DISCLAIMER:

Victoria: We don't own Harry Potter, unfortunately. We are both just more Harry Potter fan girls who wish they owned harry potter and therefore write fanfiction because we nothing else to do with our daily lives….NOW! ON WITH THE STORY! ;3

Maddie: hot cha cha

It was a normal Hogwarts day and everyone was eating lunch and conversing joyfully. All was well, until the big, mahogany doors of the dining hall burst open to reveal the tall, snake-like figure of none other than LORD. VOLDEMORT (cues gasps)

Students jumped from their seats and scrambled around the dining hall in fear. Teachers readied their wands as the prefects tried to calm everyone down.

"AAAAH!" Ron cried

"AAAAH!" Harry bellowed

"HOLY CRAAAAAP!" Hermoine exclaimed.

"SHUT UP!" shouted Percy, trying to get everyone safely out of the dining hall.

Voldemort sighed as his deatheaters crawled in through the windows.

"You guuu-uuys!" Voldemort whined. "I told you to come through the door like NORMAL PEOPLE! LUCIUS!" he barked. Lucius turned his head in alarm.

"Yes, my lovely bunny?" he chimed.

"STOP CALLING ME THAT." He demanded. "Now, WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND WINDOWS? DID YOU TELL THEM TO DO THIS?"

Lucius shifted from foot to foot nervously. "Well...I...I thought it would be cool! You know, if we all came through the window all bad-arse like."

Voldemort massaged the bridge of his nose in frustration and sighed. "We're supposed to be coming in peace, here, lulu"

Lucius giggled at the nick-name and apologized. "Oh yeah…I'm sorry!"

"Run along, then." Voldemort sighed, exasperated.

Voldemort turned to the crowd of frightened, scrambling students and yelled at the top of his lungs "SILENCE!" nothing happened. Voldemort frowned.

"HEY." Voldy tried again. "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Everyone froze.

Voldemort took a deep breath and thought about what to say now that he had everyone's attention. He never guessed he'd get this far.

"um..I come in peace!" he said nervously." Lulu snorted along with the rest of the deatheaters. There wasn't one student in the dining hall who wasn't rolling their eyes at the bad greeting.

"I'm not here to kill you all. I will admit the thought crossed my mind, after you adolescent morons killed Nagini, but…" Lucius shook his hands in a well, go on then manner.

"I'm here to be your FRIEND. As gut-wrenchingly HUMILIATING that is to say…it's true." He admitted.

The hall went silent. Everyone was wearing an expression of confusion and their eyes looked like THIS O_o Whispers echoed through the dining hall. They must've been dreaming.

McGonagall cleared her throat and piped up. "Er…okay..? And how did you come to this conclusion? How do we know you aren't trying to trick us so that you can kidnap us, read us your bad poetry, stab us, and then RIP OUT OUR THROATS?" The professor seemed to be getting rather riled-up and her eyes started to bulge out of her sockets.

"What?" Voldemort asked in disbelief whilst looking at the professor like she belonged in St. Mungo's mental issue wing. "That's…that's really gross! AND I DON'T WRITE POETRY…a lot..."

Hermoine gave him a patronizing look and silently walked up to where Voldemort stood. She extended her hand and pat him on the shoulder.

"It's okay, Voldy..Everyone writes poetry! Especially when they go through hard times." She nodded her head and continued to pat him on the shoulder.

The silence in the dining hall seemed to last forever as Voldemort stared at her. He took a giant step to his right, away from the muggle-born's touch.

"CRUCIO!" he shouted as he watched the filthy mudblood writhe around on the floor.

Lucius ran up to voldy and took his wand out of his hand. "NO! BAD VOLDY! Don't make me get my trampling llamas! We're supposed to be GOOD! Say it with me. Goooood"

Voldy's eyes widened as the memories of those EVIL LLAMAS appeared in his head. He started to whimper, and then spoke along with Lucius' easy-going tone.

"Gooood" Everyone stared until McGonagall finally cleared her throat.

"You were saying?" she inquired.

"OH YEAH!" Voldy exclaimed. "So anyways… It all started a few weeks ago…" His eyes glazed over as he remembered the life changing moment in his chambers.

-Spins in circles- CUE THE FLASHBAAAACK!

"I was listening to Elvis Presley-"he paused to let the students laugh at the mental image of Moldy Voldy listening to Elvis.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Are you all quite finished?" A few more giggles echoed through the dining hall.

Dumbledore wiped his eyes and said through a laugh "Yeah, yeah yeah, I think we're done…BAHA!"

Voldemort sighed. "ANYWAYS…"

"WAIT!" Harry shouted from his seat. "Before you start…which song was it?" he giggled.

Voldemort stamped his foot. "JAILHOUSE ROCK, BIATCH!"

Harry stared.

"Now…may I finish? Or START I should say?" voldemort asked, annoyed.

"Yeah, I guess so." Hermione stated.