I rolled my eyes at myself as I listened to her repeat herself over and over again as my cousin nagged him.
"Are you even listening Ed?" she scream-shouted at him and he huffed before picking up his case and getting to his feet as I looked down the train lines and saw a train approaching. Great it was time to go.
"Yeah, yeah" he sighed waving his hand in the air at my cousin and I snorted before turning to look at my cousin. Her blue eyes, so much like my own, looked back at me as we both rolled our eyes at the same time.
"Really Edward?" I questioned him, my eyebrow lifting teasingly as we all knew he probably wasn't paying attention. As a matter of fact, ever since we left this morning to make our way here, he seemed a little preoccupied, which was worrying since he had nothing to be preoccupied about, he hadn't for the last two years. The only thing he had to be worried about was making sure he and Al got stronger and getting used to not having his alchemy.
He turned to look at me, blonde braid swinging as he turned his head before those golden coloured eyes locked on my baby blue ones. It was a good thing that I was sitting down since I could feel my knees shaking under the intensity of his gaze. He grinned at me and I bit the inside of my cheek to hold back a blush as best as I could which I doubt worked very well.
"Of course I was Bella, since when do I not?" he stated before winking at me and I gulped nervously before offering him a watery smile of my own, feeling the muscles in my cheek twitch awkwardly. His face suddenly sobered as the train drew closer.
"Well that looks like your train" Winry stated and I sighed before dropping my head slightly and grabbing my own case before shakily getting to my feet. Ed sighed too and turned his back before walking closer to the edge of the platform so as to be able to board it when it came near.
"Have you made your mind up as to what you're doing yet, Bell?" Winry asked me and I turned my attention away from Ed's delicious looking back, to look at my cousin and saw that she turned her attention away from him as well. I resisted the urge to sigh painfully, before shrugging.
"I don't know. I mean, the boys will be fine without me now since Al's alchemy is pretty powerful and I doubt they need me babysitting them, but at the same time I'm so used to travelling and working with them that I don't really know any other way to live" I sighed, before tacking a shrug onto the end and glancing at Ed briefly, seeing the train was slowing down in front of us.
"I'm sure you'll decide what's best for you. When you decide what that is though, give me a call and let me know how everything is? I hate being left out of the loop" she sighed and I grinned before placing my case on the floor and wrapping my arms around my cousin, hugging her tightly and nodding against her hold. We both squeezed each other tightly before letting go as the train pulled to a stop and the doors opened with a few people climbing off the train. I grinned at Winry and walked over to Ed's side, ready to follow him onto the train.
"Hey, are you alright?" I asked, seeing his hand turn into a fist as he paused with a foot on the train, between the doors. He looked at me briefly before placing his case on the floor and I saw red flood his cheeks.
"Listen, Winry" he began and I heard Winry sigh, but knew her well enough to know that she was worrying about what he would say. She probably expected him to say something along the lines of him not keeping in contact for a while. I sighed, a horrible feeling bubbling up in my gut as butterflies started spinning, making me feel uneasy and nervous though I didn't know what I was feeling uneasy about. He turned around and pointed at Winry.
"Equivalent exchange!" he exclaimed, cheeks red with a blush and I turned to see my cousin frown at him in confusion.
"Huh?" she asked, obviously confused. Well that would make two of us. What the heck was he going on about now? And that's worrying that I couldn't understand him, since I usually understood him the best, well other than his brother of course. Though Winry understood Ed perfectly, sometimes better than I did, though it depended on the subject. I understood Ed better when he referred to alchemy whereas Winry and I would take it in turns understanding what he meant in relation to life.
"I'll give half of my life to you, if you give half of yours to me!" he exclaimed again. Seriously Ed, she's standing right opp- wait what? What did that mean? Was he acknowledging his feelings for her? Hmm, that didn't seem right, it felt stronger than that. Wait, was he proposing? Oh gosh!
I gulped, a lump appearing in my throat, making it painful to swallow as I felt my eyes fill up. I gulped again, trying to swallow the lump as I looked at the floor, choosing instead to listen to the interaction rather than see the feelings float across my cousin's face, who I had known had loved Ed for about two/three ish years, maybe more since I wasn't good at keeping track of time scales, though most of that time she hadn't realised that she'd loved him. Al and I had known and apparently so had a lot of people we'd come across, as I was asked on a regular occasion if the two of them had some sort of a weird relationship. I couldn't help but to glance up at her though and saw shock and a look on her face that I'd never seen before. It showed happiness and embarrassment but also love, lots of love, before she frowned.
