To the readers: I thought I'd attempt to write my first fanfic so hopefully you'll like it. Argent-Allure
"Birth by sleep," that's how it all began. It's how Roxas ended up with the worst kind of denial and obsession.
Sometimes, when Roxas' "other" drifted off while basking on the sun-warmed sand, he discovered that he could see the world again through his "other's" eyes. During those times, he would secretly watch her with curious interest from her carefree actions to the glazed look in her sapphire eyes as she stared out into the endless sea.
He slowly learned of all her little habits that were usually ignored by most and engraved the image of her face onto his mind.
On an occasional delirium-filled musing, he would sometimes believe that he was getting drunk off the wine red locks of her hair only to stumble drunkenly into the deep blue pools of her eyes. Everything about her seemed to fascinate and ensnare him.
Roxas didn't know when it began exactly, but overtime that interest and fascination shifted into full-fledged obsession. He began to long for more of those brief instances in which he was with her, wishing that he too, could embrace her and have her tenderly call his name, and not his "other's."
Within months, he had become a starved man, desperate; craving more of the affection she seemed to so freely give to his "other."
Unfortunately, he was locked up in a human cage, unable to sate his hunger.
He often likened his "human cage" to one of those padded cells that kept the mentally unstable safe from themselves. No matter how hard he tried to break free from his "other" to see her, all of his attempts just sunk into the cushioned walls and bounced back.
He would be trapped here for as long as his "other" lived, kept tight in an empty white cushioned cell deep in the crevasse of his "other's" mind. His short periods of fresh air and sapphire eyes could only sustain him for so long.
Luckily, Roxas discovered a loophole in his padded cell one night.
While his "other" slept, he found that he could physically be "himself" again. The mirror's reflection told him that he had become a brunette, but he would take what he could get. Borrowing his "other's" body, he sought her out, desperation and spontaneity quickly driving the immorality of it all straight to hell.
He never was the "nice" half anyways.
Roxas noticed that Kairi was always a bit puzzled as to why the boy she loved so deeply held her only at night.
She never guessed that it was him all along.
If only she had known that it was he all along who was talking to her, smiling at her, and holding her in his arms. That he was the one who had listened to her saccharine sweet voice as she reminisced about old memories of "them" together, knowing only half the memories every time. That he was the one who had watched her smile, laugh, and sometimes even cry.
He felt the proverbial nail pound into what should have been his heart knowing that those sweet chimes of laughter and sorrowful tears were meant for another. He wished he knew why.
It was during those times under the luminescent moonlight with her wine red locks flowing in the gentle breeze that he thought she was most beautiful, the most free because he could have sworn he felt that same freedom.
That short-term freedom from his "human cage" with her, only served as a stronger incentive to meet her again and again to the point where their meetings had become a mockery of routine.
Hadn't he heard somewhere that the shelter of the night catered exclusively to the clandestine trysts of enamored lovers? Only in his case, his tryst was probably more of the one-sided variety based not on love, but on obsession.
Regardless, she probably couldn't have accepted that it was him anyways because to her, he was just another piece of the boy her destiny was chained to.
It was as if he was that one unused screw that was always leftover in a self-assembly kit. He, like the screw, had a perfect spot in the whole piece, but was discarded as being useless nonetheless just because the user was unwilling to accept the fact that they had made a mistake.
The user was unwilling to ruin the "perfection" that they had built because then it would threaten the delicate balance of their lives.
Hell, if he had been that screw, his perfect spot would have been next to her wedged right between her and his "other." She had no need for an extra, unused screw though, especially if she could still have his "other" perfectly fine without it.
Roxas hoped that the sensations eating at the back of his mind were the beginnings of insanity because he would have rather been a lunatic than a reject.
Roxas knew he could have, probably should have stopped seeing her when he heard her softly whisper, "I love you," that night.
Roxas knew that his "other's" name was silently attached to the end of that affectionate declaration. He knew that she wasn't his to hold and to keep. He was desperate and lonely for her affectionate charity though.
In his mind he even replaced his "other's" name with his own, feeling the bile rise in the back of his throat every time he had to swallow the bitter taste of reality.
When he thought along those lines, he was often reminded of when he had become "complete" again. He often wondered whether or not he "felt" more empty than complete after being reunited with his "other" though.
He would sometimes worry that regret would grow from his decision. After all, before Roxas had met his "other," he often had the notion that he was incomplete and without purpose. He had even abandoned the organization in hopes of ridding himself once and for all of that desolate sensation.
When he finally found his "other," he had believed that he was complete. There was funny thing about being a nobody though because even when Roxas was reunited with his "other," he still believed that he was empty inside.
His newfound "completion" was just as empty as his newfound "purpose" was bleak and uninviting. To think, his only purpose in his pseudo life was to re-clump himself back onto his "other."
Whoever said that the future looked promising should seriously have been dragged into his human cage with him.
In all fairness, there was one thing that kept the small sliver of hopes of escape alive, one thing that kept him mostly sane.
Kairi.
His future would always be bleak, but her soothing presence and his own unrelenting obsession with her were enough of a distraction from the mere thought of it. For that, Roxas remained eternally grateful to Kairi, fixated with her sapphire blue eyes, her pure heart, and her unconditional love.
In his eyes, she came to be all that existed in his thoughts and in his world, but in hers he was still nothing; anobody. In her eyes and in the eyes of the world, Roxas was just a nobody trying to pass off an unhealthy obsession, for love. After all, love could not exist in something that was not even there to begin with.
In the end, all of this was just an irrational obsession that stemmed from "birth by sleep."
Anything he thought did not matter though because as he gazed down upon her enchanting eyes that night in his "other's" figure, he knew that he was still expected to say it, "yeah, I love you too Kairi."
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Kingdom Hearts series (or any of the game quotes used). I only own the 1,412 words used in making this story. All rights go to Square Enix, Disney, and Buena Vista games so please do not sue me (I'm broke anyways).
Author's Note: Hi everyone, there used to be an explanation about my fic here, but I got rid of it seeing as many of you are very smart and don't need it. :) If you still don't understand it or anything (I don't blame you, my writing skills aren't the best), feel free to pm me and I'll send it to you. Argent-Allure