My Prayer
By: Kuroi Neko-kun
Summary: The thoughts of one man as he watches his love on the other side.
Disclaimer: This space is to remind everyone that CSI: NY belongs to CBS who have lawyers who can sue me. I hope they don't. Please don't.
Warning: Pre-Slash. Mac/Danny/Flack
A/N: This is dedicated Renee (Rini1031) for saying such nice things. This is for you.
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And what's the
worst to take
From every heart you break
And like the blade you stain
Well I've been holding on tonight
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So many questions in my head right now, so many thoughts… They're all about you. All of it. Since the day I found you, almost ending your life, I couldn't sleep or eat. You were on my mind. It's redundant to ask you why you cut yourself because you wrote everything in that letter for Mac. For Mac. Not me. Not the guy who held your hand when you were falling, held you tight when you were scared, calmed you down when you were angry… Well, what can I say? You love the man. You admitted it the day he started his cold front with you. Since the Tanglewood case… Since that day the world turned one-eighty on you. When you said Mac didn't have your back, there was that look in your eyes. You wanted to be everything for this man and he shut you out. He didn't even try to ask. But I did. I held you in my arms when you couldn't take it anymore. I meant every word I said to you. I'd be there when you needed me. And you didn't say a word to me when you pulled this stint. What was going through your mind when you did that? Did you stop to think that one person still cares about you or was Mac always in your head? Am I nothing to you? Maybe… I am… I walked away from the door. The door where I would always watch you sleep and right beside you is the man you love, the man who lead you to this predicament in the first place. You talk to him and you would laugh sometimes. You look like a kid that just got his tonsils out rather than a suicider. Your world is getting back on track, Danny. Congratulations. I will walk away from you for now, tears in my eyes, and wait for the day you need me again. Somehow, I doubt that will happen.
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I head to my car to see someone waiting for me. She gave me a small smile, though a sad one, before grabbing my keys.
"Drive me home? My car's in the shop."
"You have my keys." As she opened my car door and slipped into the driver's seat, she smirked.
"I know." I shrugged and got in the passenger side of my car. When I did, she locked the doors and looked ahead before speaking.
"Danny's been my friend since the day I came in CSI. He's loyal, sweet and sometimes annoying. I never thought about his past until everything tumbled out in a mess. I caught bits and pieces but I never heard him talk about it to anyone. Anyone but you." I just look at her as she wiped her eyes.
"Are you…?" I couldn't finish my sentence because she spoke again.
"All I know is that Danny's never had someone who would hold him and support him the way you do. And he appreciates it. I know he does."
"Why are you saying this?" She didn't say anything but hand me a piece of paper.
"I took Danny's house keys and thought he needed it cleaned up before going back home. I found this on his kitchen counter." I looked at it. Dear Don… I stopped. This was a letter… A letter for me.
Dear Don,
I've never had anyone who would have lent me so much of their strength to me as
you did. I thank you for that. You were the reason I lasted so long when I
couldn't take it anymore. I pretty much figured out the reason why you wanted
me alive and maybe, if I weren't so fucked up, I would have at least tried to
understand how it felt to be loved. Maybe I do love you. No, I do. I know I do.
I love you, Don Flack. I know it's weird but I still love Mac and I love you
too. But I can't go on much longer because even you are fading away from me.
That's how I feel, Don, I'm not accusing you of anything. I feel that when I'm
gone from this world, I'll release everyone from pain. Mac won't have to worry
about me fucking up and you… you'll move on. I think. Please do. For me. If you
really love me… Well, that's all I can say to you, Don. Thank you for trying to
save me. I wouldn't be surprised if you tried one last time to.
From,
Danny
I just sat there once I read the final line. Shock came over me. Danny loved, no, loves me too. And Mac.
"You know. Maybe Danny knew you'd be bursting through his door and saving him and all because you always been."
"Sound like he's just having trouble picking Mac over me." That was when she turned to me, cheeks stained with tears.
"No, I think he loves the both of you. Equally. That's why you need to be with him as much as Mac does." I glance back at the hospital.
"No, right now. Mac has become the world. I'll let him have that." I placed a hand over hers.
"I think he'll appreciate it if you're there too." I know that but… I just can't. Not now. Mac should be enough… right?
"Can I go to church for awhile?" She looked at me before smiling.
"Okay." Before she started the engine, I placed my hand over hers.
"Thank you, Aiden."
"Don't mention it. You think you're the only angel Danny has?"
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I lit a candle before walking to the altar, my hands clasped together. What Danny is to me and what I am to him, I pray that it will never change. Whatever happens, happens.
"If you can find someone that loves Danny as much as I do," I whispered, "Someone who sees him exactly as I see him and someone who can hold him the way I do when he needs it, give that person to Danny because he's going to need all the love he can get." I looked up before sighing. That was probably the few times I ever prayed. That was the only time I prayed for someone else. I only hope that Danny is happy. I got up and left the church. As I stepped out of the door, I stopped and took out the letter again. Whatever happens, happens…
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The End… for now.
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