i'm getting to be unstoppable with these song fics, aren't i? things are set to "all is forgiven" by my favorite band, default. this time around, you're really gonna have to go out of your comforte zone. what if, by some crazy miracle, vicious survived the final fight with spike? well, if you can go with that, then this fic is his search for understanding and redemption. i guess i just wanted to do something with vicious, and this is what happened. i can't say if i kept him in character or not, i mean, it's not like we saw a whole lot of him in the series. but i triedmy best to at least sound like him, so i hope that translates. well,i hope you enjoy it! and if you review, which would be nice, then please, don't leave anything too harsh. thanks! now read it already...
As if the wait was not enough.
He sighed at the rumble and turned his eyes upward. Dark, angry clouds crowded the sky in a desperate attempt to block out the sun. Dull flashes of lighting gave the impending storm a more menacing tone, but it did nothing to stop the man from his task. As a chilly wind blew past him, he pulled his trench coat tighter around him.
Standing in front of the Tharsis City Cemetery, the man couldn't help but smirk at the day's choice of weather. Placing a gloved hand on the iron gate, the man effortless pushed it open, easily ignoring its creak. He took slow, deliberate steps as he navigated the solemn plots. Tombstones and mausoleums faded into the gray/blue background as the man continued on his way.
To any other mourner in the cemetery, though the place was bare today, the man would simply be regarded as just another life, paying tribute to the dead. In his gloved hands, he held a dozen brilliant red roses. Their bright color stood out immensely against the otherwise dreary atmosphere.
Finally finding what he was looking for, the man came to an abrupt stop in front of three plots, all laying side by side. He sneered slightly at the placement of the tombs. Two males on the outside, with the nameless female rested in between them. But as he gazed at the stones in front of him, he was suddenly hit by the finality of it all. As he scanned the tombstones, he easily recognizing the Red Dragon insignia sprawled on each.
It was very typical of the Syndicate to bury the two John Doe's and the Jane Doe in such a fashion. In the fancier section of the cemetery, just beyond the wall of coffins, lay syndicate ground. Higher ups were placed in elaborate crypts, while lesser were simply put in the ground. And the "Dragons with clipped wings," as Vicious had been deemed, were put in nameless graves. The inscription: "May he be reunited with his soul", would be etched under the date of death. It was a simplistic way for the Syndicate to say that even in death, they would own your soul for your dissention. But such words could never apply to the three in these tombs. No, it was their souls alone that brought the syndicate to its knees.
Jumping ever so slightly at the loud clap of thunder overhead, then man came out of his reverie, and addressed the graves in front of him.
"So here we are once again," he said in a low, even voice. "I'm sorry it took me this long to make it by here. But then again, this inscription says that I'm right next to you. Even in death, we are still together. Well, we did make that pledge, so very long ago, to be together forever. Isn't that right, Spike?"
And one can only take so much.
Waiting for an answer, the man shifted almost uncomfortably. Running a hand through his silver hair, he sighed and shook his head.
"Of course you're not going to answer. Tombstone's don't talk. I don't know…I suppose I thought that you might still be here. When I said I was the only one who could kill you, I never really wanted to find out if it was true or not. But you had to go behind my back, didn't you!"
Staring blankly at the faded grass, Vicious tried to calm his nerves. He didn't come here to fight. That's not what he needed anymore.
"I could only take so much, Spike. I was never made of stone, you know. If I had betrayed you the way that you betrayed me, then I don't doubt that you would have fallen into my role, and I yours. We were always so much more alike than you and I were ever willing to admit."
Casually glancing around, the man made sure that he was alone. He didn't need anyone to overhear him, and he certainly didn't need anyone to think that he was crazy for talking to a stone.
"You know, I always knew you were quite efficient with that gun of yours, I've seen you in action many a time. I just never thought that I'd be on the receiving end of it one day. You really did a number on me, you know that?"
Almost absentmindedly, Vicious raised a hand and placed it over his covered wound. As his fingers lightly danced over the spot, he winced at the pain he felt. Perhaps it was a phantom pain of the still healing injury, or perhaps the wound was responding to the person who had put it there.
