A/N: Happy Faberry Week, everyone! I still can't believe that this is the beginning of the end. But it's never the end for Faberry. This ship will forever sail on, and I'll forever stay on this ship. I hope you guys enjoy this!
Quinn stared at the cigarette and lighter in her hands, debating whether to go on with smoking or go back inside the motel room. She wasn't exactly fond of smoking, but it helped calm her down most days. There was something about the way she puffed up smoke and watch it drift away that soothed her, and it wasn't until a few days ago that she decided to taper down and eventually maybe stop.
She took a deep breath and shoved the items back in her pocket, then went back inside the room she shared with Rachel. The brunette was still fast asleep, eyes closed and her expression relaxed. The sheets pooled around her waist, leaving her breasts and skin exposed to the warm air of the cheap motel room.
This was the reason why she was thinking about stopping hanging out with the Skanks and giving up on smoking. It wasn't just the sex with Rachel that distracted her, but rather the brunette herself with her big, brown eyes and intoxicating presence. Though at first, it was just supposed to be sex, no strings attached. Some rough fucking that would help get them both through the rough patches they were going through.
Yet somehow, nailing Rachel into the squeaky mattress and scratchy sheets turned into slow and deep, meaningful sex. Or as the way Rachel had put it, making love. Nights of rolling over and facing the other way evolved into basking in the afterglow and holding Rachel and admiring her features. Instead of leaving right after their desires have been sated, they would sleep until morning, and then have one more round before going back to their homes.
She wasn't sure what Rachel was telling her dads regarding her whereabouts on the nights they met, or how she would explain to them why she was having sudden "sleepovers". But as long as they didn't stop meeting, it was fine with Quinn. Every excuse or explanation could be accepted, as long as Quinn didn't give her hickeys that would surely make Rachel's dads suspicious.
As for her mother, Judy didn't care at all where she was, always having too much to drink every night. She was pretty sure that her mother wouldn't even try to look for her if she just disappeared one day. At one point she wanted to do that – pack some of her things and leave and never look back, but having Rachel tangled within the sheets with her for the first time had changed everything.
They both needed the release they craved – Rachel, from her stress of applying to NYADA and making sure that the Glee club one every competition so that her chances of getting in would be higher, and Quinn, from her dysfunctional family and her life that was slowly beginning to crumble underneath her feet. From the effects of losing Beth.
So they both propositioned sex, pure unadulterated sex with no feelings to get in the way. Once a week, they would meet in this very motel and make each other scream until their lungs gave out.
But the plan never quite worked out. At one point, Rachel had asked her to take it slow, with her brown eyes filled with tears and emotion. And so she did, having been tired of keeping up the pretense that she only wanted sex from Rachel. There was so much more that she wanted, and it involved getting her life back together with hopefully some guidance from Rachel.
The urge to smoke had slowly ebbed away, though Rachel never tried to stop her. Sometimes, they would share a kiss after she smoked, but Rachel never complained of the remaining traces of nicotine in her mouth.
She stripped back down to nothing and climbed up the bed, silently watching Rachel sleep. The brunette sighed and buried her face against the pillows, hair splaying about the sheets. Quinn ran her hand through Rachel's hair, her fingers gliding through effortlessly. She leaned forward and dropped a kiss to Rachel's exposed shoulder, inhaling the scent of sex and the faint smell of strawberries on her skin.
Rachel was her addiction. The way she smelled, the taste of her lips, how she lay naked in bed as she anticipated her next move. Her quiet moans and whimpers of pleasure, the way she dug her nails against her skin. The thickness of her lashes and the fullness of her lips.
The warmth of her skin and the glimmer of hope in her eyes. Her soft and loving smile while they cuddled, basking in the afterglow of their post-coital bliss. How her bronze skin glowed after she came down from her final high, her legs quaking with the force of her orgasm.
She loved the quiet talks they had, with Rachel occasionally giggling and reaching out her fingers to run them through her wild, pink hair. One by one, the pieces she broke into was slowly put back together as she talked to Rachel. The things that had been hard for her to admit even to herself, she opened all of them up to Rachel. And the brunette would just silently listen, then whisper soft reassurances into her ear when she needed them.
