This story is rated M.

The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with this story. After the story is completed, all Twilight references and character names will be changed and copyrighted. Copyright 2017 by Jenndur. This story may not be duplicated, copied, printed or otherwise reproduced in anyway, nor can it be reposted on any other website without the expressed written authorization of the author.

This story contains adult subject matter, strong language, controversial topics, mentions of drug and underage alcohol use, mentions of rape, mentions of self-injury, and consensual sexual content. You have been warned.

Summary: Ricochet, you shoot us down, but we won't fall. We're titanium, we're bulletproof… Would getting help mean that I would lose myself, who I was? Would things get better or would they just get worse? Self-destructive Isabella learns to overcome the challenges of dealing with BPD. AH/OOC. B/E eventually.

A/N: Hello! Here is the beginning of Titanium... You should probably read Ricochet before continuing with this story, but you don't have to. It's been years since I last wrote or posted anything, so please be gentle with me. I appreciate any and all reviews, favorites and follows. I no longer use my twitter account, but if you'd like to follow me, you can find me on FB.

ENJOY!

Chapter 1

Isabella POV - May 14th, 2010

"Are you ready to go, Isabella?" Kate asked.

No, I thought to myself. I doubt I'd ever be ready.

I glanced to the clock on the wall, watching as it counted away the time – hours, minutes, seconds… it had been almost 24 hours since I received my diagnosis.

My diagnosis… Borderline Personality Disorder.

It was scary to even admit to. I wondered briefly if I would have even been diagnosed at all if I hadn't moved to Forks four months ago. Hitting rock bottom was inevitable, that I was sure of. But if I had stayed with Renee and Phil, would I have just slipped under the radar? Would I have even still be alive?

I guess it didn't really matter now because I couldn't change the past. I have BPD and I needed treatment according to Kate and Dr. Cullen.

I knew Kate hadn't moved, still waiting for my response, but I couldn't look at her. I was still too angry that it was her idea to send me to Colorado. It was feeling too much like the last time, when Renee sent me here. She wouldn't deal with my problems, so she handed me off to my dad.

This time around, though, I'm being sent away to someone that can "fix" me.

Honestly, I didn't think this would help at all. Failing would just add to the disappointment from everyone, myself included. If, and that's a really big if, it did work, would I lose myself, who I was? Sure, I barely felt like I knew myself and I didn't really like who I was, but the unknown scared me. Just the thought of change terrified me – good and bad because it was unpredictable.

I think the biggest thing is that regardless of the outcome of treatment, I was scared shitless of losing Edward. It's a lose-lose situation with him.

If I didn't get help and stayed the same, it'd only be a matter of time before he gave up on me and that's something I know I couldn't handle. But if I did get help and get "fixed," who's to say he'd even like that person?

Tears filled my eyes as I wished Edward was here to reassure me again, to give me a breath-squeezing hug. But he wasn't. He'd said his goodbyes yesterday afternoon.

It wasn't fair for me to expect him to show up again, just to torture us both.

"Isabella?" Kate questioned again, gently.

The clock continued to tick away time. It was getting to be extremely close to the last possible minute before we absolutely had to leave. I couldn't wait on Edward to show any longer.

"Isabella. You need to go. As much as I don't want you to leave, what I want more is for you to get better, to get help. But you've got to want it too. You won't get any help if you don't want to get better for youself."

…

"You know how much I love you, and that will never change. Okay?"

…

"When you leave, I want you to focus on your and only you. Not us. But when… if the time comes… I'll be waiting."

He was right.

I did need to go. I didn't want to be this broken girl anymore. I wanted to be different, bet better. I did want the help for myself. But with Edward's promise of waiting for me… for us, ringing in my head, I made the decision.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Kate preparing to call out my name yet again.

"Okay," I breathed. "I'm ready."

Kate smiled softly, gathering one of my bags into her hands before she started out the room, leaving me to follow. I paused for a moment, just inside the door frame, gently pressing my palm to the door before crossing the threshold.

I was silently saying goodbye – to my life here, to the broken girl who'd hit rock bottom.

See you later, Edward.

Welcome to Fort Collins, Colorado.

I sighed, feeling anxiety creeping up on me. It was dark as we drove up the gravel path. It felt a lot like driving up to the Cullen household, but my nerves reminded me that it was not their house. Instead it was a large gated property. It had a few two-story buildings on the premises – that much I could make out.

The car stopped just outside what I assumed was the entrance. A small woman stood in the doorway, waiting for us. She was older and wore a kind smile as she stepped aside to let us inside.

Before I could stop and take everything in, the woman started walking through what appeared to be a small, yet welcoming lobby. She disappeared through another door. My steps slowed, but Kate nudged me to continue on my path.

