A/N: The backbone of this fanfic is made of dialogue and actions from volume 7 of the Saiyuki manga. If you haven't read volume 7 of the manga, there will of course be spoilers and you might be confused by the last bit (although it shouldn't spoil your enjoyment of the fic).
Warnings - this is slash (aka Yaoi. That's a guy and another guy having sex) and features stuff like bondage and other things that might offend you. If you're my grandmother. Feedback is welcome, but flamers face the wrath of an angry gun-wielding priest.
OK, now go ahead and read.
You realise this is no laughing matter. Those men are on a serious mission… and yet they continue to sidetrack.
It's not always a waste of time to stop, kiddo. Besides… those boyos still have a long way to go.
The silence between them was beginning to become unbearable. Gojyo understood that Sanzo had to be pretty pissed off with him – his bitching had almost got the priest killed; Goku and Hakkai may already be dead. Sanzo had every right to ignore him. That didn't mean Gojyo had to like it.
"…hey," he murmured finally, quietly enough that Sanzo could choose not to hear if he didn't want to. A small huff from the priest told him that his companion had acknowledged the word.
"What?" Sanzo snapped irritably. All the way up the mountain, Gojyo had been staring at him forlornly like a kicked puppy. If he thought for a second that he could do this alone, the Kappa wouldn't be here. How could Sanzo hate him when every time he glanced to his left those seductive red eyes that looked back at him were full of hurt?
"I wanna ask you something." Gojyo stared at his boots, one step in front of the other as they trekked up the mountain towards the creature rumoured to live there. He and Sanzo had fought plenty of times; they could never make it to the end of the day without arguing, usually followed by really great sex. The conflict between them added an extra strength to their relationship – in a twisted way, it was how they showed affection, but the fight they'd had at the inn had been different. Gojyo hadn't felt the thrill of sexual tension as he had hurled insults in Sanzo's face, he'd only felt pain and bitter self-loathing.
"Then ask." Only once before had Sanzo felt such a strong bond with someone. He knew from experience that ties of friendship and love weren't meant to last, but that hadn't stopped him from pursuing the warmth of Gojyo's embrace. Seeing the horror in the Kappa's face as he stood over Sanzo's bleeding body had brought the priest back to earth with a crash.
"Uh… climbing the mountain's dandy and all," Gojyo tried to keep his tone light so as not to provoke the angry priest, "But do you know where we're going?"
Sooner or later, one of them would die, and the other would have to live with the guilt of being left behind. Sanzo couldn't bear to have his heart broken again. The only thing to do was sever his ties with Gojyo; reduce their bond to a purely professional relationship.
"No," he replied in a level, professional tone. Now if only he could prevent his heart from betraying the misery he felt within, he could convince himself that this was for the best.
Crimson eyes narrowed; Gojyo had had enough. "You son of a--"
Finally – a reaction. Sanzo had almost begun to believe that Gojyo was just going to roll over and accept this. Despite the difficulty he knew he would face in getting the half-breed to accept the new terms of their relationship, he didn't want blind consent. He didn't want to feel like a cold, heartless bastard, he wanted Gojyo to accept that this was the only way.
Cutting him off mid-curse, Sanzo replied, "What? Put those feelers on your head to work," and immediately regretted it. This allusion to the bond they shared would give Gojyo false hope. In the private of their bed, Sanzo had frequently vocalised his fondness for the Kappa's unruly hair; he often tangled his fingers in it before they drifted off to sleep, the priest spooned up against the half-breed's back.
A small smile flitted across Gojyo's lips and he stored it away for later. This was beginning to feel more like one of their regular fights, the kind that ended with hot, sweet kisses and rumpled clothes in a pile by the bed. "They are not antennae, you piece of shit priest!" he shot back.
They continued to bicker, speculating about the nature of the boy who had tried to kill them and using every opportunity to slide in an insult whenever possible. It never failed to amuse Gojyo that a priest could have such a repertoire of creative curses and insults. Every argument would inevitably degenerate into a contest for who could be the most offensive.
Sanzo couldn't help himself; he responded to Gojyo's insults in kind, knowing that this was not the way to distance himself. When the Kappa leaned in close, breathing the intoxicating scent of cigarette smoke past Sanzo's face, the priest closed his eyes and took a sharp intake of breath. If Gojyo hadn't broken the spell by speaking, Sanzo didn't know if he could have stopped himself from leaning back into his lover's embrace.
