tamago kudasai (tamago hitotsu)
tamago kudasai (tamago futatsu)
tamago kudasai (tamago mitsu)
ijou de ii wa (tamago dake desuka)
[An egg, please (One egg~) / An egg, please (Two eggs~) / An egg, please (Three eggs~) / That will be all. (Just eggs?)]
- Brief & Trunks, "Konbini"
It was so stupid, and he was going to do it no matter what.
That time of day, there were a few customers in the store. How fortunate for him. Teito slowly walked past the shelves, pretending he was thinking what to buy. A smiling old lady passed him, and he even managed to smile back - though his smile wasn't much better than the one he had...
He clenched his fists, taking a grip of himself. He couldn't distract himself. Bad enough was that his heart was already somewhere around his throat, and he was aware he probably had all the villainous tricks he was going to commit written all over his face.
No, he exaggerated again. There was only one villain trick. At least, for now.
Three children passed him, running, and the owner scolded them for playing in the store. Teito heard their mothers' remorseful voices, for they had forgotten themselves in talk and didn't see to their kids. The shopkeeper wasn't really mad, he frowned at children, though, blinking to their mothers at the same time, while they smiled at him shyly.
Teito passed the shelf with coffee for the fourth time now. He would at least buy a pack, had he not replenished their supplies only the previous day. His pragmatic nature declined the thought of wasting money. Okay, the end justifies the means, but anyway... That wasn't even his money. He blushed to the roots of his hair at the thought what he really was going to spend it for. He desperately hoped the Church Bank didn't register the details of its members' transactions.
He looked around. At the moment, the store was deserted; even the owner had disappeared in the back. He wouldn't have another chance. He approached the rack, snatched the random magazine with shaking hands, and rushed towards the counter, almost tripping over his cloak he hid his booty under. If he wasn't so tense, he would probably feel almost personally offended by the fact the counter reached as high as to his chest. He gulped nervously when the owner appeared in the back door. He had to make it. Two older women stopped by an entrance, and then engaged into a talk. He was still safe.
"For you?" the owner asked, looking down on Teito as sternly as on the children before.
Teito's eyes grew wider, and he clutched at his purchase in spe. No, he couldn't lose courage at the last moment. He was a chosen one. He was to fight the evil. And so on.
"Ee... Eggs, please."
"Eggs? How many?" the man inquired.
"T-three," Teito stuttered out.
"Three eggs," the owner declared, putting the article on the counter and looking expectantly. "Anything else?"
Teito gulped again, aware he made a hundred percent of a brat. On top of it, a dumb one. A granny seized the door-handle. He had a last chance. Hands still shaking, he put a magazine on the counter. Cover down, but it didn't help anything. His ears were burning. The storekeeper opened his eyes wider.
"We don't sell it to the minors," he claimed calmly, frowning.
"I'm not -" Teito started, cursing his 156 centimetres that worked to his disadvantage. "I am a bishop apprentice," he explained, showing his pass.
This time, the owner raised his brow. Oh... Common sense would tell the bishop apprentice shouldn't be interested in buying that. Teito naively believed the pass would work him everything and everywhere...
He took the last resort. He stood on his toes and crane his neck towards the man, saying in a low voice, "I am Bishop Frau's apprentice."
The storekeeper's face changed in a trice when the man grinned from ear to ear. Teito felt the slightest taste of victory. The owner deftly packed the magazine along with the eggs to the bag and handed it to Teito, his eyes expressing the mutual understanding. He leaned over the counter and informed in a tone of conspiracy, "Tell him we have a supply tomorrow. Extra edition with a bonus."
Teito nodded. His ears were still burning, but his victory was a fact.
"Frau's apprentice?" The storekeeper's wife stood in the back door. "The world's been turned upside down. What can he possibly teach the boy? Like one perverted bishop isn't enough..." Woman gave Teito a pitying yet suspicious look. Just like she presumed Frau had taught his disciple this and that already...
