Scene opens on the Annual Ouran High School Festival. Haruhi is watching the fireworks from below the clock tower. Tamaki walks up behind her and hold her shoulders, watching the fireworks himself.
"Isn't it beautiful, Senpai?" Haruhi asks.
"I couldn't agree more, Haruhi."
"You know, Senpai, I'm really glad I broke that vase."
"Really?" he asks. "How come?"
"Well, if it hadn't been for that unfortunate event, I never would've joined the club. Albeit against my will."
"Oh you could've left at any point, Haruhi."
"WHAT?"
"Sure! I would've forgiven the debt if you had just asked."
Haruhi just looks aghast at Tamaki.
"I wish you would've told me that a year ago..."
"Oh it's all water under the bridge now. I'm just glad you stayed and learned so much about yourself and others."
"Sharing is caring, Tamaki." Haruhi says sarcastically.
"Ha I guess you're right, Haruhi."
"Although, I wish I could do it again with you guys."
"What do you mean?"
"Be a Host again. It was really fun!"
"Oh. I agree!" he smiles. "But there's no way we could."
"I know, I know. The year is ending, graduation-"
"Oh no, it's not that," he interrupts. "It's because we ran out of themes."
"Huh?"
"Yep. We did every theme."
"You've got to be kidding me."
"Nope. We did it all!"
"Oh..."
"Well...I suppose there is one theme we didn't try...but we purposefully skipped it due to our...unusual circumstances."
"Which one?"
"Royal Wedding."
"Ah..."
"Although...now that I think about it...it might work..."
"What are you thinking, Senpai?"
"...yeah! That could work! Two people from the host club pretend to get married. The other members could participate too! Koyoya could be the priest, I could be the groom, Honey-Senpai could be the flower girl, you could be the bride, Mori-Senpai could give you away, and the twins could be the best man and maid of honor! We could do it as one last party! It'd be perfect!"
"Wonderful!" she smiles. "I least I get to be a girl for once."
"I know! I'm getting shivers just thinking about it! What colors shall we use? Light blue? No, no. Maybe maroon? Royal purple..."
Tamaki walks off as Koyoya walks over to Haruhi.
"What newfangled idea does he have this time?"
"So...I may have inspired him to formulate the idea for a wedding theme for the club?"
"Hmm..." He begins writing some quick figures into his ledger. "If we charge 3500 yen per plate, that should cover all the expenses we'd have...except one..."
"Which one?" Haruhi nervously asks.
"Your dress."
"Wait, how did you know I'd be the-?"
"TWINS!" he yells.
"Yes, Queen?" the twins ask as they run up to Koyoya.
"We need Haruhi to be fitted for a wedding dress."
"Aww, mommy is getting married!" Hikaru says.
"I'm so proud of you!" Kaoru says.
"It's for a Host Club event, you dimwits." Koyoya gripes.
"Oh, well then why not just use a costume?" Kaoru asks.
"It's only for one night anyway." Hikaru adds.
Koyoya lowers his glasses and gives them a stern look.
"Yes, Mother!" they immediately respond, running off, arguing about designers and dress shops.
"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," Haruhi sighs.
"Not at all," Koyoya responds. "This was something we always wanted to do. I'm just glad we finally get to. Incomplete things annoy me to no end."
"I see..."
"In any case, the twins will have some dress options for you in an hour or so. Pick out what you think looks best, then go with whatever option they choose for you."
"Do I even have a choice?" Haruhi annoyedly asks.
"You've always had a choice, Haruhi. Just like Tamaki said, all you had to do was ask."
Koyoya walks away, leaving Haruhi by herself.
"...well, maybe I didn't want to ask."
"I highly doubt that," Koyoya yells from the hallway.
The next week, people are gathering in the music hall, dressed in formal attire. They socialize and settle, patiently awaiting the ceremony. In a back room, the twins are putting the finishing touches on Haruhi's dress.
"Stop squirming!" Hikaru commands.
"You're only making this harder on yourself!" Kaoru adds.
"Ow!" Haruhi yelps. "Well, maybe if you didn't poke me so much, I wouldn't move."
"Well, if you didn't move-" Kaoru responds.
"We wouldn't poke you as much." Hikaru adds.
"I'll bet you're doing on purpose..." Haruhi mutters under her breath. "OW!"
"Sorry. My hand slipped." Hikaru sarcastically apologizes.
"Oh shut up."
Koyoya enter the room, dressed in a typical Catholic priest outfit.
"Is she ready yet?"
"Almost!" Kaoru responds.
"Perfection should never be rushed." Hikaru firmly adds.
"Perfection or not, you're cutting it awful close. And you don't want to disappoint Tamaki on his big day, do you?"
"...n-no..." they shyly responds.
"Then get to it!"
"Right!" the twins reply in unison.
"...you know," Koyoya says, turning to Haruhi, "Tamaki cares an awful lot about you."
"Oh, I know. I know you all do!" she smiles.
"Not like him."
"Well, maybe he just takes this all a little too seriously, but he means well. Plus, it's not like we're actually getting married, right?"
Koyoya just smiles and walks out of the room.
"Koyoya...Koyoya?"
"Stop moving!" the twins command.
"Oh, fuck off."
"HEY!" they yell.
The twins both poke her, inciting a loud "OW" from her.
Meanwhile in the hallway, Koyoya walks up to Tamaki, who is currently checking his watch.
"She not gonna go through with this, is she?" Tamaki nervously asks. "She's gonna walk out, and we will never hear from her again!"
