The Broken Road to You
Chapter 1: Trying to move on
My deep sleep was disturbed in the middle of the night, and it wasn't because of my alarm clock. I groaned, turning my back to look at my the blinking red digits. 3 a.m. As I tried to wake myself up and rub the sleepiness from my eyes I tried to process the noise I was hearing. I look at the monitor on the nightstand next to the clock, seeing the little red dots of light moving up and down, up and down.
Duh Dimitri. I sighed, she certainly hadn't been sleeping well at all this past week. The crying grew louder, a helpless wailing sound that made my heart sink as I flipped on the light and hopped out of bed. I stumbled forward and stubbed my toe on the nightstand as my eyes tried adjusting to the light.
"Ouch! Son of a bitch. . ." I cursed softly to myself. I limped, hopping slightly on one foot towards the door. I stopped and let the pain ease away in my right big toe. As my eyes got better adjusted, I jumped when I saw a little figure in the doorway.
"Daddy?" My oldest daughter stood there, her sea foam green Little Mermaid blanket clenched tightly in her hand that went with the Little mermaid pajamas she was wearing.
"Yes, sweetheart?" I tried my best not to sound aggravated towards her, but this exactly wasn't my cup of tea to wake up to in the morning, stubbing your toe and your newborn daughter screaming and crying. To make things worse, the dog started barking.
"I had a bad dream. Can I sleep with you?"
"Yes sweetheart of course, just let me take care of your sister first." I kissed Laila on top of her head. "Hop up in my bed alright? I'll be there soon." She nodded excitedly and ran at full speed, hopping onto the bed. The dog barking over and over was starting to push me over the edge.
"Heidi! Enough!" I hollered. When I heard another loud wail from down the hall, I rushed out of my room, careful not to stub my toe again or trip and fall on my face. I stopped in the doorway to catch myself from tripping again, making my way to the lamp to switch it on.
"It's okay Kira, daddy's coming sweetheart." I stumbled my way into her room, flipping on the small purple lamp over by the changing table. I scooped her up and held her close, patting her back and rocking slowly back and forth.
"Shh shh my Солнышко, it's alright. Daddy is here. Looks like someone needs a change." Her wails slowly turned into soft little sobs, the tired sound in her voice made it obvious all that crying wore her out. I placed her on the changing table, which didn't make her too happy now that her body wasn't rested against mine, but I changed her quick enough so she was back in my arms and against my chest before she could throw another fit. She was now completely comfortable with the position she was in.
I sat carefully in the rocking chair, propping my foot up against the little ottoman that came with it, slowly starting to rock. I reclined myself and the chair a little, allowing Kira to lay comfortably on my bare chest without me having to hold her up. Ever since she was born, it was the most comforting thing for her. I silently chuckled to myself when she yawned, a little content smile on her face as those big blue eyes started up at me.
My god how much she looks like her mother.
I started to rock very slowly, humming an old Russian lullaby my mother sang to me. Her eyes started to grow heavy, so I decided to go along and sing the words.
"где мечтательный потоков Волга
Там в одинокий русский розыглядя с нежностьювниз на коленигде дети синие глаза блестятслушать"
As I finished the verse, she was completely out, her soft, warm breaths hitting my chest. I smiled, wiping a tear from my eye. I gave her a kiss on the forehead before I placed her back in her crib, turning on her mobile and night light.
"Goodnight Kira, I love you." I walked over and turned out the lamp light. I headed to the door, turning back before shutting off the light.
"And mommy loves you too. . ." I flicked off the light and returned to my room. I was a little confused when I didn't see Laila at first, but then I noticed the big lump in my bed under the comforter. I decided to play along with her a little, to get her in a better mood after her bad dream.
"Laila where are you?" The next thing I saw was a little dark brown head of hair pop out from under my blanket, followed by her chocolate brown eyes that were identical to mine meeting my humored gaze. As soon as she saw me she ducked back under, giggling like crazy. I laughed, leaning up against the doorway and folding my arms, raising my eyebrow which she found very hilarious for some reason.
"What are you doing under there you goofball?" She peeked out again, and when she saw my eyebrow raised, she gave a playful shriek and hid again, giggling even more. I gave a sigh, followed by a soft laugh, shaking my head at the floor. I tip toed over to the bed and climbed on, trying my best not to make a sound or make it noticeable I was right above her.
As I saw her little figure start to slowly move out from underneath the comforter again, I held my breath, not making a sound. All of a sudden her head poked out, and I caught her just before she could yelp and hide in her fortress of blankets again. I pulled her out completely, exposing her to nothing but fun trouble.
"Ah ah! Daddy's got ya! Uh oh, it's daddy, the almighty tickle monster! " I started poking and tickling her sides. Her high pitched laughter was contagious, making me crack up as I continued to tickle her despite her giggling plea's in between gasps of breaths. She flailed her arms and legs around, begging me to stop.
"No daddy! No more!" She gasped. I eased away from the tickling as I could see it was tiring her. I finished her off with a big raspberry kiss on the cheek, she giggled at the noise.
"Eww daddy you're making funny noises!" She made a grossed out face, her face scrunching up and nose wrinkling, she added the touch of folding her arms too. I mimicked her.
"I can do that too ya know." She looked at me with such a 'taken off guard' face. I could see in her eyes she searched for something to say.
