Summary: Slytherins. Talking. In their common room. What could be more shocking? Contains a very evil Voldemort and Draco, a mysterious Author, a comprehensible Crabbe (heehee, that rhymes) singing first-years, and a random Pansy. I am not insane. Dedicated to Jontie. Rated for very mild language and extreme comedic violence.

Disclaimer: Star wars aint mine, innit. Neither is Harry Potter ORLily Savageeven though I've had several tempting offers… (cough) nuff said.

Random Is Not Dead

The Chapter the Author isn't Capable of Modifying:

The room flickered with the low light from the fire. Snowflakes floated past the open window, and two Slytherins called Pansy Parkinson and Draco Malfoy were sat in the empty chairs by the fireplace.

Said two Slytherins were, to say the least, acting very random.

And the first random thing that happened after the Author of this story began spying (shifty eyes) on the slimy pair (Pansy screams in protest) was Draco Malfoy giving a rather accurate description of himself….

"I am very evil. I like killing things. Death is fun. Muahaha!"

Before Voldemort (SCREAMS!) appeared out of thin air, despite all of the wards and spells and other stuff that is supposed to stop that nonsense, and-

"I am evil also. I enjoy killing things as well. Death is also rather amusing to me. Hee Hee."

And Draco, feeling that he was being rather out-eviled, maliciously replied-

"You are not as evil as I am. I am the most evil in the world!"

Voldie (JK Rowling smacks author over the head) replied-

"No you are not! You are only partially evil! I am the most evil in the world! And I'm not just evil, I am also… (Star wars music begins to play in the bakckground: Dun dun dun-dun dun dun-dun dun dun dun-duuuun) Your Father!"

To which Draco screamed in a very OTT Luke Skywalker-style-type-way- "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ect…!"

(Random Intermission in which Harry Potter entertains us with and uncanny impression of Lily Savage)

This is the most depressing part in the whole sort-of chapter thing, as this is exactly the same moment when an ugly, unpleasant, and generally quite random and humorous girl called Pansy says in a rather vague voice…

"This reminds me of something about Stars and Wars, but I can't think of the name…" she struggles…

To which her grotesque friend Goyle said-

"Stars Wars. That was relatively obvious."

"How on earth did you get here?"

"I walked through the door."

Pansy blinks, "Well that's… not unusual."

Suddenly we are zipped back to the non-existent plot as Draco says something totally (PIGS!) RaNdOm …

"I cannot believe that you are my father!"

"Well, don't get used to it, because I'm not..."

Draco sighs in a girly way.

"… I am your impregnated husband from another life."

Draco faints. Pansy sighs.

"Oh dear," she says, "I knew he had narcolepsy (find out at the bottom of the page)."

Crabbe, who again appears out of thin air as the Author is feeling very unimaginative at the moment, snaps-

"He fainted out of shock you stupid woman."

Pansy, Goyle and Voldemort faint.

"What did I do wrong?"

NNYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Next Chapter: Find out what Crabbe did wrong! Why did everybody faint? And what was the certain thing that Crabbe happened to do to cause everybody (including the Author) to fall unconscious? Oh, and how on earth is Draco going to cope with the deep mental scars after finding out that Voldemort is his impregnated husband blah blah blah… RABBITS!

Narcolepsy is a type of mental state where you just suddenly fall asleep at any random time for no reason whatsoever.

This story had to be re-written for certain reasons, which I am not very eager to tell you (cough).

Sorry this chapter was so short, but I am certain the next one will be much longer! Tarraah!

Reviewers get pancakes! (imaginary duh)