Wow. 50,000 words. I'm not sure I'm ready for this…
(There will be a longer A/N at the end; it wouldn't make sense if I put it here.)
Purplangel requested that I let everyone know which episodes will be used in each chapter of this collection. In this one I use 'Still.' And, because of the very nature of that episode, other ones are referenced, particularly 'Knockdown.' This additional note (and the spelling correction of a name in the longer A/N) is the only change I've made in this chapter.
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own it. I'm just spending my summer writing and trying to trust that AM knows what he's doing. Trying REALLY hard. No sunny beaches for me.
"Detective Beckett." The man's tone was solemn with a hint of apology.
"Ten minutes, I know."
Kate had thought they would have more time. It was only in the last hour, no, the last twenty minutes, that she realized she wasn't going to make it out of this one. The last time she'd felt that certainty of impending death had been while hanging from a roof, her fingers slowly slipping from the edge. But there was nothing Ryan, the one who had caught her just before she plunged to her death, could do this time. There was nothing anyone could do. "It's okay, Captain," she assured the man. "You did everything you could."
"We are not giving up. There'll be guys down there working on this until the last possible moment." Regret lined his features. "But I have to withdraw everybody else. And that includes you, Castle."
Kate recognized the look in Castle's eyes. Her heart broke for him. She knew how difficult it was going to be for him to walk away. It was selfish of her; she wouldn't be able to do it if the situation were reversed. But the only way she was going to be able to get through this was if she knew he was safe.
"Could I just-" A lump of suppressed tears formed in her throat. With sheer determination she forced it down. If she was going to fall apart, if her calm was going to shatter, it would be after Castle left the room. "Could I have a moment alone with him, please?"
"Of course."
He knew. Castle knew what she was going to ask of him. He had the same look on his face when he had told her "I'm not going to leave you alone" when Scott Dunn had been determined to kill 'Nikki Heat.' His eyes begged her not to ask it of him.
She had to.
"It's time to say good-bye."
"I'm not leaving."
And he wouldn't. Kate knew that. Not unless she made him. Considering she could barely move without setting off the bomb, she was going to have to use something other than physical force.
"Castle, you promised that you would help me with something when the time came." A deathbed promise; although 'deathbed' was figurative, Kate hoped he would honor it. "This is it."
"Beckett, no."
The slight tremble in his voice made her determination, and her hard-won calm, waver for a brief instant. "Please, Castle. Please don't make this any harder than it needs to be."
"I wish I could-kiss you." Tears misted in his eyes as his hands shook with the need to reach out
for her. "I wish…so many things."
"No, there's no regrets." Regrets had almost swallowed Kate whole after her mother was
murdered. She didn't want that to happen to Castle. As for her, she had no regrets. She'd gotten to spend the last five years with the man she loved.
It was enough. It had to be.
"All in all, I think we've had a great run," she said, attempting to keep her voice light.
Kate had heard the term 'time froze.' This was the first time she'd ever experienced it. His gaze locked with hers, telling her everything he didn't have the time to voice. "You should go," she finally whispered. The most difficult thing she had ever had to do.
Relief warred with a sudden gut-wrenching pain. She was going to die. And she'd never told him she loved him. She'd shown him in countless ways over the last eleven months. But she hadn't spoken the words. Now all the reasons for waiting seemed pointless.
"Rick." Kate was surprised at the steadiness of her voice even as the tears she'd been holding back started a small, slow trek down her cheeks. Emotions flooded her with each small syllable as she whispered, "I love you."
"I love you, too."
Once again their gazes locked, speaking without words as they had done so often. But finally he turned.
She would have said the word out loud but her voice had deserted her.
Always.
Kate didn't know how much time had passed. Didn't want to know. Her eyes were closed so she wouldn't accidently look at the glowing numbers. She had already had one experience watching the seconds tick by before a bomb exploded and she had no intention of repeating it.
Memories of Castle had filled her mind. She wanted her last thought to be of him and focusing on her partner kept her fear manageable. She was brave, but she was also human. No amount of acceptance could completely drive away her fear of the unknown; worse, an unknown she had no control over.
She'd just run through all of the times he'd told her 'Always.' The first time stuck in her mind-outside of the warehouse where they had just rescued Ryan and Esposito, in the back of an ambulance, her re-wrapping his injured hand. A hand he had injured showing her what 'Always' really meant. A hand that had been so firm yet gentle as he kissed her for the first time.
Which had gotten her to thinking of all the times they had kissed…
This was it. This was what she wanted to be thinking about when she left this world.
When she left him.
No! She couldn't think about that.
The kisses. She needed to focus on the kisses.
Starting with-
"Hey, what are you doing?"
At first Kate thought she was hearing things. She had to be, right?
Castle wouldn't-
No, actually, he would.
"Napping?" he continued once Kate had opened her eyes. "Cause I can come back later."
"Castle, what are you doing here? You promised-"
"Yeah, I promised I'd leave. But I didn't promise I wouldn't come back."
She should have known. Of course Castle would find a loophole.
"I got coffee-later-for when you're off that thing."
His manner was so casual, as if it was just another day, another crime scene.
But it wasn't.
"No Castle, please. You have to leave now." As much as his presence calmed her, as glad as she was to see him again when she thought she never would, she wouldn't let him risk his life for her. Not this time. "There's no reason for both of us to die."
