Stupid Friends
Lily reminded herself a bit forcedly that James Potter had Quidditch practice every Friday afternoon (he had ever since Second Year but it wasn't likely she would ever admit to noticing his schedule for so many passing years…), and therefore, he had much more important things to do then sit around and not like her back, which was the exact opposite of what she was doing. And it was with this somber attitude that Lily agreed to go to the library with Marlene to study for their first Charms exam of the term even though it was Friday afternoon and she could think of a million more fun excisions (like watching Gryffindor Quidditch practice) than sitting in the empty, dreary library on the eve of the weekend. And even though she knew she had to study, Lily couldn't deny the fact that her brain these days was a constant stream of James Potter.
So, Lily found herself sitting in the library, a month and half into term, thumbing uselessly through her heavy textbook filled with challenging words reinforcing the notion that she wasn't as brilliant at Charms without studying (unlike James Potter). And there it was again, James Potter seeping into every action she took because James Potter had infiltrated her brain! She would have laughed if the situation weren't so dire by making her so miserable.
If Lily was honest with herself, she wasn't exactly sure when she had finally admitted to actually liking (potentially loving) James Potter. She could very easily chronically explain to herself the years in which she did not like James Potter. And currently, the rolling emotions had begun with "oh Fifth Year: yes, James Potter is attractive and can be very funny but he is rude" to "Sixth Year: oh, well he isn't so bad, actually he's bit witty and handsome and warm" to "Seventh Year: goddamn why has he not asked me out yet?!"
It was sixth year that truly shifted the tide, as spending time with James Potter wasn't morally comprehensible anymore considering she was no longer friends with Severus. Returning to Hogwarts the summer of fifth year had been difficult considering the whiplash she felt from Severus. And though originally she held James and Severus at the same level of contempt, by the end of the year it had been James who had dragged her out of her funk by being unrelenting, dependable and generous in his affection. He was there, always, whenever she began raving and rarely would flicker his eyes even when she took her anger out on him.
James was extremely attractive, she couldn't deny, but as they spent more and more time together (and James Potter truly became her best friend) he only became much more appealing watching him defend against those third years who were picking against the cute first year, or when he sat with her all night and tutored her in Transfiguration before finals. It was his endless energy, she decided, that had her thinking about him at the crack of dawn and smiling slowly into her fluffy pillow by the end of the year. On the contrary, he seemed to care just as much as she did (though he was a guiding problem solver and not a ranting lunatic) that made her feel protected and safe.
He was witty, and gentle, reliable and ambitious, she had concluded the summer before Seventh Year. The way he treated his friends, and especially once her and James had became friends, she realized his dedication. It got to the point where she didn't even look at other males because they just weren't James.
Ugh! She would have growled if she didn't find the whole thing so hopeless considering for at least three years James had chased her and liked her, and now she liked him back and he didn't even notice!
He didn't notice at the end of sixth year when they were splashing around in the lake after he had thrown both of them into it in from the joy of finishing their finals and she allowed him hold her wet body against his as she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders and legs around his waist, staring at him intensely in the heat.
He didn't notice when she had visited him over the summer, slept over at his house for an entire week, letting him wrap his body around hers as they fell asleep camping under the stars, or when she awkwardly would graze her hand against his when he took her hiking near his house in attempt to get him to hold her hand.
He didn't notice when they returned to Hogwarts that year and she would sit in the bleachers watching all of his Quidditch practices, cheering him on sometimes even coming to the practice alone or schedule rounds only together so they would be alone in the deserted corridors sharing their apprehensions in hushed voices.
He just wasn't noticing! And god, she was becoming desperate.
Today, she thought, might have been her breaking point. She had waited for him after Potions to clean up his post when they began walking towards the common room. Hogsmeade was tomorrow and very lightly she had asked what his plans were.
"Going stag," he smirked.
"Oh," she murmured and looked down; she bit her lip casually and reminded herself that James wasn't a Legilimens. "Well I haven't decided if I am going."
He looked over at her curiously. "No one ask you, Evans?"
She shook her head dumbly and looked up at him. "Nope. Probably would say yes if someone did ask though."
"Ah, well, hang in there," he said stupidly and Lily tried not scowling at him.