Her husband guffawed. "Come on, dear. The lad will grow up to become a splendid bishop!" he called a bit too happily, and slapped Teito on the back, almost knocking him down.
Teito grabbed an opportunity, bowed and thanked, and rushed from the store passing by the older ladies who decided go shopping at last. Luck was on his side today.
He was vaguely aware, though, the storekeeper's wife could be right.
He stood in the backstreet, breathing heavily. Now that the tension was gone, he felt like he had fought a battle. Slightly embarrassed, he decided he hadn't been so nervous even fighting Ayanami...
No, he wasn't going to think of Ayanami, he had more important matters to attend. Temporarily, at least.
He looked around - no-one in sight. He reached into the bag and took the magazine out, blushing again. Blast it, he scolded himself. At this age, he shouldn't react that way at the sight of a naked woman, should he? He stood for a moment, staring at the cover sheepishly. She wasn't even naked, he decided behindhand, though her scant outfit showed more that it didn't...
Hot flush rushed to his head again. He slapped on his cheeks to sober himself. No. He couldn't longer deceive himself. That was not a reaction to the pictures of some undressed women. It was due to the thought of what he was planning to do. Merely a thought...
Fleetingly, Teito wondered what would happen when he finally started to execute the plan... and then he brushed that reflection away to the future. He took a deep breath. He was a son of a king. He was chosen to fight the darkness. He would do. Failure was not the option.
"God, grant me strength," he thought, having the impression something was clearly not right, and started to read.
He wanted to do it.
And he knew why.
He woke up to the darkness gleaming with silver moonlight. It had to be quite early still, probably only hour since midnight, he decided.
The dream he had seen had started as a nightmare, yet, in the meantime, it had evolved into something warm and peaceful. Again, he had dreamt about Ayanami and Mikage's death - like almost every night. Far too often, he woke up from those frightening scenes that exposed the darkest secrets of his heart and his deepest wounds. He didn't expect he could ever stop to feel guilty. Even though Mikage had chosen to die for him, unquestionable was that had it not been for him, Teito Klein, Mikage would have had the chance to live on, to live till his old age, to enjoy each day, and to find his happiness. Teito had promised himself he would never regret Mikage's decision, but in the dark of the night, right after he had been once again looking with his helpless eyes at his friend's last moments, he could only despise himself. He supposed he would struggle with himself and his guilt feeling till the end of his life. It was right, and he accepted at least that much.
Often, he woke up in the protective embrace of the strong arms that kept restoring his sense of security and soothed him. He wasn't alone in the darkness. Even if it was his fault that Mikage had died, they didn't abandon him nor they despised him. That was enough to keep his heart from crazy racing and his breathe from breaking out of the chest. It helped him to fall asleep into the dream that soothed and didn't scare.
He was glad he hadn't woken Frau this time. Frau had already spent enough time watching over his sleep. Too many times already had Teito disturbed his rest. Tonight, his guardian angel had kept watch. Teito remembered his friend's smile that had driven away the darkness and brought the light back, at least for that one night.
He turned his had. Mikage lay next to his temple, moving his ears as he slept. Teito felt a warmth spreading through his all body. He smiled, suddenly utterly happy. Though he didn't deserve it, they were there for him. They always watched over him. Three beings. One little dragon, a soul of his best friend who had decided to stay by his side for good and for ill. One human, flesh and blood - although so perfect he could be an angel. And a ghost, a god severing bonds of misfortune. Mikage, Hakuren, Frau. There was no way he could ever repay them. He could only accept their love and try to return it. Thousandfold.
He turned round again. Frau's profile looked like marble-hewn against the night sky, outlined with a milky moonlight. Ruffled hair, sticking up even in his sleep. Straight forehead and nose. Lips, usually smiling widely, sometimes revealing unusual sensibility. Willowy neck and a broad chest that indicated the man's strength. Teito rested his head on a hand. It seemed he had to wait a bit to fall asleep again. He had time so he could watch the sleeping man in peace. It was such a rare occasion.