"A millimeter to the right, and I'd be dead. That's what the doctor said, at least. It makes me wonder if you were trying to miss. At such a close range, I have my doubts on if you would miss or not. To let you in on a little secret, I…I tried to miss, too. Looks like I overcorrected too much. But if it's any consolation – and I'm sure it's not – I was in the hospital for nearly four months. I just got out two days ago."
Falling silent, Vicious closed his eyes, fighting hard not to recall the memories.
"I didn't think that'd be good enough. After all, I'm still alive. But you wanted to wake up, so tell me: are you awake now, Spike?"
You broke in to pieces,
Seems hopeless now, but at least you know…
Removing his gloves out of courtesy, he shoved them into his coat pocket and winced as he pricked himself on one of the thorns on the rose.
"Damnit. I can't help but think this is your doing, Spiegel," Vicious mused as he raised his bleeding finger to his lips. "There always has to be bloodshed when we're together, eh?"
Shaking his head, Vicious had to silently remind himself that there was no one around to answer him. And with no one to reply, there was no reason to pause. But if that would help him say what he needed to say, then Vicious was prepared to stop and go all day.
"I've been thinking alot lately. It was really the only thing I could do for a while. I was in a coma for about a month because I lost so much blood and when I woke up, I found that my limbs had begun to atrophy, so movement was rather difficult at the beginning. So I thought alot. I though about little things, and big things. I though about what the Syndicate was going to do now, seeing as though I basically broke it apart.
"I also thought about what I was going to do, seeing as though I survived. The Dragons have been a big part of me for so long. It's still odd to think of life without that. But since this stone says I'm dead, I suppose I can start a new life. You seemed to do that easy enough. Maybe I'll give it a try, as well.
"I...I spent most of my time thinking about all of this, though. What else would I focus on? I think I came to the conclusion that I overreacted. I didn't need your blood to pay for what you did. A lot of good that does us know, though. I always did have a habit of having such revelations a little too late, didn't I?"
Feeling a light splash on his exposed hand, Vicious looked up again, trying to judge when the rain would fall. It might as well start sooner then later, and add that certain je ne sais quoi to the backdrop of the situation.
"For a while there, things were pretty hopeless. I really wanted to die. After you left, I figured that there was nothing left in this world to live for. I got to a pretty low point while I was in the hospital. The nurses kept telling me that I should be glad that I'm alive, though. I survived a "pretty devastating injury", and should realize that God must have something in store for me.
"I had a good laugh at that one. I wanted to tell them that there is no God, that there is nothing to believe in, but I took pity on them, I suppose. If they want to cling to their foolish ideals, then who was I to stop them? When I really started to think about things, though, I began to pity myself. At least they had something to believe in. I was also jealous because I couldn't believe like they did.
"But that was the root of my problem: jealousy. I was always envious of you, Spike. You made life so simplistic, you were so easy going. I was always so uptight, and I often imagined what it would be like to be as carefree as you were. I also envied your way with people. Everyone flocked to you, with very little effort on your part. I, however, had to fight for every friend I had, and because of that, I didn't have many to show for it. I suppose that's why I clinged to you so tightly. You were the one friend I never had to work to have. I'm not sure if I ever thanked you for that.
"And I guess the ultimate jealousy came from, of course, taking Julia from me. You had everything and you could get any woman you wanted, but you had to take mine. I was so furious with you for that."
Vicious was proud of himself for keeping his voice even and his emotions in check. By now, he figured he'd be screaming at the dead, but he surprised his self with his calm.
"The ultimate betrayal was when you left, though. I imagine that in time, I would have forgiven for stealing Julia away. But then you went and tried to leave with her, and that's when I finally snapped. Keeping with the theme of jealousy, I was jealous of Julia, and the fact that you would elope with her, and not me. It was then that I wanted you dead, mainly because I though you had stopped loving me."
The tables can turn around,
And time will repair you.
Sighing, Vicious reluctantly continued with his admissions. A wise man told him that purging the soul of its grievances would cleanse the wounds that would not heal. He was apt to listening to the little Indian man, so he would see this through.
