"I really miss Coach Hedge," Leo mumbled under his breath. He thought to himself, "I can't believe those words just came out of my mouth! Like it's way up on the list of things I would never say. Right up there with 'Narcissus is one cool dude.' and 'No thanks, I don't want free horchata."

He didn't mind being the seventh wheel so much, not when he had Calypso to think about, but the level of PDA on board the Argo II was getting ridiculous. Like eighth grade dance ridiculous. He had just been sent from the galley by Piper. Leo got far enough away and realized she had used charm speak. He had thought about turning around, but changed his mind when he recalled the mushy faces Piper and Jason had been making. "Best to leave the two of them alone," he had thought to himself. An unfortunate memory popped up - the last time he interrupted them kissing. Piper was scary sometimes. So, doubly sure he wouldn't be headed back to the galley, and trying to repress the memory, he had run straight into Frank and Hazel.

"Gods, you two, get a room!" he had said, exasperated.

Hazel replied, timidly, "We're just holding hands."

"I don't care. I've had enough!"

That was when Leo had stomped to his room, missing the chaperone. And Nico. Frank and Hazel were shy, which meant they were the were the least touchy-feely. But with Nico around, they had been on opposite sides of the room, and Leo had two fewer sets of googly eyes to look at. But Nico had left with the Athena Parthenos the day before. And an Iris message was out of the question. Leo sighed, looking around his room for something he could use to solve his problem. Brownies. "Nope." Medieval thumbscrews. "Nope. And no idea where those came from. I really need to clean up in here." Then his eyes fell on a small roll of parchment. "Perfect."

It wasn't long before he had a small holograph of Nico, saying, "And just what are your intentions with my sister?" Leo smirked, but then thought, "Go big or go home, hombre." With a bit more fiddling, he could have an image of Hades, complete with a plaid shirt and shotgun. This was going to freak Frank out so bad.

But instead of the world's scariest dad, the parchment displayed a golden robot. "It's against my programming to impersonate a deity," the robot announced with a British accent.

"Well, then," said Leo, "how about a crazy goat man?"

A little more tinkering and Coach Hedge was running around above the scroll. He shouted, "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

"Que bueno," Leo declared.

Leo had just finished attatching the scroll to Buford (to make it mobile) when Percy Jackson came running into the room, sword drawn. He had drool on his face and a bad case of bedhead.

"LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES!" barked the hologram, as Buford, startled, ran and hid in corner.

"What is the world?"Percy asked, groggily.

"Its our new chaperone. No big - " Leo stopped mid sentence. "Eye contact, eye contact," he told himself.

"What?" croaked Percy, rubbing his eyes.

"Do you always sleep without pants on?" Percy was wearing nothing but boxers. Not just any boxers, either. Sponge Bob Square Pants boxers.

Percy looked down. "Oh geeze. I had to get some new clothes. These were the only underwear I could find that were remotely normal. That store we stopped at scarred for life. Europeans are weird. Well, I'm headed back to bed. Let's not talk about this again, OK."

Leo grinned, "Of course."

After Percy had stumbled back to his room, Leo called to Buford, "You can come out now. And I have one more thing I'd like you to say."

A few moments later Frank and Hazel were startled out of their deep conversation by a tool bench running down the hallway shouting, "PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"

Author's note: What else should I write? I'm open to suggestions and requests.