Sometimes, it would take longer than usual for her to say everything that she wanted to, but Rachel was patient. And then they would make love again, and Quinn would forget about everything in those moments when Rachel fell apart around her fingers.
Everything except the fact that she was falling in love with Rachel.
Sighing softly, Quinn brought herself back to the present and carefully traced Rachel's face with her fingers. The brunette sighed and unconsciously leaned into her touch, causing Quinn to smile. She was sinking deeper into Rachel's skin, but she didn't mind at all. There was no fear in her heart whenever she was with Rachel like this, just the two of them lying together in bed and forgetting the rest of the world.
Rachel made her brave.
She wrapped her arms around Rachel's waist and kissed her forehead, nose, cheeks, lips, and her neck. The brunette moaned and slowly opened her eyes, blearily looking at Quinn.
"Hey," Quinn mumbled, her lips close to Rachel's breasts.
"Hi," Rachel smiled and cupped Quinn's face, bringing her back close to her face. "Did you take a smoke?"
Quinn shook her head and kissed the corner of Rachel's mouth. "Nope. I don't feel like I have to. Not when you're with me, at least," she admitted in a quiet voice.
Rachel sighed and pressed their lips together, rubbing Quinn's cheeks in small circles with the pad of her thumb. Quinn slowly tore the sheets off their bodies and lay on top of Rachel, kissing her slowly as she slid her hands towards her soft curves. They kissed tenderly, bodies pressed together and bare skin rubbing.
"Do you want more?" Rachel asked softly, leading Quinn's hand between her thighs to cup her warm sex.
"L-later," Quinn moaned, squeezing Rachel's core once before retracting her hand, knowing that once she started, she won't be able to stop. "God, you're still so wet though."
"Okay," Rachel smiled and ran her hands through Quinn's hair.
Quinn hummed, nudging Rachel's forehead with hers. The brunette giggled and wrapped her arms around Quinn's neck, bringing their faces closer. It felt so intimate, like they were lovers that drowned in their togetherness. Quinn was sure that there was a connection between them, and the feeling only grew stronger when they stared at each other like this, with Rachel biting her lip and her brown eyes pulling her in.
They haven't talked about what exactly they were yet, but Quinn knew that their relationship evolved into something deeper, transcending beyond the 'just sex' phase. She could see sometimes that Rachel was dying to ask her what they were, if they were just fuck buddies or something more. If it was just about the sex and the making love part was just an illusion.
Sometimes, Rachel would slip and hint at something, but would immediately stop herself and kiss Quinn fiercely as though wanting her to forget about it. Then Rachel would ask her to fuck her again, though her eyes said that she wanted something tender and soft, but too afraid to ask.
"Hey, where did you go?" Rachel asked, furrowing her eyebrows in concern as she scratched the nape of Quinn's neck.
"Nowhere," Quinn shook her head and leaned in to kiss Rachel, but the brunette gently pushed her away.
"I know when you're lying," Rachel said softly, placing her hand over Quinn's chest.
Quinn said nothing and ran her fingers across Rachel's sides, the brunette shuddering underneath her. Brown orbs stared up at her, as though trying to read her emotions through her hazel eyes. Was she already that obvious to Rachel for her to know when she was lying? Part of her wanted to shut off like she always did in the past, but an even bigger part was telling her to trust Rachel.
At this point, she was already naked not only physically, but also emotionally. And she could feel that Rachel was too, with the way her eyes flickered with various emotions and how she chewed on her lip.
Now she got why couples stared at each other while they stripped each other naked and rolled around in the sheets.
"Can I ask you something?" Quinn asked softly.
Rachel nodded and smiled. "Of course, Quinn."
"When you had sex with Finn… how did you feel?" Quinn asked carefully. Rachel bit her lip, her fingers shaking against Quinn's scalp.
Finn was a topic they both never talked about, right until this moment. Maybe the timing was wrong, what with Rachel pressed intimately against her, bronze skin peeking out beneath the sheets. But she had to know if Rachel having sex with her was better both in the physical and emotional aspect. Rachel cast down her gaze, lips quivering slightly.
