Disclaimer: Jack and Ianto don't belong to me at all, they belong to Russell T Davies, the BBC, their wonderful writers and to John Barrowman and Gareth David-Lloyd for bringing them to life so convincingly. I make no money from this, please don't sue me. I'm really just borrowing them. This story doesn't include smut. Nevertheless, I promise I'll wash them both down with hot soapy water and give them back afterwards. I might wash Ianto down twice. I might use a sponge… or let Jack use his tongue. They'll be clean, anyway, that's the point.

Author's Notes:

With more thanks for editing/beta reading to Tigerdust who writes great stories. You should really read them, and leave reviews so that we get more of them.

Thedoctorshope900 challenged me to write a Janto fic without smut after the thing with the paperclips, and my brain melted. After lots of overly dramatic cries of: "It can't be done!" I eventually wrote this. I also wrote the disclaimer above to make up for it a bit. My Jack muse is not impressed with me right now.

That means that it's smut free, although there is a bit of innuendo at the beginning and at the end. I don't think I could have done it without a public place, and I didn't dare to write what happened as they wandered around the aisles for fear of Jack finding the filing cabinets.

I should note in reference to the old couple in the story that I once had a call at work from this bloke who used to fly fighter planes in the war. Don't ask me how we got onto the subject. I'm really good on telephones, maybe not so good at actual telephone work as such. Anyway, he was born in the twenties or something ridiculously early like that. Now, if you've done telephone work, you'll know that in a conversation, age means nothing whatsoever. And he's all there. And he's a real-life hero. I was really, really impressed.

So, I'm chatting away, maybe flirting a tiny little bit (it was near Remembrance Day, and I confess I used the poppy atrociously), and while I did, I asked him what it was like when they won. And he says that he can't really remember. I was about to reply with something sympathetic along the lines of it being so long ago, when he said he couldn't remember because everyone got blind drunk for a week. It made me giggle.

The story Battleships is referred to. You don't need to read that for this story, but you can read it if you want by clicking on my profile.

Jack's List 4: Office Galaxy

"Ready?" Jack asked, feet twitching in anticipation as they stood outside the superstore. Office Galaxy. His hands tightened slightly on the shopping cart as he imagined all the items that waited for him inside. It was a Saturday morning, one of those days in early spring that was still just cool enough for him to wear his coat. There was sunshine though, and the birds were singing happily. Office Galaxy also appeared to be rather popular. He absent-mindedly reached a hand down for a second to pat a dog that was tied up outside as it wagged its tail. Maybe it was because they sold computers as well, but Jack was surprised at the mixture of people walking in and out of its doors.

"Just a minute," Ianto said, taking a deep breath, smoothing his hands down over the front of his jacket as Jack watched. He seemed to be slightly nervous if that frown was anything to go by. Perhaps he should be; Jack fully intended to buy binder clips. "How did you get me here?" Ianto asked, obviously surprised to find himself in his current predicament. Jack smirked as he leaned forward on the shopping cart.

"At first you didn't want to, so I tied you up and tormented you for hours until you said yes." He thought about it, and revised his statement. "Actually, I tormented you until you begged me to let you come." A woman walking by stumbled as she overheard, and Jack winked at her. With a horrified little gasp she hurried on into the store, pretending to mind her own business, heels clicking on the plastic laminated tiles. Some people have no sense of humor! To his credit, Ianto did make a little half-smile.

"Oh, yeah," Ianto said, sounding as if he was remembering it. Funny, he'd suspected all along that Ianto just wanted to be reminded. "Jack," he said, more seriously. "Do I have to tell you not to scare the locals?"

"Mummy!" a little voice near them called out. Jack looked around and found a small child staring at him in awe. He rooted around in his coat pocket and came out with a crinkling plastic bag of – what were they? – miniature crème eggs.

"Hey!" he said, throwing one down to kid height, and the boy snatched it from the air with a gleeful cry.

"Good catch, kid!" Jack said.

"Say, thank you," the boy's mother prompted, with a little smile for Jack, nudging the kid.

"Thank you, mister," he said dutifully, and the boy's mother smiled at him again before heading into the store, taking hold of the boy's hand. He looked around and caught Ianto staring at him.

"What?" he questioned defensively. Ianto took a breath, but before he could speak someone else did.

