Loveless

Camelot seemed quiet and empty ever since Merlin had been hit with a curse. Arthur was certain that it was Morgana's doing, even though done by another's hand. He didn't know what to think about it. He just couldn't understand Morgana's motive. Perhaps his sister knew that watching Merlin like this would be killing him slowly from the inside. It didn't mean that Arthur would rather have Merlin die quickly, but at the moment he felt utterly helpless.

Merlin, the great Court Sorcerer and his dear friend, was lying unconscious in an endless coma. Gaius had examined him thoroughly and he came to one conclusion. Merlin could be woken up only by true love's kiss.

However, there was one tiny little problem with that. Merlin wasn't courting anyone, and as far as Arthur knew, he was too busy to even indulge himself in having a romantic relationship. Merlin cared for Camelot and loved her people but it wasn't enough. He needed his true love right now and if he didn't have it, then he wasn't going to wake up at all. This single thought was crushing Arthur. He refused to believe that he would never see Merlin's goofy smile or hear one of his playful insults ever again. Camelot without Merlin just seemed unbearable.

Nonetheless, Arthur wasn't going to give up all hope. If Merlin had a true love, he was going to find it.

In his first attempt, the king literally made all the serving girls working in the castle kiss Merlin. His friend was his servant for many years and he thought that perhaps he fell for one of the maids during that time. Unfortunately, it didn't work.

Afterwards Arthur became desperate enough to allow anyone to come to Merlin's chambers under his own or his knights' supervision to give Merlin a kiss. Nonetheless, despite all these efforts, Merlin remained unconscious.

Then the king stopped frowning upon the idea of men kissing his friend. At first, this thought made him anxious and angry because he was certain that he would have known that Merlin preferred the company of men. However, in the end, he decided that there was a time when he thought about Merlin's magic in the same way. He was wrong then and he could be wrong now.

He sighed heavily, coming to the conclusion that letting other men kiss Merlin was at least worth a try.

That was why Merlin was kissed by all servants and knights of Camelot during the following days. Gwaine even kissed him twice, saying that he wanted to be sure. However, it still didn't work.

No one seemed to work. It appeared that Merlin was loveless and this thought was killing Arthur from the inside.

oOoOo

Arthur entered his chambers, slamming the door. It was clear that he was angry and miserable. All he wanted to do was to hide somewhere where no one could find him.

"Arthur..." Guinevere said to him softly. She seemed to understand and support him but it wasn't enough at the moment.

His wife was a wonderful woman but she couldn't help him in this case. She couldn't wake Merlin up and Arthur knew that she had already tried.

"I don't want to talk about it," he murmured grimly. He really meant that. He knew that Gwen wanted all what was best for him but it was a hopeless case. No one could give him what he needed the most because he needed Merlin by his side in order to remain sane.

Guinevere touched his chin gently and made him look into her eyes. "I think you should consider something," she started speaking cautiously, not wanting to get on his nerves.

"Don't," he said harshly. He knew what she was about to suggest but he didn't think he was able to discuss it. Not at this moment.

"Arthur..." She sounded a bit disappointed and he hated himself for doing it to her.

"I mean it, Guinevere," said Arthur firmly. "I know what you think. What you all think..." He lowered his gaze, not wanting her to notice that his eyes started shining with tears. He repeated himself that he couldn't cry over a man. That was his golden rule. That was something that he was telling all young knights. That was something that his father once told him.

"You think that I am the one..." he continued. "You think that I should kiss Merlin and we will have him back."

"But that makes perfect sense, Arthur," Gwen insisted stubbornly. "Merlin is devoted to you and if there is someone in the world who can be his true love, then it must be you." She squeezed his hand reassuringly. "I know it's complicated because I'm your wife and he is a man and your best friend, but you should at least give it a try. We all want Merlin to come back to us."

Arthur couldn't hold his tears any longer. He let them go, shaking his head and trembling all over his body.

"I am not his true love," he said in a resigned tone.

"You cannot know it for sure until you try to wake him up with a kiss," Gwen told him softly.

Arthur laughed hysterically. She still didn't understand what he meant, so he had to say it in a direct way.

He took a deep breath to calm down a bit and then raised his gaze to meet his wife's eyes. "The point is that I kissed him today and it didn't work. I am not the one." His voice was clearly vulnerable and hurt.

"Oh, Arthur..." whispered Guinevere and pulled him into a tight embrace.

[Before]

Arthur opened the doors to Merlin's chamber. The room seemed cold and lifeless, and it was driving Arthur mad inside.

