(A/N: Remember when Professor Dumbledore had an exceptionally full bladder
and precisely 5:30 in the morning on a quarter moon? Well if you were a
true HP fan you would! Anyway, he turned around a sharp corner headed for a
bathroom when he found himself in a beautifully decorated room full of
chamber pots! Weird eh? Well, not as weird as this- He had never seen that
room before and never saw it again!
Hey, here's a thought: What if Harry found the room? Eh? I nice little movie for Chris Columbus to ruin.
"Harry Potter and The Chamber of Chamber Pots!"
Wow, I'd even pay to see that as long as Alan Rickman and Rupert Grint were casted. I love the Weasly's. and Snape This story was written by both ningai hime and marquis laurent. Anyway, here's our story.)
Chapter One.
Harry Potter lay awake in bed weighing the pros and cons in his mind.
II could get caught./I He thought. IWait, have I got mad? I completely forgot about the invisibility cloak. Better not take the map though, I could lose it too easily.Hmm.That's it. I've got to go too badly./I
And up he got, for an extremely exciting adventure-/ITo the Lavatory! /IHe thought triumphantly to himself.
"Ron," he whispered. "Ron, come on, wake up! I'm going to the loo!" This was an adventure he didn't want him to miss.
"Wha--?" Ron started. "Oh! The lavatory? Harry- that's really dangerous!"
"No, what's dangerous is how full my bladder is. And I don't think the house-elves would be too happy about soiled sheets." Harry replied.
"Don't go all Hermione on me, Harry. It's their job, they don't care."
"Just come on!"
"Okay, okay.."
Harry grabbed the cloak and put it in his robes.
Off they went! To the Lavatory! What an adventure. But who should they find in the common room?-- Neville and Hermione!
"What are you two doing here?" Harry and Ron asked at the same time.
"Us, what are you two doing?" Neville replied
"Not off to do ungodly things, I hope?" Said Hermione in a stiff sort of mocking voice.
"What are you on about? You're the one caught down here with Neville at five in the morning!" Ron replied.
"Oh, don't get so dramatic. Neville and I got up early this morning so I could teach him some hexes to defend himself from Malfoy." Hermione said matter-of-factly.
"Why in the morning? Why not at night? Why not in an empty classroom?" Ron seemed determined to make Hermione confess the least likely.
"None of the teachers want two students studying these kind of hexes, and the hexes I'm trying to teach Neville need extra concentration. The morning is the best time to use the common room." Hermione said.
"Listen, you two carry on." Harry said to Hermione and Neville, "Ron, I really need to visit the loo. Are you just stalling because you're not up to such an adventure?" Harry blurted in an irritated tone. Ron blushed.
So, out through he portrait hole, down the musky, cold corridors, the two Gryffindor boys set off on their perilous journey to the lavatories. Why so perilous you ask? Well, there had been nasty smells wafting through the corridors at night. Anyone to smell this awful stench is jellified on the spot. Just a big pile it leaves you, like a rag doll.
But hey- Harry dealt with the risk of being petrified long ago, why should he care about jelly? Though.there was no known cure.
Quiet and stealthy, the boys were getting closer to their destination with no real turbulence- until.
"Harry- look at that!" Ron pointed at the wall next to the entrance of the girl's lavatories. On it, a message was written it what seemed to be wads of wet toilet paper:
bTHE CHAMBER OF CHAMBER POTS NEEDS CLEANING. THOSE WITH AN EXCEPTIONALLY FULL BLADDER AT FIVE IN THE MORNING ON A QUARTER MOON-BEWARE!/b
Chapter Two
bTHE CHAMBER OF CHAMBER POTS NEEDS CLEANING. THOSE WITH AN EXCEPTIONALLY FULL BLADDER AT FIVE IN THE MORNING ON A QUARTER MOON-BEWARE!/b
"Well, that's an odd coincidence, Ron. Ron?" Harry looked around to see that Ron had fled back to the dormitories. No doubt- to warn Hermione or something. But had he even read the message?- Muggle-borns weren't in danger.He was!!
IBut I really need to go./IHarry thought. I And the loo is right around the corner. /I
Harry stood in panic, quickly trying to decide what to do. "I can't go in the girls toilet," He thought out loud, "I might get caught. I could go up to the bathrooms on the next floor...no, that's too far, I won't make it. What should I do? Why am I talking to myself?" Harry stopped. Another idea struck him. II could pee on the wall...it's not like anybody would know it was me...and it'd be great to see Filch having to clean it up./I Harry giggled. No. He couldn't do that. There was only one thing to do. Risk going to the toilet. He made sure the cloak was completely covering him. He took a deep breath, never removing his hand from his crotch in fear he would go, and moved forward. He made it past the girls toilet just fine, and he started to feel safe. He let out the breath he had been holding and went on. He turned the corner. Nothing. Feeling relieved, he quickly opened the door to the boys toilet. ::SHLUP!:: Harry hit the floor hard. He was afraid to look up, afraid to breathe. When he couldn't hold his breath anymore, he exhaled. Hesitantly, he opened his eyes and looked around. He was in a beautifully decorated room, with silk and satin curtains, nice antique-y looking tables and chairs, and. and- oh no- Chamber Pots! (It was as Dumbledore had seen awhile ago. Of course- Harry didn't know that. Anyway--) His worst fear had come true. Harry was in the supposed "Chamber of Chamber Pots."
