The box was heavy, but she didn't care. She was tired of it sitting in the corner of her room, collecting dust. Collecting old memories that didn't fit in to her new life, she wishes she could have dumped all her old feelings in it too, but then she definitely wouldn't be able to carry it to the President's suite. She hates this hotel, she hates that she misses Duncan, maybe more, she hates that she misses Logan. Some how, Lilly was probably laughing at her for getting stuck in this position. Hey, she wouldn't be Mars if she didn't do things the wrong way, or take the longest route to a happy ending.
Logan refuses to look at her at school, which is okay with her because she's trying hard to avoid him. Sometimes, when he thinks nobody is looking she sees hope in his eyes. She's afraid that she'd kill that too, because if people can't have everything, they should at least be able to hang on to their hope. She wants to shake him, wants to admit that she wished he was still in love with her, then maybe he'd stop using that poor sophomore.
Duncan's things weren't all that much, they hadn't really spent all that much time at her place, it helped that her boyfriend lived at a hotel and without his parents. She liked that part of Duncan, she hated that Logan didn't have anybody. He was supposed to have her, but he had effectively ruined that the summer before. So she pretends that she's okay and he looks at her like she was gum on the bottom of his shoe. It worked for them. It had sucked when she found out that Duncan had gotten Meg pregnant. She understood why Meg had hated her, she deserved it. But she just wanted to be happy.
If Lilly were here, never mind, if Lilly was here Logan would be wrapped around her pinky finger. She'd probably still have long hair and Duncan probably would still have broken up with her without actually telling her. Ah, those details, they're pesky she figures.
The whistling down the hall makes her groan, of course, she knew that Logan would be coming back at the same time she was trying to search for Duncan's key. The whistling died when he saw her struggling with the box. "Moving out?" He asks snidely, "because I'm pretty sure you're not moving in."
"Duncan's stuff," she replies airily refusing to look at him, so she chose to let her eyes wander at what now was becoming a very fascinating ceiling. He looks at her like he wants to ask, but she shakes her head. She doesn't need to tell Logan that it was over, completely over with Duncan because he had a kid and she only had a box full of old memories. Shrugging he pushes the door open, waving his arm to direct her through the door first, he doesn't say anything as he trudges to his room, while he leaves her alone in the living room. Taking a deep breath, she notices it when it catches, she wasn't ready to say goodbye.
She hardly had been ready to say hello, that's what happens when you wish for normal, it makes you believe in illusions. She wishes she could have popped that bubble earlier, it was a damn shame she couldn't live by the motto 'ignorance is bliss.' Ignorance only made you pay for the crime. His room is dark when she enters, she thought about turning on the light, but then she knew it would be real that he was gone. It was okay to think he was coming back, but she knew that he couldn't.
The tears fall down her cheeks even before she realized she'd been crying, setting the box on the bed, she realized it doesn't matter where she left his stuff, Celeste would most likely burn anything she had touched anyways, so she hiccups and holds her forehead while she grieves about her loss. It wasn't supposed to be this hard, but somehow she knows it wouldn't ever have been easy.
The whistling is back again, but when she hears it stop, she's too tired to realize that Logan is watching her cry on the floor. He walks in slowly, knocking lightly, she looks at him, begging him to ignore her, he was so good at it, she's not stupid, she knew Duncan had to leave; she just miscalculated the misery and pain. Sitting down on the bed, she doesn't realize he's slid down to sit next to her until he touches her hand. She takes a breath when she looks at him. Her eyes are widened with shock; this wasn't the same Logan that had nearly single handedly tried making her gossip fodder.
He merely shrugs, petting her hand softly and slowly while she cries. She's tired of this bullshit, if another person leaves her, she thinks she might scream, or she might stowaway in their luggage. For some reason knowing that Logan was sitting there with her made it hurt less, not much, but it was enough that she noticed. He waits until she's calm or at least not crying so loudly. She wants to tell him he doesn't have to be here, she's the last person she thought he would want to comfort, but he's still there and she's gonna take her time so he doesn't leave.
The one that stays is the hero, it's bullshit. The hero is the one that doesn't let her drown, even in her own sorrow. She's no hero, she's more villain than nice, but something tells her that it's easier for everyone if it stays this way. Logan breathes slowly and evenly as he listens to her cry. He must hate her that much, inside he must be jumping for joy, she's getting exactly what she deserves, Duncan takes off and she's left behind again, except this time Logan isn't letting her be alone.
"Why are you here," She whispers because she can't not know why, she's not built that way, she has to know it's easier that way, because when you're not looking change will slap you in the face. If you know, you can deal with it and move on, but she hasn't figured out how yet, Lilly leaving still hurts in her gut.
He whispers softly reaching his arm around to cup her cheek softly, "because you're sad." She believes him, she believes it's not because he's happy she's miserable, but because he's genuinely sad that she's sad. She nods leaning in closely as the tears and the whimpers grow louder. He wraps an arm around her shoulder, pulling her tight she knows the tears are wetting his shirt, but he doesn't seem to mind because he's running a hand down her back and she's got her arms wrapped around his neck tightly.
She can feel his tears on her neck, and she's kind of surprised that he's crying, but she remembers that Duncan was his best friend and once upon a time that had meant something. Who would have thought it would have been an ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend that would have linked them. She misses this; she misses Lilly like she died yesterday. And nothing seems to relieve that pain in her heart. She misses Duncan, the boy with the easy smile. She misses who he used to be, who she thought he had been. She misses Logan, misses him so much. It's so much harder knowing he's right there, out of her reach.
Taking a deep breath she pulls out of his reach, wiping her tears with the back of her hand, closing her eyes she draws her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms tightly around her leg. Logan stares at her, wondering how she hasn't fallen apart, he knows, he knows how, he's been doing it for years. Nobody knows the pain like someone who felt it too. Pulling away slowly, she manages a small smile, wishes she could form the words to say thank you, but he smiles in return and the words seem to pass between them so she doesn't say a thing.
Wiping the tears away with the back of her hand she takes a deep breath, leaning against the end of the bed, Logan untangles his arms that were still loosely wrapped around her shoulders. Tomorrow she thinks she'll put back on her mask and pretend that she's okay. That Duncan leaving was mutual, but she knows and Logan knows, neither one of them really wanted anything but old memories again. She hears Logan yawn tiredly next to her, raising an eyebrow he merely shrugs in return. Long day he says. She laughs because it feels good and she needs to feel good right now.
Sighing she has to agree, it had been a long day. A long year. Maybe one day, who knows, maybe in the middle of a Tuesday she'll be happy again. Logan will be okay, maybe even happy too. Silently they sit together, neither one making a move to touch each other, neither one needing to. They both know, they both are sure, they'll be okay.