"It took me a long time to admit that, love and all. I figure that I was shying away from the word due to the stigma of it. I'm not in love with you, but the feeling is there. I would call you my only true friend in this world, and I was extremely possessive of you. When it seemed as if she was taking you away from me, I couldn't handle it. It's almost funny, when you think about it. I wasn't so much angry at you for stealing Julia…I was angry at Julia for stealing you.
"I suppose you could say that I was almost obsessed with you, as sick as that may sound. And I think you knew that, too. They way we worked could only be understood by the two of us. In retrospect, my quest for blood was spurred on by the, "if I can't have you, then no one can," syndrome.
"Basically, while I was in the hospital, I did a case study on myself and that's what I came up with. Pathetic, I know. And if I can be honest, I'm kind of glad that you aren't alive to hear that last part. I'm sure I'd never live all of that down."
A sad smirk graced the man's features for a moment. To say that he was conflicted was an understatement. To be poetic, he was as unsettled as the storm above him.
"If only I had waited a little longer, then I'm sure I could have gotten over this. We always seem to find a way back to each other. You showed up on Callisto fast enough. All I had to do was mention her name and you were there in a heartbeat. I hated you for the longest time, you know. I get the feeling, though, that you never truly hated me. You may have feigned it, hell, you may have even really wanted to hate me, but I don't think you did. Well, at least I hope you didn't. Time could have told me that, though, if only I had allowed it."
And the rain comes and goes,
And all is forgiven.
"I guess what I'm trying to say, though I'm taking a very roundabout way to get there, is that I...I'm sorry. For all that I put you through. I know that blame lies one all three of us, but it's only I that took things to such an extreme and deadly level.
"If I could, as cliché as it sounds, I would surely change everything if given the chance. I would try to not be as spiteful, and I would try not to be as possessive. The one thing I wouldn't change, though, is my feelings towards you. You were my best friend, and I would not have changed that for the world."
Can we learn to let go,
So all is forgiven.
"I know it's unfair of me to ask, but maybe we can just forget about all of that. You know, let it go. You were never really one to hold a grudge, though I'm sure you could harbor one, seeing as though I am directly responsible for you death. If you are willing to try, however, then I will, too. Even if you don't want to, I'm still willing to learn.
You're on your knees, reaching out,
Reaching for someone.
Realizing that he didn't have his full strength back, Vicious slowly sank to his knees and gladly welcomed to soft ground. Remembering the roses still in his hand, he placed them on the ground next to him and breathed a tired sigh. Going over his thoughts in his head, Vicious tried to reorganize and plan his next thing to say. He was shocked, to tell the truth, by how difficult it was to confess to a dead man. And dead woman, if he went so far as to include Julia in their conversation. He wondered to his self if things would have been easier if Spike were still alive.
Looking over towards the grave that was supposed to contain his weary body, Vicious found the strength, or more appropriately, the guilt, to continue again.
"This whole fiasco really is collectively all of our faults. I could be a bastard and pin all of this on you or Julia, but that wouldn't help anything. I could also internalize the guilt and believe that this is solely my doing, and you two were only innocent paws. But that would be a lie as well.
"The truth of the matter is: you shouldn't have stolen my girlfriend. And Julia shouldn't have given in to your temptation. And I shouldn't have flown off the handle. There. We are all responsible in our own ways.
"I guess my biggest question to you is "why". Why did you fall for her? I'll admit that Julia is…well, was special, but I would have never pegged her as the woman who could break our friendship apart. She may have been worth fighting for…for a while at least, but I don't think she was worth dying for. She was a simple woman, who never really loved either of us, when you think about it.
"Power-hungry is what I imagine. She passed from me to you, with nary a bit of remorse. When I confronted her after you gave her your letter, I gave her an ultimatum that involved her killing you. I guess you know that now. She may not have killed you, but I don't believe that she missed you after you faked your death. She and I never talked about you after that happened, but she didn't seem upset. I was still too deep into my rage to mourn you. And besides, I had a gut feeling that you were alive the whole time."