Chapter Three There were chamber pots stacked on shelves, on the tables, all over the place. Then there was a voice. "Welcome Harry Potter." Harry looked around, but saw no one. "How do you know who I am?!" he called. "Because of that scar on your forehead you prat!" the voice replied. Harry cursed himself under his breath. He could be really dim sometimes. "Excuse me...could I...you know..." Harry hesitated. "go piddly-diddly?" "Piddly-diddly? What are you, a toddler?! Talk like a big boy, you sod!" Harry blushed. "Right then. Could I go pee?" "I don't know, can you?" "Shut up!" "No you shut up!" "No you shut up!" "No you shut the hell up!" "No byou /bshut the hell up!" The voice began to laugh hysterically at Harry's anger. It was then that Harry noticed that the voice was coming from higher up. He looked up at the top of the huge pile of chamber pots, and noticed an orange chamber pot, that seemed to be glowing. So that's where the light in the room was coming from.. It sort of reminded Harry of a Jack-O-Lantern. "Come on, I really, ireally/i have to go, would you just let me get to the boys lavatory?" Harry pleaded. "Noooooope." said the voice. "First you have to clean the chamber pots. We hear you've done great things Harry Potter, and now we want you to do great things for us." "But...I don't know how I did it! And surviving a curse and cleaning chamber pots are totally different things!" Harry argued. "Yeah, I know, cleaning chamber pots is smellier." the chamber pot laughed gleefully. "You ass!" Harry yelled in anger. "Hey, if you had any sense, you'd see that I'm not an ass. You'd know that people just put their ass bon/b me." the pot laughed again. "Fine, can I use one of the chamber pots here?" Harry asked. "Nope, not going to happen. If you try to go in any of us, we'll waft our awful smell at you and make you go all jelly like our past victims, same if you try to go anywhere else in the room." Harry lost it. He turned around, but the door wasn't there anymore. He looked across the room and saw it peeking out from behind the pile of chamber pots. Still holding his crotch, he stuffed the invisibility cloak in his shirt, and his shirt into his pajama bottoms. He tried to run across the room towards the door, planning to push the chamber pots over. After taking one step a chamber pot moved in front of him. His foot went right in. Harry cried out and fell backwards. The room erupted with laughter, the chamber pots were clearly enjoying this. He looked at his left foot, covered in poo. He felt like he was going to be sick. He reached in his pajama pocket to get his wand. He realized it wasn't there. Why hadn't he brought his wand?! He cursed himself again as he pulled off his slipper and sock. He guessed there was only one thing he could do.
Chapter Four He looked to his right and saw rags and cleaning solution. He grabbed them and began on the nearest chamber pot. IMaybe I can enchant the rags to work on their own. /I No such thing happened. As Harry did not have his wand. Harry was forced to manually clean all the pots that night. It was excruciating. When he was finally done the big orange pot spoke again.
"Thank you, Harry Potter! You have friends in high places for life now! Anytime you need help, just find us with an exceptionally full bladder at five in the morning on a quarter moon! So long!"
IFriends in high places? Please.. Yeah, /IHarry thought,I I call you if I happen to need a chamber pot in an emergency. Mental prat. How did they get so used up anyway, if its so hard to find them? Boy, I need to pee./I
So, to the loo for some relaxation, and back to the Gryffindor Common Room to tell Ron off for ditching him. Harry wondered, though, if he should really tell anybody what had happened. It iwas/i incredibly humiliating:
::Harry Potter, the boy who lived, forced to do house-elf work at five thirty in the morning::
INo,/I Harry thought again,I I don't think I need to talk about this ever. I'll just tell Ron I had a telling off from Filch or something./I
Harry, went up to the second year dormitory, carrying something under his invisibility cloak. When he entered the room, he creeped over to Ron's bed. Removing the invisibility cloak, he set it down next to Ron. The last dirty chamber pot. he had snuck it out of the chamber. He grabbed his wand from his bedside table, and whispered "iWindgardium Leviosa!/i" The pot was floating right above Ron's head. Harry hit Ron, who woke up with a start. Harry let the pot fall on him. "And that's for ditching me." he said. Then he got dressed, and headed down to the common room. - A/N: Love us? Hate us? Want a chamber pot of your own? Leave a review! (P.S. Sorry, we do not distribute chamber pots.)