"Right, well…"
And that was it. He hadn't even invited her to go with him as friends! And today, during his afternoon Quidditch practice, she normally would have dragged Marlene or Mary to watch (or would have even gone alone!) but this time she decided with herself that needed to come to terms with the fact that James Potter just didn't like her back and this is what it felt like to be rejected. She sulked and brooded around the common room fire, reminding herself that James wasn't at the Quidditch pitch noticing that she hadn't shown up today, that he didn't even notice that she attended his Quidditch practice anyways. He probably liked someone else, would probably go to Hogsmeade with that faceless tart and swing their hands merrily together.
She was here, she was ready, why didn't he like her anymore? And that's when she agreed to go to the library with Marlene on Friday afternoon, and glower into her book for the last hour. She slammed it shut.
Marlene looked up from her own Charms book and raised her eyes at her melancholic friend. "Want to talk about it?"
"No," Lily pouted as she crossed her arms.
Marlene laughed because Lily looked ridiculously like a ten year old child who wasn't getting her way. "Okay."
Marlene looked back down at her textbook, ignoring Lily's draggers and wondered what got her knickers into a knot. But it was the slow start to a sniffle that snapped Marlene's head back up. Her eyes widened as she heard Lily stifle another sniffle that had her leaning her arms across the table and gently touching her.
"Lily," she whispered as kindly as she could in her confused state. "Are you crying?"
"N-No," she hiccuped.
Marlene bit her lip to stop from smiling before standing and crossing to sit next to her friend, stroking her hair warmly. "Sweetie, what's wrong?"
Lily didn't answer right away so Marlene continued stroking her thick hair and wondered what could have happened today that Lily had broken down and cried from it. She flipped through the day; class by meal by class; scanning for the missing link…
They were sitting next to the large windows near the Restricted Section that gave a perfect view of the grounds, past the Great Lake, into the darkening forest and to the top of the Quidditch goal posts. She was looking out the massive window, tainted with the outside doo, staring at the people climbing the steps to reenter the school as the twilight faded and entered the chilly evening as she continued to comfort her now rapidly crying friend. She hugged Lily and repeated the day again in her head... what was she missing?
And then she saw it, James Potter and his Quidditch team walking up the steps looking haggard after finishing their Friday practice, which Lily hadn't forced her to attend. A grin split across Marlene's face; this was too perfect. She turned back to her weeping friend and pattered her back now a bit balefully.
"There, there now. Want a go at this again… What's wrong?" Marlene repeated. When Lily didn't answer but kept crying into her hands Marlene went on, "Does it have something to do with us not attending our esteemed house's Quidditch practice today?"
She instantly felt Lily stiffen under her arm and right then Marlene knew she had hit the nail on the coffin, and couldn't help but give a silent YES.
"I-I," Lily spluttered and then huffed before looking out the window herself but James had passed by already leaving Lily looking hopelessly into the window.
It was fifth year that the girls noticed Lily harbored a small but very silent crush for James. She hid it well behind her insults, jinxes and friendship with Severus Snape. But by sixth year, Snape was out of the picture and Lily couldn't even stop herself from staring at James in class, applauding him at every chance she could and generally spending every moment she could with him. As Lily's roommate for seven years and best friend, she would have been insulted Lily now spent her time with a boy that wasn't even her boyfriend if the two kids weren't completely mad about each other. And no matter how many times she badgered Lily to admit her feelings for James, Lily would deny up and down and around that she had "absolutely no feelings whatsoever." Yeah, right, is what Marlene and everyone else around her thought so a plan was hatched: Operation Get Lily to Love James (OGLLJ).
But from the tear tracks, and the no Quidditch practice, it looked like Lily got there all on her own.
"Marlene," Lily whispered.
"Yes?" Marlene said patiently, she had, after all, been waiting for this admission for years and had to remain in her seat instead of buzzing in it. "Lily?" she implored.
Lily, who had at this point, was biting her chipped nail polish looked up and sighed heavily. "I like James," she all but wailed with tears slipping down her red swollen cheeks.
"Thank god! Finally," Marlene said in triumph as she hugged Lily giddily. "I feel like I just won a championship game, I'm also pretty sure I won the bet. I'm pretty sure I had the first week of October…" Marlene pondered, ignoring Lily momentarily who was staring at her in a stupor.
"A bet?" her friend said slowly as her tears began drying up.
"Well, yeah. The whole gang you know, plus Benjy is also in on the action and the Prewett brothers, Alice and Frank before they graduated, Emma and Dorceas, Johnny Kent and Will Elmor from Hufflepuff. Actually a few others come to think of it. It was a generous machine, kinda sad its over now."