The rain clouds then began to play their own little game with Vicious, then. A few drops here and there, but not the downpour that the weather promised. It was nothing that he couldn't ignore under normal circumstances, but as of now, every drop seemed to echo his loneliness. Every splash signaled that he was alone. The sorrowful thought flashed across Vicious' mind that he would give anything to feel any type of alive again. But he wasn't sure if he could reach there just yet, the surface was still so far away.
"I didn't come here to speak against Julia. I don't know what that would accomplish, anyway. I'm sure you're probably wondering why exactly I am here, though. I'm still wondering that myself, actually. I mean, I know why I'm here; I'm just not ready to say it yet. So please, bear with me. It's not as if you can get up and walk away, anyway. Sorry…that was a low blow."
To lift you up right off the ground.
Is anyone out there?
"You know, when I started to look for you after your little escapade, it didn't take me long to find you. I suppose it's for the best that no one else tried to find you, since you didn't hide too well. Everyone was sure you were dead, and as is company policy, we were supposed to leave you that way. The only other person who believed you were still alive was Mao. If you ever hate me for anything, then I suggest you hate me for that.
"Of all the people that I've killed, you being the exception, of course, I regret killing him the most. He was our mentor, after all. He didn't have to take us in like that, but he did. It was a disgusting injustice that I did him, killing him like that…killing him at all, actually. I will always hate myself for that..."
The droplets had morphed themselves into more respectable raindrops by now, and the flow was turning into a steady drizzle. Vicious dimly registered that his was being sprinkled on, but other matters were more pressing. Now wasn't the time to fall into self-loathing, and he tried to shake himself of that.
"As I was saying, though, I found you pretty easily. I hope you don't mind the fact that I was spying on you. I was surprised to find you on an old fishing ship. What was it called? The Bebop? A ridiculous name, to say the least, but your partner, Jet or something, was a jazz man, wasn't he? I never met him, but the few time I saw him, that's what I got from him. I was always a good people-reader, wasn't I? It sure hasn't helped me much, but it's a skill I had, nonetheless.
"I never pictured you as a bounty hunter. It seemed to suit you well, but it's just not what I would have expected from you. I never really though of you in the career realm, though. I always imagined you'd be a mooch for the rest of your life. I bet you're cashing in right now, aren't you? Barring the fact that you didn't go to Hell, or the fact that I'm not sure if I believe in such a place, I'm sure the after life is treating you rather well. I somehow don't doubt that your charm transcends your body.
"But it was an interesting choice, nonetheless. I suppose it's not too different from what we did with the Dragons. You were just your own boss this time around, which is what we both wanted to be in the end. I wish I had of gone about things in a way like that, too. We would have been a great team, wouldn't we have been? Ha, I'd sure we'd be the best damn bounty hunting duo in the solar system. Don't you think so?"
You can't breath, you're choking.
You'll make it through, just keep holding on.
A sudden chill ran down his back and Vicious unsuccessfully held back a sneeze. Venturing out of character, he sniffled instead of daintily wiping his nose. He convinced his self that he was simply doing so in response to his sneeze, and definitely for not any other reason.
"And that Faye. Now she was a little spitfire, as I heard someone say. I once heard you call Julia a real woman, but I believe Faye is more real then she could ever be. Granted I didn't spend much one on one time with her, but from what I gathered, there's so much more to her then meets the eye. You could figure Julia out after a few days with her. You spent several months with Faye, and I'm sure you still know hardly anything about her.
"I could see Faye breaking up a friendship. But not Julia. Or perhaps this is just my bitterness creeping in. I don't know, though…you came for Faye pretty quickly that night at the church. You can say that you were coming for me, but I saw the concern, no matter how brief it was. But don't worry; I'm not going to pursue her. She has a bit of an attitude, and I tend to dislike women with attitude."
I know that it won't be long,
'Til somebody saves you.
"The kid and the mutt seemed to throw you off a bit. You never were too good with kids, mainly because you still act like one. Well…acted. It's really odd to talk about you in past tense. I know I should get used to it, but I guess I don't believe that you're dead.
"As I figured it, I thought that it would be all or nothing between you and me. If one of us died, then we both would die. At least that's what I thought. It was always our running gag: that we were two parts of the same person, but I guess that's not true. If it were, then we should be sharing the same fate. Then again, perhaps we are still two in the same. I just know that without you, I don't feel whole, I definitely don't feel right.