Hey, here's a thought: What if Harry found the room? Eh? I nice little movie for Chris Columbus to ruin.
"Harry Potter and The Chamber of Chamber Pots!"
Wow, I'd even pay to see that as long as Alan Rickman and Rupert Grint were casted. I love the Weasly's. and Snape This story was written by both ningai hime and marquis laurent. Anyway, here's our story.)
Chapter One.
Harry Potter lay awake in bed weighing the pros and cons in his mind.
II could get caught./I He thought. IWait, have I got mad? I completely forgot about the invisibility cloak. Better not take the map though, I could lose it too easily.Hmm.That's it. I've got to go too badly./I
And up he got, for an extremely exciting adventure-/ITo the Lavatory! /IHe thought triumphantly to himself.
"Ron," he whispered. "Ron, come on, wake up! I'm going to the loo!" This was an adventure he didn't want him to miss.
"Wha--?" Ron started. "Oh! The lavatory? Harry- that's really dangerous!"
"No, what's dangerous is how full my bladder is. And I don't think the house-elves would be too happy about soiled sheets." Harry replied.
"Don't go all Hermione on me, Harry. It's their job, they don't care."
"Just come on!"
"Okay, okay.."
Harry grabbed the cloak and put it in his robes.
Off they went! To the Lavatory! What an adventure. But who should they find in the common room?-- Neville and Hermione!
"What are you two doing here?" Harry and Ron asked at the same time.
"Us, what are you two doing?" Neville replied
"Not off to do ungodly things, I hope?" Said Hermione in a stiff sort of mocking voice.
"What are you on about? You're the one caught down here with Neville at five in the morning!" Ron replied.
"Oh, don't get so dramatic. Neville and I got up early this morning so I could teach him some hexes to defend himself from Malfoy." Hermione said matter-of-factly.
"Why in the morning? Why not at night? Why not in an empty classroom?" Ron seemed determined to make Hermione confess the least likely.
"None of the teachers want two students studying these kind of hexes, and the hexes I'm trying to teach Neville need extra concentration. The morning is the best time to use the common room." Hermione said.
"Listen, you two carry on." Harry said to Hermione and Neville, "Ron, I really need to visit the loo. Are you just stalling because you're not up to such an adventure?" Harry blurted in an irritated tone. Ron blushed.
So, out through he portrait hole, down the musky, cold corridors, the two Gryffindor boys set off on their perilous journey to the lavatories. Why so perilous you ask? Well, there had been nasty smells wafting through the corridors at night. Anyone to smell this awful stench is jellified on the spot. Just a big pile it leaves you, like a rag doll.
But hey- Harry dealt with the risk of being petrified long ago, why should he care about jelly? Though.there was no known cure.
Quiet and stealthy, the boys were getting closer to their destination with no real turbulence- until.
"Harry- look at that!" Ron pointed at the wall next to the entrance of the girl's lavatories. On it, a message was written it what seemed to be wads of wet toilet paper:
bTHE CHAMBER OF CHAMBER POTS NEEDS CLEANING. THOSE WITH AN EXCEPTIONALLY FULL BLADDER AT FIVE IN THE MORNING ON A QUARTER MOON-BEWARE!/b
Chapter Two
bTHE CHAMBER OF CHAMBER POTS NEEDS CLEANING. THOSE WITH AN EXCEPTIONALLY FULL BLADDER AT FIVE IN THE MORNING ON A QUARTER MOON-BEWARE!/b
"Well, that's an odd coincidence, Ron. Ron?" Harry looked around to see that Ron had fled back to the dormitories. No doubt- to warn Hermione or something. But had he even read the message?- Muggle-borns weren't in danger.He was!!
IBut I really need to go./IHarry thought. I And the loo is right around the corner. /I
Harry stood in panic, quickly trying to decide what to do. "I can't go in the girls toilet," He thought out loud, "I might get caught. I could go up to the bathrooms on the next floor...no, that's too far, I won't make it. What should I do? Why am I talking to myself?" Harry stopped. Another idea struck him. II could pee on the wall...it's not like anybody would know it was me...and it'd be great to see Filch having to clean it up./I Harry giggled. No. He couldn't do that. There was only one thing to do. Risk going to the toilet. He made sure the cloak was completely covering him. He took a deep breath, never removing his hand from his crotch in fear he would go, and moved forward. He made it past the girls toilet just fine, and he started to feel safe. He let out the breath he had been holding and went on. He turned the corner. Nothing. Feeling relieved, he quickly opened the door to the boys toilet. ::SHLUP!:: Harry hit the floor hard. He was afraid to look up, afraid to breathe. When he couldn't hold his breath anymore, he exhaled. Hesitantly, he opened his eyes and looked around. He was in a beautifully decorated room, with silk and satin curtains, nice antique-y looking tables and chairs, and. and- oh no- Chamber Pots! (It was as Dumbledore had seen awhile ago. Of course- Harry didn't know that. Anyway--) His worst fear had come true. Harry was in the supposed "Chamber of Chamber Pots."