"Do you have to treat everything like alchemy?" she yelled at him, seemingly annoyed that even after two years of not having alchemy, alchemical references was all Ed knew. I couldn't help but to smile at that before I looked at Ed and saw his determination to tell Winry how he felt, fall off his face.
"What'd you say?" he replied, now seemingly annoyed, though I got the feeling that he was annoyed with himself for making a move without being completely sure of Winry's feelings for him, despite Al explaining to him that he was positive that Winry felt about Ed, how Ed felt about her.
"Ugh, this whole thing is nonsense! How about I just give you my whole life instead?" she retorted and I watched her eyes widen as she realised that she'd just admitted how she felt about him, to his face when I knew my cousin never believed Ed would look at her in that way. She always thought something would happen between Ed and I since we spent a lot of time together with me trying to help the boys get their bodies back. I was always quick to dismiss that I never saw him in that way, simply because I knew she did and I didn't want her to not go for her opportunity. Especially since I knew Ed would never look at me in that way because I knew that he loved her in return.
I watched as a blush covered Winry's cheeks before she backtracked.
"Uh, maybe not all of it! Ninety percent maybe, eighty percent? Seventy-five, oh wait no, that's not enough. But eighty-five. Yeah eighty-five is a good number" she counted her way through different possibilities on her fingers with her back slightly turned away from us, before getting ready to turn back around and stand up straight at her new idea just as Ed started laughing. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, seeing that he was doubled over in laughter, whilst clutching his stomach. I watched as Winry turned red from embarrassment once again.
"What?" she yelled as Ed continued laughing and I saw the blush become a resemblance of the colour that appeared on her face when she was slightly irritated.
"Shut up Edward!" she yelled at him and I could tell she felt a little hurt at his reaction.
"I'm sorry Winry, really" he stated before straightening up, a grin on his face as he looked at her with fondness.
I gulped, watching that expression on his face as he stared at her with such a loving gaze. A loving expression that broke my heart, because now I definitely knew that he would never look at me in that way. I felt my eyes well up again as my heart beat against my chest, shaking my torso and with each heartbeat it sent an ache throughout my entire body. I swallowed against the lump that had developed in my throat even more over the last few seconds, but no amount of swallowing would shift this since it felt like a pebble had lodged itself in my throat, and the weakness of my saliva wouldn't be enough against the strength of a pebble.
"You are so incredible. You knocked equivalent exchange on its butt in just a few words!" he stated and I sighed, bowing my head, as the tears that I had tried so hard to push away fell. I watched as they fell to the floor, darkening the colour as though raindrops were falling from the sky.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Winry said, sounding slightly offended. I could imagine her crossing her arms as she said this.
"Are you making fun of me?" she challenged and I knew that she could hold herself against Ed, or at least she could verbally. In a fight she would be a goner, especially since I was no match for him and I'm a good enough fighter that I once beat Roy in a dual with our alchemy and even Riza in hand-to-hand combat. Which was strange because Ed and Roy had once had a dual of their own and Ed had lost. Though both of them made sure that I'd never be able to beat them again. I wonder what they are doing right now?
"No, not at all" I heard the fondness in Edward's voice as he said this before I heard shuffling and I looked up to see him walking over to her before he rested a hand on her head and pulled her to him.
"Thanks for cheering me up" he stated. Well Winry did always have a knack for that.
I watched as they embraced and I saw Winry relax into his hold before I blinked, realising how much he'd actually grown in these two years since he now towered over Winry. Actually he towered over me as well come to think of it and I was only a few inches smaller than Al. It seemed that Ed's idea of his stunted growth being because he was providing nutrients to Al's body through some weird link was correct since he seemed to have grown quickly since Al got his body back from the Portal. I sighed, not realising that I sighed loudly as Ed and Winry seemed to mentally shake themselves before pulling away as Winry looked around Ed to me. I watched as her eyes grew in horror and I cursed mentally, realising that I probably looked a mess since I'd been crying. I bit my lip, trying to conceal the pain that must have actually shown its way onto my face, but it was no use. My heart kept breaking and splitting into smaller pieces with each second that passed and I didn't think I could conceal it if I tried.
Winry's face changed and I watched as she looked pained. Shit, I didn't want her thinking I hated her. I didn't hate her, I was just jealous because she would have something I never would. I watched as Ed turned around and I panicked because I knew my emotional defences weren't up, but I didn't have the strength to do so. He looked at me, happiness evident on his face before that quickly disappeared when he saw my reaction. I knew Ed had never guessed that I might harbour feelings for him. Winry may have had an idea but I think that was more so to do with the fact that she may have heard Al and I talking about it over the years. Alphonse of course knew not long after I'd figured it out for myself, not long after the boys had performed the taboo and then when I actually admitted it to myself and Al when Ed became a state alchemist. I couldn't even remember how long it'd been.
