Let Go
By Laura Schiller
Based on: Wings series
Copyright: Aprilynne Pike
Connor and Rhoslyn had been arguing for days. The air in the cottage was tight with tension; sometimes it felt like you could snap it with a knife. Rhoslyn's time-worn wrinkles were deeper than ever; as for Connor, he looked otherworldly, as if the sunlight shone through him. As if he had already said goodbye to Avalon … and was determined not to be stopped.
"You can't do this," Rhoslyn would hiss in controlled anger, either not knowing or not caring that their son was on the other side of the door. "You have so much time left. Thirty, forty years perhaps. Why throw it all away?"
"I'm not throwing anything away," Connor would respond with calm deliberation. "I'm giving it away, for the good of all fae. I've made up my mind, Rhoslyn. Nothing you say can stop me."
She jammed her hands into her hips, green eyes glaring. Tamani had inherited his passion from her, but his stubbornness from both of them.
"You have some knot-brained idea of duty and sacrifice in your head!" she shot back. "And meanwhile you've got two generations of seedlings who love you and need you right here, not to mention me! We've been entwined since my first blossom, Connor! Haven't you stopped to think of how I'd feel, losing you?"
Tamani felt an eerie sense of déjà vu as he peered around the living-room doorway. His parents, facing off on opposite sides of the wooden table, their set faces lit by flickering buttercup lamps, could have been himself and Laurel long ago.
Why do you go? Stay. Stay with me.
Stop! Tamani, I can't. I just can't be part of your world right now.
The regret in Laurel's pale green eyes was mirrored in the amber ones of his father.
Connor gathered his handfasted partner up in a tight embrace.
"I'm sorry, darling," he said, burying his face in her long black hair. "I'm so sorry my decision causes you pain. But don't you see … I'll still be there, watching over Avalon from inside the World Tree. Watching over you. All you'll have to do is look up into its branches and there I'll be, forever."
"But you won't be you anymore," she sobbed, clinging to his shirt. "I won't be able to hold you like this, to talk to you … "
Connor pulled back slighly to look eye to eye with Rhoslyn. "Would you rather see me die?" he asked, softly but firmly. "Would you rather see me wilting slowly, decade after decade? The disease is already progressing. I've gone to the healers; there's nothing they can do. They say the Tree takes you quickly. And if I have learned anything in my century and a half to benefit future seekers, all the better."
He stroked her cheek with one hand. "You must learn to let go, Rhoslyn, for your sake and mine. I don't want my last moments to be filled with remorse for the tears in your eyes."
Rhoslyn stepped back and wiped her eyes with a cotton handkerchief, her face turned away.
"All right," she said, her voice trembling. "If it's so important to you … I won't stand in your way. I love you, you stubborn old fool. Don't forget that when you're off doing … well … whatever the Silent Ones do in there."
She made a weak attempt at laughter, but it didn't go far.
"Stop listening at the door, Tamani," she aid. "It's time to say goodbye."
Tamani, startled but not too much (his mother's powers of detection were almost magical), entered the room with uncertain steps. He glanced from Rhoslyn, who had sat down in her favorite rocking chair, to Connor, who was standing by the table with his hands in his pockets. Everything about him was heartbreakingly familiar: the loose white shirt and brown trousers he wore for his work as a Tender, his shoulder-length brown hair with its orange roots (oranges were his favorite snack), the calluses on his hands and his air of warmth and serenity. It was the last time Connor de Aoife would stand in this room.
There was an awkward moment where none of them knew what to say; how do you say goodbye forever?
Then Connor held out his arms without a word, and Tamani ran right into them. He held on to his father like a new seedling, as if he'd never let go.
There was no need to say the obvious things, such as I love you or I'll miss you. There was a long string of reproaches in Tamani's mind, but he bit them all back; he had learned his lesson with Laurel. Goodbyes should never be spoiled by an argument; you wanted the other person to leave thinking kindly of you. Even if they left never to return.
As if Connor had been reading his son's mind, he said: "Tamani, listen. Before I leave, I want to give you a word of advice. You may resent me for it, but remember that I only want the best for you."
"What is it, Father?"
Connor placed his hands on Tamani's shoulders and looked him steadily in the eye.
"About that Fall faerie of yours … the scion … "
"Laurel?" The sap flowed faster in his veins just thinking of her.
"Your loyalty to her is commendable, my son. But sometimes … hard as it may be to believe … the wisest thing to do is let go."
Tamani clenched his fists and glowered. He didn't want to be wise when it came to Laurel. Laurel who had promised to be here by now, by the end of May, and had yet to appear. There had to be a reason she wasn't coming!
"You can't tell me that, Father," he said. "I'll never stop loving her. Never!"
Connor's face betrayed no anger or disapproval; only perhaps a hint of sadness.
"I thought as much."
The aging faerie moved towards the door, keeping his eyes on his partner and son as if it hurt to look away.
"I'm going to say goodbye to Kira and Deidre and their families now," he said, meaning Tamani's sisters. "And then I will find the tree. Don't follow me, please. You know the stories. I need this to be private."
He kissed Tamani on the forehead, then did the same to Rhoslyn, before he left. The door opened and closed with quiet deliberation, as it had closed on Connor's walks to and from his garden every workday Tamani could remember. His hand would never touch tht door again.
Tamani held his mother as she wept, still too bewildered and angry to grieve. The words he hadn't said echoed over and over in his mind.
Why do you go? Stay with me.