"Yeah well, you don't look cute doing it. Only me!" She smiled and climbed back under the blanket.
"Yeah, you are sure right about that Ladybug." That was the nickname I had given her due to the fact it was her first word surprisingly. As a newborn baby, she loved the outdoors, and so did her mother. Every morning, Elena would take her outside to look at the different variety of flowers my wife had been growing in the front yard. She was mesmerized by all the colors and shapes, cooing and getting all excited, waving her arms when she got to touch one. I remembered the day so well. . .
"Oh sweetheart don't pull or yank them, you'll hurt the flowers." I laughed as she looked up at Elena with a confused look, her big brown eyes wide and her mouth accompanied with only a couple teeth formed in a perfect 'O'. I was sitting on the front porch, settling on the deck chair, reading a copy of Zane Greys 'Riders of the Purple Sage'. Yeah, I love westerns.
Just two weeks shy of her first birthday that day, she was beginning to walk with assistance. Elena let her walk around in the grass, holding onto her hand and walking around with her, a cautious look on my wife's face, ready to catch any as I would call, 'gravity storms.' As Laila made her way through the grass, a small lady bug landed on her arm.
"Wuhhhh. . ." The wonder in her eyes, as she looked at that bug, was heartwarming. She looked up at Elena, then turning her head in my direction, she attempted to call out to me.
"Daaaaaa!" She got excited as she playfully stomped in the grass, bouncing as best as she could with Elena holding her hand. This was her way of indicating she needed me over there. I stood up and jogged over, kneeling down beside her.
"What is that Laila? What did you find? Did you find a ladybug?" She looked back down at it, concentrating on it so hard, I thought she was trying to shoot laser beams out her eyes at it.
". . .Lady..bug!" She giggled loudly and watched as it flew away. Elena looked down at me smiling.
"Well, what an interesting first word! But I guess it's still good enough." She laughed. I stood back up, picking up Laila and giving Elena a kiss on the cheek.
"I think I've found my nickname for her. .Ladybug." I watched as Laila laid her head on my shoulder, a thumb in her mouth and starting to drift off to sleep.
"Hmm Ladybug," Elena said in her all too familiar, soothing voice. "How perfect. . ."
". . .Daddy?" I snapped out of my flashback, looking over at Laila.
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"Can we go to bed now?" She stretched her arms and yawned. "I'm sleepy. . ."
Once I told her 'of course', she didn't even wait for me to say good night. She immediately laid down, burying her head into Elena's old pillow, which seemed oddly huge against her small frame when she laid upon it. I lightly kissed her forehead again for the second time that night, stroking the hair out of her face and tucking it behind her ear. She was already fast asleep.
"Goodnight my Ladybug."
I flipped my pillow over to the cold side and laid down on my back, propping my hands behind my head. I turned my head to face out the window, looking out at the dark sky. Living in a suburban area, stars were rarely seen, yet there was always at least one exceptionally bright star that was always visible except for cloudy nights. I gazed at it for awhile, minutes, but seemed like hours.
I sat up again and walked to the window, examining it closely. It was actually the first I had seen this star in a few months due to the fact spring was just starting to come around and the days and nights weren't so cold and cloudy anymore. We had a horribly cold and blizzard filled winter these past few months. Looking at the star more intently caused lots of emotions to course through me, mainly frustration, guilt, and mourning. Looking at that star again, the last time seeing it being when I was with Elena in the hospital, caused me to do something I haven't done since that same day I last saw it. December 2nd, 2012. I broke down completely. Before my whole body just gave out, I hurried out of the room and closed the door, sliding my back down the wall as tears spilled down my cheeks. I choked out a sob that caused my breath to falter.
"You have no idea how much I miss you, Elena, the girls too. How can I ever explain it all to Kira when she gets older?" I wiped my eyes quickly and tried my best to hold back any more tears. I was startled when I heard clicking noises of something hitting the hardwood floor going up the stairs. I relaxed when I saw it was Heidi, our Siberian husky.
"Come here, Heidi." I gave a small whistle, motioning to her with my hand, but she already saw I was upset, and was over by my side in a heartbeat, laying her head in my lap and looking up at me with sorrowful eyes. I stroked her ears and the top of her head gently, a small smile on my lips.
"You miss her too don't ya girl?" The soft whimper she gave was enough to assume she was thinking the same thing without even having to speak.
"I know, but who doesn't?" She kept looking at me with the same expression.
"I don't think I'll be able to raise the girls properly and get them where they need to be once they take me off leave from work. . ." The thought chilled me. Spending a little time with the girls, It killed me, but I needed to get back to work to support us all, I needed to find some help.
I stood up and headed back into my room, Heidi following right behind. I stepped into my master bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face to take away the feeling of dry tears on my cheeks and to take away the red from my eyes. Climbing into bed and under the covers, I laid on my side facing the same window, finding my comfortable place on my pillow and closing my eyes. The wet nose nuzzling me in the face opened them back up.
I sighed. "Yes, you can come up here girl, don't wake Laila." Happiness filled the dog's features as she hopped onto the bed and curled up into a ball just beneath my feet.
"Goodnight Heidi." I closed my eyes once again.
". . .Goodnight Elena."
:') there is chapter one you guys, I really hope you liked it- Przybyszewski