"But why is everyone betting? He doesn't even like me anymore," and Marlene's look of triumph turned compassionate at the newly formed tears racing down her best friend's pink cheeks.
"Why would you think that? Of course he likes you. He more than likes you. He's been in love you for years, you know that Lily. Everyone knows that," confused as she began once more stroking Lily's hair.
"He doesn't," Lily argued feebly. "He hasn't asked me out at all this year, not once and even last year he stopped asking me out. I've rejected him too many times and he's moved on."
"That's stupid, Lily!" Marlene exclaimed loudly causing the few heads in the library to look at her. "You're being ridiculous, all he talks about is you! 'Lily watched me during practice, Marlene! Did you see you Lily come to my practice,' and 'Marlene, she sits next to me during meals and in the common room and let's me play chess with her and even let's me win at Muggle cards!' And everyday more and more conversations like that!"
"You're going to get us kicked out if you keep yelling," Lily hissed, not believing her for an instant because Lily had facts. Like that he still hadn't asked her out.
"We should get kicked out so you can finally tell James Potter you like him!"
"What? No," Lily said frantically as she grabbed Marlene's hand and pulled her down. "And don't go racing off telling anyone!"
Marlene looked down right disheartened but at the horrific look on her friend, caused her to roll her eyes into submission momentarily. The saga of James and Lily had lasted much to long in her opinion. At this point, even the gossip of are they-aren't they around school was confused. Marlene felt that she should put everyone out of their misery and just tell James herself if Lily refused. She was pretty sure even the teachers were part of the betting pool.
"Just go tell him before I do!" Marlene said determinedly. "I'm pretty sure James would piss his pants and than yell it from the Astronomy Tower that you finally want to be his girlfriend."
Lily shook her head briskly in denial and Marlene huffed in defeat. It took Lily an entire year to admit she even liked James, and Marlene figured if she ridiculed her friend anymore than she could potentially stick Lily back into the closet about her feelings.
"If you aren't going to bother telling James about your feelings, can you please tell me what on Earth possessed you to ever think that James stopped liking you? Considering the fact that he follows you around like a puppy now that you acknowledge his existence," Marlene asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"But that's exactly it! We're friends, he likes me as a friend… Anyways, he hasn't asked me out not once this entire year," she whined. "The other day Ford Tatham asked me out in front of James and he didn't even do anything and remember when Aubrey asked me out in fifth year and he and Sirius almost blew up his head! Then last week, I saw him flirting with Claire Clemens from Ravenclaw at dinner."
"Ugh, you're such a jealous twat, you are exactly like James!" Marlene said, ignoring Lily's grump of indignation. "Not care that Tatham asked you out? You were at the Quidditch practice that night, you don't remember the mutiny James almost had at practice? He practically ran his aggravation into the ground and the team! And I totally knew you were jealous about Clemens, you turned your toast into crumbs without even touching your wand."
Marlene felt extremely victorious considering Lily had venomously denied her jealousy but had still stormed out of the Great Hall that night in puff. This left James Potter to stare blankly at her retreating form not comprehending what he had done this time, and for Lily to sit in her dormitory for the rest of the night feeling dejected with James unable to come up and comfort her. "And by the way, she was just asking him for help on Transfiguration."
"She doesn't need help in Transfiguration," Lily pouted.
"Yes, well she might have been flirting with him but he was not flirting with her," Marlene said laughing at her friend and then grabbing her shoulders and shacking her stubborn stubborn friend. "Lily, you are the only thing he sees! You breath and he collects the dust. He doesn't have any more room to notice other girls."
"And," Lily continued ignoring her, "he doesn't try to touch me as much as he used too."
"Probably because you used to hex him," Marlene interrupted.
"I wait for him in the mornings! I eat lunch with him and his friends everyday! I even finish his homework for him when his schedule is busy. The other day I even was telling him how I had a Slug Party next week and how going alone would be such a drag and would be so much more fun if someone came with me and he just stared at me dumbly and said 'me and the boys would never be caught dead at a Slug Club party'!" Lily said pathetically. "I don't know what to do," Lily concluded deflated.