"I haven't seen one of those coats for years," a wavering voice said behind Jack. He turned and found an elderly couple walking up to them in the slow and careful way only the very old had mastered. He saw their age and frailty, and it didn't really register. He could almost see their youth as sweethearts amongst the bombs and the shortages. Nothing was really in short supply for them now except for time.

"RAF," the man said with a nod. "I was in the Navy myself. Different world it was back then…" his voice drifted away into silence as Jack held out the bag of miniature crème eggs. The old woman gave him a brilliant smile as they both took one. Nobody knew how the world had changed like him, because he hadn't changed with it.

"I know," he said with a wink, "and seeing you now, that must have been one hell of a party in nineteen-forty-five." Jack didn't remember it himself. He'd been too drunk, along with all of the men under his command. It had lasted for days. The woman suddenly laughed, and nudged her husband, who broke out into a wide grin.

"You're not wrong there!" he said warmly with a little laugh. "I was on a sub at the time. The navigator was so out of it he forgot where home was and we ended up in the middle of the Pacific!" Jack chuckled as if he was a co-conspirator. The man looked at him for a long moment, a calm assessing gaze behind the disguise of so many years, and then shook his hand as if they were old friends. Jack took it. "Pleased to meet you, Sir," Jack said, and the old man returned his hand to his wife's arm as they said their goodbyes and walked away, slowly but steadily, still together after so long. Jack sighed happily and then faced Ianto again.

"All right," Ianto said. "Men, women, children, animals and old people all love you," he admitted dryly. "I suppose we're just waiting on the weevils." Jack held out the bag of miniatures.

"And Ianto Jones." He watched as Ianto succumbed to the temptation and took one of the chocolates, some amusing memory between them both as they looked into each other's eyes. At last, Ianto smiled.

"You're not waiting for that," he said, just leaving enough doubt for Jack to enjoy it properly. Jack checked the bag, and took one of the little chocolates for himself. One left there for the checkout girl. He just knew he wasn't going to behave, and already felt a bit guilty. Ianto should know. He breathed in slowly, then made his confession.

"You might, uh, need to watch me near the filing cabinets," he warned, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. Ianto nodded.

"Understood, Sir." There was a clinking sound and Jack looked down. Ianto had one of those elegant hands on the side of the cart, the cuff link in his shirt sleeve was resting against the metal. For some reason, it made Jack feel really nice. Ianto caught him watching and caught his eye, then nodded seriously, as though he was going into war himself. "Ready."

After a very fun and eventful slow walk around that included a rather heated and passionate argument about binder clips (Jack had finally agreed to let Ianto use them as well), they stood side by side in front of one of the model photocopiers on display. Ianto swallowed, and then spoke softly. "I sort of expected something like this to happen once."

Something wasn't quite right in his tone. There was a faraway look in his eyes, and Jack put all of the silliness aside at once, becoming serious. It felt as though the sun had gone in. "What did you expect?"

Ianto looked a little sad."I imagined being in a place like this. But with Lisa, looking at washing machines." Jack nodded, understanding. Something hurt in him on Ianto's behalf, but he resisted cheapening anything with a misplaced comment. He was older than Ianto. That didn't mean he wasn't affected, but it did mean that he understood.

"We… never really got around to that bit," Ianto said, frowning, looking so utterly lost that it made Jack's world tilt sickeningly. Ianto always seemed so capable. Sometimes it was easy to forget how young he was, and what he'd endured.

Jack made no reply. Words were meaningless here. In the silence between them he took Ianto's hand into his and just looked at him, smiling tenderly when he felt fingers close around his own in response.

"Jack, I…" he stopped short, as if he was suddenly seeing how his words might be taken. Jack's world continued to tilt and nothing was as it should be. Still, it wasn't going to make him listen to Ianto apologize. Not after everything.

"Don't," he said, turning to face him, aware that holding Ianto's hand was as much as they could get away with here in this public place. "If it had been different, don't you realize yet I'd never make you choose?" If Lisa had been just a girl, just ordinary, then he wouldn't. Of course, that didn't mean he wouldn't have tempted Ianto his way with all sorts of different things. Jack imagined some of those things, and felt the beginnings of a smile on his lips. But Lisa hadn't been just a girl. He'd had to force Ianto into making a choice. He really had. And when Ianto had failed to make the decision, Jack had made it for him.

