He never meant to hurt his brother. Not again. He knows he's already hurt him too many times. Too many times that he would like to forget. Well, not forget exactly. He just wishes he'd never hurt his brother in the past. Should never have ignored what his brother had told him. Everything was going so well for them. Ever since their birth mother had passed away their relationship had been on the right track. They were closer than they had ever been. Not only had their mother's death brought them close together but the discovery that his brother, his little brother had inherited Huntington's had made them cherish the moments they had together. They made sure that when they did have the occasional disagreements apologies were said and there weren't bad words left between , now he knows he's hurt his brother again. He feels guilty once more and blames himself for never learning from his mistakes. He can still picture the look on his brother's face the moment he caught them. He can also still hear the words that were exchanged in the heat of the moment. More precisely his words. Words he never meant to say. Words that cut through both of them like knives. The lump in his throat returns as he hears himself tell his brother that he wishes his disease would appear now. That it took control over his brother's body. He hears himself yell at his brother that he won't have to deal with him since he'll be in a care home. He hears himself say he'll be glad when the disease wins and his brother's dead. Hot tears roll down his cheeks as the words echo in his mind and come back to haunt him. His stomach tightens as he closes his eyes and sees the words 'his brother's dead' across his mind. His heart is heavy as he imagines his life without his brother. He imagines his words coming true and the guilt he would feel. It would be his fault his brother died. He just hoped his words didn't come true. He would never forgive himself if anything happened to his brother. Would never forgive himself to know that the last words he had said to him were that he wished he was dead. His mind then turns to what his brother had said to him. He can hear his brother yell at him. Calling him selfish, telling him he's always thought about himself. Telling him he's never cared about anyone in his life. Shouting he's always gotten what he's wanted. He doesn't deny what his brother is saying. It's true. He's always gotten what he's wanted and has done ever since they were kids. And while as kids he had enjoyed getting what he wanted over what his brother wanted, it had gone too far this time. This time, time was precious. And time was something his brother didn't have much of. Won't have much of when his symptoms. His brother deserves to be happy and he is not about to ruin it for him. In a way, he's jealous of his brother because, this time ,it's him who's been lucky with women when it's normally the other way round. He's also jealous that his brother has found someone who actually cares and not someone who reminds him of Taylor.
Cal closes his eyes again as he thinks about everything that he and Ethan had been through over the past couple of years. Their brotherly relationship has been tested so many times. Mostly because of him. Mostly of what he'd done to his brother. The first time he'd tested his relationship with Ethan since their adoptive mother had passed away, was when he stole the money. The money his brother had worked so hard for. Then almost losing Ethan in the car crash that killed Jeff. Losing Matilda and finding out they were adopted. Followed by Ethan discovering Cal had lied to him. And finally, the two of them losing Emilie, their birth mum. Though, the biggest shock of all, the one that would test how close their brotherly bond was, was the devastating news that Ethan had inherited the gene. Yet, somehow through all the strife the two of them managed to pull through. They managed to show that their brotherly bond could withstand anything life throws at them. Even when the news that Ethan would develop Huntington's was still sinking in and Cal overheard his brother say to Lily that he wished Cal had inherited the gene instead, their brotherly love never faltered. Cal knew Ethan never meant to say what he said. He was just upset and scared, just like Cal was. From then on, Cal promised he would be there for him whenever he needed him. However, it looks like the promise he made to his brother has been broken once again. Cal realizes he's tested his relationship with his brother too far this time and he's crossed the line. A line he doesn't think that can be mended, but one he hopes he can.
It's been a couple of hours since Cal had last seen his brother. In fact, the last time he had seen Ethan was the moment Ethan had found him and Alicia together. Since then, Cal had heard nothing from either Ethan or Alicia. While he cared about both of them, right now he was more worried about Ethan and the fact that he hadn't been in contact with him. He understands that Ethan doesn't want to talk to him, but Cal desperately wants to make things right between them. He wants to apologize to him for saying he wished he was dead. He wants to tell his brother how much he means to him and he would never want anything to happen to him. Cal knows he's never exactly been the best brother in the world but, he wants to make up for it while there's still time left. Something Charlie said to him comes flooding back. The words 'be his big brother' repeats in his mind and Cal decides it's time for him to act on those words and be the big brother he should have been. Dialing Ethan's number he hopes his brother picks up, but he is soon through to voicemail.
"Hi, Ethan. It's me. Well, of course you know it's me because you're not picking up. Anyway, we need to talk. I need to talk. So can you please ring be back when you get this message?" Cal then hangs up the phone.