Marlene felt a simmer of sympathy for her friend because James, for all his intelligence, all his affection for Lily and eagerness to spend any second he could with her, was a bit of an astronaut unless the invitation was slapped across his face. And watching Lily ramble about her liking James, Marlene realized that she may have given the current Head Boy a bit of poor advice. Lily, it appeared, had perceived her feelings much faster then she had deciphered. Marlene had been sure Lily was going to float miserably on the river of denial until the end of the school year.
Yet, with all this, the matter remained that James Potter did in fact fancy Lily Evans. He more than fancied her Marlene knew: he was absolutely, incredibly and entirely in love with the crying redhead next to her. And Marlene knew all this because she had to sit through more than one conversation per day listening to James analyze every move that Lily made.
"Marlene, do you think I should read into the fact that her hand brushed mine when she was going over notes for Herbology?" he would deplore.
"No, James, it didn't," she would answer.
But maybe she had been wrong. Maybe her and the Marauders had been totally off the dot to realize that Lily actually had been sitting much to closely to James during Transfiguration, brushing her body against James' during rounds on purpose. Maybe she had twisted their legs together while they studied because she was flirting. Maybe she had tried to kiss him over the summer holiday…
Marlene sniggered at the irony of it all that no one in their entire friend group had observed the fact that Lily did indeed return James's feelings, and all their scheming was wasted because every move Lily had made they had downplayed it to the point were they continually encouraged James not to make any moves at all. Oops?
"Lily," Marlene said softly. "Go to him and ask him out. I promise you he still likes you. Actually," Marlene added. "I'm positive he still likes you."
"I don't know…" Lily said, her shoulders slumped as she played with a lose thread on her shirt. Lily had thought maybe admitting it out loud would help and the two of them could hatch a plan. But it appeared Lily had been quite right in the notion that people were only going to laugh at her feelings and tell her 'I told you so.'
She knew it was silly not to admit her feelings based on other people's opinions but she had been so sure James would ask her out once she started kissing his cheek, swiping his hair out of his eyes, sitting up with him while he did Arithmancy homework. Lily convinced herself that if she stayed single long enough, James would finally notice she was ready for him to come up to her in the middle of the Great Hall and snog her in front of everyone.
That had been one of her many dreams as she became more eager. There was the Great Hall, the Quidditch pitch after a match, the library, class, Hogsmeade. At this point, she would take anything, even a broom cupboard like a second rate slag. But she had been so sure once he had asked her out, everyone saying 'I told you so' wouldn't matter because they would be together and happy.
But he hadn't asked her out! Instead she practically asked him out all the time. Maybe not on a date but she always asked him to be her patrol partner, to study with her, eating meals together. And all of it to no avail! How many bloody times can she say 'James, I'm alone, I wish someone would do this with me?' and for her to hear, 'Oh no worries, Evans! You'll find someone.'
With a frustrated sigh she got up and looked down at Marlene. "I think I'll just go to the Great Hall. Wait for dinner to start."
"Lily, dinner doesn't start for another half hour," Marlene said to Lily's retreating form.
"Yeah," and walked away anyways, her bag dragging across her shoulders and Marlene thinking she looked a bit like an abandoned puppy.
But the whole situation was hilarious considering what Lily believed was so unfathomably untrue. To even contemplate James Potter not liking Lily Evans was ludicrous, everyone around James knew that he breathed, slept and ate Lily Evans and he was bidding his time patiently for her to not miss him. Apparently they had all missed that flashing, neon sign.
Marlene blamed herself, and Lupin (come to think of it) for not being smarter. Peter was a space cadet, they all knew that. Sirius was to busy attempting to be the mature and knowledgable too notice either. She got up and collected her belongings, making her way back to Gryffindor Tower steadily as she weighed her options. She assumed Sirius and Peter were probably still playing chess in the same exact chairs her and Lily had left them. Hopefully, James had joined them instead of taking a shower… Would it be bad of her to betray her friend's trust and just tell James? And it wasn't like she was playing matchmaker – they were practically already together just shuffling around the subject!
Making her way up the final staircase and pushing against the traffic of people walking towards dinner, she waved passed portraits that kept trying to engage her in conversation for she had a romance to save. She pondered as she skipped over the false step and faced the hallway leading to the portrait hall, huffing a bit as she got there (you would think after seven years she would be in better shape).
Opening the portrait after saying the password ("Babylon"), she smiled knowingly at the boys, who had been oh so predictable. James remained to watch Sirius and Peter play chess in his very dirty uniform looking very banged up as he attempted to help Peter beat Sirius. They were sitting by the fire and she narrowed her eyes as she marched over.