"I wanted to," he said quietly. "I knew it was all over really. And I wanted to, but I… I just couldn't. I would never have done it. Never. Not to her." He sighed, and after a minute Jack finally smiled. Ianto looked at him. "I want you," he said suddenly, blurting it out as though it wanted to be something else. This wasn't the place.

"I know," he said eventually, then decided to lighten the atmosphere. "You're curious about the paper clips. But I'll show you everything," he promised, unable to resist, and his world moved back to its rightful place when he saw that instant where the cold, lonely look in Ianto's eyes softened into something that was like happiness. Jack decided to take it as happiness. "And I won't make you choose now." He hoped Ianto understood the meaning behind his words. There were many who had a claim on his own emotions, it didn't mean he thought of Ianto any less, or any of them. Love was too encompassing to be exclusive, and he'd never insult it by restricting himself that way… or anyone else.

"You might like this one, Sir," Ianto said eventually, obviously to change the subject, and Jack turned back to the photocopier obediently. "It has the ability to enlarge things."

Jack was silent for an instant, not having expected the teasing at all, but then refused to be beaten by it. "Good! We can use it on you then."

"Anytime you want a rematch at Battleships, Sir, just let me know," Ianto replied without looking at him. Jack raised a disbelieving eyebrow. Ha! Not likely! Obviously, Ianto just wanted to turn him into some kind of slave. Although, actually… that sounded rather interesting – especially now that they had binder clips. Jack struggled for a moment on the edge of asking, and he knew Ianto was aware of it, because his eyes twinkled. How was it he always won in the end?

"I think it costs too much," Jack said in the end, troubled. He just knew Ianto was going to come back with something far cleverer. It'd better not be anything about being cheap.

"It is on special offer," Ianto pointed out. Jack's eyes followed Ianto's to the sign at the side of the photocopier. It was the bit that said 'Today Only' that made Jack gave in completely.

"Ok! Let's go!" He let go of Ianto's hand, turned the cart, and Ianto walked quickly to keep up with him, that little frown drawing his eyebrows together.

"What about the photocopier?" he asked.

"Haven't we already got one?" Jack asked in turn, stopping suddenly, a little afraid in case it was broken. Ianto looked at him and blinked.

"Yes, we have, Sir."

"And is it working?" Jack queried.

Ianto gave him a very suspicious look. "Yes."

"Good! Come on!" He pushed the shopping cart before him, noting it was kind of laden down with things. He stopped at the checkout, and swore he heard a kind of disappointed sigh from Ianto at the size of the queue to get out. There was an express checkout that was empty, but they really shouldn't go there. Jack headed for it, putting a hand into the pocket of his coat.

"That's ten items or less," Ianto said beside him. "We have at least thirty-three." Jack stopped and just gave him a look.

"I thought you were versatile?" he said with a bit of mock disapproval, raising his eyebrows as if Ianto had misled him in some way. Ianto smiled faintly, and inclined his head, conceding the point. Jack chuckled. There wasn't an ounce of resentment in him.

"Then you should already know how to do this," Jack said, casting Ianto an appraising glance, remembering. He pulled his hand out of his pocket, something small concealed in his fist as he turned away from Ianto to level his gaze at the checkout girl. There were times when having experience as a con man had its uses. "I'm going to show you something else you can do with a crème egg. We're going to use that checkout. We'll be out of here in under ten minutes."

As it turned out, after showing Ianto what could be done with a smile and a crème egg, they were walking back to the SUV in less than eight minutes (having used the express checkout). And they had somehow managed to get a staff discount. And a mysterious hand-written cell phone number on the back of the receipt, which Jack had time to glance at for a moment before Ianto snatched it from his fingers.

When questioned, Ianto responded with a rambling explanation about office supplies, VAT, tax returns and filing, but Jack thought he might be lying. It was something about how he looked so flustered. And something about the way he "accidentally" let the receipt go through the open window on the drive back to the Hub. Still, at least it meant Ianto wouldn't be able to take the binder clips back to the store. In fact, he wouldn't be able to return anything. Only one of them was going to mind losing the receipt, and that wouldn't be Jack.

Author's Note: Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Comments/constructive criticism welcome. As it would appear, challenges are also welcome, although if you are considering leaving one, please take pity on my poor brain and let me include smut.