"You Dumbass"
Silence filled the area around her, not even the crickets could be heard, and her only companion was the silent atmosphere that surrounded her. The stars winked at her, reminding her she wasn't allow, even though she sat by herself on top of a hill, the constellations were there for her, silent in their presence , but shining too brightly to be missed. One group of stars sparkled brighter than the rest, but it only served to make Lucy's chest tighten and fill her thoughts with just how weak she really was, how could she call herself a member of Fairy Tail, when she couldn't save all those she loved.
A slow shaky sigh left her parted lips, her eyes closed, trying, and failing, to prevent the tears that carelessly coated her cheeks. Since the battle had ended, she took off by herself and couldn't stop herself from weeping, the shock wearing off as soon as she wasn't surrounded by her companions. Suffocated, she fell to her knees, heartbroken and so very lost and screamed, letting all her feelings out into the cold night. Her mind tried to go over everything that happened, it was all so sudden, did it really happen? Surely it wasn't real?
Lucy's chest ached, heavy with sorrow, her mind ran through the memories of the last battle, troubled with anguish, and her heart felt hollow, emptiness creeping in where her dear friend had taken up residence. Failure smothered her, goading her with her own helplessness, regardless of how many she had saved, she had to sacrifice something so precious to be able to do it.
"Get back, Girl"
How was it that she had managed to fool herself into thinking she belonged in Fiore's strongest guild? There was nothing strong about her, just a silly, foolish little girl. Lucy had lost during the Grand Magic Games, regardless of the cheating from the other team, whereas her other teammates had no problem. Laxus had managed to annihilate so many, when they tried to cheat once more and all gang up on him, he didn't let them get in his way. Gajeel and Natsu had been pushed about by the twin dragon slayers, and then hit back, showing them, they weren't even in their league. Erza, well what was there that could be said about Erza? Her strength wasn't even comparable to anyone, and then there was Lucy, pathetic, weak, useless Lucy. So weak that her future self had to die to save her.
A shiver ran down her spine and another chocked sob filled the night sky. The last few weeks had been horrible and they had all witnessed things that shouldn't be witnessed, the memories flooded through her mind, numbing her, filling her veins with ice. The most painful flashed across her vision, filling her sight with blue. Lost, lost and alone in a sea of blue, more tears fell.
Glancing down at the guild mark on her hand, she moved her had slowly up, reaching out and running a finger across her collar bone, the action causing her more emotional agony. She had failed her and now she was gone, never to shout at her again, or berate her for being such a cry baby, they would ever meet again. How was it so easy to lose someone so close, someone that you loved so dearly, someone that you depended on and saw as a hero? Had life always been so fragile?
Lucy recalled the moment she found out about her father's death. They had never been close, their relationship was strained and harsh, but, she would still run head first into danger to save him if he needed it. Then, he was gone, just like that. There was no warning, no notice, nothing, she came home and he was dead.
"Break my key"
Uneven breathes filled the air and Lucy fell back onto the grass, allowing her eyes to close. How could she ever face Aquarius like she was, not that they would ever meet again, but, the mermaid was in the stars watching over her. Her voice rang through Lucy's head, telling her that she was a cry baby; it made a sad laugh bubble in her chest.
"You're so weak", her voice sounded so small and broken, the hours of crying had caused her to sound hoarse and pathetic.
Aquarius had willing let Lucy break her key to say everyone, such a selfless act, Lucy could've wallowed further into despair just thinking about it. Having three spirits on the mortal plane at once had almost killed Lucy, draining her magic at an insane rate, leaving her weak ad struggling to stay awake. However, the feeling of Aquarius tell her to break her key, no amount of pain could amount up to that. Lucy would rather have been beaten to death, allowed Jackal to blow her up, a piece at a time.
"You're not weak Bunny", a gruff voice sounded around her, making Lucy flinch. How had she not heard someone approach her?
Her brown eyes darted about, landing on the standing figure that towered above her, red eyes watching her intensely. "Gajeel?" her voice weekly asked, she was physically and emotionally drained and couldn't deal with any of her guild mates, especially ones of the dragon slayer variety.
The iron dragon slayer watched her for a few more moments before taking a seat beside her horizontal figure, his bandaged arms followed across his chest. Silence filled the area once again, the only sounds were the little hiccups that Lucy tried to stifle and the new sound of Gajeel's breathing, making Lucy feel suddenly bare. Solitude was what she had craved once the celebrations had began, but, she was in morning, she had lost a very dear friend and really couldn't deal with the guilds boisterous ways.
Sitting up slowly, Lucy debated leaving, as rude as it may seem, she desperately wanted to be alone, fall head fist into her own grief and yet here Gajeel was, preventing her from falling into to total despair and she was happy about it.