"I think you'll be pleasantly surprised," Koyoya calmly responds.
"All done!" the twins happily say, entering the hallway.
"Is she perfect?"
"We wouldn't have it any other way," the twins reply, sticking their tongues out at Koyoya.
"Oh wonderful! I have to go see!" Tamaki sighs, gleefully smitten.
"Get out there!" Koyoya commands, kicking him into the center aisle.
Tamaki enters the music hall, immediately noticing he is the center of attention and freezing his movement.
"WALK, DUMBASS!" Hikaru yells.
"Oh, right!"
Tamaki begins the procession, ending at the piano-side of the room, he is followed by Koyoya and the twins. Mitsukuni skips down the aisle next, tossing flowers all about. Once he reaches the piano, everyone stands and turns to face the back doors. The wedding march begins to play and Haruhi and Takashi appear. They march down the aisle, and stop at the last row of chairs. As the wedding march ends, the audience sits down, and the lights dim. Only the front stage is now lit.
"Who gives this woman away?" Koyoya asks.
"I do," Takashi responds.
Koyoya nods, and Takashi lets go of Haruhi's arm and steps off to the side. Haruhi steps up to and faces Tamaki. Koyoya opens up his notebook, and begins to speak.
"Ladies and gentlemen, friends and family, honored guests and fellow business partners...we are gathered here today to honor a tradition that this school has held for countless years. Ouran Academy has been the home of the Host Club for as long as anyone can remember. And this ceremony is a symbol, a picture, if you will, of all the people who have traveled in and out our doors. We certainly are glad to have known you, but it is with great regret that I inform and remind you that this is our last Host Club meeting. And what a better send-off to have, what more appropriate theme then a wedding to show our appreciation for all of you. You are what made this club possible. Without you, this would just be a group of very attractive, yet overtly homosexual, boys. We are indebted to you, and know that with your small contribution of time and money...we will turn Tamaki into the man we hoped he'd never become.
"Hey!" Tamaki yelps.
Koyoya turns to the twins.
"Do you have the rings?"
The twins pull the rings out of their pockets and present them to Haruhi and Tamaki.
"Do you, Haruhi Fujioka, take Tamaki Suoh to be your lawful wedded husband, so long as you both shall live, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"
"Seems a bit gruesome, but sure."
"Way to stay in character, Haruhi." Kaoru whispers.
"Shut up, Kaoru. I'm the bride! This is my special day!"
"Tamaki Suoh, do you take Haruhi Fujioka to be your lawful wedded wife, accepting all the horrors associated with marriage, including but not limited to the following: added weight, loss of sex drive, fatigue, chronic headaches, backaches, increased wrinkles, premature hairloss-"
"OH MY GOD! WE GET IT! YOU HATE MARRIAGE!" Tamaki yells. "...but yes, I do."
"Then upon your profession of commitment unto each other in the witness of this gathered crowd of fawning high school females, by the power vested in me by the Ouran High School Board of Education and the Ootori Company's Board of Directors, I hereby pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride."
All the girls in the audience sigh with love as Tamaki lifts Haruhi's veil, and leans in to kiss her.
"Kiss me and you'll have nothing to use on the honeymoon, Senpai," she sternly says, backing away from his protruding lips.
"Well, alright then. Have it your way!"
Tamaki picks Haruhi up in his arms and nods to the piano player to begin the music. As it plays, he runs down the aisle with her. Rice is tossed at them as they head toward the doors going outside. A white horse-drawn carriage awaits them. He set her down and helps her into the white carriage, following close behind her. He closes the door behind himself, taking a seat opposite his prim-yet-fake bride. He signals the driver to begin the ride, and the two of them look out the adorned window, saying nothing. After a few minutes, Haruhi breaks the silence.
"Senpai?"
"Yes, Haruhi?"
"Something just occurred to me."
"And what is that, my lovely bride?"
"You planned this whole thing, didn't you?"
"Actually, Koyoya did everything. He's very good at-"
"No, no. I mean...you knew this whole thing would work out the way it did."
"What do you mean?"
"Senpai...you've had a crush on me since I first arrived. Why else would you have let me stay in the club like I did? This wedding was the culmination of your grandiose fantasy where I fall head-over-heals in love with you and we spend the rest of our lives together."
Tamaki looks at the floor for a moment.
"...I guess you're right..."
"Senpai..." she sighs, lifting his chin with her fingers. "...I never said I didn't like it."
"Really?" he asks, smiling.
"Yes. But I don't want to give you a false sense of how I felt about you."
"Oh..."
"I do want to be with you. In fact, I could totally see us dating later on. But at university, you and I will be very busy, and I just worry that I won't be able to see you anymore."
"Oh, Haruhi," he happily sighs, "you have no idea, do you?"
"Idea of what?"
"This marriage, this banquette, this school year...it isn't the end. It's just chapter one."
"Huh? What are you talking about, Senpai?"
"Today was more than just a fake marriage for a last party from the final meeting of a club. It's a...a coronation...a pledge, a promise...a promise that this club, this group, this-"
"This family?" she interrupts.
"...yeah...we can't ever be broken up...we are all part of it...and you and I...are the King and Queen of it all!"
"Hehe! Oh, Senpai," she giggles. "I think I get it now."
"You do?" he nervously asks.
"Oh yes. And I'm happy to serve with you as the King and Queen of nothing at all."
Tamaki just stares at her, but eventually realizes she is joking.
"Haruhi," he laughs, "I couldn't have said it better myself."
-THE END-