"Let's ditch this place, Sanzo-chan," Gojyo breathed, knowing full well how this was affecting the priest. However, this wasn't the time for flirting; he'd sensed a presence up in the trees. "I do believe we're getting spied on."
Sighing heavily, Sanzo tore himself away from Gojyo's grasp and reached backwards to smack the half-breed in the face. "Tell somebody who doesn't know." He called out, demanding for whoever was out there to show themselves and devious laughter filled the air as dark figures emerged from the trees. Soon enough, they found themselves surrounded by Youkai.
"Gyumaoh's assassins," Gojyo said with a smirk. "Hot damn, do these guys have bad timing." Just as he was getting through to Sanzo, they had to turn up and spoil everything.
As he readied himself for a fight, Sanzo spared a second to turn to the Kappa and say, "And thus it's proven Gojyo, - you are a curse."
The lead Youkai's crappy banter washed over Gojyo and his mind started floating above the scene. This was what happened when he was deeply absorbed in battle or buried inside Sanzo, nearing completion – a sort of out of body experience. It heightened his senses, strength and reflexes and turned him into a fighting (or fucking) machine. Adrenaline coursed through his system and his grasp on reality lasted long enough for him to mutter something about his horoscope and Sanzo's overuse of the word 'excessively', before he descended into that crimson haze that matched the colour of his hair.
The chain of his shakujou wrapped itself around countless victims, tearing and choking until he was surrounded by blood and corpses. Every bullet from Sanzo's gun echoed in his head, confirming that the priest was still alive when Gojyo had to focus elsewhere. Finally, he found himself back to back with his lover, panting hard but not breaking a sweat.
"…hey," Sanzo growled, quickly reloading his gun, "You'rethe one with the bad luck. The rest of these are yours." His heavy breaths had nothing to do with physical exertion. Every time a Youkai had got too close to Gojyo, his heart had jumped in his chest. Such concern wasn't healthy in the heat of battle; his feelings for Gojyo would get them both killed.
An exhilarated Gojyo laughed out loud by his side. "Gasp!" he mocked, "Is the mighty Sanzo already down?" The reassuring pressure of Sanzo's back against his doubled his resolve; fighting alongside his lover made him a better warrior. Sanzo completed him, he couldn't imagine being parted from the priest. "You really are old," he joked, bracing himself to jump back into battle.
Out of the corner of his eye, Sanzo saw a Youkai taking advantage of the break in their assault and getting way too close to Gojyo. Without a second thought, trusting his lover to move out of the way, he put a bullet through the attacking Youkai's heart.
"Shit!" Gojyo hadn't seen it coming, he'd just moved by instinct. Something had told him to duck and he'd obeyed it with every fibre of his being. Whatever the fuck it was, he didn't like being controlled.
"God-dammit!" he snapped, taking his anger out on Sanzo. "Stop shooting at me, ya damn priest!"
"I shoot what's in the way, you filthy cockroach!" An unexplainable anger welled up inside Sanzo. Before he fell in love, everything was simpler. Being alone, taking care of himself, had suited him fine. He didn't like having to worry about someone he couldn't keep safe. Firing blindly, he started to shoot everything in sight; corpses or live Youkai, he didn't care as long as Gojyo kept out of the way of his bullets.
And then there was one.
The last Youkai standing; well, sitting actually, looked up at Sanzo with hate filled eyes. "How could you?" he snarled, breathing laboured. When Sanzo cocked his pistol and placed the cold steel against the Youkai's temple, the demon yelped in fear.
"So you're the last, are you?" the priest spat. Emotionlessly, Gojyo watched, his blood smeared shakujou slung casually over his shoulder. He saw in those droopy purple eyes the raw passion that made him fall in love with Sanzo in the first place.
"That was 10 minutes of my life I'm never getting back," Sanzo complained. "It's gonna cost you."
"You really underestimated us," Gojyo smirked. "I know you were excited to only see two of us, but we're more than enough to kickyour collective ass." He exchanged a glance with Sanzo. What the Youkai hadn't realised was that the two of them were as strong as four men when they fought together.