"Would...would you mind if I joined you, wherever you are? I'm not advocating suicide; I'm just asking a simple question. It's a stupid one, I guess. I doubt that you'd want me around. That is why you decided to leave with her, after all."
Vicious pushed a few random strands of silver hair off of his face, realizing that his hair was thoroughly soaked. Looking up and blinking rapidly, Vicious didn't know that it had actually started to rain until that moment. How had it snuck up on him? Well, he now had his perfect backdrop, so he might as well let everything flow.
"You left me for her. If you had a good reason, then I wouldn't be so upset. Did you just tire of me? You always did have an ADD quality about you. Was I too static for you? I'm truly not trying to be bitter, but I just want to know. That's what I feel like, I feel like you abandoned me. The only thing I trusted, the only person I held on to, left me, and I lost it. Why? What did I do wrong?"
As he ashamedly looked to the side, Vicious was quite thankful for the increased rainfall. He would never admit that the crystalline raindrop weren't the only source of moisture on his face. Not daring to look back just yet, he continued with his vocal stream of consciousness.
"I waited for so long, just to get a simple explanation. It's all I think I really wanted. But damnit, I couldn't get past my anger or my jealousy. I never asked you, and now I'll never know. But to pester you like this is just me being selfish. That was also a problem of mine. And probably another factor in you leaving me.
"But maybe I should stop blaming you, and just try and understand me. Now that is something I was never good at. You seemed to get me more than I ever got myself. That's something that I've missed about you. When I needed someone to interpret how I felt, you were there. You always kept me rational. You did all of that until I pushed you away."
When the clouds burn away,
All is forgiven.
Thunder clapped above the now soaked man, startling him once more. Heaving an anxious sigh and watching the fog swirl into oblivion, Vicious suddenly found a bit of understanding.
"You…you didn't leave me, did you? I...I pushed you away. It started with my want for power. But that was subtle, manageable. And then Julia came along and I poured a lot of my time into her and our relationship. And when you took her from me, my selfishness and anger pushed you so far away, and even though you tried, I simply didn't allow you to come back."
As much as he said these things to Spike, Vicious also said those things to his self. Through all of his thoughts and self-analyzing, that little bit had somehow never crossed his mind. While his fuzzy-haired ex-partner may have stayed away, it was mostly due to the fact that he kept him away. Vicious had never thought of that. And now that he did, he didn't know what to say.
"I've never thought of things that way before. Part of the reason I came here was to forgive you for how you treated me. It seems, though, that you were only treating me the way I allowed you to."
When the night turns to day,
So all is forgiven.
It was like the stereotypical light-bulb over the head moment for Vicious then. Any aspects of their rift that were still skewed now no longer where so. The rain began to beat down on him, though he didn't notice it anymore. It was a part of the background. He was a part of the background. In those moments of unbridled of clarity, everything seemed to click. Nothing was deferential, yet everything was unmistakable.
"It's all such a simple equation. How did I keep passing it by? You see what I mean? I make better sense when you're around. I guess just being near you, even though I'm sure you're a million miles away, is enough. Like I said, I came here with intentions of forgiving you. Who in the hell knew that I'd be thanking you."
Don't stop the rain,
From pouring down.
Standing up, the newly enlightened man closed his eyes and raised his face towards the sky. He let the rain, which was now coming down full force, pelt his face with its cold, refreshing essence. Daring to be sacrilegious, Vicious spread his arms out around him and allowed the downpour to soak him, to truly cleanse his unhealed wounds.
"I wish you could feel this too, Spike. I wish we could stand in the rain together. Do you remember when we used to try and beat the rain? You know, move so fast, too fast for the rain to hit us? Anyone else would think we were fools, but you and I always knew better."
Let it wash the pain,
Where it can't be found.
Lowering himself back onto the ground, he wiped the fallen water away from his face and gave a genuine smile to the tombstone in front of him.
"John Doe could never fit you, you know. That name is too simplistic, too average and ordinary. When I first met you, I thought you name was unintelligent, to say the least. There wasn't much you could do about your last name, but 'Spike' was plain ridiculous. But it grew on me, just like you did. The name fits you to a T, so I've learned. I don't know why, but it so classically you."