"Elizabella?" Ed questioned, looking sad. I switched my gaze to Winry to see that she looked conflicted. I knew she'd figured out that all the times I had said I didn't have feelings for Edward were lies. I ducked my head in shame at myself, at seeing that look on his face. On both of their faces. I couldn't be sad. I couldn't let them see any longer how much pain I was in. It wasn't fair to them. They were happy and I was ruining it for them. If I ruined it anymore I'd never be able to live with myself. I gulped painfully, the lump disappearing slightly before I took a deep gulp of breath, trying to compose myself. I'd deal with my feelings later. I'd go somewhere so that I could deal with them.
I pushed all thoughts of pain out of my heart and head and shoved them deep inside before bringing out sarcasm, my mechanism of coping, before I lifted my head up feeling my lips curl upwards in a smirk.
"That was very touching guys. Made me cry. But we have to go Edward. You can't miss this train because Al's expecting you" I stated, though I realised my sentences were short, sharp and clipped. Not usually how I spoke at all. It worked though as Ed's face changed back to happiness though I could see Winry didn't buy it.
"You have a point there Bella" he stated, and I knew Edward believed my lie by the simple use of my nickname. I nodded, a fake smile on my face though I could feel my mask starting to crack again.
"When am I ever wrong Edward?" I joked and he rolled his eyes before turning and kissing Winry on the head very quickly before walking up to me and nudging my shoulder playfully and picking up his case. I tried my best to ignore how that little bit of contact made my stomach twist in hope, but it would never be. My stomach still twisted because even though my head knew I couldn't have him now, though my head had always known that, I just chose to ignore it, my heart refused to acknowledge this.
I nodded to Winry, feeling a little shaken and she rushed up to me, throwing herself at me and sobbing into my shoulder. I sighed, hugging her tightly in regret. What had I done? I'd made her cry because I was selfish.
"I'm so sorry, I always believed you when you said you didn't love him" she stated before shaking her head and pulling back, looking me in the eye with a blue that matched my own.
"I won't go through with it" she stated, seemingly very firm and determined about her belief. I sighed and shook my head at her.
"I don't know what you're talking about. Like I said I was touched by your weird way of showing devotion to each other? And don't say such ridiculous things. I always wanted something to happen between the two of you. Al and I always saw how happy you made him. He was always different and more carefree when he came home to you" I said, even though the second part of that sentence just contradicted what I'd basically said about not having feelings for him.
"Sorry Winry, I have to go. But I'll call you later okay?" I asked, but turned away before she could even answer as I grabbed my case off the floor next to me and quickly hopped on board the train, turning to the right and seeing Ed sitting in the chairs just to right of the doors. I shoved my case into the overhead and bent to look out of the windows to wave goodbye to a very upset looking Winry, but her expression changed when Ed blew her a kiss.
He turned to look at me and I saw his observant eye wondering over me. I felt my body heat in the usual way it always did when he looked at me so intently, but that was an automatic reaction due to my body and heart wanting to believe he was looking at me because he was interested. Now it just hurt because I knew that while he was interested, it wasn't in the way I wanted him to be, he was interested in my wellbeing and that was as close as I was going to get to how I wanted him to be with me.
"What's wrong? Is Winry okay?" he asked and I swallowed painfully around the lump in my throat that hadn't yet disappeared. Of course he would ask for her. I nodded slowly and painfully as I felt my eyes water. I couldn't let him see me like this, but I didn't have the resolve to stop the tears flowing. I needed a friend to talk to and I knew the right person, or people, whom I could go to.
"She'll be fine. It's something she'll get over, in time and hopefully forget about. Something that the both of us will hopefully get over" I sighed, looking at him and seeing him frown in worry.
"Elizabella" he sighed, sounding worried before getting to his feet. My heart nearly ripped itself out of my chest then and there to give itself to him with the worry that was etched into the way he said my name. I shook my head at him and stepped back. I didn't want him to comfort me. I swallowed the tears back and managed to succeed as they stopped falling but they still filled my eyes. I managed to smile a genuine smile at my best friend and nod once at him.
"Hopefully Al is ready and waiting at Central for you-" I began with a sharp nod, before continuing even though I felt my smile slip from my face slightly, "-and I can't wait to see your wedding since I'm guessing that was some form of proposal" I stated and saw Ed blush a little. I smiled, it warmed my aching heart to see him happy. I'd always wanted the Elric brothers to be happy, it was just so painful that I wouldn't be the reason that either of them would be happy. They didn't need me anymore.