Breaking the Kappa's gaze, Sanzo rolled his eyes and pointed out that he'd done most of the work. As another argument started up, a warm feeling began to creep through his chest. He didn't envy the couples who stayed safely at home, drifting through their mundane lives, coming home and having boring sex. They didn't have the spark that he shared with Gojyo. As long as he had the perverted Kappa, his life would never be boring.
Sanzo was so engaged in his row with Gojyo that he didn't notice the Youkai lunging towards him until he was flying over a cliff and it was far too late to stop him. The Youkai's laughter vibrated through his chest and Sanzo heard the words, "I'll take you with me if I have to!" before a single word reverberated throughout his being.
Gojyo was screaming his name.
"Goodbye," he whispered. Part of him was glad that Gojyo could live unburdened by the worry that Sanzo had always felt for him. Maybe they'd meet again some day, suffering side by side in hell for all eternity. Fire and brimstone wouldn't be so bad if Gojyo was there to share it with him.
He could feel the chains now, wrapped around his arm and pulling hard enough to yank it out of its socket. Far above him he heard Gojyo curse and he looked up to see his lover holding the other end of the chain, heavy metal links wrapped around his arm and hand. His muscles strained with the combined weight of chain, priest and Youkai, but the sheer determination on his face made Sanzo realise that he wasn't going to die after all. How could he have underestimated his lover's ingenuity?
"Fall!" The Youkai shouted maniacally, tugging Sanzo downwards with all his weight. "Fall!"
Reaching down to press his gun against the greasy mop of hair, Sanzo imitated Gojyo's trademark smirk. "Fall." As he fired, he kicked the corpse out of the way to avoid getting blood on his robe.
"Oy!" Gojyo shouted from above. The chains were cutting into his skin and his hands felt warm and slick with blood. He guessed that proved that his heart was still beating; when Sanzo had disappeared over the edge, the half-breed could have sworn he felt it stop.
"Holdon, you good-for-nothing!" Sanzo shouted as he began to climb up the sheer cliff face, bracing himself against the sturdy rock. This was one of those times when he wished he didn't wear sandals; they provided no grip and made climbing difficult.
Fifteen minutes later, they were both safely at the top of the cliff, breathing heavily and feeling more alive than they had for weeks.
"That… sucked… lots," Gojyo panted, a wide grin threatening to split his face in two.
"You're… telling… me," Sanzo panted back. The Kappa's skin was slick with delicious sweat, his arms were streaked with blood and there was nothing the priest wanted more than to clean the evidence of Gojyo's exertion away with his tongue. He was starting to wonder why he ever wanted to be less than this beautiful half-breed pervert's devoted lover.
"You're heavier than you look, exalted one," Gojyo teased, fishing a cigarette out of his pocket and wondering if he was going to have to make the first move himself. Better to wait for Sanzo to make his damn mind up; that way Gojyo couldn't be blamed when the afterglow wore off and the priest had second thoughts.
"Screw you." Sanzo wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing he'd won. Better to wait until the perverted Kappa couldn't take it any more and jumped his bones; that way it wouldn't look like he was giving in. "And I don't remember asking for help," he added, hoping to force Gojyo to admit his true feelings.
The redhead stared up at the night sky in contemplation for a few minutes before he spoke. "I didn't help you 'cause I wanted to," he replied truthfully. His reaction to Sanzo's imminent death had been instinctive, just like when he'd dodged the priest's bullet. There was no fucking way he could've not saved Sanzo.
"Yeah?" Sanzo murmured. "Then why?"
Gojyo smiled. A soft, sad smile rather than his usual confident smirk. "I like pickin' things up when they fall."
Sanzo understood. He almost reached out and tucked an errant strand of red hair away behind an ear, but he stopped himself. They had long ago made a silent agreement that they didn't let their true feelings show. Instead, he communicated his affection with a sarcastic reply. "How hobo of you."
With a sigh, Gojyo pushed himself up off the ground, wincing as dirt insinuated itself into his cuts. "Enough of this," he said softly as he leaned forward and captured Sanzo's lips with his own. There was no shy exploration – this was not a first kiss; the priest kissed back with bruising intensity, tongues clashing in a battle for dominance, teeth scraping over lips and biting down, drawing blood.