"Oh, I didn't come here to die. I came here to defuse the bomb. There's still a chance."
"Yes, a one in 100,000 chance." The stakes had been considerably lower when he'd pulled the wires from the bomb two years ago. It wasn't worth the risk.
"Great. While there's still a chance, I'm not giving up."
Of course he wasn't. She was going to have to appeal the one weakness he had that was greater than herself.
Alexis.
"Castle, listen to me. I've already come to peace with this. And that doesn't include Alexis losing her father." And Alexis wasn't the only one to consider. "Or Martha her son."
"Come on, what am I supposed to do? Walk out the door while you're standing all the way over there by yourself?"
"Yes!" Kate realized she was fighting a losing battle. He wasn't going to leave. But he had to. If not for Alexis and Martha, then for her. She could handle anything if she knew he was going to survive this. "Yes, that's exactly-"
"Wait a second-"
Kate knew that tone. He had stumbled upon something, figured something out.
Was there actually a chance…?
Kate could hardly believe it. They'd actually done it. They had actually defused the bomb. One in 100,000 chance and they had done it.
"Wait, Castle." She stopped him before he finished crossing the street to where a small crowd was waiting for them. "Listen, thank you for staying with me."
If he hadn't, she wouldn't be here.
"Always."
A half smile formed on Kate's face before she leaned into him to-hear the siren of the red unmarked car that approached.
Gates. Crap. Couldn't they have had just a couple more minutes?
Ryan, almost skipping like a little kid in his relief, went straight to Castle.
"Perfect timing," Castle said and chuckled.
Kate agreed. As much as she wanted some time alone with Castle-okay, some more time alone with Castle, it just wouldn't be the same if they didn't get interrupted.
Esposito was more sedate, walking up with his usual unhurried but confident stride. "You good?"
"Yeah," she assured him as she pulled him into a hug. "Did she see?"
"No," was all Esposito said before pulling away.
Once again, just in time.
"Glad to see you, Detective," Captain Gates said as she approached. "Even you, Mr. Castle. I have to say, I don't know too many men who would've done what you did."
Kate couldn't keep the smile from her lips any more than she could tamp down the glint of affection in her eyes. "Neither do I."
Reminding herself that giving in to the temptation to kiss him this once wasn't worth having him kicked out of the precinct Kate looked away. If she looked into those beautiful blue eyes even half a second longer she wouldn't be able to hold herself back.
"Oh, for heaven's sake, Detective! Just kiss the man."
Kate wasn't sure which of them was more shocked: her, Castle, Ryan or Esposito.
"Sir, you know?"
"What? Do you think I'm an idiot? I needed to maintain plausible deniability. Which I can continue as long as you two both act professionally at the precinct."
Gates knew. Gates knew and she was letting him stay.
That outcome had to have had even greater odds than Kate and Castle defusing the bomb. One in one hundred million, at least.
"I know I can, but Captain, she has a long history of coming on to me at work-"
At another time Kate may have been at least irritated at him suggesting such a thing. But he had a right to use his defense mechanism after what they had just been through.
"I don't think it will be a problem, Sir," was all she said.
"Good. Meanwhile, as long as we're on neutral ground here I'd say, uh, he deserves it, wouldn't you?"
Kate almost laughed. The woman was actually encouraging her to kiss Castle. But she couldn't disagree. At the very least he deserved a kiss. "Yes Sir, I would."
For once Castle's smug grin didn't bother her. Especially since there was also humor dancing in his eyes. Kate turned to him and put her hands on his shoulders, ready to give him the crème d le crème of all kisses.
Which reminded her of what had been on her mind before he had returned to the room, what she had wanted to be the last thing on her mind when she thought she was never going to see him again.
And she wanted to tell him. Sharing things with Castle was still something she was continuing to learn to get more comfortable doing. But this was something she wanted him to know.
"You know, Castle, when I was standing up there I kept thinking about all the times we've kissed. And I was trying to decide on the best one."
"And what do you think?"
"I think we're just getting started."
So are any of you thinking I'm just going to write 'novelized' versions of my favorite scenes? Not that there is anything wrong with that, but no. Instead, I'm going to write a series of short stories (there possibly might be some one-shots, too; it depends on my muse that can be a very fickle creature at times; originally THIS was going to be a one-shot). "Hollywood Heat," the story mentioned in the title of this collection, is the one I'm going to be writing next. I've been hesitating to write this one because it's going to get, um, weird. REALLY weird. But I needed to write it to get over what I know about the last three episodes of season 5 (and I haven't even watched the last two except for the last scene of 'Watershed'; I'm waiting until the night 6x01 airs-so in my fantasy world 'Still's is my season finale.) You could call it crossover/crack/romance/angst and maybe parody or humor. And since I'm not completely known for writing 'normal stories' anyway…. Let's just say, I need to add an additional disclaimer:
Disclaimer #2: I do not own the show Phineas & Ferb. That would be Disney. I did not come up with the concept of Dr. Doofenshmirtz , Perry the Platypus (aka Agent P) or Dr. D's many 'inator' inventions. Although I will be creating one for this story….
Now, on to deal with the last three episodes of season 5 in a very unique way….