"You know what, you don't have to answer. I was out of line there… I'm sorry," Quinn said guiltily as she nuzzled Rachel's neck with her nose.
"No, I- I haven't talked to anyone about this…" Rachel confessed. "Can you just- can you hold me?"
Quinn nodded and kissed the top of Rachel's head as she fell into her arms. The brunette sighed sadly and buried her face against Quinn's neck, hand splayed above her stomach. Quinn couldn't deny that she was jealous of Finn for being Rachel's first. And that she felt guilty that her first time with Rachel happened as a result of her primal desire for sex and just sex, instead of something slow and tender which she knew Rachel always wanted.
"It wasn't exactly good… I always thought that a part of me loved him, but when he started stripping me, I didn't feel anything. I felt… empty. I was just there, lying down and pretending that it was good but my body was resisting everything. I guess I was too blind to see that," Rachel whispered, tears brimming her eyes as she clung on tighter to Quinn. "I should have listened to you when you told me not to do it with him."
Quinn pulled Rachel closer, feeling hot tears dripping down on her skin. The brunette sobbed quietly, burying her face against Quinn's chest. Her first time wasn't something she'd like to remember either. It was possibly the worst situation and time anyone could have their first time. She really shouldn't have come to Puck for her insecurities-it's the worst possible choice a girl could do when going through bodily issues. Of course he would use sex as a form of reassurance. And if he couldn't get it when the girl was sober, then why not get her drunk to haze her brain, right? Then of course, lying about using protection just.
"I'm sorry," Quinn murmured as she played with Rachel's hair. Rachel hiccupped and shifted closer to her, as though afraid of the space between them would grow. "I'm so, so sorry, Rach…"
"Why? You didn't do anything wrong," Rachel whispered.
"I asked you for sex just because my life is falling apart. It wasn't fair of me to do that," Quinn sighed as she gently cradled Rachel's face, slowly wiping away her tears. The brunette bit her lip, fresh tears springing from her eyes but Quinn just wiped them away. "I shouldn't have taken advantage of your own stress and asked you to have sex with me to release all of that."
"No, Quinn. You have to remember that I accepted it without question. So don't feel guilty, okay?" Rachel said softly, her voice taking a small crack.
Quinn nodded and kissed Rachel's tears away, feeling the brunette tremble slightly in her embrace. Breathing shakily, Quinn searched for Rachel's hands and locked them with her own, resting their foreheads together. Her chest expanded with the overwhelming amount of emotions that she had kept locked up within her, threatening to explode if she tried to keep it within herself any longer.
"How did it feel like? The first time you had sex with me," Quinn clarified in a cautious voice, somewhat afraid that Rachel might not like her question.
Rachel held her face in her hands and stroked her cheeks with her thumbs, her expression thoughtful and her eyes staring soulfully back at her. Swallowing thickly, Quinn looked at Rachel, waiting for an answer.
"It was amazing," Rachel finally said. "I know that it was rough, but every part of my body was reacting to your touch. Like a switch had been turned on and won't turn off…"
"Yeah?" Quinn's breath hitched. Rachel smiled softly and traced her collarbones with her fingertips, making Quinn sigh contentedly.
"Yes… And when you made love to me, it was more than what I expected. I felt like I was burning slowly, and I just felt absolutely everything. It was… it was perfect," Rachel hesitated at the latter part and shied away from Quinn, a small blush coating her cheeks.
"Yeah?" Quinn smiled, watching as Rachel blushed deeper and hid her face with her hair. Rachel giggled shyly and slapped Quinn's arm, nodding slowly.
This. This was her addiction. Rachel's contagious giggles and the smile on her face when Quinn held her close. The smell of her skin and the softness of her voice. Her deep, brown eyes that held her heart and soul prison and took away all breath from her lungs, rendering them useless.
The girl that had her heart in a tight grip. The one that made her want to piece her life back together and work everything out. To have another shot at life and grab at that chance that was dangling right in front of her.
"Rachel, I l-" Quinn stopped midsentence and shook her head, heart pounding in her chest as Rachel looked at her confusedly.
"Yes, Quinn?" Rachel smiled, urging her to continue.