First, there was a fight for control, both struggling to be on top. Gojyo fought to pin down the priest's arms but was caught between powerful thighs and forced onto his front. As he straddled the Kappa, Sanzo undid the belt around Gojyo's waist and used it to bind his hands, looping the supple leather around both wrists and pulling it tight. Beneath him, Gojyo writhed and twisted in an attempt to unbalance him. The half-breed pushed himself up onto his knees, but Sanzo wrapped his arms around Gojyo's waist and held on tight, forcing him back down into the ground.
Gojyo felt cool, hard metal against the back of his head. "What, you're gonna shoot me now?" he panted, trying to pull his hands free from the belt. They were still raw from the chain of his shakujou, but he barely felt the pain in his excitement.
"No, I think it'd be much more fun to let you live," Sanzo panted back, voice heavy with lust. He ground his hips into Gojyo's ass and heard a muffled gasp from the Kappa. "Now stop struggling or I'll fuck you with this until you bleed."
"Promises, promises." Gojyo knew full well that the priest was telling the truth. He stopped trying to free himself and relaxed, resigning himself to his fate. He'd never tell Sanzo, but he actually preferred being fucked. There was something about having an honourable, elegant, civilised priest panting and grunting and thrusting above you that made Gojyo come twice as hard as when he was on top.
"Come on, get it over with already," he moaned, thrusting upwards desperately. The gun moved away and cool hands slipped under his shirt and over his back, skipping lightly over the bare flesh, teasing and tickling. With his hands bound, there was nothing Gojyo could do to force Sanzo to stop teasing and get to the good part, but his mouth was free and he was determined to use it. "Fuck me, you damn priest!"
"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that." Sanzo voice was calm, but Gojyo could hear the need behind the words that the priest was trying to keep from him.
"I said…" Gojyo gritted his teeth. The bastard was enjoying this, getting off on his helplessness. If he didn't need this so much he wouldn't give Sanzo the satisfaction, but right now he couldn't care less if he sounded like a desperate, needy slut. "Fuck me, please, do whatever you want with me, use your fucking gun if you want…" he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, pressing his forehead into the cool ground, "Please Sanzo…"
And then he felt himself being rolled over and heard the rustling of a robe being hastily removed and cast away. Keeping his eyes squeezed tightly shut, Gojyo felt a warm body being pressed against his and opened them to purple eyes dark with lust.
"Face to face," Sanzo explained, reaching up to entwine his fingers with Gojyo's bound ones. "Do you want me to remove this?"
Shaking his head, Gojyo clutched his lover's hands tightly and ran his tongue over Sanzo's soft, pale lips. "Please," he whispered, thrusting his hip upwards just enough to show Sanzo what he wanted.
"Ch." The priest's hands ran down Gojyo's blood encrusted arms and to his shoulders, where they rested as he kissed the half-breed passionately and gently. "Impatient," he murmured into Gojyo's mouth, before sitting up and busying himself with the removal of the Kappa's clothes, eyes fixed on Gojyo's all the while.
By the time they were both naked, Gojyo was trembling and although he wanted to look away from the hungry gaze of his lover, he couldn't force his eyes to move. He barely noticed when Sanzo lifted a finger to his mouth, but when the finger (now slick with saliva) entered him, he started paying attention.
Sanzo thrust his finger inside Gojyo roughly, sensing that his lover needed a little pain right now. The soft moan that escaped Gojyo's lips confirmed his theory and he quickly added a second finger and began thrusting them in and out, watching Gojyo's face in fascination as a hundred different emotions flashed across the surface. When his fingers brushed against the Kappa's prostate and Gojyo arched upwards, moaning with need, Sanzo decided he couldn't take any more. He needed to be inside his lover.
Everything that had happened that day had built up to this; Gojyo writhing on the ground, legs wrapped around Sanzo, holding him close while the priest fucked him slowly, increasing the pace when he could no longer hold back. Waiting in their room with Hakkai and Goku, wondering why his lover was late back with the shopping, the beginnings of doubt and worry starting to creep in. The aftermath of the attack, lying broken and bloody on the floor, wishing Gojyo was there so that he could say goodbye. The confrontation when he found out that on some level Gojyo wanted this and all Sanzo could think was that somehow he had failed the Kappa. Their arguments, his almost-death and the relief he felt when he looked up and saw Gojyo holding the chain.
