Title: Paper Moons and Cardboard Seas
Author: Katherine Scully
Rating: K
Series: The X-Files Timeline: Season 8, up to "This is Not Happening"
Feedback: Please! Don't make me beg.
Archive: Please ask so I can visit! fanfiction dot net, ATD, TLS and SHODDS can have it.
Spoilers: This is Not Happening, minor for various others including the movie.
Note: Challenge response. The challenge was to include the following line: "It's only a paper moon." I know this has probably been done to death, but I was bored...
Disclaimer: Not mine. The people who own "It's only a Paper Moon" know who they are. The X-Files and all related characters are property of Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen productions.
Paper Moons and Cardboard Seas
By Katherine Scully
It's only a paper moon
Sailing over a cardboard sea
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me.
He watched her staring at the door of their office. She did this subconsciously now, and he knew that she was watching for Mulder to walk in the door, even if she didn't know it. Even though Mulder's body had been found and he was buried. The door remained closed, and he saw the unconscious look of disappointment form on Scully's face as she turned back to the file she was working on. His heart ached for her, for the pain he knew she was experiencing. God knew he knew what it was like to lose someone close.
He had vowed to himself that he would find Mulder for her, that the wayward agent would be alive and well. But somehow, Doggett knew, even as he had made the promise to himself, that it wouldn't come true. He had sensed, somehow, that Mulder would not be found alive. Scully, however, had never given up hope, and as he watched her he noticed a small tear sliding unchecked down her cheek. She tried to turn her head away before he noticed but she wasn't fast enough.
"Scully, do you want to talk about it... about him?" he asked, pulling his chair closer to hers. Though her heart beat slightly faster at his nearness she shook her head.
"I'm all right," she protested. Doggett reached up to wipe away the tear, and noticed there were more threatening to follow.
"No, you're not, Scully." He put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm here for you, if you need me." In so many ways... his mind added, but he wouldn't say aloud. He still wasn't sure what her feelings were for him, even though he knew he was in love with her. Had been for a while.
"Oh, who am I kidding?" she asked suddenly. "It's only a paper moon anyway, now."
"What do you mean?" he asked her.
"My life. It's all a sham. That's all it's been, since I joined the X-Files. At first I was only doing it because it was my assignment. Then, it seemed like I was only doing it for Mulder. I wanted to quit so many times, but I thought he needed me. Then after Mulder disappeared, I was still only doing it for him, to find him. Now he's gone, and I don't know what to do anymore. There is no reason to keep going."
Her words cut through Doggett's heart like a knife, though he didn't show it. Drawing her into his arms, he was surprised after a moment to feel a wet spot against his chest and realized she'd started crying for real. Though his own body ached with the need for her, heightened by her closeness, he knew she needed comfort more than anything else right now.
"Don't say that, Scully. There's lots of reasons for you to keep going."
"Name one." She looked at him defiantly. Me, his mind substituted immediately, but he bit his tongue.
"Yourself," he improvised. "Your own search for the Truth. You know, it's still out there, Scully... even if Mulder isn't the one continuing the search for it. There must have been something besides Mulder keeping you drawn to the X-Files these last eight years," he said. She looked up at him, her tear-streaked face showing only the faintest signs of hope, but also of more tears. She thought for a moment.
"Maybe you're right. But I don't know if the drive is strong enough that I want to stay plugging away at the X-Files."
"If you quit now, they win," he said quietly, almost to himself. She almost missed the comment.
"What did you say?" she asked, recognizing Mulder's words.
"If you quit now, they win," he repeated. She stared at him wordlessly for a moment.
"How did you know?" she asked. "How did you know those were Mulder's exact words to me?"
"I didn't," he admitted. "When did he say that?"
"The first time the X-Files were closed," she said. "Two years ago. I was about to be reassigned, and I was thinking about quitting. I stayed because... because he believed in me. Because he believed so strongly in his quest for the Truth that I came to believe in it too." She was beginning to realize that he was right; there was always a reason to keep going. Would Mulder have wanted her to quit, just because he was gone? No. He would have fought with her bitterly until he convinced her to stay, just like Doggett was doing now. But Doggett had never known Mulder; he had begun to realize he was looking for his own answers in the short time that he'd been assigned to the X-Files. The X-Files had ceased to be Scully and Mulder's quests for the Truth. They had become Scully and Doggett's quest for the Truth.
And, he was right; if she quit now, the bastards would win. It was what they wanted; it was why they had taken Mulder in the first place. And, the knowledge that the Smoking Man had told her of two years ago, the knowledge of how to heal every human ailment, was still out there. She had to keep looking.
She looked up into Doggett's intense blue eyes. He was watching her expectantly, waiting for her answer.
"I'll stay," she said softly. His smile dazzled her, and before she knew what was happening he'd pulled her to him and kissed her. The gentle touch of his lips ignited every nerve in her body, and she closed her eyes, responding eagerly to him. It was several moments before they broke apart, and in each other's eyes they each saw the promise of things to come. She allowed herself to smile.
It was not the first time they'd kissed, but this time, it seemed to hold more meaning than before. This time, as she kissed him, she realized now, she'd said a silent goodbye to Mulder, and with this kiss welcomed John Doggett into her life. The future was looking brighter already.
Finis