"I see land!" squealed Gorm excitedly, nearly overtoppling. Faxe awoke with a laboured yawn, Ulme stopped practising his lyre, and Snorre & Tjure ceased their fifth argument of the day.
The boat sailed through the blue-green expanse to the destination, where they disembarked, in order to explore the dusty country which was populated by donkeys, fig-trees, and a few churches. Only the elderly Urobe remained on the drakkar, to have a good sleep, as he wasn't feeling very well. Halvar placed little Vicky on his shoulders. "Phew!" panted Snorre. "I've never felt so hot before." "I bet I feel hotter than you!" remarked Tjure, whereupon Snorre retaliated, "No, I bet I'm hotter than you!" They began punching each other. "Pack it in, you two!" ordered Halvar. "We're ALL feeling the heat!" "Even I'm more thirsty than hungry, at the moment," gasped Faxe.
They were greeted by a most enchanting vision: a sultry young Hebrew damsel with raven-black hair, caramel-tanned skin, and eyes like pools of melting chocolate. She was carrying a jug of water. "Hello, I'm Rachel," she greeted them. Her eyes settled on Snorre; he was nearly as short as the child Vicky, but he was simply gorgeous! She had never seen a ginger-haired youth before; and his protruding tooth would not be considered classically attractive by the majority; but to her, it was a quirk which made him so endearing.
Rachel had been living with her Uncle Reuben for several years, since she had been orphaned; he now kept introducing her to various widowers and other "gentlemen", some nearly as old as himself. She frequently retched at the thought.
"Snorre, do you wish to visit the middin?" guilelessly asked ten-year-old Vicky, who'd noticed that Snorre's hands were both firmly clutched over his crotch; it was actually an attempt to conceal the stiffening that he was experiencing. Tjure, discerning this, nudged Snorre and reminded him, "Hey, remember you're a married man." "Shut up!" hissed Snorre; then, "And anyway, so are you!" for Tjure's body was evidently showing a similar response. Gorm was emitting squeaks of delight; and Faxe was ogling the girl as if she were a large succulent chicken drumstick, or a tender lamb steak.
"Ulala, maybe I married too young!" sighed Snorre to himself; but then, one was expected to marry young. After all, it was rare to live to a ripe old age, as Urobe had. Snorre cast his mind back to his not-so-distant teens: he'd had an eye for the comely wenches of Flake, (some of whom were as fair as the goddess Freya), but they all rejected him in favour of suitors who towered over them. Snorre had begun to despair of ever being loved; then how flattered he had been when a certain busty brunette had winked at him during a Flake feast, and the rest, as they say, was history.
His spouse Gertrud was skilled at cooking him delicious dinners; and he had often enjoyed nestling his head in her capacious bosom; and running his fingers through her nut-brown tresses, when she released her hair from its braid at night-time. But she had a volatile temper; and Tjure had once struck a nerve by observing, "You tremble when your wife talks to you," although Snorre would never admit that to anyone else. "Indeed, I deserve better," he confessed in a moment of self-pity. Now he just knew that this Rachel was the one for him. "Wakey wakey!" called Halvar, disturbing Snorre's reverie.
"The gods have been merciful, allowing us to find this land!" declared Halvar. "Gods?" enquired a wide-eyed Rachel, puzzled by the use of the plural noun. "Odin, and Thor," clarified Halvar. "But there is only one God, and He's a jealous God!" responded Rachel. Halvar, conscious of having made a faux pas, began to apologise, but it was clear from the direction of her gaze that Rachel was more interested in Snorre than in theology.
Rachel's uncle Reuben gave every appearance of being as congenial as her; he welcomed them, and set a great banquet before them. During the meal, he and Rachel entertained the Vikings by narrating stories from the Old Testament; Rachel told the tale of her earliest-known namesake, who had apparently been as ravishing as herself; and Uncle Reuben informed them about the Exodus. Snorre blushed when he heard of the Commandment "Thou shalt not commit adultery," as he had every intention of doing exactly that.
