Author's Note: A Slayers songfic using the song "There's a Hole in the Bucket". It's an old folk song, but if you want to listen to it, it was apparently performed by a guy named Harry Belafonte. (My mom says she has a concert record. Heh heh, it must be old.)

Me, I learned this song from my cousin. And as I was working during a trip, the leader began singing it, and I began thinking that they sounded suspiciously like some characters I knew…

This is what resulted, considering it was stuck in my head for weeks on end.

Disclaimer: I do not the Slayers, Harry Belafonte, any old folksongs, or my cousin. Not that I'd want to own her. >P Bleh.

The Scene:

Gourry and Lina have, yet again, eaten more than their budget can afford and are stuck washing dishes in the restaurant's kitchen. Lina has sent Gourry out and is stacking some dry dishes when he comes bursting back in, panicked.

Alert for sneaky Monster attacks, she asks, "What's wrong?"

And Gourry holds up… a bucket.

"There's a hole in the bucket,

dear Lina, dear Lina,

There's a hole in the bucket,

dear Lina, a hole."

Lina facefaults into the table, then tells him:

"So fix it dear Gourry

dear Gourry dear Gourry

So fix it dear Gourry

dear Gourry, fix it."

Gourry however, waves the bucket around, perplexed.

"With what shall I fix it

dear Lina dear Lina

With what shall I fix it

dear Lina, with what?"

Sighing with frustration,

"With cork, dear Gourry,

dear Gourry, dear Gourry

With cork dear Gourry

dear Gourry, with cork."

She answers.

"Oh." The blonde-at-heart swordsman turns around and begins happily rummaging around for some cork, and Lina goes back to washing dishes.

For a while.

"Liiinaaa!"

A loudly throbbing vein appears in Lina's forehead. "Yes?"

Holding out the cork, he says,

"But the cork is too long,

dear Lina, dear Lina,

But the cork is too long

dear Lina, too long."

A knife embeds itself in the wall by Gourry's head and Lina speaks as calmly as she is able, continuing with the dishes.

"So cut it, dear Gourry

dear Gourry, dear Gourry

So cut it dear Gourry

dear Gourry, cut it."

Gourry merely blinks, bewildered.

"With what shall I cut it,

dear Lina dear Lina,

With what shall I cut it

dear Lina, with what?"

Pointing at the knife and stomping her foot, Lina answers,

"With a knife, dear Gourry

dear Gourry dear Gourry

With a knife, dear Gourry

dear Gourry, a knife."

Comprehension dawns, Gourry nods vigorously and Lina begins stacking more dishes.

Until…

"But the knife is too dull,

dear Lina dear Lina.

But the knife is to dull,

dear Lina too dull."

The redhead falls face-first into the dishes, then turns and yells at the idiot,

"So sharpen it, dear Gourry

dear Gourry dear Gourry

So sharpen it dear Gourry,

dear Gourry, sharpen it!"

Blonde eyebrows knit together.

"With what shall I sharpen it,

dear Lina dear Lina?

With what shall I sharpen it,

dear Lina, with what?"

She resists the urge to throw any breakables at him. Must… not… add… to tab…

"With a stone, dear Gourry,

dear Gourry, dear Gourry

With a stone dear Gourry

dear Gourry, a stone."

A patter of footsteps tells her that he has run outside to check the inn's whetstone, and she quickly put as many dishes away as she can before he comes back.

"But the stone is too dry,

dear Lina dear Lina

But the stone is too dry

dear Lina, too dry."

Refilling the sink with clean water, she sloshes it around to make her point.

"So wet it dear Gourry,

dear Gourry, dear Gourry.

So wet it dear Gourry ,

dear Gourry wet it."

Insert agitated dance of frustration here.

"With what shall I wet it,

dear Lina, dear Lina.

With what shall I wet it

dear Lina with what?"

Lina's eyebrow begins it's patented spasmodic twitching.

"With water dear Gourry,

dear Gourry, dear Gourry,

With water, dear Gourry,

dear Gourry, with water."

"Oh," Gourry replies brilliantly, and he runs back outside. Heaving a sigh of relief, she gathers up more dishes from the stack and heads to the sink to wash them.

"But stream is too far,

dear Lina dear Lina.

But the stream is too far,

dear Lina, too far."

Saving the dishes heroically after almost breaking them all, Lina balances them and says:

"So carry it dear Gourry,

dear Gourry, dear Gourry,

So carry it dear Gourry,

dear Gourry, carry it."

Gourry continues, heedless of the dishes' life or death situation.

"In what shall I carry it,

dear lina dear Lina.

In what shall I carry it,

dear Lina, in what?"

Settling the dishes on the counter, she gives Gourry a good smack over the head for being and idiot.

"In a bucket dear Gourry,

dear Gourry, dear Gourry.

In a bucket dear Gourry,

dear Gourry, a bucket.

Blink blink. Blink blink blink blink. Blink blink. Blink.

"But there's a hole in the bucket,

dear Lina, dear Lina.

But there's a hole in the bucket,

dear Lina, a hole."

Sigh.

"So fix it…"

Sudden and absolute silence descends like a dark cloud.

"Lina?"

"FIREBALL!"

The kitchen is blown to bits and the last thing that can be seen are two, the smaller one chasing after the larger and some screaming about cleaning toilet bowls in Hades.