April 2nd, 2009: Hannah
PLACE: Apex, North Carolina
TIME: Thursday, 04/02/2009, 3:10 PM
KISSER: Matthew, aged 14
RECIPIENT: Hannah, aged 11
It was the end of another quiet day at my middle school. I was in my Yearbook elective class, anxiously looking at the clock.
Hannah was two years younger than me. I was in 8th grade, and she was in 6th. We shared a carpool together. I had had a crush on her for a while and wanted to tell her how I felt. Today, I was sure I could.
At exactly 3:00, the bell rang. I grabbed my stuff and bolted for the door. I could see Hannah coming towards me in the swarm of students. I approached her.
"Hey Hannah," I asked casually. "Can I talk to you in private?"
Hannah agreed. I turned and went back up the hallway, the way she had come. I knew where to go. In another part of the school was a stairwell that was hardly used, not even by the 4th and 5th graders that studied in that hallway. The reason was that it was not the quickest route to the front doors of the school. The other stairwell was. I had staked it out over the last several days, and had concluded it would be the perfect place for privacy.
I entered the stairwell, Hannah right behind me. I did a final sweep as the door shut behind us. The area was deserted. We were alone. I turned back to Hannah.
"Close your eyes," I instructed. Hannah obeyed. It was a move I had conceived very early in my plan. Hannah would not see me coming, and I would have the element of surprise on my side.
I did one final check of the stairwell. All was quiet. There was a huge adrenaline rush within me. I gathered the last of my courage. Cupping her face in my hands, I leaned forward and kissed Hannah Perez full on the mouth.
To this day, I still remember faintly what the kiss tasted like. Her mouth was smooth and moist, yet warm. Her skin smelled sweet. Flush with my victory, I kept us pressed together a moment more before retreating back. I had done a very brave thing; I knew it. I smiled in triumph. Unfortunately, that smile quickly melted away.
It was not that we had been unexpectedly been caught. Oh no, we were still very much alone. My choice of location had been impeccable. What was not was Hannah's reaction. She had not resisted; she couldn't have, she had not seen my kiss coming. But, now that we had both experienced it…. Never will I forget the look on her face. She looked stunned, as if someone had hit her in the back of the head with a baseball bat.
All at once, my face felt very hot. I said something stupid like "April Fool's" even though that had been the day before. I bolted down the stairs and out the back door, heading for home, uneasy.
It was hard to concentrate on my homework that night. Luckily, there was only one assignment, and I finished it quickly and got to bed early. Later that night, Mom shook me awake. Already fearing the worst, I stumbled bleary-eyed out of bed.
Hannah had told her parents about the kiss. Naturally, she had been upset, so they had called. We were close, our familes; good friends. But, I still feared an explosive wrath. Her parents were as understanding as they could be in this circumstance, but I still was thoroughly embarrassed. I was able to apologize to everyone over the phone, Hannah included. Then, after a long conversation with my parents, I went back to bed. As the door closed behind me, I heard my mother say, "I don't think anything will be the same with them."
For a time, Mom was right. Things were not the same. The carpool was disbanded for the remainder of the year. Hannah and I avoided each other and never spoke. For about a year, it went on like this. I moved on to high school, so Hannah and I were separated now.
Soon, however, Hannah and her family came around. They seemed to forgive me, and by the time I was halfway through high school, we were talking and friendly again as if the kiss had never happened.
I was glad I now knew what kissing was like. Still, the experience had left me somewhat traumatized, and my confidence was shaken. Given that, I figured it would be a long time before I kissed another girl.