asari behind the counter, dressed in her small apron moved behind the coffee maker, beginning the start of the customer's order. "A muffin… Blueberry… No, raspberry please."
"Definitely raspberry sir?" She droned, obviously not caring for the answer.
"Hmmm… A Danish would be lighter. Faster to digest. One Danish please." The salarian began humming Gilbert and Sullivan while he waited.
James tuned out then; he wasn't interested in the eating and ordering habits of the other customers. Of course, the same couldn't be said for his nosiness as he glanced around at the seated patrons who either had their food or were waiting on it.
His eyes settled on two turians nearby who were dressed in 'Antorak security' uniforms, each was sipping some dextro drink, with their heads buried into a magazine splayed open in front of them. From the look of the naked asari entangled with the drell in the picture James didn't need much imagination to assume it was a 'Fornax' issue. "I'm not convinced this one is real, Victus." The turian with the scar across his right mandible and blue tattoo on his face stipulated. "Look at the way the drell is positioned."
"I wouldn't be so sure Garrus; I heard they can do that sort of thing…" The other turian with the white markings replied, picking up the magazine carefully and tilting it to one side. His eyes scrunched as he tried to picture the situation properly, obviously having little luck as he brought it back down once more and turned the page with a sigh.
He opted to glance over at some human's now, hoping they'd be a little easier to deal with; aliens freaked him out when they started looking at dirty magazines. "I'm not having this conversation with you in public Shepard," The man sounded angry as he spoke just above a whisper, looking around the coffee shop with a dark blush in on his face.
"Oh come on Kaidan, don't shut down on me now. You wanted this as much as I did, what the hell got into your head to change your mind so suddenly?" Shepard, the male with the cropped brown hair, looked over the other sceptically.
"I fly out Tuesday… I'm not coming back for at least six months. They need me on the colony in Triton- Neptune's moon." It looked difficult for him to spit out, the one called Shepard paled.
"So you agree you want to start a family and then decide to just fuck off and ship out?" It was like watching a soap opera, their hushed tones adding to the urgency. If it wasn't such a train wreck James would have stopped looking, in this instance he was transfixed, thankfully there was no one else close enough to care, the buzz of the other patrons drowning them both out.
"You know it's not like that, I have no choice. They send me where they need me; I didn't want to tell you because I knew how disappointed you'd be."
"Disappointed is an understatement, I'm infuriated to think you waited until a week before you left to tell me."
"Look, I was terrified, every time I went to bring it up you changed the subject. It's not my fault you're in denial."
The salarian and the human behind him had moved off and unfortunately James had to leave the soap opera there, following the line forward to the next set of tables. His eyes roved to a quarian in her envirosuit, with a purple head scarf. "Don't assume you know me just because we're sharing this drink." The females amused tone showing, poking the straw through the hole in her mask she sucked slowly, the milky liquid in the glass slowly disappearing.
"I'm not assuming anything; I merely invited you here to see you doing something other than work."
She sighed and adjusted her head scarf, her shoulders shrugging noticeably due to her skin tight armour encasing. "We're not all lucky enough to have sick leave on a regular basis." She chided with a small giggle.
"How was I to know that varren would pull at my shoulder guard, I was sick for almost a month."
"Take better care of your suit and it wouldn't have been so easy to get through."
A new voice, louder now, distracted James, a large krogan had sat down hard in his chair, cracking it easily at the legs, he'd let out a yell in his surprise. "You should cater for all species here; I don't spend my hard earned money to be trapped in your puny wooden chairs!" The great brute said, red plates on his head gleaming in the artificial light as the employee apologised profusely.
His companion, a smaller darker plated krogan removed splinters of wood stuck into the spikes of the first krogan's back. "Easy Wrex, we just got kicked out for being too loud across the way."
"This is a matter of pride Grunt, too few places consider us, eventually we will outnumber all these species twenty to one and yet this coffee shop doesn't even have krogan-sized booths. They'll regret it when my future children want a 'kiddies' meal." He stared down at the menu with distaste, picking at the name of the children's section.
He would have laughed but it was finally his turn in line and the Asari looked expectant. "Next please. Welcome to Starbucks, what would you like?" He observed her name plate read 'Liara'. She was young enough, why work here when she could have been stripping for the Citadel's finest?
He held out the list. "Please don't make me read it out?" He begged of her, the warm smile he received in return told him she wasn't going to be a bitch about it.
"Don't worry; I'll just put this all through. You live nearby?" She eyed him up and down before distracting herself with the register, making him feel hot and he tugged down on the business jacket with either hand.
"No but I work nearby, do you deliver?"
"More than just coffee." She quipped with a wink, the heat travelled straight between his legs.
"Give me your details and I'll be sure to place an order soon." He supplied feeling brave.
"Here's your order," She handed him three small paper bags and two cardboard trays filled with drink cups. "And here's my number." She slotted it between his teeth, smirking.
"Thans…" He mumbled, oh yeah… real smooth.
As he walked out of the shop he was glad the soap opera had chilled to a pleasant end.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." Kaidan mumbled.
"I'm sorry I didn't listen." Shepard dismissed.
"As soon as I'm back we can fill those adoption papers out together. I don't want to miss a single moment with you."
Well that made him feel better; at least it wasn't all fighting. As he went to leave he was bumped by someone coming in and almost dropped the lot to the floor. "Watch it!" His temper was now on a short fuse, despite his luck with the barista.
"Careful of the cripple!" the guy with the baseball hat retorted, the robot beside him looked alarmed.
"Jeff!"
It wasn't until James made it back to the office that he realised the asari's number was no longer in his mouth; he must have dropped it when he'd yelled at the hobbling kid as he left. Hopefully he'd notice it in his pocket before he washed his jacket, the assisting robot not informing him she'd placed it there before he left the store.