Quinn took Rachel's hand and placed it on her chest, right above where her heart was racing. Brown eyes widened in surprise, but before Rachel could speak, Quinn pressed her lips firmly against the brunette's.
"Quinn," Rachel said breathlessly.
"I love you," Quinn murmured. Rachel froze in shock, brown eyes wide as she stared at Quinn.
Quinn chewed on her lip and took Rachel's hand, pressing her lips against her palm. Recovering from her shock, Rachel took a deep and shaky breath and wrapped her legs around Quinn's hips.
"I'm sorry we got the order wrong, but I'd never do anything to hurt you, Rachel," Quinn said sincerely.
"Oh, Quinn. I love you too," Rachel breathed out, smiling abashedly as Quinn played with her hair.
"Really?" Quinn smiled, willing her heart to calm down.
"Really. The sex with you is amazing, but I've always been looking forward to the talking that comes afterwards," Rachel said softly, her gaze lingering on Quinn's face. "I love getting to know you."
"Me too," Quinn fiddled with Rachel's fingers and shook her head fondly.
"I love the punk attitude on you, but I must admit that I really like it when you're so sweet. Either way, I still love you," Rachel giggled as she ruffled Quinn's pink hair.
"I could go back to blonde, if you want me to," Quinn offered.
"You don't have to do that for me, Quinn. If you're happier this way, then I'll accept it," Rachel shook her head as she bit her lip.
"No… This isn't me. It felt right at the time I did it, but this isn't who I am…"
The only reason she went full punk was because she was pretending not to care about anything, but she wasn't exactly comfortable with it. Deep inside, the insecure and vulnerable Quinn was still trapped, and no amount of leather and wildly-colored hair could change that.
And somewhere there, the free-spirited Lucy was trapped too. And only Rachel had been able to coax her out of her shell to listen to that middle-school girl. These were the parts of her that she showed to Rachel, and Rachel alone. There was no one else she could trust, no one else who would understand her.
"So, where does this leave us?" Rachel asked quietly, her voice small and laced with a hint of fear.
"I want you to be my girlfriend, Rach. And this time, I'm going to get everything right. I want another chance at making this right. We'll work this out together," Quinn answered, keeping Rachel's hand right above her beating heart.
"I'd love to be your girlfriend, Quinn," Rachel giggled, blushing as Quinn cupped her face. "But… what about your mom?" she frowned.
"She doesn't care where I am. The mornings when we go home, she doesn't even ask me where I came from the moment I walk into the house. Whatever she says won't matter," Quinn shrugged like it didn't bother her, but a small part of her still cared. It was just her mother that didn't care about her at all.
"Oh, Quinn… I'm sorry," Rachel said apologetically. Quinn shook her head and frowned.
"It's fine. As long as I've got you by my side, then I'm fine," Quinn murmured.
"If you're sure… But just so you know, I'll stand by your side whatever your decision, okay?" Rachel smiled reassuringly.
"Okay," Quinn nodded and slid her hands towards Rachel's waist. "So, you're my girlfriend now?" she asked seriously, watching as Rachel's lips curled up into a giddy smile. She grinned when Rachel nodded, her heart leaping around in her chest.
"I believe I just said that earlier, but yes, we're girlfriends now," Rachel reiterated, her smile bright and beaming.
Quinn grinned and kissed Rachel with all the strength she could muster, silently telling her that she won't waste this chance that she'd just been given. Another chance at getting things right this time. A chance for her to start healing again.
"Let me get it right this time. Let's make this feel like our first time all over again," Quinn whispered, grazing the swells of Rachel's breasts with her fingertips. Rachel shuddered and keened into Quinn's touch, a soft sigh falling from her lips.
"Please…" Rachel breathes out, her breathing coming out staggered while Quinn kissed her weakest parts. "Make love to me, Quinn."
Quinn inhaled deeply and touched every inch of Rachel's skin, dragging her lips against soft flesh, then kissed Rachel fully on the lips. Rachel sighed and lay slack against the bed, and Quinn wished that she could have taken her somewhere better this time. Not a shady motel with an old bed and a squeaky mattress and scratchy sheets. Rachel deserved better than this, and she paused her ministrations to voice out her regret.