"I'm proud that you finally had the guts to acknowledge how you felt about my cousin, Edward" I sighed and he frowned at me.
"You don't seem too happy about it. What's wrong? Have I done something I shouldn't have?" he asked, eyebrows moving downwards into a frown. How could he care so much about me? He doesn't need me anymore.
I felt my dam break and water spilled down, over my cheeks and I covered my face with my hands, ashamed that I was crying so much over something as silly as a broken heart. I'd gone through worse… I'd suffered losing my parents and Winry's parents' at the same time and even on the same day. So why did this feel so much more painful? Was it because I was only young when I lost basically all of my family and therefore didn't understand it as much? Perhaps, but all I did know was that it hurt so much and a broken heart hurt just as bad as losing my family. Ed and Al and Winry and Granny were really the only family I had left, but yet today made me realise that I was losing them. They didn't need me anymore.
"Oh Elizabella… I-" Ed began but I didn't give him any time to say anything
"I'll be fine. It doesn't matter about me. I'll see you soon" I rushed, before pulling my case out of the overhead and running away from Ed, in the opposite direction.
I blindly ran and had no idea where I was going. All I knew was that I needed fresh air.
I tiredly walked down the hallway, knowing where I was going without needing to pay attention of any kind since I knew these hallways so well thanks to my years by Ed and Al's side. I took a sharp right and went to knock on the door, but felt someone smack my hand away.
"I don't think-" the familiar voice began before I looked up and saw her blink before she realised who I was.
"Bella!" she exclaimed and I grinned happily at her familiar face with brown hair and brown eyes and a little brown beauty mark below her left eye.
"Maria" I stated and she looked at me properly this time before frowning.
"What's happened?" she asked, sounding concerned. I gulped, the concern in her voice bringing back the memory of concern in Ed's voice when he said goodbye to me and the concern in Al's voice as he hugged me briefly. I knew that if alchemy worked in such a way, Al would've paid a price to take away my pain, because I saw on his face how much pain he was in from seeing me like this. How I loved him like a little brother, but I was quick to push him onto the train because I knew he was looking forward to seeing Ed and even seeing May. I knew from the start that there was something between them especially since they kept in contact over the last two years.
"Nothing important. I've just had my heart broken into tiny pieces" I stated feeling the wobbling of my chin that signalled another sobbing fit and I gave into it, dropping my case on the floor and following it soon after as I covered my face with my hands in shame once again. I heard Maria sigh, seemingly understanding as I felt her soothing hands encompass me, trying to lift me up, but I couldn't move. The pain of my heartache was reverberating around my body, ten times worse than what it was when I first stepped onto the train. I regretted leaving Edward in the way I had, but gathered Al would think up some sort of brilliant excuse for me. He couldn't lie very well, especially to Ed, but for some reason he was always good at keeping my best interests at heart. I just hoped that that would be the case this time to.
"What's going on?" I heard a familiar voice boom and cried even more, this time out of relief that there was someone here I could talk to. I lifted my head up and was met with the familiar, built like a mountain, form of Major Alex Armstrong. I saw his eyes well up at seeing me so broken. I don't think anyone in the military had ever seen me cry. I think Ed had cried once and I remember him being embarrassed about that.
"There's only one thing that could've made you this way. Has something happened to the Elric brothers?" Alex questioned as he crouched to my level and I sobbed harder before shaking my head.
"No Ed and Al… they're… they're fine" I sobbed.
"Bella?" I heard and cried even more at the familiar, comforting female voice. The voice who's owner I'd come searching for.
"Riza" I stated, trying to push myself to my feet in my haste to go to her, but my body still hadn't recovered from the pain and I collapsed again, which was softened by Major Armstrong catching me. I watched as she hurried over to me and encompassed me in a hug, allowing me to hug someone tightly, someone who wasn't my cousin or Al and be able to sob in their arms without worrying about any consequences.
"Come on" she urged and practically picked me up, before dragging me through the double doors which had been opened by the Major before she dumped me on one of the wooden chairs that sat in a cluster in front of a desk. I briefly noticed that Roy was sat behind his desk with Major Miles and Jugemu (the new name he had taken though I think Scar suited him better) before I pressed my head into my knees and continued sobbing.
"Here" I heard Riza say and I looked up at her and she smiled, her eyes crinkling at the ends as she offered me a cup. I took it off her and looked inside to see the familiar colour of tea. I took a deep gulp around my sobs and after about five gulps, the liquid was gone and the warmth of it had calmed me slightly. Riza knelt in front of me, gingerly placing her hands on my knees and looking me in the eye.