Reuben offered to conduct the Vikings to luxurious sleeping-quarters, "this way, if you please!" Vicky whispered, as discreetly as possible, into Halvar's ear, "Pops, I don't trust him; don't follow him!"
"Vicky, how could you be so ungrateful to this courteous gentleman, after all his hospitality?" reproved Halvar.
Vicky placed himself between his big father and the bulk of Faxe; then took the opportunity to dart away and leave the group, and he secreted himself in a cranny. Sure enough, in due course he heard Reuben's footsteps returning, accompanied by a malicious, dastardly laugh. "Shall I kill my prisoners, or sell them into slavery?" Reuben pondered to himself, unaware that he was overheard by the youngster.
Vicky rubbed his nose thrice, before stating, "A-ha! I have it! What I want is a robe for Urobe."
Then he hurried to seek out Rachel, who had just been blissfully thinking, "I wouldn't kick Snorre out of bed for snoring!"
When Vicky explained that his companions were in danger, Rachel was shocked: although there wasn't much love lost between her guardian and herself, she hadn't realised the extent of his depravity and xenophobia. They found an old robe, which had belonged to Rachel's late father, and Vicky led the way back to the drakkar, where Urobe was roused, divested of his Viking attire, and garbed in the Palestinian robe. Vicky looked around the ship, found a broken piece of shell horn, which could amplify a person's voice; then, when ready, Vicky asked Rachel to lead the way to the nearest hill to her home.
She then called, "Uncle Reuben! Come outside and see this!" Reuben obeyed, to see a white-haired, white-bearded figure standing on the mount. "Reuben! Reuben! I am the spirit of Moses! Let your prisoners go, or it will be the worse for you!" bellowed the apparition. A thoroughly shaken Reuben nodded. "Moses" continued: "And allow your dear niece Rachel to marry whomever she chooses!"
The poor Vikings thought they were destined to perish in the dark dungeon to which they'd been taken. Snorre bumped into Tjure, who protested, "Watch where you're going, you clumsy oaf!" Snorre riposted, "No, you watch YOUR step!" Gorm was whimpering like a puppy; and Snorre refused to believe that life would be so unfair as to end just when he'd truly found a raison d'etre. Halvar was muttering "Why oh why didn't I listen to my Vicky?"
In the morning, Reuben opened the door of the gloomy prison, and announced, "Alright, you're all free to go." The Vikings emitted a collective exultant whoop. "Make haste now, go to your boat, before I change my mind!" snarled their erstwhile jailor. They wasted no time in obeying; they were met by Vicky, who winked at his father; Rachel and Snorre rushed into each other's arms, and he was thrilled to learn that she intended to come back to Flake with him. "Such a bounty of beauty!" he declared.
During the homeward journey, Rachel & Snorre cuddled together, and fed each other titbits, in between exchanging caresses and love-bites. It inspired Ulme to sing all the most sentimental ballads he knew. Tjure catcalled "Sloppy! Yuck!" to which Snorre replied, "You're just jealous!"
Halvar groaned, dreading the ructions that would ensue upon the return to Flake: Snorre's wife would, quite justifiably, be incensed. Would she consent to a divorce? Perhaps, pondered Halvar, she would commence a relationship with the bachelor Faxe? That one would make her look dainty and minuscule in comparison, after all! Anyway, Halvar resolved, for now he'd better concentrate on getting home safely, avoiding encounters with Sven the Terrible.
When they reached the shores of Flake, Vicky scampered off to play with Ticky (otherwise known as Ylvi). The women were waiting, as usual, to greet the drakkar; Ylva, looking sick, approached Snorre: "We have dreadful news! Your Gertrud has passed away; she got eaten by a wolf!" Snorre shed a few tears, and hoped that the poor lady's end had been quick; but he was relieved that he was free to spend his life with his Rachel.