"Oh, Quinn… You know that it doesn't matter, right? I'm not the same girl that wants a romantic set-up with lighted candles and rose petals all over the floor when I'm making love with someone for the first time," Rachel reassured her, smiling as she traced Quinn's jaw with her fingertips. "I just want you."
Slowly, Quinn nodded and focused on Rachel's feather-light touches against her face and her collarbone, each graze lighting her on fire. She was burning, drowning, sinking in Rachel's warmth. And she'd choose to feel these sensations over and over again, every day of her life.
Rachel kissed the corner of her mouth and lay back down, her chest rising and falling rhythmically while she waited for Quinn's next move. Quinn raked Rachel's naked form reverently with her eyes, and she thought back on the pornographic pictures that she drew on the bathroom stalls of McKinley. She made a mental note to have those erased, to finally say that she was getting a fresh new start with Rachel.
She murmured Rachel's name in her low and husky voice, knowing how this triggered her arousal even more. And she was right. Rachel moaned and asked her to speak again, and she did.
"Rachel…" she purred, pressing her lips firmly against the top of Rachel's breasts, cupping their warm weight with her hands. She loved how Rachel's breasts fit her hands so perfectly, and she squeezed them, eliciting a pleasured response from her lover.
"Quinn," Rachel gasped as Quinn ran her hands across her thighs, and she swore that she could feel the sweltering heat of her sex radiating against her palms. Moaning quietly, she kissed Rachel softly, tenderly while she teased her inner thighs with her fingers, smiling as the brunette spread her legs reflexively.
Quinn sighed and took her time in exploring Rachel's body all over again. It's nothing like the times Rachel asked her to make love to her before. This time is different. Their feelings are out in the open, and Quinn didn't exactly know what to do with herself. And Rachel loves her. Rachel is in love with her.
So she took her time, the minutes passing by kissing every part of Rachel. She listened to the hitches in Rachel's breaths, the soft murmurs of her name, her longing moans and her hands running up and down her back, as though unsure what to do with them.
Taking Rachel's right hand, she guided it to her chest, right above where her heart was beating. And then ever so slowly, she dips two fingers inside Rachel's tight heat, groaning at the warmth that surround her digits. Rachel let out a long moan, clenching her muscles around Quinn's fingers.
She fused their lips back together, their tongues dancing while Quinn continued pumping her fingers inside Rachel's sex. Rachel whimpered and thrust back against Quinn's fingers, walls convulsing as she writhed underneath Quinn, seeking the release she badly craved.
Quinn watched as Rachel slipped her hand between her legs to rub her clit, and she moaned while she watched their hands worked together on her lover's sex. She felt Rachel's walls tighten more, making it harder for her to thrust inside. Rachel's keening mewls spurred her on, and she swirled her tongue around her earlobe, then whispered softly into her ear.
Rachel wailed her name as she came, cum gushing out in jets that soaked Quinn's hand. Quinn groaned and licked Rachel's juices off, the heady and musky taste filling her mouth.
"So good…" Rachel sighed and wrapped her legs around Quinn's waist, hips rising off the bed to grind her sex against her stomach. Quinn knew that it was a sign that she wanted more, and she was going to make it happen.
Smiling softly, she started learning Rachel's body all over again, and they both tangled underneath the sheets until morning, until they exhausted themselves to the point where they both couldn't cum again, both falling into the mattress with Rachel giggling while she snuggled against Quinn.
"I love you," Quinn breathed out, pulling Rachel flush against her as she peppered her face and neck with soft kisses.
"I love you too," Rachel smiled as she shyly bit her lip, and in her eyes Quinn could see the countless stars that illuminated her existence. And she knew that they always will, in her darkest of times and light her life even more during the brightest of her days.
Again, it was Rachel that pulled her back out of the darkness like she always did whenever she spiraled in despair. It's another shot at everything. Another shot at life, at thinking about what she wanted and needed.
It's no question that Rachel is one of them, and this time she was going to get everything right with her. Because Rachel gave her that hope that she could be happy without being so scared of things falling apart as soon as they started getting better.
And with Rachel, Quinn doesn't doubt that things are just going to keep on getting better from here on out.