You are the sunshine
I am the rain that falls in line
You are a candle
And I am your darkness
You are the moonlight
I am the cloud that passes by
You are a vision
And I am blindness
People think
my wearing black and being in a depressed mood all the time is just an act. To
go along with the whole idea of rock stars must be depressed to be
accepted. I wish it was just a game and
I could put on a cheerful face at times.
I can't though. Nobody
understands the deepness of this depression and loneliness that inhabits
me. Well maybe someone does. Oh I know he does! I actually find myself smiling when he is around. My black mood turns white without forcing it
to. He's always so happy and full of
life. The way I was at a time so long
ago I can barely remember when. I
can't say if it's love or any similar emotion, but it's defiantly something. He makes the whole world for me seem
somewhat enjoyable. He turned the
lights on for me.
And so it goes
The story is far too old to know it all
I try to
present myself as clear-headed professional when he's near. In fear he'll walk away unable to take my
bouts of sadness. That seems to radiate
off of me. He hasn't left yet. Others have, for different reasons. Whatever the circumstances planned or not
planned it's still a slap in the face.
I have played this game before.
I only want a friend, another set of ears to share my worries to. But when he's near me with his silent eyes
that at the same time scream so much, I can't help to wonder. On something I'm sure I will never
understand till the end of time.
On and on, we dance until the song is off the radio
On and on, we hold each other long after the crowd is
gone
On and on, our love goes on and on
During the
shows I love to mess around with him.
Little looks, flirting and other mind games. I'm not sure if he realizes there not an act. He does it back at times, but with a guitar
in hand it's not that easy. After
another mind numbing boring set with the same songs that I wish I could hate; I
crashed down in a chair. Waiting for
the world to end or just a few minutes to myself. Then I heard it. The
sounds of a radio softly playing music without any words. The kind of stuff you'd hear in over priced
romantic restaurants. I look up to see
Carey standing on the stage holding his hand out as an invitation. A few roadies and late staying audience
members were buzzing around, but all I saw was him. I join him on the stage and fall into his arms. I ask him why? His answer was because he knew I needed it.
You are an island
I am the raging of the sea
You are the fortress
And I am abandoned
You are the valley
You are a bird that flies so high
You are a temple
And I am a begger
The day after
our dance I tried to convince myself it was an illusion. An overly detailed dream, but I could smell
his secret scent from where he touched me.
I couldn't of created that in my head.
But I'm not allowed happiness.
Even if I do receive some it will never last. Plus Carey doesn't deserve me.
His life is perfectly normal, full of options. He did a noble thing to make me smile for a while. I have to stop kidding myself on finding
secret hidden under tones on it. He
hasn't mentioned it another hint it was a one-time thing. I must be marked with a sign of sadness and
he the sign of happiness.
And so it goes
The story is far too old to know it all
Dressed a
brand new black shirt, I can never have too many of those. An artificial smile plastered on my face I
step onto the stage. In some club, in
some city, which I'll leave the next day never knowing where I was. Greeting the crowd with the thank you for
coming. Other words known as thanks for
paying for the tickets so my kids and myself can have decent clothes. Then the music starts to play. I try to act as if singing and pouncing
around the stage was the only thing I ever wanted to do. It used to be. I turn to Carey, which had become a habit. I could hardly believe it! He winked at me.
On and on, we dance until the song is off the radio
On and on, we hold each other long after the crowd is gone
On and on, our love goes on and on
I didn't
stick around the venue after the show.
Too many people, too many questions.
The bus was empty a popular trend now a days. Jack and Annie are off doing normal teenage stuff, rebelling against
the world for a few hours. Irene no
longer rode the bus only on rare circumstances. Ned was dipping back a few beers at the club that smelled of
urine and beer. I can't understand how
he can stand it in there. And Carey
must be hanging out with the roadies or the other band members, he often did
that. I was happy of the quiet, just a
little personal one on one time. It
didn't last. Just as crawled up on the
couch with a book I bought in 50-cent bargain tray the lights were turned
off. I sigh assuming the generator went
kuptput again and stand to go set it back up again. Standing in the doorway almost un-recognizable in the dim light
was Carey. What in the hell was he
doing!? He smiled at me, at least I
think he did and slowly walked up to me. And he then kissed me.
Take me to your drawbridge, come take me to your door
Take me when I'm hungry baby take me when I'm poor
Take me when sick of love, take me I've had enough
Take me when I'm lost, alone, and don't know the reasons
why
I freeze
like a little kid playing a game of freeze-tag. Now I wasn't excepting that!
I had thought of it before but never thought it would actually
happen. Carey runs his hand through my
hair and then kisses me again. I could
get used to this. But I can't! It's wrong!
He's wrong for it doing it, I'm wrong for allowing him to. Yet I make no admits to pull away. Oddly enough it felt right. I always knew he understood me more then the
others. Why me though? I'm not pretty college co-ed with the ambitions
of taking over the world. I have given
up on life just playing around until the forces that control life and death
decide to take me away. So why would
Carey wish to be with me?
On and on, we dance until the song is off the radio
On and on, we hold each other long after the crowd is
gone
On and on, our love goes on and on
But he
did. Still holding him in his tight yet
gently embrace he turns on the cd player.
The same music from the night before fills the bus. Fills my heart as well. I stopped trying to convince myself it was
all wrong and just let the moment takes us where it wishes to. We danced in the tiny room. Barely able to make any moves without
hitting into a couch or a table leg. I
didn't care. Because in the moon light
leaking through the blinds of the windows, I saw something incredible. The look of love in Carey's eyes.
You are a vision
And I am blindness
The next
day after our soul connection, I was happy.
And I let everyone know it by going to the store and buying a white
shirt. Maybe soon I'll be able to toss
the black ones out. Carey didn't just
change my wardrobe. He changed my heart
in ways he'll never know of. He gave me
hope and reason to move on. Just
because of a silly little dance. It's
funny how life can twist you around in every possible direction. But it knows what's it doing.
