Chapter One
"We don't wanna go!"Complained the nine year old twins, Naoya and Rei while clinging to Ganons' legs.
"That's just too bad!" He yelled while attempting to kick them off.
"GET OFF!" With one final kick they went flying out a window from the top of Gerudo Fortress and landed with a very audible smack, followed by crying and a colourful choice of words.
Meanwhile inside The Great Deku Tree...
Link was running away screaming from random music and a creepy voice that said"You got 15 deku nuts".
Just outside of Gerudo Valley...
"I'm tired, I'm hungry, I have to go to the bathroom." Whined Naoya as they walked through Hyrule field.
"I told you to go before we left."
"I didn't have to go then.''
"... make it quick"
"Yay!" He cried and ran behind a nearby rock.
A few secondes later.
"Do you have any toilet paper!"
"No.''
"Oh...can I use your tunic?"
"NO!"
"You suck, I'll just have to use this rock then.''
" Eww" Rei hid his eyes with his hands, he peaked a bit just in time to see his twin rubbing his wazoo against a rock...and looked like he was enjoying it.
Naoya came sprinting back with a horrified look on his face.''What's wrong?''
''We have to get out of here now!'' He yelled.
"Why?"
"I WIPED MY HEINIE ON A GORON!"
"YOU WHAT!"
"WHO LATHERED CHILD DOO DOO ON MY BACKSIDE!" roared a very angry Goron.
"...wait, isn't lathered only used for something that's frothy?You have frothy poop!"
"It was from the burritos, ok!"
"RUN!"
With that, they ran,they ran over flower beds, they ran over rock beds, they ran over beds"why are there beds in the middle of Hyrule field?"
"I don't know! Just keep running!"They ran over hills, they ran over mountains, they fell down the mountains and rolled right into Lon Lon Ranch, crashing into and knocking over the fence that was surrounding the horse pasture.''...Well, there go the horses.'' Naoya squeaked.
"THERE COMING STRAIGHT FOR US! RUN!" But it was too late, and they were trampled. Ten broken bones and about 100 bruises later."I think there-I think there go-AGH!" BAM! Another stampede of horses.''Is it over?"Rei whispered.
Naoya looked up to see a very angry girl walking over to them.''No!"
Rei looked up and started drooling at the sight of beauty! Such a pure form! Such an exquisite physique! Such stunning features! She pretty much has it all, exept anger does NOT look good on her, especially when that anger is directed towards me."LOOK WHAT YOU TWO DID!" She screeched.
"ALL THE HORSES ESCAPED! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELVES!"
"You look like a horse."Naoya slurred, apparently having brain damage from the stampede.
"That's so mean Naoya!"Rei shouted.
"Awwww thank you" She said,"I love horses."
"I think you're pretty."Rei told her.
"PERVERT!" She screamed as her foot colided with his jaw.
He layed there twitching, not comprehending what just happend."Here, let me help you"she smiled.
"Thank you." Rei groaned in pain.
"NOT YOU!" She kicked him in the gut.
She gently grabbed Naoya putting his arm around her shoulder, and started helping him towards the house."I have two fairies waiting for you in my room"
"What about me?" Rei asked her, and found a pitchfork flying towards his head. He rolled to the side just in time, it missed by an inch, but that didn't stop it from falling over onto his head.
Inside Malons House...
"Here you go."She smiled and uncorked two bottles containg fairies which healed him instantly.
"YOU KILLED MY BROTHER!" He yelled running for the door, only to be tackled by her.
"You still need rest!" She screamed throwing him over her shoulder and dropping him face first on the bed and tying his arms and legs to it.
"What are you doing!'' He cried trying to get away.
He then felt a pressure on his dear Ganon! What is she doing!
"I'm massaging you, silly." She giggled.
"Stop it! You're CRAZY!"
"Crazy about you, hehehe."
"AAAAAHHH!"
Back outside...
"I'm gonna die aren't I? How could she just leave me here? I didn't mean to sound like a pervert." Rei sighed.
"Hey, are you ok?"
He looked down at himself, then asked"Do I LOOK ok to you!"
"No, not really, here" The Mr Mysterious man said, and then there were some sparkles and Rei instantly felt better.
"What was that?"
"A fairy."
"It was SHINY."
"Uh, ya."
"AARRGGHH! That crazy babe from space took my brother to her evil lair!"He shouted as he sprinted for her, ''evil lair''.
He burst through the door, at first it was silent and no one was there until he heard: "No! Stop! Don't do that!"
"You know you like it!"
"HEEELLP!"
"I'M COMING BROTHER!" Rei bolted up the stairs and..."TAMA-KICK!" the door sailed across the room and hit the wall.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HIM!"
"What does it look like?"
"It looks like you're torturing him!" He shouted and ran at her. She stood up from her previous position which was sitting on Naoyas back, took out a random broom that no one knows where she got it, wound up, then let'er rip all over the side of his head, it sent him flying out the door and down the stairs where Mr mysterious man was running up, bashed into him and they both went crashing down the stairs. "OW!"
"Soft landing." Rei said looking down at him.
"That's because you landed on me!"
Malon came walking down the stairs with an unreadable expression on her face."...Who's the hunky man child underneath you? MOVE IT!" She smacked Rei off of Link and he bashed into a wall, and didn't even attempt to move after that. "What's your name hmmmmmm?" she bent over in front of Link.
"Link" He told her, looking slightly uncomfortable
."That's a cute name for a cute man child, hehehe."
"Who ya callin man child?"
Suddenly, Naoya came running down the stairs" FREEDOM!"
He tripped over Malon and Link and landed smack onto Rei."ARGH!"
Link slowly stood up and inched towards the door." Uh, I should get going now so uh, ya."
"Take us with you!" Cried Naoya dragging himself towards Link, one of his arms outstreched.
"Uh, sure"he grabbed the by the collar of thir tunics and dragged them outside of Lon Lon Ranch.
"I'm not actually letting you whelps come with me."
"Oh come on! you saved my brother from a vicious death! We are eternally in your dept."
"...Fine."
"We shall follow till the end of TIME!"
"Greeaat."
"Lets get going!...Where are we going?"
"Death Mountain, where the Gorons live."
"You mean, THE Gorons?"
"Ya."
Naoya and Rei look at each other with a horrified look on their faces.
"Maybe we should sit this one out"
"Oh no you don't, you guys wanted to come so you are!"Link started towards Kakariko Village.
"BUT WE'RE GONNA DIE!"
Link turned around. "What was that?"
"Nothing." They looked at each other before following after Link.