This is a revision and continuation of Oathkeeper13's original: "Organization Dance Party!" with permission. Beware of the randomness and absurdity that follows.
It was a typical, lazy, weekend at the Organization 13 castle. The skies were always jet black so you couldn't tell if it was day or night and the only light from that world was from the windows of the lonely, huge castle on top of the highest hill.
A few Nobodies were in the Gray Area, lounging about on the couches and discussing things like politics, the weather, and whatever was on the television that Xemnas recently put in.
Roxas, the one who was always confused and questioning everything sighed as he slouched in the arm chair. "I wish we could do something fun." He mumbled to nobody in particular as he stared at the TV screen, not even paying attention to what was on.
Suddenly, large heavy footsteps came from the hallway and everyone's posture straightened and froze. Their boss was coming and by the sound of his footsteps, he wasn't in a good mood. Someone got into trouble again and some assumed it was either Axel or Xigbar.
As Xemnas entered the room, his belly rumbled and nobody dared to look him in the eyes. He let out a loud burp that vibrated his entire body and the airways around him. The Superior glanced around the room, looking at each of his members in the eye.
"I have an idea." His voice boomed, breaking the silence and awkward tension in the room. Slowly, everyone's heads turned to face their leader. "Tonight we shall have a dance party to help bring in profits." A creepy grin that showed his teeth spread across his face. That expression sent chills up their spines. "I'll set up the concession stand. I expect the rest of you to set up the party properly. Tonight, we are going to milk them of their money." He was speaking faster than usual, seemingly excited of his idea. "Get to work." Xemnas turned around and took a few steps forward and nobody moved an inch. He craned his head around. "Now." He demanded.
The TV turned off immediately and everyone scrambled to go find something to do. Axel, being most popular one, called up as many people as he could find to invite over. Luxord, being the drink connoisseur rushed into the kitchen with Roxas as his helper. The rest of the members went to decorate and move the furniture out of the way.
"I know exactly what to make tonight." Luxord stated as he opened the refrigerator with a smile. He grabbed a thing of frozen lemonade and fruit punch from the freezer and a bottle of soda from the fridge and set them on the countertop. "Go fetch me a bottle of vodka and light rum from the basement, Roxas." The younger one looked confused. With a sigh, Luxord opened the basement door and gave him a little shove. "It's in the back, right corner. You shouldn't miss it."
Roxas took slow steps down the creaky, wooden stairs that had a layer of dust on them. Once he made it down, he went into the direction he was told. All alone in the corner was a refrigerator. Inside was filled with different types of alcohol Roxas had never heard of, but remembered the two kinds he needed to get. To him, it felt illegal to even touch or look at these bottles of liquor. After rummaging through some bottles, he came across what he needed and headed back upstairs where he helped make the fruit punch.
Larxene wandered into the kitchen looking pissed off as usual with Axel close behind. "So don't we need to buy food at all?" She asked, hoping she wouldn't have to do anything at all.
Axel opened up the cupboards one at a time, searching through to find whatever would work as party snacks. He found items for baking like flour, sugar, and spices, but not anything like chips or candy yet. He opened up a cupboard by the refrigerator and quickly slammed it shut, causing everyone to jump.
"Bloody hell, mate!" Shouted Luxord.
"You do not want to open that cupboard." Larxene was curious and made her way over, but he pushed her away. "I'm warning you."
"Come on. I need to know what's in there, Axel." She reached for the handle of the cabinet, but he side stepped in front of her. Groaning, she pushed him aside and quickly opened the cupboard door and nearly screamed. "What the fuck?" Her hand covered her mouth in shock and now Luxord and Roxas were rushing over.
"Is that someone's head?" Roxas asked all innocently.
It was a clear container with a severed head in it, floating in some kind of green liquid. Nothing else was in the cupboard. The skin near the site of decapitation was stringy like very tender beef. The black hair was balding on the man's head and his mouth was open as if he had suffered a horrible death before getting his head sliced off.
Larxene slowly closed the cupboard door and they vowed not to open that cupboard ever again.
Axel and Larxene found some snacks such as chips, popcorn, cookies, and snack cakes. Roxas attempted to help, but ended up burning the popcorn, causing the fire alarms to scream throughout the castle. Larxene made it a point to set up a bowl of fruit which Axel scoffed at saying that "nobody eats that shit".