Frau was sleeping. Apparently, ghosts needed to sleep, too. Teito frowned. He didn't knew for sure to what degree Frau was a ghost. He never asked... It was his personal matter. He had a feeling he would be given an honest answer, though.
But was he ready for it?
No heart was beating in his chest, and his skin was cold. But he ate, slept, and in Teito's eyes he seemed more alive that all other people together. He flirted with every single girl he met, Teito thought half amused, half annoyed. He read porn, perverted bishop...
No, it wasn't a good subject.
Actually... he decided a moment later, why not?
He mused over, and knitted his brows. He felt something important escape his attention; he tried to focus. Mikage's ear brushed against his neck; he smiled.
Frau was handsome, Teito admitted it a bit reluctantly. He was so damned handsome it was clearly improper in case of a clergyman. If Teito had been a girl - he wasn't, thank God - he would have looked at him with delight, for sure. Two meters tall (Teito thought of his shameful 156 centimetres), perfectly muscular body. There was absolutely no need to mention the head of gold hair and those absurdly sapphire-blue eyes. Then that roguish smile and charming, scoundrelly voice. Had Teito been a girl... ugh, hypothetically, hypothetically! He wouldn't resist.
Especially when taking into consideration the feelings he had towards Frau that had nothing to do with his looks - but it didn't matter now.
There was some inconsistency in it, and Teito tried to catch it from all the other conclusions and opinions he had about Frau. All right, he was handsome and charming, he made an impression - and he had an obsession about women. Teito decided the last one was a bit too caustic remark, but he ignored it. They had been travelling together for months now - and Teito could say it with dead certainty: Frau had no woman. Neither now, nor before.
He frowned again.
Of course, it could have something to do with the Church doctrine he hadn't delved into yet. Even for him - who had had nothing in common with Church for the most of his life - the though about clergyman having a woman was for some reason out of place, so perhaps it was it. It could be that Frau - in spite of his undeniable admiration for the fair sex - simply abided by that one rule, even though he didn't bother with all the other.
Or perhaps... So many mysteries in one person. Perhaps, being Zehel, he wasn't allowed to come into physical contact with mortals?
Teito sat on the bad, his brows knitted, and looked at the man's silhouette bathed in moonlight. He drove away the thought that had been pestering him a moment now - that he wanted to outline the man's profile with his finger, just like the moon did.
Perhaps his human and divine sides were struggling? But however Teito tried to look at it, it seemed to him that Frau had resigned his desires and had calmly engaged himself into all the scandalous activities that had gained him a name of perverted bishop, for he had known he wouldn't go any further.
He sat still, looking at his protector and master in complete silence. His face was serious.
He could respect Frau-Zehel's decision but from his point of view it looked like... like the man had surrendered without striking a blow. He didn't like it. It was so unlike Frau. It aroused his opposition.
One memory - it seemed like distant past, though it had been only a couple of months - came to him: a memory of underwater prison and Frau, peacefully awaiting his death, reconciled with his fate. He drove it away. He didn't want to accept Frau as someone who submitted to others' verdicts. It was... it was not right.
He clenched his fists.
Perhaps he didn't have any experience, and his knowledge of relationships was rather fragmentary, yet he understood as much as the bond two people shared could be much closer he could have ever expected.
The thought that Frau could never have anyone so close was sad. Terribly sad. Even though that idea was outwardly unfamiliar to him, Teito realized he wanted, he really wanted to see a woman by Frau's side, a one Frau would desire.
Suddenly, the moonlight seemed distant and impassively cold. He felt an urge to shove his fingers into Frau's hair, to touch him in sign of comfort he could need. He froze, his hand stretched.
He didn't want to wake him.
He couldn't help it. If Frau had decided to be alone, he couldn't help it. He knew, however, from now on he would look at the man's flirting with sadness, not indignation.
