I thought I'd start it off by stating that as a Canadian, I'm not spelling "practise" wrong. When using it as a verb, it's perfectly acceptable to spell it with an "s" but when using it as a noun, it's spelled with a "c". Spelling aside, I hope you enjoy this short story about awkward young adults playing tonsil hockey.

Warnings: language, adult themes, frottage, mild Adam Sandler bashing

Practise

As the credits roll on the train wreck of a film we just finished watching, I allow my body to relax from its semi-perma-cringe state brought on by Adam Sandler and his horrible courting antics in 50 First Dates. I honestly have no idea how John Egbert can stand that pile of horseshit, but as he gets up to throw on another flick, I have to put my foot down. As he reaches for the DVD case containing Just Go With It, I hurl a shitty sword at it, impaling the movie against the far wall.

"What the fuck, Dave?!" John yelps, retracting his hand quickly from the spot where his precious movie once lay. "Don't go putting holes in the walls! The landlady won't return our damage deposit now!"

"Sorry, Egbert," I reply casually, folding my arms in a satisfied manner. "Small sacrifice to spare us the horror of another awful rom-com. Seriously, what's up with you and your latest obsession with Sandler and his borderline-autistic acting style? Cage not doing it for you anymore?"

"Don't be hating on the Sandler, man. He's a funny guy."

"Yeah, if you think a pile of dead puppies is funny." John lets out a tiny snort as his takes a sip of his cola. "And another thing? Why have you been subjecting me to this cornball rom-com torture all evening anyway? Isn't that more Karkat's deal?"

"Sometimes Karkat makes some good suggestions." He doesn't even have to look at me to know I'm not convinced by his answer. "Oh c'mon, it's nice to see a happy couple get together at the end of a film. Kind of encouraging, really."

"I didn't realise you're a closet romantic. Alert the presses." I get up and start flipping through our collective DVD shelf, scanning for a better movie to watch than whatever crap Egbert has in mind. The way I see it, he's been monopolizing this evening with his own brand of bad movies, so it seems only fair that I get to choose something now. "Ok, you have a choice between Soul Plane and Next Friday. What's it gonna be?"

When I don't get an immediate response, I glance over my shoulder to look at John. He's fumbling with the hem of his shirt, eyes apparently focused very closely on the floor. To be honest, I'm never that surprised when he acts weird and awkward, but for some reason, his current state has me curious.

"Egbert?" I say. "Sup, bro? You're being odder than usual."

"Am I?" John all but squeaks. The noise makes me quirk an eyebrow. He seems to realise his slip-up and regains some measure of composure. "Um, it's…" I can tell by the way his eyes wander towards the ceiling that he's considering lying to me. "Look, I have… sort of a favour to ask." My eyebrow remains firmly raised.

"Oh?"

"You have to promise not to laugh."

"Is it funny?"

"Uh… not exactly. It's embarrassing."

"Will I think it's funny?"

"Probably? I dunno."

"Then I can make no guarantees."

"Daaave…"

"Alright, alright. What's this favour?" Annoying John was just too easy.

"Don't laugh. Don't even make a sarcastic comment that could be construed as irony in any shape or form."

"Scouts honour."

"You were never in scouts."

"Doesn't make it any less legit, bro."

"Fine!" John huffs and folds his arms. He takes a deep breath before launching into what will no doubt be an amusing request which I will have to try very hard not to snicker at. "I've been thinking about asking Rose out on a date." My heart sinks and it suddenly feels like all the oxygen in the room has disappeared. This is anything but amusing.

Of course, on the outside, I am the epitome of cool.

But on the inside, a tiny part of me just died.

I don't know why I'm surprised. Even Karkat saw this coming with his shitty shipping chart. I've known for years that John is 100% straight. He even turned down Karkat's weak attempt at black feelings, the kind that don't require much homosexual tendencies. So why am I so bothered by this now? I guess that explains why the sudden interest in awful rom-coms.

With all my internal brooding, I only catch the tail-end of John's sentence. "…And I have no idea what I'd be doing? So how about it?"

"What?" I mumbled, trying to play it cool. John rolls his eyes at me.

"C'mon, man, don't make me repeat myself. It was embarrassing enough the first time around."