Meanwhile, in the basement, Marluxia was rummaging through boxes of old things they had accumulated over the years. He knew there was a box of decorations and party things and one time saw a disco ball down here. He ended up gathering a bunch of vases, fake flowers, colorful party lights, and a disco ball.
Demyx, the musical genius of the bunch, set up his DJ table in the Gray Area and got his playlists ready. It seemed like everything was going great and they were sure they were going to make a huge profit tonight. They weren't sure why Xemnas needed this money, but they had to listen either way because he would turn them into dusks if they didn't obey.
A few hours later, a bunch of guests arrived and went right to the concession stand. The place started to fill up and soon the music was blasting through the speakers and the room was abundant in conversations, dancing, and overall a good time. Xemnas was pleased with himself with every munny that went into his pocket. He could just imagine what his bank account would look like after he deposited this money.
Suddenly, a tremor shook the entire castle as if an earthquake cracked through the ground and split the castle in half. Everyone's posture straightened and froze as they waited in shock of what was going to happen next.
Saix, Xemnas' main bitch growled and swore under his breath. He had become familiar with that vibration and had a good idea of what happened. He made his way to the large, floor to ceiling windows that presented Kingdom Hearts in the dark sky, and looked down below. A huge, black pirate ship had collided with the castle, sending the walls crumbling. Everyone in the room rushed over to the windows to see what had happened. No other black pirate ship existed that they knew about- it was the Black Pearl, Captain Jack Sparrow's ship.
"My castle!" Xemnas shouted hysterically as he threw his arms up in the air. Jack had once before drove his ship into the structure and it took weeks to repair the damages- not to mention the money it costed either.
They watched Jack Sparrow jump off the hull of his ship and step foot into the second floor, way below. He had done this before and was on his way up to the sixth floor. For some reason he always mistook their castle for the famous restaurant Pizza Castle and always asked where his pizza was. He often called their phones as well.
Xemnas rushed towards the elevator to go teach Jack a lesson, but as soon as he stepped foot in front of the doors, they opened to reveal the pirate, swaying from side to side with a silly grin on his face.
"Hey, mate where's my-" Jack peered around the corner of the elevator and saw the flashing party lights and heard the loud music. "A dance party?" He looked at Xemnas with concern. "Why didn't you invite your Captain?"
The Superior clenched his fist. "You ruined my damn castle you son of a bitch! I'm calling my Nobodies to exterminate you once and for all! The power of Kingdom Hearts compels you!"
Jack was unphased by the yelling of Xemnas and swaggered over towards the Gray Area. "Hey," he started, raising his hand, "that's my jam!" Xemnas grabbed him hard on the shoulder, almost knocking over the drunk man. "Hey mate, what's the big deal? Where's my pizza? You know I always get the Pizza Castle special."
"I'm calling the Nobody police!" Xemnas threatened, knowing that his members wouldn't lift a finger. Xemnas didn't want to fight him either, he was a lazy leader. Besides, he thought it was best to take pictures of the damage and report it to win a lawsuit anyways- that would mean more cash in his pocket.
As Jack wandered into the Gray Area, everyone stared in awe of how he managed to steer his ship into the castle. He began to do a little jig that was mostly bouncing on his feet and swinging his arms.
"This is my jam, mates!" Suddenly he stopped in awe, listening to the music intently. "Ooh." He said in excitement. "I'll teach you boys and girls how a real pirate dances." What happened next was stranger than the decapitated head Axel found in the cupboard. Jack took a step up into the air, like he was walking on an invisible staircase. He took another step upwards and was now standing in mid air.
Vexen, the scientist of the Organization, had his mouth to the floor. "How exactly is he doing that?" He questioned, rubbing his chin. He closely watched and examined every move the captain made.
"This is called walking the plank, mates!" Jack shouted excitedly as he began walking in mid air across the room with a spring in his step, lunging his legs as he swayed his arms from side to side. Nobody knew how to react. Some even pinched themselves to make sure they weren't dreaming. "This is called driving the ship, mates!" Jack then pretended to have his hands on his ship wheel and "turned" it all about violently.
"Axel," started Larxene, crossing her arms and batting her eyelashes. "If you don't take care of this son of a bitch, I will slit your throat in your sleep tonight." Axel swallowed and nodded slowly.
"Anyone have any plans on getting rid of this guy?" Axel asked the few members that were nearby.
