Star-gazing was one of the things which brought him peace, a habit which had developed in his childhood and he never been able to shift. Even after all this time and the constant conflict which he was subjected to, both internally and externally, he was always surprised to find that the simple act was still enough to lessen his pain, at least for a while. His peace was never allowed to last forever though as he felt a presence appear at his side as he stared out of the large window which decorated the upper bridge. A presence which he quickly identified as the almost unbearable General Hux.
"Some good news for you Ren," Hux, announced as he switched off his communicator, which had just completed relaying him some kind of information, "One of our reconnaissance teams on a planet in Sector 4 have made contact with the Wookie who wounded and almost eviscerated you on our old base. I have dispatched a squadron to capture or eliminate it since it still holds valuable ties with the resistance." Instinctively he felt his hand tighten across his side directly atop the scarred flesh which Chew- he shook his head- the wookie had marked him with after piercing him in the side with that damned crossbow blaster. "What are your orders in relation to the beast, should he be captured alive?"
As he considered his options, his head was immediately flooded with the ghosts of his past as his memories assaulted him.
His memories.
A warm pair of furry hands clamping around his waist to halt his progress as his five year old self stepped just a bit too close to the active electrical generator of the Falcon as he explored his fathers precious ship.
The outraged yells which used to emanate from his kitchen as his mother batted the overeager Wookie away with a pair of spatulas as he tried to steal food from under her nose.
The memories continued to swim in front of him even as he clenched his fists as tightly as he could in a vain attempt to make them stop.
That time as an early teen he was almost attacked by some old enemies of his parents who managed to separate him from his family. How he prepared to fight but before they could land a single punch he found himself forcibly pulled behind a large figure as they stepped in to fend of his attackers. Chewbacca. Chewie. Always ready to protect him.
The anguished cry of his fathers greatest friend as he watched his fathers body disappear into the depths before taking aim at the child he loved, a child he genuinely considered a nephew and would have died for. Even then, he was still unable to take the kill shot and instead elected to inflict a side-wound, something he knew would be easy to heal. Always protective, even in the end.
Forcibly shaking his head again to dispel the memories, he became aware that Huxs' hawk-like gaze was upon him, seemingly waiting for a response. "Excellent work General. Inform me when the beast is dead." He replied, but even through the voice modulator which was built into his mask he could detect the hollowness in his own response. A hollowness which did not go unnoticed by Hux, whose eyes gleamed momentarily with suspicion before he nodded slightly and disappeared.
Training his gaze back its previous position, overlooking the various stars as they passed, he felt the emptiness inside him, the emptiness which had refused to abandon him since he killed his father become somehow more pronounced and he swore the stars were dimmer than they had been only a few minutes before.