"Wotcher," Sirius said to Marlene as she came closer to the Marauders. "Finish studying for Potions?"
"Charms," Marlene corrected as she leaned against Sirius's armchair and looked over at James as he wiped cinder off his face. "Lily decided to give it break."
James head snapped up at the mention of Lily and gave a far away smile as he always did when her name came up.
"Is that why you guys weren't at practice? Studying?" James asked.
"Noticed that?" Marlene asked with conspiracy.
"Noticed it? Couldn't talk about anything else since he got back," Remus snorted.
"Yeah, he was ruining my chess game," Peter chimed in.
James laughed, hoping he didn't come off too twinkie but he couldn't help but notice that Lily hadn't shown up and that distracted him all of practice. He kept glancing hopefully into the bleachers, hoping to see her striking red hair and her beaming wave. But it never came and as the minutes passed he had become so disheartened he had let practice out early. And even before that she had been acting funny all afternoon. His mind started to wonder if she was avoiding him, maybe changing her mind on him again, leading him back to square one. So it immensely reassured him that Lily had been studying because studying was a valid reason instead off being not with him. "How was studying?"
"Good, until Lily stormed off."
"Lily stormed off?" Remus inquired.
"Is everything alright?" James asked immediately, alarm etched into his eyes. "Did something happen?"
"Well, she did cry a bit in the library," Marlene added because Lily had never mentioned anything about not telling James she had cried.
"Cry?" James said, standing up and looking around the common room for her face.
"She went to dinner already, said something about waiting for dinner to start," Marlene said.
James sat down stiffly and wondered if he should just head to dinner without his friends and seriously consider doing so.
"What happened?" he repeated.
"Apparently someone rejected her invitation," Marlene walked around. Maybe she could get James to figure it out all by himself without having to betray Lily's trust.
But the frown on his brow made Marlene recognize that unless she spelled it out for him he was just not going to get it. "What do you mean someone rejected Lily? Who in their right mind would reject Lily?" James demanded in her defense, and than as an afterthought said in a faraway voice, "She asked someone on a date?"
That caught the entire group's attention and they all looked up at her commanding answers.
"You were telling us this whole time Lily liked James, she just didn't know it yet!" Peter accused.
"Hey!" Marlene said raising her hands.
"You let James think he had a chance and now she goes and likes someone else while James has been doing all the work!" Sirius said.
Marlene locked eyes with Remus and she couldn't help but crack a grin. Remus eyed her soundly before breaking out into a chuckle. He got it.
"You find this funny?" Sirius said in indignation as James put his hand in his head and rocked a bit back and forth and Sirius patted his back.
"Guys," Remus tried to calm but James was having a near panic attack.
"Padfoot, think we should take him to the hospital wing? He looks as pale as Nearly Headless Nick," Peter said.
"Women, all you women!" Sirius started as he continued patting his comatose friend. "Going around not caring about our manly feelings! And poor James whose kept himself pure and cared for just for Evans to go off herself with another? Birds, I tell you! Fly away, no care in the world."
Maniacs is what they are, mad maniacs, Marlene thought.
She tapped her fingers together as she considered her options but made eye contact with Sirius who stopped his ranting and waving and stared at her intently.
"Wait, she knows something. Look at that look, she definitely knows something. What do you know you sultry woman? Who is he? Don't worry, Prongs, I've got it under control. Last summer I learned a pretty hefty jinx that makes someone's eyeballs grow as big as their brains."
"Who is it?" Peter asked curiously.
Marlene remained silent, a sly smile spreading across her lips.
"Maybe I know something," Marlene began her gaze falling on James who looked baffled back at her, absolute no knowledge that the girl he had been obsessed with for years liked him back. "And we as a group have failed James quite spectacularly for a few months."
"Yes! Now spit out the name," Sirius interjected.
Marlene considered for a second before giving in, Lily could suck it at this point. She could already tell her and James would be disgusting together, "James."
"Yeah," he said slowly, a confused look on his face.
"No, I mean it's James."
The confused look turned into a stupider one (and it seemed to be universal as also Peter and Sirius stared at her dumbfounded) as James opened his mouth, shut it, opened it again and just gapped back at her. "Wh-What?"
