Disclaimer : All these characters belong to Isayama Hajime. I'm just a fan. :)
A/N : This was written a couple of months ago, actually, for the soulmates prompt of Eremika week 2014 and it's only now that I've gotten the time to upload it (pathetic, i know).
This is loosely based off the setting I have in mind for a high school AU fic. I intend on starting on that in Jan. So this piece is more or less like a prologue, a glimpse of Eren and Mikasa through the years, at different ages, growing up together.
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It's Saturday night, the house has been tidied, Eren is looking neat and 'presentable' , as his Dad likes to call it, honestly, Eren thinks it's a big word for just saying that he is wearing pants with a shirt neatly tucked into it which are, for once, not covered with food stains. His hair has been combed back, not without a struggle of course, in a way that is supposed to bring out the green in his eyes, but honestly he couldn't care less.
He maybe only seven years old, but he still knows what is going on and he is fully aware of the fact that all this fuss is being made only because the Ackermans are coming home for dinner. He is thoroughly displeased about this, not because the Ackermans are bad people they can't be, they always remember to buy him his favorite chocolate when they come over but because they would bring their little daughter along.
She may be seven years old too, but according to him, she is definitely little-er than he is, because Eren knows he is all grown up and that he has to share his things, but Mikasa always manages to sneak the extra sweets in the house when he isn't looking and this behavior is just childish and he doesn't like it.
"Eren," Grisha calls, " Look, Mikasa is here." Eren doesn't need to be told this because he had heard the bell ring too and runs back into the room to hide his new Need For Speed because if he didn't then he would have to play with Mikasa. It's a car racing game, he knew she would kick his ass, and that's definitely no fun.
He walks toward the Ackermans, his eyes shining as he is handed his Hershey's and they pat his hair with affection. "Hello Eren," Mikasa says with a smile and he offers a little wave and a slight upturn of his nose in return. He knows that every time she smiles at him like that, he forgets that she always beats him at all his videogames, that the teachers in school like her better, that she always manages to run faster than him on the track in school, he forgets all of this, and he doesn't understand it but her smile always makes his cheeks burn a little.
He never smiles back because that would mean he actually likes her, and no, he can't accept that.
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Being ten years old is difficult because this means that he needs to be strong.
He needs to be strong when Mikasa is crying, even though it scares him Mikasa has never cried, not when she fell down and her knee just wouldn't stop bleeding, not when they had decided to watch Child's Play in the night and it scared the living daylights out of him, no, he can't remember Mikasa crying ever.
She may be ten years old too, but she is still little-er than him and so he takes a deep breath.
It scares him because the tears don't end, they have soaked his shirt and now they are falling from his own eyes. His Dad is talking to the surgeon who is shaking his head and he can see the desperate grief in his eyes when he comes back to hold the both of them, because even he has no words of comfort for Mikasa.
When she looks at her mother, her last breaths slowly escaping her limp form, she whispers a goodbye, grateful that she at least has the c hance to look at her mother one last time her father having been completely mutilated by the time he was brought to the hospital. She knows that it's over, the smell of death in the hospital was now too much to bear.
Eren watches her, and he doesn't know how her eyes have dried up this way, his own are still moist, and sees for the first time the mask of impassiveness that she would wear as armour for the years to come.
He grips her hand and he can feel her shivering. He wraps his scarf around her. It's winter, but it's okay, she needs it more than he does. He tugs on her hand, pulling her away from the bed, because they have to take her mother away now and he doesn't want her to see it.
"Mikasa, let's go home."
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Being thirteen isn't easy either, hormones are everywhere, Eren's curiosity is getting out of control, living with a girl isn't really helping, and one day, he just can't take it anymore.
"Mikasa, what the hell are these period things you girls keep whispering about?!"
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Fifteen is different, things are comfortable now and as they sit in the hall with a bowl of popcorn between them watching a movie about star crossed lovers, Eren muses out loud, "Hey, do you believe in soulmates?"
Mikasa thinks about it for a moment. "The idea seems kind of far-fetched, doesn't it?"
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Eighteen is by far the most trying, because for the first time, he is faced with the possibility that she might not be around anymore, that she might want to have a life that will take her far away from him. He has taken his own sweet time to realize it, but he can't imagine a life like that, one where she isn't by his side every day.
He only hopes that his realization hasn't come too late, that she hasn't left and that he can fix everything he has broken with his carelessness.
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"Mikasa," he says, and there is so much emotion he conveys with the simple utterance of her name, fisting his her hand in his hair, forcing her to look up at him. Her grey eyes are brimming with tears and it breaks his heart to see them, he hasn't seen her crying since that day in the hospital and he knows this time he is the only one to blame.
Yet, all he can think of is that she didn't even tell him.
When he kisses her, he tastes the salt in her tears, and he knows that this isn't enough, that he wants to be even closer, close enough to hold her and never let her go. His hands are rough on her body and it's obvious this is an act of desperation, a bid to imprint every single part of her in his memory, because he is telling her over and over, with each thrust of his hips, that he is sorry and that he loves her, but his only answers are fevered kisses and ruined whimpers of his name.
"You should have told me," he mumbles into her kiss, because this is his biggest grievance, that she had made this decision to leave, and she didn't even tell him.
He would love her like this every moment of his life, lose himself inside her every day, if only she would let him.
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He is exhausted, both emotionally and physically, because there is too much of this feeling and it's becoming impossible to bear. He throws his one arm around her naked hips, pulling her back against him and he can feel her breathing, a soft lull that is slowly putting him to sleep. But he is afraid. Afraid that if he lets go, the next morning she won't be there anymore, that she would have chosen a life without him. So he keeps his arm tight around her hoping that she won't be able to wriggle out of his grip, that she wouldn't want to, that she would just stay and give him another chance.
"Don't leave me," he whispers against the back of her neck, and she shivers, not out of the cold because Eren has always, always kept her warm, but because she never thought she would be in this place, so close to him, feeling the heat of his breath on her skin.
She lefts his hand to her mouth, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. There's no way she can leave, not after this. And in hindsight, she didn't think she could have gone through with it anyway. A place without Eren? She wasn't sure she could survive in conditions like that.
A small smile tugs at the corners of her lips. Maybe she does believe in soulmates, after all.
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A/N : As always, if you have a moment, tell me what you think? :)