"Is it Ed?" she asked and I nodded though I had a feeling she didn't need to ask. Riza knew me better than anyone because she felt like the older sister I could've had, had it not been for the fact that my mom miscarried and the potential older sibling had been lost to my family.
"He's not dead" she stated and I shook my head even though it wasn't a question. She smiled and nodded.
"I gathered they were fine since you wouldn't be crying. You'd have cried and then gone off to seek revenge, so I guessed we'd have found you searching for some form of ammunition, or storming in and demanding a group of people to help you hunt down the killer" she stated, before winking and I laughed slightly, feeling better having Riza here.
"He's broken your heart, hasn't he?" she asked and I gulped before sighing and nodding and heard gasps go around the room. Yeah, everyone here knew how I felt about Edward Elric and they all knew how strong those feelings were.
"Where is he?" I heard Roy and Alex boom at the same time and looked up at them, a smile on my face as I felt the protectiveness in their voices. I shook my head at them.
"As far as I know he's on his way to Xing with Al" I stated and they frowned, obviously not knowing why they were headed to Xing.
"Al was interested in alkahestry and May offered to teach him, plus he liked the idea of travelling through the eastern countries and learning about their cultures. Ed went with him because I think that after being stuck at home for two years he needed adventure. I was planning on going with them, but after today I couldn't face being anywhere near him. I knew that him just saying the slightest thing to me would end in my hurting all over again. Alphonse understood that so he didn't stop me leaving. Ed didn't know I was leaving until he saw me walk off the train and ran to the door to ask where I was going before yelling goodbye when it became obvious that I wouldn't tell him. I'm guessing Alphonse is either making up an excuse for me, or has told him already since he has trouble lying to Edward sometimes" I explained.
"So, what exactly happened?" Maria asked, seemingly confused and I smiled slightly. I wasn't exactly close to her, since I had only known her as long as the brothers had known her, which was less time than the rest of the people in this room, though I kept in contact with everyone from the military at least once a week, whereas the brothers kept in contact a few times a month. I'd missed this place. Like Ed, I hadn't liked being in the same place for so long but we wanted to make sure that Al was strong and used to his body and that he was happy performing alchemy with his own body since he was so used to his body of armour. We had been right to do so as he'd shown considerable change these last few months, he was ready to live properly again. I sighed.
"It's really embarrassing that I acted this way" I sighed and Major Armstrong snorted.
"There's no shame in being in pain over something relating to something or someone you are passionate about" he stated, eyes closed as he looked at the floor, before lifting his head and his sparkling blue eyes met my own. I nodded, grateful for the support. It was why I had come here.
"Ed, Winry and I were at the train station today. And before Ed and I got on the train he turned around and he and Winry admitted their feelings for each other. They basically said that they were going to spend the rest of their lives together" I stated, sighing, feeling my heart ache and I rubbed the left side of my chest, in the hopes that it would ease the ache.
"Isn't Winry your cousin?" Maria asked and I nodded slowly.
"Yeah, it's ridiculous that I'm jealous of my cousin right?" I asked before sighing, "-but thanks guys, I needed someone to talk to. I needed support and I could only think of you all" I sighed again and looked up to see Roy, Riza and Alex all grinning at me, seemingly happy that I'd thought of them. I blinked and they all looked at each other, almost congratulating each other that I trusted them, which thinking about it now was ridiculous, since a few years ago I didn't trust anyone apart from the Elric brothers. I had only trusted them in the last days of what could've been the end of the world as we know it now. I should've trusted them sooner, because they'd shown that they were worthy of my trust way before then.
"Well, it'll be nice to have you around. It's been quiet these last two years without the three of you and it was always fun annoying you, Bella" Roy smirked at me and I rolled my eyes at him.
Wait, they actually wanted me to stay? I blinked around the tears that threatened to spill again but this time it was because I felt part of something. I felt part of a family, a family bigger than just my Gran and my cousin and Ed and Al. I was actually considered important by these people, these people who fought hard to look after thousands of other people every day. They singled me out as being important to them.
It was then that I knew what I was going to do with my life. At least this would keep me out of the way of Ed, Winry, Al and May's happiness until I could control myself. I got to my feet and stood upright like a soldier before saluting.
"Colonel Mustang, Sir. I wish to join you squad, Sir!" I said, loudly and saw him look taken aback at my sudden declaration before his face changed into the face that I thought of as his 'Colonel face'.
"Are you sure about that?" he questioned and I nodded.
"Yes, Sir" I replied, firmly.