With one last thrust, he was coming inside his red haired lover, feeling sensitive muscle contract around him as Gojyo cried out his name. Both of their stomachs were covered with a sticky mess, but Sanzo couldn't be bothered to clean it right now. He slumped forward onto the half-breed, reaching up to tangle one hand in the crimson strands that were plastered across Gojyo's face.
Now that his hands were slick with sweat, Gojyo was able to slide them out of their bonds and wrap his arms around the man lying on top of him. This was something he only got to do in the moments after sex, the only times when Sanzo was relaxed enough to let him get away with it. Sure enough, no more than three minutes could have gone by before his lover pulled away from the embrace and began to gather up his clothes, turning away from Gojyo to dress. Taking a moment to enjoy the cool air against his skin, the half-breed sat up and looked around for his bloodstained pants.
A few minutes later, he was lying fully clothed in the mud, too lazy to get up and get moving. He wished he could tell what Sanzo was thinking; the priest's murmur of impatience made him wonder whether he was starting to regret what they just did.
"What now?" he asked to break the silence. The click of a lighter brought his attention to the shiny object Sanzo had just pulled out of his pocket. After taking a long, calming drag of a cigarette, it almost felt as if things were back to normal again. "Thank yooou."
"Hn." Sanzo averted his eyes, ignoring the redhead's seductive smile. This was not the time or place for affection, no matter how much he was tempted to kiss the smirk off of Gojyo's face. Rising to his feet, he gave his lover a less-than gentle kick to the head, feeling a small amount of satisfaction when Gojyo let out a yelp of pain. "Now up, you damn Kappa."
"That hurt, asswipe!" Gojyo rubbed the back of his head, wondering why he was in love with this man. Hadn't someone once pointed out how similar love was to hate? "What's wrong with you?"
"We don't have time for you to nap," the priest pointed out sanctimoniously. "And we don't have time for slacking. You know what you need?"
A boyfriend who doesn't use me as a punching bag, Gojyo thought to himself.
"More manual labour like that," Sanzo told him as he began to walk away, no doubt assuming that Gojyo would run to catch up.
"Heh." Gojyo fell into stride with the priest, twining his hands behind his head. It was hard to stay angry with someone who made him feel this way. "You're not even a little adorable," he teased his lover.
Rolling his eyes, Sanzo let his hands brush against Gojyo's hip as he retorted: "Don't you dare even think I'm-"
Time seemed to freeze as Gojyo's heart skipped a beat. For a second he wondered whether he was dead, but then the blood started pounding through his veins again, telling him that he hadn't been that lucky.
Why Mister? Why did you come here?
The sheets were cool against his skin. He lay awake, comforted by the soft snores that came from the other bed.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you're a bad person too.
Sanzo had seemed to quietly accept that he didn't want to share a bed tonight. The way he was acting earlier… Gojyo knew that he'd come to the same decision.
Stay back!
Maybe that was a sign that Gojyo was doing the right thing, but that didn't stop him from wanting to wake Sanzo and explain.
The bad man is going to die.
Part of him wanted Sanzo to convince him to stay. Part of him was scared that he wouldn't try.
What do you really believe in?
But even if he did stay, this was never going to stop. He could curl up with Sanzo tonight and convince himself that they could make it work, but tomorrow one of them could end up dead.
Get my gun!
Gojyo tried to imagine his lover lying in front of him, cold and lifeless and surrounded by blood. He imagined himself going insane and getting himself killed in a suicidal rage.
Move it or get shot! I won't let you hurt him!
The bond Kinkaku had with his brother… Gojyo was kidding himself if he tried to believe that his bond with Sanzo wasn't the same.
I don't care if you kill me! Just please, don't hurt him!
That's not the way he wanted it to end. And he couldn't live with himself if Sanzo died because of him.
Don't throw away your life. That'd really be a nasty waste.
He pushed away the fingers of regret that started to curl around his stomach. It was time to cut himself loose. Sliding silently off the bed, Gojyo crept across the room, pausing briefly in the doorway.
"Goodbye."
That morning… we discovered that Gojyo… had vanished from our side.