LC; dudes you got to check this out!
Naruto; What is it now LC?
LC; it's my master piece! My magnum opus!
Naruto; I give up, what is it?
LC; ...
Naruto; Um, LC?
LC; ...
Naruto LC!
LC; OMFG, Naruto gave up! I'm too young to die!
Naruto; "Fine, I won't ever give up, believe it!
LC; All is right with the universe! YAY! Free cookies for all!
Naruto; What was this master piece again?
LC; Oh, here read this *Naruto looks over shoulder and begins reading the fanfic*
Naruto; Why am I a girl?
LC; because, you are a cute girl. This would never have happened if you didn't invent the sexy jutsu.
Chappie 1, The mask
'Maybe the universe did hate me.' It is a sad, sad day when a three year old thinks the universe hates her.
(Yes, I wrote her, live with it!) Why did they chase her? She hadn't done anything!
"Get back here, demon brat!" Her breath was short, she needed a place to hide from the angry mob.
Like a shining ray of hope, she glimpsed a light pole, and with the strength and agility far surpassing a normal three year olds', she scrambled up the pole and out of arm's reach.
"Get down here, Demon slut!" They were really starting to get creative with these nicknames, weren't they?
She pleaded again, telling them she had only been walking home. Sadly, they did not hear her, to engrossed as they were with plans on how to get her down to kill her.
"We finish the fourth's work today, boys!" This man was a ninja, his headband revealed as much. This picture was only enforced when he held up a kunai. "The demon dies today!"
Perhaps the universe had felt remorse, because the kunai did not fly true. It hit her in the chest, but too low to kill.
She cried with pain and lost her grip, falling in to the sea of cheering villagers.
"I'm so sorry, kit!" Suddenly she was in her sensei's cage, held safely in his arms. "I'm so sorry, this is all my fault."
"Don't be sad Kyu!" She scolded kindly. "I don't blame you."
He held her all the more tighter and began healing her injuries. "That fact alone makes me yearn for their deaths. You are too kind and gentle to be a killer, if only those fools would open their eyes!"
Now, it's morning again, and she wakes up in a dark and cold alley way. Her eyes shone in new determination to meet the new day.
"I'll be the best, and I'll use the element of surprise."
From that day forth, the serious but kind three year old became a loud and stupid blonde kunoichi to be.
Kyu would train her in all his thousands of years had taught him, and she would play the stupid girl.
The universe could not be more cruel.
"Naru Uzumaki, wake up!" Truly Iruka-sensei's big head jutsu was to be feared. Which made everyone wonder why he did not scold his enemies to death. The afore mentioned Naru opened her eyes, though she did not appear to have just woken up.
"Eh, sensei!" She whined, quickly covering her face with her mask. "I was having a good dream!"
"Naru, tommorrow is the genin exams!" Big head jutsu alert! "You shouldn't be sleeping but studying! That is if you want to pass!"
A tremor went through her body, causing her sensei to regret his words. To everyone in the class, she was the dead last and always would be. To Kyu and herself, she was nearer to chunin than genin. Not that they knew.
"Sorry, sensei!" She laughed it off, scratching her head at the same time. "I was dreaming of graduating and becoming hokage!" He sighed and went back to his incredibly boring lecture. In truth, the only one immune to his droning voice appeared to be Hinata, as she was the only one awake.
The school day ended, the children packed up, and were preparing to leave. Naru picked up her heavy bag and ran down the stairs, only suceding in barreling a certain Uchiha over and landing in a very compromising position.
Naru's lips crashed over the stoic boy's, both staring at the other in shock fit for, something else.
Naru recovered first and pushed away from the boy, wiping her mouth off dramatically.
"EW! Pervy-Uchiha!" Her words punctuated with a red mark on poor Sasuke's face, looking suspiciously like a hand.
With killing intent strong enough to scare Orochimaru snakeless, the Sasuke fan club stood up to face the theft of their love's first kiss.
"Naru!" A certain pink-haired banshee growled evily.
Now, Naru had dealt with killing intent before, but even she had to cower before this frightening spectacle.
"How dare you steal Sasuke-kun's first kiss!" She demanded, rolling up her sleeve, promising pain in the near future.
"What the Hell makes you think I wanted Sasuke of all people, to be my first kiss?" Naru demanded back, adding a healthy helping of KI herself.
"I'd sooner kiss Akamaru! At least he's got better breath!" Having proven her point, Naru walked calmly past the fuming love sick girls and nearly burst into tears once out of sight.
"Why him?" She moaned aloud. "The universe does hate me! Why did it have to be a boy with a stick so far up his ass it messed with his brain?"
"Now, now, Kit." Kyu tried to console her. "Hey think of it this way, did you see his face when you slapped him?"
Thinking back, she realised it was the first emotion she'd seen on his face since the massacre. Not only that, but it had been priceless! Oh what a time to forget her camra!