Marluxia clasped his hands together excitedly. "Oh!" He shouted as he nearly jumped up and down. "We can sing and give him flowers!" Axel rolled his eyes and pushed Marluxia away.
"That's not violent enough." Larxene commented, rolling her eyes.
"I agree." Replied Zexion, watching Jack dance in the air with his arms crossed. "I say we put our weapons to good use and 'take out the trash' if you will."
While the few members thought of a plan, Jack noticed nobody was dancing and were instead staring at him in awe. "Why aren't you dancing with me, mates?"
"I have an idea." Said Marluxia. Suddenly, the closet door opened from across the room and a headless body came out with a wave. This body was clothed with a dirty gray sweatshirt and black pants that were covered in what seemed to be cat hair.
"I see sparkles and a lightbulb." The body seemed to have said, despite having no head. Vexen rushed over to quickly slam the door close, pressing his back to it in a panicked state.
"Look away imbeciles, nothing to see!" Confused, everyone tried to continue on with the party and Vexen seemed to have attached a lock onto the door.
"I'll do the fighting, honey." Marluxia said, turning his head around to face the members. He summoned his large scythe and walked over to Jack fiercely, broadening his shoulders to appear tougher.
"Alright," Larxene started, facing Axel, "as soon as Marluxia beats his ass, you and Zexion drag his body and toss it out the window then we'll never have to deal with him again!" She was a little too excited about ending Jack's life- she was always a bit morbid and found pleasure in other people's pain. Axel sighed and crossed his arms. He had become Larxene's bitch somehow- she always chose someone every once in a while to be her bitch and she'd kill anyone who told her no. This time, it was Axel's turn to do everything for her. As the only female in the Organization, everyone thought Larxene was a dangerous species and weren't sure how to interact with her and just did everything they could to make her happy so they wouldn't die.
They watched intently as Marluxia made his way over to the drunk pirate.
"Oh, Jack!" The pink haired man called out in a sing-song. The captain turned around, looking confused and noticed the large, scythe.
"Oh, is that my pizza, mate?"
Marluxia laughed and tapped the tip of his scythe to Jacks' left buttcheek. "There is no pizza here, honey. Pizza Castle is in Hollow Bastion." He tapped the scythe a few times. "Now run along dear before it starts to rain."
Meanwhile, the other three members were outraged.
"What the hell is he doing?" Zexion spat as he clenched his fist. "Does he know how to do anything right? This is outrageous."
Larxene tightly crossed her arms and summoned her kunai between her fingers. "If there isn't any blood soon I'm going to have a fit."
Zexion narrowed his eyes at her. "If you want blood so bad, then why don't you go and attack him? Why must you always rely on us to do things for you?"
Axel's eyes widened. Nobody was ever allowed to talk-back to Larxene, especially in the sassy tone that he just did.
Larxene growled and was just about to leap forward and stab his face, when suddenly the power went out and it was darker than the shadows. A bunch of people screamed at the sudden change in light. It was dead silent, except for the few voices that chattered. In the distance, Xemnas' angry echo of yelling could be heard. He was outside and couldn't see in front of him due to the street lights turning off. It was one of the cons of living in The World That Never Was- the sun didn't exist.
In the midst of the silence, somebody farted- it was assumed to be Jack, but Xigbar was known to let out some deadly stinks and this was one of them.
"Open a window now!" Larxene demanded. Everyone was choking and trying to breathe. One man even collapsed from the stench of sewage. The lights suddenly turned on and Xemnas could be heard outside shouting at Kingdom Hearts and praising the heart-shaped moon. Nobody seemed to notice at first as they were all focused on trying to breathe.
Lexaeus, the toughest and largest one in the Organization threw his tomahawk out the large window to break the glass. Within minutes, the air was more breathable, but the man was still passed out on the floor.
"Well it looks like Jack has left. This could either be a good thing or a bad thing. My guess is that it's a very bad thing." Zexion commented, pointing to where Jack was standing before the lights went out.
"Marluxia's gone too. At least the lights came on, right?" Axel replied, trying to make light of the situation. Larxene was still very upset with Zexion, but figured it was pointless arguing with him. Instead she audibly sighed in annoyance. "You know how he was tapping Jack's ass with his scythe? Well maybe he's literally tapping it now…" Larxene sneered in disgust and Zexion forced air out of his nose in amusement with a smirk at Axel's remark.
The two could be anywhere in that huge-ass castle.