He lay down again, turning towards Mikage.
He felt tired and miserable. And helpless.
He knew he would wait for a sleep.
He finally managed to fall asleep, after hours of unattractive reflection and regrettable analysis. Just before he drifted off, one thought crossed his mind - in the daylight it seemed like a dream. It was so stupid, crazy and completely impossible - but it was there, it clang to his mind like a Kor to a desperate soul, and it didn't want to leave.
Frau came in from the balcony, letting the ubiquitous cigarette smoke in. Teito wrinkled his nose and pouted.
"You left out?" Frau asked, regarding his clothes.
"Only to the shop," Teito replied in a neutral tone. "I bought some eggs," he added a bit hesitantly.
Frau cast him a puzzled glance, and went to the kitchen. Teito returned to reading.
"But why only three?" There was an understandable astonishment in Frau's voice.
Teito smirked, never taking eyes off the magazine.
"What is this?" he asked ten minutes later, after Frau put a plate before him.
"Omelet," Frau replied in a tone like he was talking to a half-wit.
Teito blinked, confused indeed.
"I can see it's an omelet, but - "
"Thought you wanted for breakfast."
Teito stared at him like he saw a ghost. No, in a different way, definitely different...
"I've already eaten," he said resigned and reached for a fork. "I won't eat the whole..."
"No wonder you're short, you damned brat," Frau put with satisfaction.
Teito's eyes flashed. That was it. All of the sudden, he felt he was hungry. Frau must have looked at him amused, when omelet was gone after three minutes. He would show him he was not a brat... Teito choked. No, better to swallow the last mouthful, before he started to think about such dangerous matters. He had to admit Frau was good at cooking... Well, at least he could prepare an omelet, nothing to it. Teito ignored the thought he himself wouldn't know how to separate the egg from its shell... Oh, and so the eggs were of some use. He almost chuckled.
His heart thumped. He lifted his eyes at Frau, trying not to blush. Suddenly, it felt there would be no better time - or perhaps he wanted to do it as soon as possible, before he really lost his courage. It was a bright day, noon had just passed, but... to hell with this. Frau was looking at him with a smirk, as if he was ready to throw some snide remark... But no, he knitted his brows, and something flickered in his eyes.
"Something happened, Teito?" he asked. Teito stirred. Frau rarely called him by his name, and now there was a concern in his voice, too.
Concern. Always vigilant, always on his guard, reacting to the slightest sign that something could be not right. Teito closed his eyes, aware he didn't deserve it. His heart pounded faster, almost painfully, his throat clenched. He shook his head, and looked at the man again.
"You're surprisingly quiet today," Frau said thoughtfully. He didn't let his guard down, regardless of Teito's silent assurance.
Teito was looking at Frau like he had looked in the night. This time, by daylight, he absorbed all the details of the man though he already knew them by heart. Frau's face alone could give him rule over the nations. His unruly hair was a light itself. The deep of his sapphire eyes could win over every sky.
Teito rose. The magazine slid from couch on the floor; he froze, not sure what to do. Frau was quicker; he dived under the table, then reappeared with a catch. For a moment, he was looking at its cover, almost perplexed, and then his eyes flashed and his lips widened into smile.
"You pinch my mags, you damned brat," he called in a voice ringing with laugh.
"No. I bought," Teito whispered blankly.
Frau tore his eyes off the paper and looked as if Teito had just sprouted a tail. If Teito didn't feel like the tension was to tear him into pieces, he would laugh. Hysterically.
"So brat's decided to grow up," Frau added, but something rasped in his voice.
Teito walked round the table. In the mirror on the wall, he caught a reflection of his face: blank, eyes wide open. It felt like the whole blood had left from his head.
"Oi -" Frau started, this time really alarmed, and wanted to rise, but Teito placed the hands on his shoulders and forced him to stay seated.
And then he closed the eyes and kissed him.