For some reason, one that he couldn't quite determine, Vicious actually felt lighter. The weight of the jealousy, confusion, anger, and lies had definitely taken its toll on his spirit, but now, all of that was gone. He had honestly doubted that this dreary, afternoon visit to a dead man would do him any good, but as he was discovering, it was doing wonders for him.
So many times, he would stay away from the rain, or at least carry a large umbrella. The cold and the wet were nothing that he wanted to deal with, the appeal that he once held for them was gone. But it seemed as if the storm, so eerily reflective of his current emotions, was taking all of the hurt and anguish, and flushing it out of his body. He was truly grateful and prayed for the rain to continue.
And the rain comes and goes,
And all is forgiven.
"What I really came here for, more than anything else, is to ask for your forgiveness. Your's and Julia's, but yours so much more. I asks, no, beg for it. For everything I've done to you and for every way I hurt you. For driving you away and keeping you there, for ruining the love that you may have had with her. For…for everything. At most of all…for…killing you…"
The last bit was said in a choked whisper. It was the first time that Vicious had ever admitted that, thought it wasn't as if he had many opportunities to do so before. Everything imploded then, in that admission, and tears that mixed with rain now fell of their own accord.
"You weren't the first person that died by my hands, Spike, but I will always regret you the most. I don't know why you missed when you shot me! I don't know why you didn't kill me, too!"
Can we learn to let go,
So all is forgiven.
Rays of sunlight broke through spots in the clouds. It was a desperate fight between the two entities, but as it always works out, darkness gave way to light. The rain began to let up, as well. The downpour rescinded back into a drizzle, but it still fell poignantly around the man on the ground.
"Please…please forgive me, Spike. I…I never thought I'd ever plead with anyone for anything, least of all you. But I am, because you were the best thing that I had in my life. Because you were always more merciful then I was. Because…because…I want to believe that you loved me, too. If you didn't, then I know you wouldn't have missed."
When the clouds burn away,
All is forgiven.
Vicious was now steeped in the kind of rain that seemed to defy logic. The sun was shining brightly through the breaks in the clouds, and yet rain was still falling. It served as proper backdrop once again. Just as the clouds were revealing the sun, Vicious' thoughts were revealing his truths.
Focusing his attention back onto the roses he had brought with him, Vicious pulled two from the bunch. He placed one upon Julia's grave and then placed the other ten on Spike's. He kept one for himself, as well.
"I'm sorry, Julia. I should have never put you in the position that I did. I shouldn't have kept you from him, and I shouldn't have asked you to kill him. And I'm sorry for having you…I'm sorry for the way thing turned out for you. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I ask for it, nonetheless.
"And Spike. I don't want to seem vindictive, but I am purposely only giving you ten instead of the full dozen. Remember when I said that I am not complete without you? Well, I hope that you aren't complete without me, either. But you've got the most of them. You were always more together then I was."
When the night turns to day,
So all is forgiven.
"I've already asked for it Spike, so I won't ask it of you again. But I know I don't warrant anything from except utter hatred. But if you can find it in yourself, and I'm pretty sure you can, I don't think you know how much I'd appreciate that much from you. I know I don't have the right to ask anything of you, though. I'm just rambling right now, so pay me no mind.
"I…I guess that's all I have to say to you. I had to get that off my chest. Thank you for listening to me, if you were listening at all. I…I don't know how often I'll make it by to visit, but I'll try to come every so often."
With the rain now reduced to mere sprinkles again, Vicious loosely held his rose and prepared himself to walk away. It finally started to register that he had been sitting in the rain. He was soaked to the bone, now, and he'd be lucky if he didn't catch cold. But all of that was relative, considering what he had experienced today.
"Well then…goodbye. Not for good, but…you know. I recently found out that in french, 'adieu' means 'until God'. In other words, it means 'I'll see you when we die'. Fatalistic much? I just thought I'd leave you with that bit of parting knowledge. And you don't have to thank me, you're more than welcome."