Instead of going straight home,(mainly because she knew several fangirls were following her, probably to kill her in her sleep) she went to the training grounds and began working on some katas. Like ten-ten, she too had a love for all things pointy.
"Spread your feet farther apart, kit." Kyu instructed. Doing so, she charged the poor tree stump thing. Pooring chakra into the blade at the last moment, the tree lost a good foot of hieght.
"Good, now that you can add your affiliation type to the blade, you can work on doing the same thing with your rasengan." Kyu praised happily, he enjoyed having his own apprentice.
She placed the sword in it's sheath, then the whole thing into her small sealing scroll. After hiding it within her bulky,(And yes, neon orange)jacket(Picture Hinata's jacket, but orange, with red furry stuff for the lining.), she created the rasengan in her right hand.
Concentrating as strongly as she was, she did not notice the extremely lazy boy watching from behind a tree. Shikamaru was the only one who knew about the mask, but as of yet, hadn't told her he knew.
"So troublesome." He muttered, watching Naru's now jacketless form being bathed in sweat. Below the jacket, she wore a black belly button tank top that revealed her well toned muscles. Not to mention a budding bust which was normally hidden behind the jacket.
Not until the Sun had set and Shikamaru had fallen asleep under the tree, did Naru finally collapse. The resulting thud woke Shikamaru, only to see Naru laying in the dust.
"Again?" He asked in disbelief. It happened everyday, she trained, collapsed, and then he would carry her home.
Dreading the amount of effort he was about to expend, he walked over to the pig-tailed blonde.
"Wonder when you'll drop the act." He muttered for what must have been the tenth time in a month.
The next day, Naru found herself in bed, again.
"Damn, who keeps bringing me back?" She pondered aloud.
"Kit, check the clock." Doing as her sensei instructed, she gasped at the blinking red letters.
"Holy crap, it's already nine!" Knowing the situation was desperate, she used her father's favorite jutsu to shower, dress, and eat breakfast, then run to school. Before walking into the Hell hole that is disguised as a school, she muttered a prayer.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, father, for inventing that jutsu."
She burst into the room, panting for breath and hair still loose around her shoulders.
"Naru, your even later than usual." Iruka observed, slightly concerned for his adoptive daughter.
"S-sorry, Iruka-sensei." She panted tiredly, grin glued to face. "Ran into a little trouble this morning."
He wanted to ask what had happened, fearing from her lopsided appearance she had been attacked again, but he knew he could not show favoritism.
Naru bounced to the only availiable seat, next to the pervy-Uchiha.
"Hn, loser, why were you really late?" She was shocked he was deigning to speak to her, even more so it was more than the usual loser bit.
"First off, I think that is the most you've ever said to me at one time." She said suspiciously. "Second, I was late because I got held up. And third, why are you speaking to me?"
"Because loser, you never did apologise for yesterday." Yet again he astounded her with the number of words, and the fact he actually replied.
"Hell will freeze over before I apologise to a stick in the ass like you, pervy-Uchiha." She said with a smirk.
Meanwhile, Sasuke was contemplating the possibility of a girl who did not like him and did not want to have little Uchihas.
'Maybe it is possible.' He thought as Iruka explain the exam for the sixth time and counting. 'She's never shown the least interest, pity, she's pretty cute.' His eyes widened at what he had allowed to run through his mind. He had never thought the word cute before, let alone applying it to the blonde haired loser uncomfortingly close to him. Crap, was he actually blushing? No! Uchihas did not blush! (Funny how he never caught the past tense did, cause they do now!;)
Naru meanwhile, was oblivious to all around her, as she was too busy trying to defeat the fox at shogi.
"Face it Kit, a thousand years is more than enough time to master shogi!" Mentally growling her frustration, she attempted to get past the Kyubi no Kitsune's impentetrable defenses.
So engrossed was she, that Iruka had to use the big head jutsu to get her attention, since even Sasuke's poking could not arose her.
She blinked and sat straight again.
"Eh? What is it Iruka-sensei?" She asked innocently.
After a brief round of anime face falls,(You know when they fall face first on the floor? yeah that) she walked to the front of the class for her turn at the test.
Substitution was no problem, having learned that at four, Transform was equally easy, but as for clones. Knowing she would have to be careful, she made the handsigns at fantastic speeds for the shadow clone jutsu.
When the smoke cleared, three Naru's stood grinning ear to ear in front of him. Iruka could no longer hold back the grin from his scarred face.
"Congratulations Naru, you are now a kunoichi of the Leaf." For once not bothering to pretend, Naru jumped into the air screaming her victory.
So now everyone within a fifty mile radius knew that Naru Uzumaki was on her way to becoming hokage.