"No, seriously, I totally wasn't listening."

"Dave!" John sighs. I know he's not really annoyed, but I feel bad none the less. He frowns a little, but says, "I said, I want to impress Rose with my romancing skills, but I don't know the first thing about… y'know… kissing." His face flushes red. "And I don't know anyone else who I could… practise with. Jade is practically my sister, Rose is the one I'm trying to get, which leaves… you."

There's a long pause. I'm half-expecting John to continue, but judging by the look of anticipation in his eyes, he's expecting me to respond first.

But exactly how am I supposed to respond? My best bro just asked me if he could practise his kissing technique on me. At least, that's what it sounds like he's asking me.

"And you want me to… what? Coach you?" I have to clarify to be sure.

"Sorta…" Again, he focuses on the ground. "I mean… I'll understand if you're totally not okay with this. We're both guys, after all. But from what I hear, girls do it all the time-"

"What, like in porns? Didn't know you had such a filthy mind, Egbert." My way of diffusing a situation is and always will be to make a joke about it. And considering what John is asking of me, this situation just got very fuse-y.

"Aw dude," John cracks a smile. "I told you not to tease me! I know I'm an inexperienced dork. I just want to be able to impress Rose. You know how intimidating she can be with her analytical brain of hers." Yes, I'm well aware. I hate the way she tip-toes around my feelings for John. I know she knows. She knows that I know she knows. And she acts like it's still obscured only because I haven't come right out and told her. "Anyway," John's voice snaps me back to reality. "I'll also understand if you think it's fucking weird because she's kind of your sister."

"We didn't exactly grow up together, so it's not like I feel a brotherly affection for her," I quickly say. My brain is running a mile a minute. What should I say? A huge part of me knows this is a bad idea. I am way too emotionally invested for this to not be a bad idea. But a guilty part of me wants to go along with it. I may never get another chance like this again. He's willing to let me kiss him! He suggested it!

"So, just to be clear, you want me to show you how to kiss like a pro? As in, you want me to kiss you?" Again, John looks panicked and red in the face, but he manages a nod. "And you're okay with kissing a dude?" The corner of his mouth turns up and he nods again. Against my better judgement, I say, "'Kay, I'm in." He brightens considerably like the goddamn sun popping out from behind a cloud after a lousy day of overcast.

"Really?" he exclaims. I try shrugging casually, keeping up my poker face.

"Sure. Knowing you, we've got a lot of work ahead of ourselves." I shift in my seat so I'm facing Egbert properly.

"Oh, ha, ha, Strider." He mirrors my action, relaxing one leg in a bent position on the couch. "Okay, so what's the first step?" His eyes are positively glowing. I think he's way too excited about this. I consider him for a moment, asking myself the same question. Sure, I've had my fair share of high school make-out sessions, but I wouldn't exactly call myself a pro. Not that I'd ever tell John that. As far as he's concerned, I'm a sex god. Would be nice if I had actually ever been laid.

"Okay… I guess show me what you got and we'll go from there." My heart begins thumping in my chest. We're really going to do this. We're making this happen. I lean in half way and wait for John to lean in as well. He seems shy and hesitant at first, but after a second, he closes the space and presses a quick kiss to my lips. It's so quick, in fact, he nearly misses my lips entirely. And just as quick, he's back to his original position.

"So?" he asks. It wasn't exactly my idea of a romantic first kiss with him, but we had plenty of time to correct that.

"Weak. There was barely any contact and you need to work on your aim." John deflates at my critique. The look on his face makes me tack on, "But… you've got shy cuteness on your side, I guess." That makes him cheer up. God, why am I such a softy when it comes to him? "Let's try again, only this time, go a little slower, keep your eyes half open until you lose sight of my lips, and tilt your head so our noses don't bump." He nods with renewed enthusiasm.

I lean forward again, stopping halfway between us. This time, he has a look of determination on his face. He leans in a little slower, just like I told him, stopping short a fraction of an inch from my lips. His eyes slip shut and he tilts his head in a mechanical way before pressing his lips against mine. Although I get a thrill from the contact, it still screams of amateur. He pulls back and looks for my approval.