Giving one last smirk-turned-smile, Vicious turned to leave. He had come to explain, confess, and plead, and that's what he did. Cathartic couldn't quite explain it, but the word worked well enough. It appeared as though Laughing Bull, that crazy old man, was right after all.
Oh…All is forgiven.
"I don't think I'd ever thank you for you 'bits of parting knowledge'. They're not all that knowledgeable, anyway," an all too familiar voice quipped.
Daring to look, but sure that he had lost his mind; Vicious turned back and saw none other than Spike, sitting on top of his tomb as if he was born to perch there.
"Spike?"
"That's what they call me. A suitable name, as you said yourself."
Staring on in disbelief, Vicious was unsure of what to do next. If he continued to talk to what appeared to be Spike, then he could leave his sanity in his empty grave. If he didn't continue, however, he could very well miss out on the last bit of closure that still eluded him. And if he did that, then it seems as if all of this would have been in vain.
"Are…are you a ghost?" Vicious dared to ask, more than sure that he had finally snapped.
"I'm not sure if that's what they officially call me, but for the sake of simplicity…yeah, I guess you can say I am."
Shaking his head, Vicious didn't even try to respond. What could he say? He hadn't really expected an audience during his not so little confession. He just stared on at the so called 'ghost', and waited for what would come next.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Spike asked, classic smirk in place.
"Well, it's not every day that I see a ghost," Vicious answered in kind. "So…what are you doing here?"
"Huh?" Spike questioned as he looked up from his cigarette. Just because he was dead, didn't mean that he couldn't still enjoy one of those. "Oh, well, I saw you down here, got curious, and came in for a listen."
Vicious blanched a bit. So he did have an audience, after all.
"So…so you heard me, then?" he asked.
"Yeah, I heard ya. Something about apologies or some shit like that."
Oh…All is forgiven.
It was a bit of a sting for Vicious to hear Spike speak so casually of the things he had said. He quite literally poured his heart out in this cemetery, and yet Spike seemed to take it all in as a joke.
"But for what it's worth," Spike started, his tone significantly softer, "I forgive you. And even after all that you put me through, and Christ was it alot, I would never hate you. Believe me, I've tried to, but when it comes to you, I just can't. So yeah, as far as I'm concerned, you're forgiven."
Vicious looked up at him, not trusting his hearing at the moment.
"You...you do? You forgive me?"
"Yeah, why not? What would I gain from being pissed at you, anyway?"
"I…I guess so. Thank you," Vicious quietly said. He was actually fully humbled by what he experiencing it that moment.
A jolt of thunder, off in the distance, once again broke Vicious from his thoughts. Looking to the north at the fading clouds, the man inhaled deeply and reveled in the after rain scent. When he looked back to the stone to ask Spike if he could smell it, too, Vicious gasped to see that he was gone.
"Maybe I really was seeing things," he muttered to his self.
Frustrated and drained from his afternoon, Vicious searched for a cigarette to soothe his nerves. As he patted himself down, he groaned when he remembered that he hadn't bought a pack yet. He sighed and began to leave, but felt an inexplicable urge to look back at the grave once more. Sitting at the base of Spike's grave, right by the roses, was a fresh box of smokes, ready and waiting for him.
Grabbing up the box, Vicious noted that one cig was missing. Smirking to himself, he grabbed a stick up and placed it between his lips.
"Well, since we're being so generous, do you think you could give me a light?" Vicious joked.
He was mildly surprised when the end of his cig sparked and began to fume.
"..Thanks," he said as he placed the box into a pocket.
Turning once more, Vicious finally took his leave. He noted that the sky was clearer, no longer bogged down by the rain. The last of the storm clouds finally began to dissipate and endless blue could be seen once more. The sun shone brighter then it had all day, and what an apt time it was to shine.
DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK
FOR FORGIVENESS…
and that's all that she wrote (sorry, quoting another default song). so, what'd ya think? this fic was kind of a bear to write (vicious doesn't make things easy), but i think i achieved my desired effect. anywho, thanks for reading, i really do appreciate it. thanks for stopping by!
oh, and like many a movie, i have an alternative ending for this fic. if you'd like to read it, then just let me know, and i'll post it for ya!
-phoenix