"Lily, at the library. She told me she fancies you," Marlene said, a genuine smile gracing her features as she watched James shocked expression attempting to catch up her words.
"Lily likes me back? She said it out loud?" James uttered as thousands of butterflies started racing through his lungs into his heart and the words Marlene stated erratically against his chest: fancies you fancies you fancies you.
"Yeah but now she thinks you don't fancy her back because she's been sending you all these hints and hadn't picked up on them."
"Hints?" James said tongue-tied but he was still playing catch as his brain was scrambling with this barrel truck of information being poured onto him and it was as if his mind refused to register it. He took a calming breath but all he could see were the red words flashing in his brain likes me, likes me, likes me, LILY LIKES ME.
"Wait!" James said jumping up from the couch and onto it. "I knew she was brushing up against me! I knew she was trying to hold my hand! I knew it, I knew it! That day on patrol she was definitely rubbing her arm against mine the entire time!"
"Why didn't you try to hold her hand if she kept rubbing it against yours? Idiot," Sirius said as he tripped James who was jumping on the couch excitedly and fell onto the carpet but his stupid grin still transfixed on his face.
"I knew it! I knew… wait you said someone rejected her invitation?"
"Apparently she hinted she wanted to go to the Slug party with you…" Marlene trailed off.
James' eyes grew wide before he banged his head against the table. "Stupid, stupid," James declared as he banged his head again against the table.
"Yeah, hence the thinking 'James doesn't like me back' scenario," Marlene said.
"James, not like Lily? Has she not been at Hogwarts all this time?" Peter asked.
"Crap," James said before Marlene could answer Peter. "Crap. She asked me about Hogsmeade today, talking about how she didn't want to go alone. I thought she was talking about you not going with her. Is that why she was acting funny and the real reason she didn't go to Quidditch practice today? She thought I didn't want to go with her?"
"In not so many words, I think yes," Marlene concluded.
They remained silent for a moment and Marlene couldn't help but laugh at the sheer absurdity of it all. She had to get her camera before the ending of this.
"Lily likes me," James repeated, testing the words.
"Looks like."
James kept staring into space, wondering how he had missed all the signals because now that he looked back he saw them all: the twitch of her hand against his, the soft whispering at night, covert glances. Sure, he may have had a feeling that summer when they had sat at top the hanging cliff and she cuddled into his embrace but he had promised himself he wouldn't be aggressive, he would let her take her time to finally realize…
"Mate," he heard Sirius say in what felt far away.
"Yeah?"
"Aren't you going to go get the girl?"
James jumped up at the question and brushed off the dirt clingy to his unclean Quidditch robes. He didn't need any encouragement and raced out of the common room towards the crowd leading him to the Great Hall. Sprinting past students and teachers and hearing a "Potter, slow down!" didn't cease his movements as he grew closer and closer to the barrier that was between himself alone and himself with Lily.
As James came to the dinning area the new information seemed to finally seep through. He not like Lily? But then again he hadn't asked her out since last year. But that was because he had been told by his (ex)friends not too. But he had actually thought the friend route was working: there was no doubt she spent an extraordinarily more time with him now then ever before, and out of her own free will too!
It was that past summer when she had stayed the entire week with him that he thought he was potentially making a mistake with the so called friend route. But Marlene and Sirius insisted that even though he might have thought she was flirting with him, and her fingers laced through his, and her body pressed against his in the summer lake – none of it actually meant that she liked him.
He remembered laying in his bed, going over every action of his and Lily while she slept in the room right next door, willing himself not to climb out his own bed and into hers. And then being tremendously happy when they went camping that one night and she had rolled over in her sleeping bag and into his arms. That moment, for him, had been absolutely perfect as he held her soft body against his under the starlight and felt her little puffs of breath against his neck.
His family had been useless help that summer with his mom claiming Lily wouldn't go out with him with him if he wore his raggedy old Muggle T-Shirt and with his hair pointing in every direction. His father just laughed at him every chance he could by making comments that only confused Lily.
But Lily had liked him! And he was the only one who believed himself when everyone else was telling him he was wrong.
"Sorry James, it's all in your head," they would say. "Pretty adamant about her feelings when she tried hexing you, wasn't she?"
But than again she hadn't tried to hex him since Fifth Year. But she had tried to hold his hand, she had come closer to him in the water hoping he would kiss her, she had scheduled all their patrols together on purpose. And he never even tried anything because of his stupid friends. Stupid stupid friends.