"Better," I admit. "You gotta be smoother, though. Like the wind. This should come naturally to you, Heirbert." He smiles at the nickname.

"I knew this would be a good idea," he says quietly. "You're so good at teaching." What does that mean? I shrug noncommittally.

"Whatev." C'mon, Strider, keep it together. "Okay, for this one, glide into the kiss, and when your lips touch, move them around a little. Hold the kiss a little longer. Just relax…" He looks a little confused but he nods. This time, when I go to lean in, he beats me to it, gliding in just as I told him, pressing his lips to mine once more. He awkwardly shifts his lips around, making me roll my eyes behind my shades. "Like this," I mumble against his lips. I deepen the kiss ever so slightly, nipping gently on his bottom lips, lingering, trying to hang on to this moment. "Now you." He pulls back just a tiny bit and pushes back in, moving his lips just like I did, pursing them against mine, brushing his nose against my cheek. The touch is so sensual, I almost lose my cool.

He pulls away and smiles that stupid grin of his. "How was that?" I'm dazed a moment, almost not hearing him.

"Good," I murmur, trying to snap out of it and pay attention. "Getting better. Another way to help position your lips is to use your hands." I demonstrate by cupping his cheek, acting out a fantasy I've always wanted to try with him. "This way, you know where you're going." I still can't believe he's letting me do this! John "straight-as-one-of-Equius'-arrows" Egbert is letting me smooch him. It's like Christmas all up in here!

My fingers trail down his cheek to his chin and I gently pull him into another kiss. He's bolder with his motions, moving his lips against mine a bit more vigorously. I gotta admit, it's kind of exciting. I nearly jump when I feel his fingers touch the side of my face, unsure where to go. So I help him along by taking his wandering hand with my free one, positioning each finger carefully, his fore finger close to my ear, his middle and ring finger beneath the crown of my ear, and his pinky along my jaw line where it meets my neck. The sensation makes me shiver just a little. When I let his hand go, he seems to have a stronger idea of what to do. As his lips work on me, his hands caress my face, tracing my jaw until they get to my chin, at which point he pulls away, breathing a little heavy.

"That felt pretty good…" he whispers. I have to suppress a shudder. I can feel parts of me reacting that I'd really prefer if they didn't in John's presence. Oh god, why'd I agree to this? I really don't want him to know just how turned on I am by this "innocent" practice session. "What else can you teach me?"

"What do you want to learn?" I ask, figuring I won't feel so bad if he's the one making all the suggestions. He thinks about it a moment.

"What's the big deal with French kissing?" I nearly choke on my own saliva when he says that. Is he honestly going to make me French kiss him? Oh jegus, I don't know if I can handle that. It's already taking all my will power not to push him down on the couch and ravish him. "Can we try that?"

"I…" Oh fuck, say no, say no! "Sure." Oh, for fuck's sake, Strider! You dumpass, why'd you go and say that? Okay, cool face, be cool. "It's really simple, but kind of messy. You sure?"

"I guess. I mean, when Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler were making out at the beginning of Armageddon, it didn't seem so messy."

"Okay, shitty movies aside, real-life make-out sessions get sloppy. Hollywood makes everything look tidy."

"Whatever, Strider. Sounds like you're wussy-ing out on me. Are you wussy-ing out on me?"

Oh.

The gauntlet has been dropped.

Without responding, I take John by the face and crush my lips against his, earning myself a surprised noise from him. I nibble on his bottom lip, running my tongue against it until his mouth parts open. My tongue darts into his mouth, for the first time really tasting John. I can't really put a name to that taste. It was human and sweet and unique, and yet completely indescribable. I run my tongue along the roof of his mouth and mingle with his tongue, and I swear I feel him shiver. I let up a little to give him a chance to adjust. His tongue moves against mine, fighting back for dominance. He takes his cue to explore my mouth for a few seconds before finishing it off by dragging his adorkable buck teeth along my bottom lip. I'm seriously impressed with how quickly he's picked up the fine art of kissing.

"That was…" Brilliant. Amazing. Sexy. Mind-blowing. Fucking fantastic. "Good." Despite years of perfecting my poker face, I'm sure my face is quite flushed right now. "You're a fast learner."

