Tonight was the night. I debated this for a long time. Actually it was only for the first week since I got in here. Since he said my name and asked me where I should be. Then I stammered an answer and he winked at me. That wink made my heart melt.
So, here I was. My second week into JD Boot Camp, transferred from the center. Here I was, 17 years old, going to meet my cop boyfriend. It was 1:00 in the morning, when I stepped out of my bunk. Which was a minisucle cabin with four teenage girls in. You're probably thinking sleepover! No. It was not a fucking sleepover. These girls, they were bitches. They weren't tough criminals. They were just bitches who thought they were bulletproof, no they weren't. They were bitches.
Anyway, forget about those sluts. It's my night.
The officers stop night duty at 12 o'clock midnight. Then you gotta go to the main office and ask someone to assist you to the bathroom or whatever. That's a stupid policy anyway if you ask me 'cause no one around here is actually gonna do that. I'm sure they notice no one asks for assistance to the shitter, but they couldn't give any less of a crap. And that's just the way they felt about us in general. Not a nice feeling as you're preschool teacher would say the person you left out felt.
I changed into my black jogging suit, it was less conspicuous in the dark. That campground was dead at night. No lights. Cost too much money to run lights at night! This place was a fucking concentration camp. Ok, a little dramatic. But the girls walked around this place like zombies. Most of these cops liked to treat us like we had no emotions, like we weren't humans. Sure they were theifs and drug dealers and some even were on trial for murder, but I knew they were all aching to see they mothers and fathers and boyfriends and even babies. I know I was, but I wasn't ever gonna admit it. I knew these girls wanted they live back. I know I did.
I opened his trailer door as quietly as possible. It was pitch dark. I felt around to get to his room. Thankfully, I made no noise.
"George?" I whispered as I came up his bed, "George!?"
"Huh, what?" He woke up loud.
"Shh..George it's me." I leaned over the bed and reached out to feel his face, then kissed him.
I kept my hand on his cheek and I felt his cheekbones go up when he smiled. "C'mere."
My eyes adjusted to the dark, his hand reached out. I climbed up on the bed and he pulled me close to him. "How did you get over here? Do you know how much shit you'd get in if you were caught? Straight back to the center. In the SHU."
"Go back to sleep, I just wanted to be with you," I whispered.
He pulled the covers up over me and I buried myself in his chest. He wasn't wearing a shirt but with that hair, he didn't need to. It was like a sweater. He kissed my face and his moustache tickled me. And I wrapped my arms around him. It was a perfect moment.
I needed George. He was the thing I looked forward thing that brightened my day a little bit. And around here that's important or else you'll lose yourself and all menaing in your life. That's a scary thing. Seeing him around, him having to sneak kisses and butt swipes. It just made everything better there.
He always made sure he got my bunk for inspection and this coming week he was going to do night duty, so I could go to his room with him when everyone was gone. I was also waiting for his shift in the office so he could "assist me to the bathroom". There were no woman officers on this camp. I didn't mind it.
George woke me up at 4:00 in the morning.
"You want some tea?"
"What do you have tea for?"
He laughed, "For when my mother comes over here. This is where I'm living for the summer."
"We got something in common then, I'm livin' here too! I'd love a tea."
He kissed me, then left the room.
When I went into his mini kitchen, his back was turned to the counter. "Hey, George?"
"Mhm,"
I hugged him from behind, "Thanks a lot, for this. Not a lot of guys would do this for me," I squish my head into his back, and kiss it sweetly, "Wake up at 4:00 in the morning to give me food, and make sure I get home before the sun rises." I kiss his neck. He rubs my arms.
"Well, your welcome."
I squeeze him again before sitting down.
"I can't believe its only been 2 weeks in this shit hole."
"I know. It's felt like longer than that. At least I make money."
"And at least I get a place to sleep and food to eat for free I guess."
He sits down across from me with his coffee, "This place'll change a little girl like you, though."
I look away, "I was changed a long time ago. You know, I used to actually wanna do good in school and be a doctor or something. But, dreams go straight to the grave in a bad environment," I start to speak with my hands, and I look back at him, "It's so much easier to turn onto the wrong path than to stay on the right one."
He purses his lips at me, "I read your record."
"Oh yeah?" I get a little nervous. I'm not proud of my past like the other girls. "There's more to the story than those few words."
"You wanna tell me about it?"
I feel like I could cry. I don't know how to do it, but I wanna tell him everything so he doesn't have the wrong idea about me and what I was charged with.
"I'm not with him anymore, George. I called and told him I didn't want anything to do with him, and that he wouldn't be able to see me because he was not on my visitors list. He's the only person I had in my life other than my brother. I couldn't risk losing him. If I lost him it meant I lost the gang. I just...did what ever he wanted me to so I wouldn't lose him."
I can't look at him. A tear rolls down my cheek and I feel so ashamed.
"Please don't think any less of me."
He scoots into my bench at his table and holds me. I crack and hold him back tightly.
I know it would make more sense if I just told him everything.
"My brother raised me. I don't know who my dad is, and my mother OD'd when I was 10. My brother was 18 years old and we were homeless. My mother had $14 to her name when she died. Pathetic. My brother knew a guy in a gang called Pablo, he was always telling him he was welcomed any time. Before that, my brother wanted nothing to do with gangs. Although we had no money, he was determined to go to college, so he worked his ass off. I mean, he was naturally smart but there wasn't any place for him to do his homework or study. He loved the library, that guy. He was a semester away from that scholarship, but he was forced to drop out and join the gang to sell drugs for money to support me." I'm sobbing the whole time, but it feels so good to get everything out.
"My brother and I did a lot of things against our will. God, I was 10 years old and I had no will. Pablo said when I turned 13, I could be ''sexed in'' to the gang. Anyways, like I said I used to want to do good in school and be a doctor, so I worked hard all the way up to 7th grade, when I turned 13. I was developing and I could be sexed in finally." I pause and cry while saying, "that changes a girl, you know. Being so disrespected like that. Man, I didn't even know what the fuck disrespect was. My brother was still working his way up in the gang, and he was going to put a stop to it, but I didn't want trouble so I told them not to tell him. Then, Danny, who's crack I was carrying when I got caught, took me in. He became my boyfriend. He was mean to me, he really only wanted me to do the shit he was too scared to do and to have me for when he wanted sex. And when I got pregnant when I was 15, I dropped out of school. I stole some marijuana, sold it, and paid for an abortion. My life got screwed up, I mean, it was only a matter of time. After that Danny urged me to get into prostutin', obviously just so he could pimp me."
"But, you know. Some people want to be able to have the opportunity to do drugs and have sex and live dangerously. It's not a fucking picnic, not even close to it. Shit, I like it better in here. And I'm scared now. Danny's most likely going to kill me when I get out. My brother died when I was on trial. Drive by shooting."
"That's why I love you so much, George. You make me forget about my past and my mistakes. You make me feel like I'm good enough. I ain't gotta pretend with you."
I stop and process what I just said because of the look on George's face. He's looking into my eyes. I just told him I loved him.
"I love you, too. I wanna protect you and make sure nothing ever happens to you. I'll make sure you never have to go back to that," He pushes back my hair and kisses me.
I smile and finish crying all over his undershirt. That moment, that was a huge one for me and George.
"The sun's gonna rise, I'd better go back."