The office was small, bland with only a few knickknacks. There were quite a few filing cabinets behind her large wooden desk. She sat with a sigh and gestured for us to do the same. I sat carefully and watched Kate set my bags on the floor between our chairs.

"Welcome to Clearview, Isabella," the woman said, drawing my attention back to her. "My name is Sandra, and I'll be checking you in and making sure you get settled in."

I just nodded minutely.

"Let's get started then. I'm sure you're tired from your long trip and would like to get to bed." I didn't say anything again. I was tired – exhausted even – but I didn't think I'd be getting sleep anytime soon. Not a restful sleep, anyway. "Now, normally we'd be filling out paperwork first, but your parents have already done that. It was faxed over this morning, but if I could get you to review the information to make sure its correct to the best of your knowledge and then sign and date it in the appropriate places."

I nodded, reaching out to take the small stack of papers. So that's what my parents were working on this morning. I stared at the papers, not really checking for mistakes. That was my parents' responsibility. I wasn't the one who decided to check myself into this facility.

I leaned forward, resting the papers on the desk and grabbed a pen to sign my name. I set the pen down on top of the stack and fell back into my chair. It was uncomfortable.

"Okay, we'll be getting you to fill out a personal addition history and do some diagnostic and drug testing. We'll also need to perform a physical exam. But since it's so late, we can leave that all for the morning. Just one thing left."

She looked to Kate, who then placed all my bags up on the desk. I didn't understand what was going on, until Sandra began unzipping one of my bags. I protested loudly as she pulled items out of my bag.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I yelled at her.

Kate tried to calm me, shushing me gently and telling me to relax. I wasn't having it. At my outburst, Sandra paused.

"Isabella, I'm checking your belongings for items such as illegal substances and or weapons. We do not tolerate these here at Clearview, and if you are caught with any of the items on this list" – she handed me a laminated paper to look over – "you will no longer be able to stay at this facility."

"Okay," I replied, but stayed at the edge of my seat. I really didn't like a stranger going through my stuff. She took a few things, like my nail clippers, and said I'd get them back once my stay here was over.

Sandra also had to strip-search me. I begged and pleaded with Kate to tell Sandra that she didn't need to do that. I'd been with Kate the entire time, from the hospital to here.

"It's procedure, Isabella," Sandra said in a firm, but apologetic tone. "I'll be quick," she promised.

True to her word, it didn't take long. She then led us down a dim hallway, her shoes clacked loudly as it broke up the silence. I counted each clack, up to 47, before we stopped at a darkened door.

"This'll be your room," Sandra said softly, opening the door.

I walked in and let her give me a short tour. I had a private bedroom and bathroom. I briefly wondered how my parents were going to afford that, but I honestly didn't care.

The room was small, as was the bathroom. A plain twin bed was tucked away in a corner with a nightstand that held a lamp and an alarm clock. Next to that was a large chair that looked comfortable. On the other side of the room, under the dark windows, was a desk and a book shelf.

I sighed heavily. This would be my new home for who knew how long. I set my bags on the edge of the bed and sat down beside them.

"In the morning," Sandra began, "I'll find you around eight thirty so we can finish the intake process. After we're done, you'll meet Dr. Peters. Breakfast is at eight and I'll have one of the girls show you around." I nodded curtly to show her I heard her. "I'll give you two a few minutes to say goodbye then."

She left the door ajar, which I hated. Just another thing I guess I'd have to get used to.

"I think you'll like Dr. Peters. Garrett went to school with Carlisle and me. He's very good," Kate said from her spot in the chair.

What did she want me to say? I'd had a difficult time trying to open myself up and talk with her. And now she expected me to do this, with a dude no less.

As I'd been doing all evening, I nodded in response. She grabbed her purse and pulled out a small book. She handed it to me, and upon further inspection, I realized it was a journal.

"I wanted to give you that because I know how hard it is for you to talk about how you're feeling sometimes. It might be easier to gather your thoughts this way."

"Thanks," I replied gruffly, trying to keep the tears at bay, and set it on top of my duffle.

She smiled softly and stood up straight. She opened her arms, offering me a hug. I bolted up, wrapping myself around her. Tears blurred my vision as I begged her to stay, to not leave me.

"You're overwhelmed, I know. Just take some deep breaths. You'll be okay. You'll get through this," she whispered in my ear. She held me until I was calm again. "You'll be fine." She moved away, breaking our connection as she gathered her purse.

"Bye, Kate," I said roughly.

"Goodbye, Isabella." She closed the door behind her.

I was left alone in my new room. No longer having to hold it together, I burst into loud sobs, curling into myself on top of the covers of my bed. The last person I knew just walked out of my life, leaving me on my own.