Taking the headband, she decided to tie it around her forehead, like many good ninja. She sat back down and in her good humor, took out a notepad and began sketching everyone in the room, happy smiling faces(and in Sasuke's case, wierd smirk) and all! She was really good at drawing, which made seals easier.
Iruka gave his speech about being a Leaf ninja and then took out the team listy thingy.
(Personally, I hate all those jacked up teams everyone keeps coming up with, so live with it)
"Team seven; Naru Uzumaki," Her ears pricked forward and she silently prayed.
"Sakura Haruno," Dear Kami, if she got the twin banshees, she would quit then and there! She'd hand her headband back in that second! She would-"And Sasuke Uchiha."
Well, it wasn't Ino, but it sure made her consider giving back her headband anyway.
"Please move to sit next to your teammates now, so you can get to know eachother before your senseis get here!" Iruka ordered cheerfully, trying to hide his fear of a certain blonde Kunoichi's KI that was much higher than normal.
"And before anyone asks, no one short of the hokage could change the teams now!" He added, desperatly trying to shift the ire of the blonde from his hastily retreating form.
Sakura was going to forcibly pull Naru out of that seat, when she felt the highly concentrated KI. Naru sighed sadly and got up, letting a happy little girl sit by her crush and almost deafen him. Sasuke, at that moment, was now thinking up ways he could kill the Uzumaki girl that were very creative for a twelve year old boy.
Naru could almost hear his though process. 'She purposely moved to let the she-devil sit next to me, therfore she must be Itachi's accomplice and as such I must kill her very painfully.'
Taking out her camera from under her Jacket, she turned to Sakura.
"Hey Sakura-chan, Scoot closer, I'll take your picture!" She said happily.
Sakura jumped at the chance to move ahead of Ino on the 'I love Sasuke this much' chart. Ino had never gotten a picture with sasuke, while she now did.
Oh the look of horror on Sasuke's face at the double flash of the camera. Naru kept one picture, giving the other to the crazy and most likely rabid fan girl.
Ino could not take this, and so she turned to Naru, holding up ten ryo.
"Take my picture with Sasuke-kun too!" She ordered.
Seeing this as a way to make lots of money in a little amount of time, Naru spent the next half hour getting paid to give fan girls pictures of them next to Sasuke.
Sasuke just sat there, trying to fix his eyesight and un aware of the many different girls occupying the seat next to him as he grew to have an unrational fear of cameras.
Happily counting her hard earned money in her pretty pink froggy wallet named Gamma-chan, Naru was trying to figure out how many bowls of ramen this would pay for.
"Yes, thirty bowls of ramen!" She finished, waving two fists full of money.
Meanwhile her teammates were wondering what she would do with thirty bowls of ramen, not knowing they were dealing with the ramen eating champion of the world. Yet.
Two hours passed, and Naru's good mood completly vanished.
"Damn it!" She cursed loudly. "What the Hell is taking him so long?" Sakura completly agreed with Naru, though she was less vocal about it.
"Loser, be quiet." However, seeing as her love wanted quiet, she would do him and the Universe in general a favor.
"Shut up Naru!" With a (familiar) punch aimed at Naru's head, she automatically ducked and pulling a kunai, in one swift motion had Sakura pinned to the floor and wondering what the Hell had just happened.
"Oh, so sorry, Sakura-chan!" Naru cried, moving to let the banshee up. "I guess my reflexes just kicked in." She chuckled awkwardly.
Immediatly forgetting the near death of one teammate,(By her hand) she glanced again at the clock.
"Oh, that is it!" She yelled defiantly. She emptied her pockets, and found some ninja wire, several kunai and shuriken, a special wire that was almost transparent, and a sealing scroll.
Both the emo-boy and the pink-haired banshee shuddered when they saw the highly sadistic grin, one they knew instantly meant trouble for the object of her thoughts.
Using a small amount of chakra, she retrieved a bucket filled with sticky pink sparkles. Kami help the next unfortunate fool to open that door.
After setting everything up, she laid her head down on the desk to wait.
And wait.
And wait.
Still waiting.
Oh, look a fly landed on Sasuke's duck butt hair cut.
She was still waiting.
And just when she was thinking of adding some orange paint to her trap, the knob began to turn.
Kakashi's POV
Upon opening the door, I noticed a wire and dodged several kunai. Having had to step a little to the side to do so, a second wire snapped, and I ducked into the room to avoid those.
Impressed though I was at the double ended double trap, nothing short of a miracle could have prepared me for this.
Just as I caught a glimpse of a trio of surprisingly different kids, I was bombarded with some kind of sticky residue.
My eyes were then blinded by three flashes, no a fourth one too.
I coughed and rubbed my eye, thinking about taking out the sharingan to check for a fourth trap.
That is when I saw my worst nightmare. She looked like a female clone of Minato! But with whiskers, and an evil grin that could send shivers down my spine. Minato's looks, plus Kushina's personality, equals a very scared Kakashi.