He took a seat on a chair that stood next to Merlin's bed. He was spending a lot of time in this chair recently. Much more time than the king of Camelot should have.

Arthur grabbed Merlin's hand and started caressing it tenderly. "I wonder if you can hear me," he said quietly. "I can hear what they whisper behind my back. They say that you love me and that my kiss can bring you back. I can also feel their gazes. Even Guinevere's..." He sighed heavily. "I wish it was that easy but it's not. I know that you love me, because of course you do! But not like this... I'm a prat after all. You always said that... And a prat cannot be your one true love. I don't deserve this honour."

Then he went silent for a few long moments. He doubted that Merlin could hear it but he wouldn't be embarrassed if he could.

"I never told you that before but I hope you guessed it on your own, Merlin," Arthur eventually started talking again. "You always had a special place in my heart and if the circumstances were different... If I wasn't a king and if you were willing, it all could end up in a completely different way," he admitted. "But I am a king and I cannot follow the desires of my heart. Not these kinds of desires. However, I know where my feelings lie and I know that they are with you."

Arthur bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes for a short moment. Merlin couldn't see his embarrassment but he needed it. He needed to be surrounded by darkness. It helped him focus on things that truly mattered.

"I let the whole castle kiss you, postponing this moment. I fear that once I do it and you won't wake up, I'll lose all my hope." He took a deep breath. "I do hope that I will see you smile again. I promise you that I won't rest until I find your true love, even if it's not me. I won't give up, Merlin. I swear on my honour."

Arthur leaned down slightly. He wasn't ready yet but he was slowly getting there. "Perhaps my love for you is strong enough to get you out of this coma. Perhaps you don't need to love me as much as Gaius says the curse requires. It's a slim chance but I'm going to take it."

Then Arthur moved forward, fearing that if he were to wait some more, he would hesitate and run away. He needed to try it for Merlin. He owed him that much.

Merlin's lips were dry and unmoving when Arthur covered them with his own. The kiss was awkward but Arthur wasn't going to be discouraged by that. He was slowly moving his lips, trying to get his tongue inside Merlin's mouth. He wasn't sure if the curse required a deep kiss but he had to try everything.

When after a short while, Merlin's lips remained unmoving, Arthur pulled away. He looked at his friend's pale face and grimaced. He expected it to end up this way from the very beginning, but he couldn't help feeling disappointed.

"I'm sorry," he whispered and rushed out of the room, not wanting to wait for something that wasn't going to come. It was too painful.

oOoOo

Arthur was sobbing in his wife's arms. It was embarrassing because he was a man and a king and he should be the strong one in this relationship. However, he couldn't help it.

Guinevere understood that. Merlin meant a lot to her too but he and Arthur shared a special bond. She was certain that her husband's kiss was going to work. Merlin always cared for Arthur the most, and every time the king entered the room, everything else ceased to matter to him. Merlin had eyes only for Arthur. It simply didn't make sense that Arthur's kiss didn't wake him up.

"Perhaps Gaius was wrong," she suggested softly. "Perhaps there's another way to break this curse."

"Gaius is never wrong about these things," Arthur pointed out as he moved away from her. He had his moment of weakness but he couldn't let it continue. He needed to be strong for his kingdom. That was something that Merlin would have wanted.

"Perhaps he is this one time," she said hopefully. "Nonetheless, we're not giving up, Arthur. We're going to save Merlin in one way or another. He risked his own life countless times for Camelot. Now it's our turn to save him."

Arthur nodded and made himself smile weakly. He felt quite defeated at the moment but he never considered giving up. Not when it concerned Merlin.

[Before]

The door to Merlin's chambers was slammed forcefully.

"Arthur..." Merlin's words penetrated the silence in a muffled whisper. He slowly opened his eyes, breathing heavily.

He moved his hand over his body up to his mouth. He touched his lips with hesitation, not being sure if what he experienced a moment ago happened in a dream or in reality.

Merlin wanted to jump out of his bed and rush after Arthur. He would follow him to the end of the Earth but his limbs were too weak. He wasn't even able to move into a sitting position.

His heart was aching for Arthur. He would crawl to his king's chambers if he had enough strength, but it was out of the question. All he could do was to wait patiently.

Someone was going to visit him sooner or later. Someone was going to make his reunion with Arthur happen. Until that time, he would keep touching his lips, thinking about the things he heard and hoping that they were real.

I may write one more chapter for this story. I haven't decided yet. So if you want to read more, feel free to subscribe.