They hadn't shared quarters since boyhood. Even after they'd been granted their own living spaces, they would find themselves camped in each other's rooms at night, laid out on the balcony with a small fire conjured by Loki or whispering in a fort in front of Thor's large hearth. Now, adrift on a massive ship, they once again shared quarters, making room for the refugees. Loki slept fitfully. He never slept well, but his dreams were haunted. As a child, when he didn't have control over his abilities, there were nights their mother would keep watch, anchoring him in his visions and sometimes quite literally pulling him back from wherever he had wandered.
Thor would then, and now, pretend to sleep, having been woken by his brother's tossing before Loki would jolt awake himself. Some nights he would spare a glance at Thor, breathing heavily before rolling back over, other nights he would slip out and disappear.
"You must always watch him," Frigga had told him long ago, when Loki's sleepwalking had become a concern. "His mind is travelling places his body can't follow."
Throughout the ship's waking hours, Loki was courteous, and also mildly annoyed had to spend so much time in the company of others. Surprisingly, he amused the children with small acts of magic, grinning at the delight he pulled from them. The same green sparks usually got him picked on in his own youth. Earlier, he'd fallen backwards in surprise at a little girl that reached out and manipulated his projection with her own spark of magic. The counter startled him, but he'd recovered quickly and produce a small green orb and tossed it to her, which she deftly caught and grinned when it didn't dissipate. He applauded her natural talent with his own smile, but his ease had faded as the ship became quiet.
Tonight was a night that he wandered, and when he slipped away Thor followed, afraid that he would once again turn around and find his brother lost to him. He found him not far, in the next room, pouring over star maps with a glass of the brown liquor. He barely acknowledged Thor's presence, concentrating on the locket he held over the maps as it spun. Thor immediately recognized the dwarven silver. Loki had presented Sif with more than new strands of silken hair from Nioavellir all those years ago.
"I would like to consider the ship cramped, but the number that escaped grieves me," Thor broached, carefully.
"We just destroyed Surtur and Hela in one fell swoop, and kept the latter from being unleashed on other worlds. Small victories, brother."
"Loki."
Loki sighed. "I've been scrying and the cosmos are in chaos. Yggdrasil's roots are in shock. My senses are off." His hands shook. "I cast her out," he admitted. His tone was exasperated and he couldn't look at his brother. "Partly because she was suspicious. Partly because I couldn't stand to look at her."
"You probably unwittingly saved her life."
"But I've outwitted myself! For the first time, I can't find her in all the branches!" He threw the small token on the table, with it opened, revealing a lock of blond hair. "These strand aren't hers anymore – thanks to me – and when I banished her, I cloaked her using Mother's grimoire so Heimdall couldn't even find her. I don't have it, I don't have any of my books, I can't reverse it."
It was the first time in many years Loki was allowing his emotions to control him, and Thor was sure grief was partly to blame. They'd lost everything. Friends, home, history, belongings….everything that made them who they were. All those years they spent away, without thought, because they knew the Realm Eternal would always be waiting. Even Loki, for all his bluster, was shaken.
Thor swallowed the lump in his throat. "We'll find her. Whatever your reasons, your actions saved her, and for that I'm grateful."
"I didn't do it for you."
Thor nodded, remembering days past, regarding the furtive glances between his brother and the dark haired shield maiden they'd both loved since childhood. "No. But I am grateful. We've lost too many friends."
Loki couldn't meet his gaze, knowing the loss of Hogun, Volstagg, and Fandral would be something they both carried for a long time.
A rush of compassion swept over Thor, perhaps also the brotherly love that would always exist between them. "She grieved for you deeply, you know. Twice."
Loki stiffened. "We both know that in saving her, she is being saved for you." His brow furrowed. "When we find her, you take her and the rest and run. I beg you, do not go to Earth."
"Loki…"
"I mean it."
"What about you?"
Loki smiled sadly.
"I wish you would share your burdens, brother. You have always been so loved. I meant what I said on Sakaar."
"And you were right. Our paths diverged a long time ago. I have always been a time bomb I'm afraid." Loki smiled wryly, but grew serious. "I wish you would have faith, that whatever my betrayals, whatever you think you see, you will know it was never my intention for all of this to happen."
"Even with two eyes, you never saw the whole picture."
Loki had. He'd always seen the universe with clarity.