"I have a good teacher," he replies, grinning. "Can we… try that one again?" When did he get so bold? I feel like I'm holding my breath. He takes my silence to mean 'yes' and initiates another kiss.

In this one, he employs everything I just taught him. His hands find comfortable spots on my neck and the side of my head. His face approaches mine at a smooth angle, lips landing perfectly on mine, moving slowly, sensually. His tongue slips out of his mouth and run along my lips in such a way that even if I wanted to, I can't hold back the gasp that escapes my lips, allowing him access to the inside of my mouth. I let him tangle his tongue with mine. The sensation is driving me crazy. I can't believe this is happening. Then again, I can't believe I agreed to this.

When he pulls away for a second for air, I whisper, "Run your hands through my hair." He obeys, sinking his fingers into my short blond locks. It's enough to earn make me moan, which I quickly regret. But when he starts kissing me again, I figure he either didn't hear it or doesn't care. With a will of their own, my hands latch onto the back of his neck and shirt, pulling him closer. To hell with the consequences! He started this! God knows I'm so hot and bothered by now. I don't know what I'm hoping to get out of this, but I sure as hell don't want to stop now.

"There are other places you can kiss besides the mouth…" I say breathlessly when he gives me a chance. He seems to pause and I quickly begin to worry that I've overstepped my bounds.

My fears are alleviated when he responds with, "Like where?" I carefully plan my first attack.

"Like here," I murmur as a plant a kiss on his jaw. "And here." I place another below the first. "And here…" I trail a few more kisses down his neck. His head arches backwards to allow me better access. His skin is salty from a light bit of perspiration. I feel my way around his throat until I find a spot where I can feel his pulse hammering beneath me, and I start sucking on the skin. He lets out a funny little squawk and I feel his hands in my hair tighten. His breathing is getting shallower and almost unstable. Barely audible moans, sharp breaths, long languid sighs. He must really love this, even if he'll never admit it later. With all the techniques I'm teaching him, Rose better be really appreciative.

Before I realise what I've done, I pull back and notice a growing red mark on John's neck. Great. I'm leaving hickies on him. He'll have fun explaining that to people later.

"C-can I try?" he manages to say, clearly having trouble speaking. In a way, it's kind of thrilling to know I'm having this kind of effect on him.

I sit back and let him have a go. He starts out with the basic kissing, one on the lips, and one on my chin. "Yeah, that's it…" My breath catches in my throat when he trails a few kisses close to my ear, tongue darting out to taste my skin. His fingers comb through my hair as he starts sucking on my neck. I let out a sudden moan I didn't realise I was choking back. His fingers grip me a little tighter. Okay, now this is getting weird. He definitely heard that one. He must know this is turning me on. And yet he's still going.

In my moment of weakness, I feel his weight on me very subtly pushing me backwards until one final kiss has me flat on my back. How the hell did that happen? Before I can even assess the situation, his lithe body is on mine, his hands so tangled in my hair that I'm almost half worried he's going to start pulling it out in tuffs.

"J-John…" I shudder. There's a white hot sensation pooling in my stomach that I know is going to boil over any second if he keeps oh kissing me like oh god that. And yet I can't tear my hands away from him. I want him to stop, but I'm holding him so tightly that it's not even an option. If I were to lift my hips just a tiny bit, shit, I'll fucking lose my mind! This is a dream come true and I don't want to wake just yet.

"Hmm?" He pauses and looks at me. Clearly, he lost himself for a second there. His eyes are so dilated behind his skewed glasses, it's kinda cute and funny. We lie here, staring at each other, breathing heavily, deciding our next move. He lets out a nervous laugh. "How am I doing?" I can't help but chuckle at his blatant innocence.

"More than okay." I brush a loose lock of his bangs away from his forehead, praying he's not calling it quits. "You… still okay with this?" His eyes dart down my chest and back to my face. This is a pretty compromising position we're in. His body is hovering above mine with maybe half an inch of space between us, his legs between mine, my hand clinging desperately to the back of his shirt and his hands on the sides of my head. He smiles his goofy smile, closes his eyes, and rests his forehead against mine.

"Yeah," he replies. "You?"