Chapter Three There were chamber pots stacked on shelves, on the tables, all over the place. Then there was a voice. "Welcome Harry Potter." Harry looked around, but saw no one. "How do you know who I am?!" he called. "Because of that scar on your forehead you prat!" the voice replied. Harry cursed himself under his breath. He could be really dim sometimes. "Excuse me...could I...you know..." Harry hesitated. "go piddly-diddly?" "Piddly-diddly? What are you, a toddler?! Talk like a big boy, you sod!" Harry blushed. "Right then. Could I go pee?" "I don't know, can you?" "Shut up!" "No you shut up!" "No you shut up!" "No you shut the hell up!" "No byou /bshut the hell up!" The voice began to laugh hysterically at Harry's anger. It was then that Harry noticed that the voice was coming from higher up. He looked up at the top of the huge pile of chamber pots, and noticed an orange chamber pot, that seemed to be glowing. So that's where the light in the room was coming from.. It sort of reminded Harry of a Jack-O-Lantern. "Come on, I really, ireally/i have to go, would you just let me get to the boys lavatory?" Harry pleaded. "Noooooope." said the voice. "First you have to clean the chamber pots. We hear you've done great things Harry Potter, and now we want you to do great things for us." "But...I don't know how I did it! And surviving a curse and cleaning chamber pots are totally different things!" Harry argued. "Yeah, I know, cleaning chamber pots is smellier." the chamber pot laughed gleefully. "You ass!" Harry yelled in anger. "Hey, if you had any sense, you'd see that I'm not an ass. You'd know that people just put their ass bon/b me." the pot laughed again. "Fine, can I use one of the chamber pots here?" Harry asked. "Nope, not going to happen. If you try to go in any of us, we'll waft our awful smell at you and make you go all jelly like our past victims, same if you try to go anywhere else in the room." Harry lost it. He turned around, but the door wasn't there anymore. He looked across the room and saw it peeking out from behind the pile of chamber pots. Still holding his crotch, he stuffed the invisibility cloak in his shirt, and his shirt into his pajama bottoms. He tried to run across the room towards the door, planning to push the chamber pots over. After taking one step a chamber pot moved in front of him. His foot went right in. Harry cried out and fell backwards. The room erupted with laughter, the chamber pots were clearly enjoying this. He looked at his left foot, covered in poo. He felt like he was going to be sick. He reached in his pajama pocket to get his wand. He realized it wasn't there. Why hadn't he brought his wand?! He cursed himself again as he pulled off his slipper and sock. He guessed there was only one thing he could do.
Chapter Four He looked to his right and saw rags and cleaning solution. He grabbed them and began on the nearest chamber pot. IMaybe I can enchant the rags to work on their own. /I No such thing happened. As Harry did not have his wand. Harry was forced to manually clean all the pots that night. It was excruciating. When he was finally done the big orange pot spoke again.
"Thank you, Harry Potter! You have friends in high places for life now! Anytime you need help, just find us with an exceptionally full bladder at five in the morning on a quarter moon! So long!"
IFriends in high places? Please.. Yeah, /IHarry thought,I I call you if I happen to need a chamber pot in an emergency. Mental prat. How did they get so used up anyway, if its so hard to find them? Boy, I need to pee./I
So, to the loo for some relaxation, and back to the Gryffindor Common Room to tell Ron off for ditching him. Harry wondered, though, if he should really tell anybody what had happened. It iwas/i incredibly humiliating:
::Harry Potter, the boy who lived, forced to do house-elf work at five thirty in the morning::
INo,/I Harry thought again,I I don't think I need to talk about this ever. I'll just tell Ron I had a telling off from Filch or something./I
Harry, went up to the second year dormitory, carrying something under his invisibility cloak. When he entered the room, he creeped over to Ron's bed. Removing the invisibility cloak, he set it down next to Ron. The last dirty chamber pot. he had snuck it out of the chamber. He grabbed his wand from his bedside table, and whispered "iWindgardium Leviosa!/i" The pot was floating right above Ron's head. Harry hit Ron, who woke up with a start. Harry let the pot fall on him. "And that's for ditching me." he said. Then he got dressed, and headed down to the common room. - A/N: Love us? Hate us? Want a chamber pot of your own? Leave a review! (P.S. Sorry, we do not distribute chamber pots.)