He rushed through the entrance the crowd of people lingering in every corner making it initially difficult to find her as he swept the room for her dark red hair. But there she was, sitting in the middle of the Gryffindor table playing with her vegetables, were a break in sitting left her all alone. Lily flipped over her chicken, and her posture was so desolate that James almost laughed if his heart hadn't been doing continues jumping jacks as he slowed his pace and moved closer to her, vaguely aware that people had begun staring at him with raised eyebrows.
Should he take her somewhere private, should he kiss her in front of everyone? Would she even like that?
"Lily," James said finally as he stood directly behind her, causing her hair to sting against his chest as she immediately turned around, her eyes looming as she looked him up and down.
"James, what are you—you're filthy," she joked as she poked his stomach, causing her to curl her finger as she felt the lean muscle behind it and he had to laugh at that. But he didn't have time for that; he had business to attend to, Lily business.
"You like me?" he blurted. And gone were all those beautiful sentences down the drain as she halted her movements and her bright eyes stared into his speechless because what was there really to say at this point when all he wanted to do was kiss her?
Her eyes were bright, a bit glassed over and his stomach tightened as he pulled her up and clutched lightly at her upper arms, the station of the room completely blind to him at this point because she smelled like daisy petals and warm comfort.
"Why didn't you say anything?" as her arms touched his upper ones hesitantly and he smoothed a stray piece of hair off her forehead.
And that's when he stopped thinking, stopped talking and swooped down and just kissed her; not caring that everyone was watching, or that a gasp engulfed the entire Great Hall. Because her lips were moving against his, her arms now clutching his upper ones, and he moved his hands to trail down to her waist, sighing into her mouth as he pulled her closer. This, he decided, was much better than words.
He parted his lips to deepen the kiss and felt her react ardently as he moved his hands to tangle into her thick, wavy hair as he had only fantasied about in locked up daydreams. But she was reacting to him, and she wasn't just kissing him back but she had her hands twined through his hair, her lips moving against his own with the fiercest pressure. And as he moved to slow down the kiss and moved his hands to cup her face, her lips lingered against his causing his entire body to shudder under her gaze. Her luminous eyes made his heart beat erratically, and he groaned inwardly as goosebumps formed all along his arms because the sensation of Lily was more than he had ever imagined, better then any locked up daydream. It was her eyes beaming up in him in dizzying pleasure, her warm hands moving down his waist that made him lean down and kiss her briefly again.
His entire body was tingling and he thought as he once more released Lily and looked down at her, as if his body, his hands, were shooting out bursts of glowing light because everything felt electric. He also wondered if his eyes were looking down at her lovingly or in that fifteen year old boy way who was whooping hysterically in his head because he had just kissed Lily Evans in the Great Hall causing the spectacle he had always wanted.
When he didn't say anything for a number of seconds though, Lily pulled back from him and bit her lip nervously as her gaze settled on their friends behind him; trying aguishly to ignore the catcalls. Lily focused her anger.
"I'm going to slaughter that useless blonde," she declared as she tried and failed to contain her shaking hands as James kept staring down at her and then she wondered if maybe she wasn't that good of a snog because she was sure thousands of seconds had passed and all he had done was stare.
"Lily," James finally said, grabbing her around the waist and locking her there firmly so she was forced to look at him and nothing else. But Lily was stubborn, they all knew that so she wouldn't look at him until he nudged her chin with his nose. He was close, so close. Four years, one month, seventeen days since this crush started; three years, seven months, and twenty-one days since he begun fancying her; and eleven months, three days since he had fallen in love with her.
"James, I… You shouldn't, I mean don't feel obligated because we're- I mean we kissed but we are friends, you don't," she clumsily trailed off and he smiled tenderly down at her as he took a strand of her hair and twirled it in his hands.
"But I do like you, Lily. You know this," he murmured quietly.
"You, you like me?" Lily asked uncomfortably. She really wished she could have twisted her fingers but they were trapped around James... it wasn't so bad, she consented.
"Of course I like you. Lily, I love you," he said and in that split moment he kissed her as it was a much better solution to talking because this was real, this mattered and her lips against his was the only thing he wanted to feel. So he bent down, her bending even further down and kissed her. It was Lily, it had always been Lily. And with her body pressed against his, and her lips responding so eagerly to his own, he kissed her firmly so she would know that as long as she said yes, he would follow her always into the darkness.