"You're aint weak", he repeated, his eyes staring forward as he broke the silence. "Regardless of what you think, we all know you aint. We know what you went through to save us and trust me Bunny, that aint somthin' a weak person coulda done".
Stunned, Lucy glance at the dark haired man beside her, his words boring into her soul, trying to clear away the darkness that had been trying to smother her. How could someone utter a few words and make her feel lighter, how was that even possible.
"This is something no one else but you can do"
Words had crawled their way up Lucy's throat as she sat there, staring at Gajeel, and all of a sudden they vanished, being replaced so swiftly by slow sobs that slowly built up, becoming heavier by the second. Lucy didn't want to think anymore, the sorrow of her lose was about to consume her whole, her anguish smothering her slowly, drowning her in guilt. Throwing all of her thoughts away, accepting the sorrow, anguish and guilt, she threw herself at Gajeel, her arms wrapping around his neck, using him as an anchor, to stop herself drowning, she sobbed violently into his chest.
Gajeel had stiffened briefly, before bring his arms around the blonde women in his arms and hugged her, saying nothing, but using his own presence to try ad quell the emotional rollercoaster she was experiencing.
Lucy had lost one of her closest friends Aquarius, using her key and power to safe the rest of her guild and Fiore, it had been the hardest thing she had experience. Even after the Celestial King finished his battle and Lucy lay there, empty and about to be killed by Torafuzar, when Gajeel had effortlessly saved her, she didn't feel like she deserved saving. Lucy had sacrificed her oldest friend, regardless of how they had saved everyone, she felt so selfish.
"I'm a terrible person Gajeel", she sobbed, "I killed her, it's all my fault, she's gone because of me!"
A growl vibrated against her face and suddenly she was being shaken roughly, her wide brown eyes struggled to focus on Gajeel. "Shut up Bunny and stop being so stupid!" he growled at her, stilling his vicious shakes to focus intently on her, "It's selfish to want it all. You had to make a tough choice, and somehow you sacrificed your own feelings and did the right thing. You got nothing to be ashamed of you dumb blonde! And you'll see the crazy mermaid again! What's she gonna say when she finds out all you've done is cry since she left! She'll send you flyin!" Gajeel's voice had slowly built into a dull roar, his rage and annoyance filled all of his words, leaving Lucy gobsmacked, "I get that you're sad, you're allowed to be, but you don't need to be sad alone, you've got us remember".
Wasn't dealing with things by yourself a good thing? I mean she was a hysterical mess, why would anyone want to deal with someone like that? Sure they were all family, but there was a line, a line that you when you crossed you became a burden to everyone around you and you just needed to get a grip and pull yourself together. Unless she was wrong, it wouldn't have been the first time Lucy had been wrong about something and with the blush that she could make out on Gajeel's cheeks, it's possible she had been wrong about a lot of things.
"We're here for you Bunny", Gajeel muttered, glancing away from her.
Lucy felt overwhelmed, Gajeel had hunted her down, to find her and cheer her up, letting her know she was a selfish and terrible friend. It would honestly take more than that to rid her guilt, but Lucy suddenly felt a little lighter, a little less weary and a little more hopeful.
Sliding back into Gajeel's arms Lucy hugged him, allowing his strong arms to hold her once more, "Thank you Gajeel".
"Thank you...for everything..."
They would meet again, Lucy knew that. Aquarius was in the stars, her constellation shinning the brightest, putting all of her other friends to shame. It might not be soon and it could take a long time to get there, but Aquarius was always with her, watching over her from the stars and forever in her heart. The blue haired mermaid had been passed down, when her mother had passed and Lucy had always thought she was so strong and beautiful. Even when Lucy had grown up with the mermaid hating her, knowing she would never compare to Layla Heartfilia, Lucy had loved her regardless. It hurt to recall anything about her, knowing that she was gone, that they would never hang out or have Aquarius tell her she would never get a boyfriend. However, where she was right now, cradled in Gajeel's arms, for the first time since breaking Aquarius's key, Lucy felt that she would be ok. Lucy had to be strong, not only for her friends, but also for herself, so she would take everything she was currently feeling and push forward. This wasn't the end and one day Lucy would see Aquarius again.
So on the 4TH of this month I lost my papa, a man who was like a father to me, my family are in a pretty bad way, everyone is grieving in their own way, but the atmosphere is pretty smothering. I'm trying to be there for everyone, but still maintain my own composure and sanity. Last two nights sleep has evaded me something awful, so I jumped on my laptop and let loose my fingers and this is what we're left with. A sad little LucyXGajeel fic. I'm hoping this helps to purge my depressing writing and I'll hopefully get something a little more upbeat on here, but, regardless, I hope you enjoyed.