Phil was sat on his bedroom floor, he had his notebook in his lap and pen entwined inside his fingers. He had been like this for a few hours, not saying anything at all or even moving. Phil didn't even talk to Dan for the day so far, well he usually never did. He was so quiet around Dan, not saying much like he used to. Phil sighed and started to wonder to himself, 'Is Dan worried about me or not even? I mean, I haven't been talking to him and it's just really bugging me how he doesn't say anything about it, hmph.' Phil thought, looking back down at his notebook and scribbling a few more sentences in violently for a couple more minutes.
Dan sighed softly as he placed his laptop down. Phil hadn't talked to him again today. he actually hadn't actually spoken to Dan for a few days now. Dan at first had just ignored this and let his friend have some space. but now, he was worried. he slowly got up and walked to Phil's door. he softly knocked on the door "Phil? can i come in?" he questioned quietly
The raven haired boy sulked at his handwriting for a bit, before a wave of anger and frustration crashed down on him. Phil stood up and tossed his notebook to the floor, papers littering the floor beneath him. "It's not good enough! It's not perfect! I should just give the hell up!" Phil yelled, hitting the wall with his fist forcefully, rage rushing through him. Phil gasped in pain and clutched his hand, taking a few steps back and calming down as he caught his breath, "So, stupid..." He whispered, tears falling from his blue eyes quickly as he looked down at the floor.
Dan heard Phil's shouts, scared of what was going on now. he quickly opened the door to see Phil crying "Phil...what?". he bit his lip then walked over to his friend. wrapping his arms around him.
Phil winced and yelped at the sudden touch, he quickly swatted Dan's arms away from him and took a few small steps to the side. He shook his head and pulled his sleeves down, "D-D-Don't h-hurt m-me." Phil stammered silently, placing his hands over his mouth.
"what?..." he asked, a confused look on his face. "im not going to hurt you Phil" he said softly taking a step towards Phil
'Oh shit...' Phil quickly thought, "Oh, um, s-sorry..." He quietly said, sighing and turning away from Dan, taking his hands off his mouth and tugging his sleeves down, again.
Dan frowned slightly as Phil turned away from him "Phil?...what's the matter?" he asked as he lightly touched his friends arm. hoping this gesture would give Phil some comfort
Phil pulled his arm back, shooting Dan a look for a short second. "N-Nothing, I'm fine." He lied through his teeth, biting his lip quietly.
"Phil" Dan said sternly, turning Phil around so he was looking into his eyes. "tell me, please" he asked giving Phil a look of concern.
Phil broke, "Fine, I've been depressed for ten years so far! Are you happy I said that!? Are you wanting me to repeat it again!? Do you want to call me an emo loser and kick me out?! I bet so, because that's what everybody does." Phil yelled, clutching his sleeves tightly.
"Phil..." Dan whispered. wrapping his arms around Phil again, hoping his friend wouldn't push him away. "why would I ever do that, I love you-" Dan's eyes winded as he realised what he'd just said "I mean...your my best friend..." it hurt to deny it but he knew Phil would freak out if he found out the truth.
'Shit, shit shit shit, he can't find out how skinny I am, he'll flip.' Phil thought, squirming to fight his way out of Dan's arms. ''Let g-g-o, p-please...'' Phil said, completely worried that Dan would find out about him not eating.
"No" he said firmly, hugging him closer. his eyes widened. why was Phil this slim. not even slim, he was just flesh and bones. he looked into Phil's eyes "Phil...what...why are you..." He bit his lip holding back tears. he had been such a terrible friend to let Phil get this bad.
Phil blinked and gave up again, "Let go." Phil said, his voice all serious sounding, really wanting to be let go of and be left alone.
"No..." he said softly closing his eyes tightly "I want to help you, please Phil" he said as tears began to drip down his face.
''How can anybody help if I've been doing so much damage to myself for the past ten years?! How can somebody help me from not starving?! How can somebody help me from slitting my wrists every so often when I'm just, giving up. Oh wait, I've already given up on myself." Phil yelled, pushing Dan away and backing up a bit, standing in his own space.
Dan sobbed loudly as he stared at Phil "I want to try though, god damnit Phil!" he almost screamed as the tears began to pour down his face "I want to help you, you idiot!. I'll do whatever I can, I swear I will. i love you!"
"Show me. Show me how I can stop starving and cutting. Show me how." Phil said, giving Dan a glare almost, but not a rude one.
Dan quickly rushed forward and captured Phil's lips in a gentle kiss. he pulled away slightly, reaching down to Phil's hand and taking it lightly in his own "I'll help you, please, i want to at least try"
''Fine, make a man who is depressed and can't be cured of his suffering and who starves and cuts make him feel all happy like nothing ever happened.'' Phil mumbled under his breath, looking down at the floor as his fringe fell in front of his face.
suddenly the anger hit Dan like a ton of bricks "you know what? fine." he said bluntly pushing Phil slightly then taking a step back, glaring slightly "I tried my best but if your just going to sit their and sulk then fine. im done" he said as he turned away then walked to the door. he stopped before opening the door, turning to give Phil one last look "I really tried Phil" he said as the tears began again. he quickly exited the room, Dan knew he couldn't stay in the flat. he had to get out. he quickly picked up his phone, keys and wallet then went out the door, slamming it behind him.
Phil stood there in the middle of the room, not bothering to move. ''He... l-left... a-alone now...'' Phil stuttered, tears filling his cold blue eyes quickly as he fell to the floor, sitting up. ''H-He h-hates me n-n-ow. He l-l-left me. I c-can't trust nobody now, s-s-o alone a-again.'' He stammered, choking on words as the tears made him finally sick and done. ''If he w-wants me gone, then I'll give him gone.'' Phil mumbled, reaching over towards his nightstand, pulling the journal and a razor close to him. Phil clicked the pen and ripped a page out, starting to write his final goodbye.
Dan stood on the other side on the front door. he hadn't moved since he'd left. he knew walking around drowning himself in his own sorrows wasn't going to help. he knew he had to go apologize to Phil. it was going to make him look like a pretty big idiot screaming at him then walking back in there like two minutes later to say sorry, but he didn't care, Phil needed him. he sighed softly then entered the flat again. he quickly made his way to Phil's room, opening the door then stepping inside "look Phil, im sorry"
Phil smiled weakly at the floor, ''Hah, yeah, sorry is going to help me stop what I've just done.'' Phil said quietly, shakily pointing out the empty bottle of anti-depressants and the razor next to him, blood dripping from the eight deep cuts that were just made on his arm. ''This is my last attempt, and I want it to work.'' Phil grinned, looking up at Dan with his blurry blue eyes.
"Phil you fucking idiot!" he shouted as he quickly got his mobile out and called for an ambulance. he told the person all the details they needed then quickly ran over to Phil. he wrapped his arms around the boy again, sobbing uncontrollably "you idiot" he repeated loudly between sobs.
''Thanks, that really helped.'' Phil faintly said, darkness taking over the skinny and pale boy, making him faint and become unconscious.
The ambulance soon arrived. they had to basically tear Dan away from Phil so they could get him onto a stretcher. everything was a blur from then on. Dan came back into reality as he found himself in the back of the ambulance, holding Phil's hand tightly. "please don't die, I love you" he whispered over and over again. when they arrived at the hospital Dan was told to wait in the waiting room while Phil went into surgery. Dan sat on the uncomfortable chair, staring down at his hands as he let his mind wonder. it was his fault. it was all his fault.