"Go out with me, Evans," he breathed, the feeling of her lips still against his.
"But- I thought you don't like me anymore."
"Don't like you? I just kissed you twice in front of the entire school!" James laughed and he heard sniggers from his friends behind him.
"But," she continued and James just shook his head and jumped onto the bench, than stepped onto the Gryffindor table, making the real Marauder spectacle as he whistled through his hands informing the few staggering people who hadn't been paying attention to look up.
"James," he heard her hiss but he ignored it.
He looked around the Hall and waved his hands in announcement.
"Hello to you all. For those who don't know me, let me introduce myself. I'm James Potter, Head Boy galore and I, James Potter, love Lily Evans. Any confusion? Right so let's have everyone follow me," and he conducted "James Potter loves who?" and with a hand to his ear the crowd laughed as they yelled: "LILY EVANS."
"James Potter loves who?" He bellowed.
"JAMES POTTER LOVES LILY EVANS!" the crowd repeated and everyone now was giggling and bursting with a buzzed high as James looked down now at Lily who was bright eyed, bright cheeked and trying desperately to glare at him but unable to do so.
"That's right. I love love love you, Lily Evans, understood?"
She nodded her head bashfully and he reached his hand, asking her silently to join him.
"Lily," he said quietly, imploringly.
Their eyes locked and with gentle trepidation she put her palm in his and he gently lifted her up. He looked down at her and said with full James Potter arrogance, "Evans, go out with me?"
Her eyes sparkled as she nodded her head.
"Yes," she said gleefully as she wrapped her arms around his neck before rushing to let go and smoothing her school robes in a more modest tone said: "I mean, alright then."
He had none of her shyness and kissed her on the table, gripping her body to his and memorizing the feeling of the sensation of her lips overwhelming his own. And even as James heard the background applause and wolf whistles from his fellow students he focused on Lily because she was his and he would never let that go.
The smile that broke upon James's face was devastatingly handsome and Lily's heartbeat fluttered widely as she had to maintain herself from throwing her weight upon him to tightly that would likely cause them to tumble off the table. She was his, he had asked her and she had said yes and now she was his and he was hers and this silly grin would never be wiped off her face, she was sure of it.
"Mr. Potter," James heard and he looked over at the staff table to see Dumbledore raising a glass at him. "Now that you've won the girl, I do ask that you remove yourself from the table. I dare say that your fellow students wish to eat before tomorrow morning."
James grinned at his headmaster, who Lily swore winked at him, and helped her down, taking a seat right there, their friends coming around them hugging them and congratulating them but James only had eyes for Lily and he couldn't take them off her. She looked back up at him an he hugged her around the waist and she leaned her forehead against his.
"Can't believe this is real."
"Feels real," he whispered in response. "Should we test it?"
Before she could formulate a response he kissed her soundly, ignoring the protest of Sirius. It was a softer kiss, a slower one as his lips lingered on her lips before kissing her cheek, her neck and than back to her lips again. James paused his exploration, looking upon Lily before lowering his head again, allowing him to pull her closer and lifting her onto his lap. His hands wandered to her lower back as he applied the softest pressure to her mouth as she tangled her hands in his hair, and then bit his lower lip.
"Feels real," James said hoarsely, nodding his head like he was getting a good deal before kissing her again. She giggled into his mouth.
"Ahh, guys," Peter began but Marlene waved them off.
"It's useless," she said watching her two friends snog without a care.
"Ugh, they are going to be disgusting," Sirius muttered as he hit his head against the table and Marlene patted his back.
"What did you expect, really?"
"This is why we kept them apart, we knew this would happen," Sirius responded as he grimaced watching James put his tongue in Lily's mouth. "Oi! Get a room," he said flicking a potato at his best friend's head.
James released Lily a bit dazed, and she blushed as she removed himself from his lap and glanced back up at him.
"Right, sorry," he said casually as his hand found Lily's under the table.
Sirius huffed at the lame apology but started eating like the seventeen-year-old boy he was.
"And you call us disgusting," Lily laughed.
"Whatever, we only have ourselves to blame for this," he said pointing with fork that held a sausage at the two of them.
"Barely," James said dryly.
"Be a bit more appreciative, yeah?" Sirius said.
James glanced at Lily who glanced at him and he squeezed her hand under the table.
"Yeah."
END
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