I lick my lips and swallow deeply. "Yeah…"

"Cool." And with that, his lips are back to attacking me. I groan at the contact as our lips intertwine and tongues collide. For a guy who didn't know how to kiss fifteen minutes ago, he sure as hell has me at his mercy. I'm doing everything in my power not to thrust into the warmth I can feel so close to me. It's killing me inside, making me tremble. I can't believe it's Egbert of all people who's doing this to me. And then, he finally lets his body drop the half inch so he's pressed against me entirely. We both let simultaneous gasps of pleasure, breaking the kiss. I can feel it. There may be a few layers of clothes between us, but I can definitely feel his arousal. I mean, I guess there's no way he wasn't getting off on this, but to actually feel it, I'm just about ready to explode from the thought of it.

The first few thrusts are timid, like testing the waters of a pool. He pushes against me softly. I push back. His hips become a little more forceful. My hands snake a little lower down his back. His kisses are getting more passionate and frenzied. Pretty soon, he's rolling his hips without any embarrassment. I arch my back and meet him thrust for thrust. He's moaning into my mouth, pushing so hard against me, and jegus, it's amazing, it feels so good, and I'm close, and judging by how fast his thrust have gotten, he's close too.

"Oh god," he hisses. His body spasm and his hands dig into my scalp as he curls in on himself, twitching in bursts, until all at once, he goes still. It's quiet, save for our breathing. He lets out a long sigh. In the seconds that follow, all I can think is, 'Jesus, did he just do what I think he did?' My eyes go wide behind my shades.

John Egbert just came. While making out with me. I made John Egbert come. Oh my god.

When he finally regains his breath, he sits up, his face the deepest shade of red I've ever seen it. He avoids looking me in the eye, which is fine, since his glasses are all fogged up anyway. I follow suit and sit up, resting my head on the back of the couch.

"Wow…" is all I can manage to say. John peeks at me. I clear my throat, pretending that I'm not completely aware of the fact that my best bro just jizzed in his pants and I'm the one to blame. "Um…" I don't even know what to say. I try to come up with something witty or sarcastic. "I feel like I owe you a certificate for graduating from the school of kick-ass kisses. Just sayin'."

"Heh, thanks," John says, cracking a smile. "Uh, I'm gonna use the bathroom for a sec, 'kay?" Without waiting for an answer, he darts awkwardly from the room. I watch him leave and the moment he's no longer in few, I take the moment of privacy to, uh, finish myself off. 'Cuz damn. That was way too hot for words.

By the time John gets back, I'm done and feeling much better. He plops down beside me and a little bit of an awkward silence descends upon us.

"That was something else…" John says to break the tension.

"Uh huh." Pause. "So… I guess you'll be ready to put the moves on Rose, eh?" I feel a pain shoot through me at the thought. This thing between us will probably never happen again.

"I have a confession to make," John suddenly declares. "I'm a shitty prankster."

"That's not news," I reply easily.

"No, I mean, I'm not asking Rose out." I freeze. My heart leaps.

"What?"

"I… I just said I was because… I wanted to practise kissing… with you." God, his face is so red. Like, is that even medically safe? Wait, what did he just say?

"You made up that Rose thing just so you could mack on me?" I hope I didn't sound too pissed. Because I'm far from it. I'm relieved, elated even!

"It was mostly Rose's idea." Somehow I'm not surprised. "Please don't hate me." John winces when I turn to look at him. And for a second, I just stare at the wonder that is him.

"I could never hate you," I whisper as I take his hand. "I like you way too much. For real." John brightens.

"I like you too. I mean, like love like."

"Love like." I honestly thought I'd never see the day when John would ever say such a thing to me. "I thought you weren't gay, bro."

"I lied." John chuckles. "Shitty prankster, remember?"

"You had me fooled." Feeling tempted, I lean in and kiss him, softly and slowly. Through half-lidded eyes, I take in his appearance, his dishevelled hair, his glasses all crooked, and the reddening hickies on his neck. "I just have one question."

"Anything."

"Did you really just come in your pants?" Next thing I know, I'm being beaten with a pillow. "Hey, it's just one more thing we can work on! Practice makes perfect!"

~End~