That was before I saw the three photos in her hand.
"Another one for the scrap book!" She said happily, before handing the two copies to her accomplices/teammates.
"Well, my first impression of you guys is," I paused dramatically. "I hate you all."
"Look at yourself before saying you hate us." The clone advised. Following her advice, I saw, to my horror, that I was not only pink, but I was sparkly!
Seemingly from out of nowhere, the girl pulled out a mirror. Looking into it, I saw my hair was now drooping down enough to see it was actually pretty long, and currently, pink and sparkly.
"Ok, let me rethink that last statement." I said angrily, focusing on Minata, as I had dubbed her secretly. "I despise, no loath, you!"
She had the audicity to curtsey!
"I aim to please!" Oh Obito, even you were never this bad! And I haven't even known her for a minute!
Normal POV
Desperatly wishing this was a genjutsu, Kakashi told them to meet him on the roof in ten minutes. They got there with plenty of time to spare, and thus began to laugh at their newly most prized possesions.
"Oh, oh...Kami!" Naru panted, holding her sides. "Oh Kami, it hurts! Mercy! It hurts!" Sakura was pretty much the same, hell, she couldn't tell if her favorite was of her and Sasuke, or of her new sensei!
Even Sasuke looked ready to burst, as he was trying not to smile to much though, it was hard to tell.
"Oh dear Kami, this is even better than the monuments I did last week!" Naru had by now, summoned her scrap book from a sealing scroll and was adding the pictures (remember, there was four flashes, therefore, four pictures, she gave two away.) to the page next to the monuments.
One picture she would keep in here, the other on her person at all times.
Kakashi appeared out of nowhere and admired what had been referred to as, no less than a pranking miracle. Naru had singlehandedly painted the hokage monuments without anyone noticing until Mizuki-sensei had stolen the forbidden scroll and one of the ANBU happened to glance that way.
"By the way, how did you do that?" He said, scaring the blonde girl out of her pig tails.
She had done it using Hirashin, hence the reason no one had seen her, however she could not tell him that.
"A true pranking Queen never reveals her secrets!" She announced to the world.(Cues anime sweat drop, even though what she had just said was true, Naru is the pranking Queen) The poor cyclopse under the guise of Kakashi sighed and asked each one to introduce themselves.
We all know Sakura makes Kakashi go first so I will not write the painful question.
"I am Kakashi Hatake, I have likes and dislikes, I have many hobbies, as for dreams of the future, never really thought about it."
While the pink and black haird duo were grumbling about only learning his name, Naru knew he had given up much more.
To prove as much, she said so.
"You like sweets, you dilike spicy foods, your hobby is reading porn, and you dwell on the past, a lot." She said calmly.
"How did you know that?" Kakashi gasped, wondering how Minata could possibly know that.
"I had some free time, so I looked in several jounin's files, in case one ended up my sensei!" She said innocently.
"Those files were in ANBU HQ, how did you get those?" He asked suspiciously.
"Your talking to the girl who can and periodically does, avoid every ANBU there is for fun." She deadpanned. "It's child play for me to sneak in there. Other than that, Ibiki owes me a few favors, he got me in."
Somehow, he did not want to know why a twelve year old girl knew Ibiki, head of torture and interrogation. Or why said head of T and I owed her a favor.
"Okay, well, pinkie, why don't you introduce yourself first." He said, pointing to a fuming Haruno.
"I'm Sakura Haruno, I like... I mean the person I like is..." Cue very scared Sasuke. "I Hate Ino, moderatly dislike Naru, and hate jerks who make fun of people for appearances! My hobbies are shopping, and my dream is to..." Cue scared shitless Sasuke.
"Alright, now you, Uchiha." Meanwhile, he was thinking, oh great, she's a mini Rin.
"My name is Sasuke Uchiha, I don't particualarly like many things, and dislike many things. My goal is to restart my clan, and to kill a certain, someone."
Kakashi's thoughts; Great, an Avenger, definetly a mini me.
Sakura's thoughts; Sasuke-kun's so cool!
Naru's thoughts; I hope he's talking about Itachi and not me.
"Blondie, your turn." Kakashi said, trying to defuse the tension.
"Right, I'm Naru Uzumaki!" She said, thumb jabbing toward herself. "I like ramen, dislike stuck up pricks, and of course, perverts! My dream, is to be the greatest Hokage!"
Kakashi was faced with a blonde, female, Obito, Kami help him.
"Well, your all clearly individuals." He said dryly. "Meet at training ground seven at five tommorrow. And don't eat breakfast, it'll just come back up."
Sasuke obviously did not react outwardly to this, Sakura said a very loud what, and Naru...
"There is no fricking way you will ever get me out at five in the morning without breakfast!" (Personally, I agree wholeheartedly, then again I'm the one writing this)