He could do it. He could do everything. He had known from the very start, since the thought appeared in his mind. It was Frau. Someone who was more dear to him than he himself. He guarded him, risking his life - guarded from the others and from his own darkness. He was always close and he never left him alone. Gratitude, dedication, joy, trust - Teito's heart could barely hold so many feelings that together entwined in harmony into an ardent affection he bestowed on Frau. He would do everything for him - though he could so little. If his lips and his hands, and his cursed body could do and please Frau, then he couldn't be happier.
He had known everything of it. Since long.
What he didn't know and didn't expect...
Frau's cold lips were so soft... He felt dizzy. Spiky hair tickled at his forehead. He felt like laughing, for some strange kind of excitement he hadn't known before filled him. And then...
His body was overwhelmed by a heat. He twitched and moaned. It felt like his blood boiled. His heart pounded faster and faster. He had to take a breath but right away he pressed his lips against Frau's again, cupping his face and sitting on his laps. His skin tensed all over the body and he felt like his hair was a cloud of electric charge. In some part of his mind he understood.
He desired that man.
But did it change anything?
He breathed heavily after he had wrenched his lips away and opened his eyes. The room blurred in the field of his vision; clearly he could only see Frau's face and these beautiful eyes that were looking at him...
They were looking at him in more seriously than ever.
He blinked, trying to even his breath, which seemed impossible. He tried to focus. To remember... what he wanted to do and why. Not for himself. For Frau.
He gulped. His heart slowed down, his sight regained its sharpness. He felt a pang of uneasiness - first clear sensation in the soft bliss he had been floating in.
"Teito..." Frau spoke in a voice Teito had never heard of him.
He felt cold. Frau hadn't even stirred. He was sitting in chair, back rigid, hands on the armrests, face calm, his eyes serious. Only the magazine had slipped from his hands. Teito shrank inwardly. A man in such situation should look... differently. He gulped again, with a feeling of failure, at first. Naive as he was, he had presumed that because he was ready to do those things with Frau - the things he had read about - Frau wouldn't mind either. He was clearly mistaken. But...
"Let me..." he whispered. He didn't want to give up, he wanted so much to give him a little bit of simple, worldly pleasure. He believed he could. "Let me," he whispered again. "Even if I'm not a woman..." Frau stirred. "I can... I have hands like them. I have lips like them..." and there was no mortification in his soft words, only desperate pleading.
"Teito," Frau repeated, this time his voice was alive.
The ringing silence fell between them.
Then Teito, at last, felt a fear: a small lump in his chest that started to grow fast and froze everything inside him. The day was still bright, the air was still warm - yet everything had suddenly changed, and he was able to feel only this chillness. In his mind - that seemed frozen as well - there was a horrifying thought that he had done something irredeemable. That due to his foolishness he had destroyed what was most important to him. That he was a brat and he had acted like one.
It hurt.
Suddenly he realized - the thing that had never occurred his mind before - what it would mean to lose Frau. If Frau rejected him, if he left him alone in the dark... It was terrifying. He shivered, opening his eyes wide, though the tears blinded him. Only a moment ago he had felt like being capable of everything, that he could carry the light. Now he was under impression he had been thrown away to the icy desert, and the sun had went out for ever. It was all his fault, the voice in his head said.
Annihilation of own happiness was that easy...
He felt he would scream. He rose; he wanted to get up; he had to leave, to run off, before he would be hit and pushed away. He didn't deserve anything else, but he knew his heart would break into pieces, if he saw the hatred in Frau's eyes.
"I'm sorry," he whispered with shaking lips, drawing back.
The strong arms closed around him so quickly he didn't realize. Frau hugged him - like he had done so many times before... Teito didn't stir, he sat his head down; he didn't dare to lift his eyes. These arms couldn't give him any warmth, but, paradoxically, they drove away the feeling of frightful cold; and then he finally breathed out, and his pulse started to return to normal. He rested his head on the man's chest no heart beat in. Tears began to flow from his eyes. Even now, facing the danger of being left alone, the feeling that dominated was that overwhelming sorrow due to Frau's way. He couldn't do anything for him, he really couldn't...
Frau whispered in his hair, "I didn't want to scare you."
Teito shook his head; more tears flowed down. Sobs racked his body, though he tried to hold them back. The arms embraced him even tighter.
"No-one can give it to me," Frau spoke softly. "No woman, no man," he added calmly, so very calmly.
"Have you ever tried?" Teito asked in a broken voice, surprised he was able to speak, and surprised he had told something like that.
He felt the lips on his hair widened in a smile.
"Have you tried?" he repeated with desperate stubbornness and insane courage, at last lifting his head and looking Frau into eyes.
For a moment, Frau looked confused. Teito's heart leapt.
"You don't hate me, do you?" he dared to ask.
Frau's eyes flickered. Never before had his gaze been so open, and never before had Teito thought he could see a shadow of pain in his eyes. It disappeared right away, though.
"Who could ever hate you, damned brat?" Frau asked, his tone almost casual.
His voice was low and tender. Teito lowered his head; some new tears broke off from his eyelashes. He didn't deserve it. He was worthless.
"Don't think so badly of yourself," Frau said brightly, like he could read his mind, and ruffled his hair. "I'm by your side and I'll stay here, no matter what," he claimed like it was an obvious thing.
Teito wiped away the tears. He nodded. For a moment, he sat still, taking pleasure in Frau's embrace. In some miraculous way, he managed to avoid the end of world. He hoped - but how could he be sure? - he would never face such a terror again. He hoped he would never try to break his happiness with his own hands.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"Idiot," Frau responded. "That's my line."
Teito gave him a painful look. "I wanted... to give you some pleasure," he confessed quietly. "You... But I couldn't do even that much."
"You give me much more," Frau replied straight away. "Every day when you're close. That's why I'll stay by you, Teito."
Teito blinked, and wiped his eyes again. The lump in his chest seemed to disappear, replaced with something soft and warm.
"You going to cry again, you damned brat?" Frau asked with a smirk. "The mag was obviously for show only..."
"Who's going to cry?" Teito called, rising from the armchair.
Definitely, he had to come back to reality. Son of a king, a chosen one, power, and so on. Yes, it always helped. He took a deep breath. He was almost calm.
Frau grasped his hand; Teito looked at him, surprised. Judging by the sparkles in the man's eyes, he could expect the worst.
"I was under impression," Frau started in a casual tone, "that before... you were ready for a bit more."
Teito blushed to the roots of his hair. "Not your business!" he burst out, his voice breaking. Oh Verloren! Frau realized about how he felt... He gulped.
Frau rose from the chair. Teito had to lift his head in order to look him into eyes. The man's face expressed the contentment and... something else. "Perhaps I can be useful?" he asked in a low voice. "I'm sure I'm more experienced... in reading."
Suddenly, Teito felt dizzy. A wave of heat filled him again. He shook his head, trying to sober himself and drive away those definitely unambiguous visions. "Perverted Bishop! Hands off!" he shouted and pushed Frau back into armchair. He ran out of the room, loud laughter followed him.
In the doorway, he turned to look. Frau leaned against the armrest and regarded him with an amused affection. "Don't look at me like this!" he cried out, shaking his fist. Frau straightened up. Teito lowered his arm. "If one day..." he started hesitantly. "If someday you'd like to... try..." He stopped. "Only then... Only then it will be fair," he said with conviction. "For now, I'll manage by myself." His cheeks were still burning. Frau nodded, never stopping to smile.
Teito turned back.
He was under impression that today he had made the first step on his road to an adulthood.
He smiled. He was certain one day he would success in what he had failed today. Being a chosen one had nothing to do with that certainty.
And till then...
He smiled even wider.
Till then, he'd undoubtedly do more reading.