Disclaimer: I do not own 7th Heaven or its characters. They belong to Brenda Hampton and such. Do I make money of this story? Nope! Please don't sue; you won't get anything!

Time: Set shortly after 'The Enemy Within'.

Summary: Will Mary ever grow up into a mature adult?

Rating: PG

A Chance to Grow Up by PeaceJaw

Being Mary Camden is one of the greatest challenges that I'll ever have to face. There isn't another living soul that will completely understand what I've had to go through -or will have to go through. Why? Because there's no one who can understand what it's like to be me. In fact, I'm not even sure that I understand myself … and I am the only one who can live my own life.

One thing I've learned over the years is that I've grown up having a difficult life, if only by my own standards. Another thing I've learned over the years is the fact that my six brothers and sisters have also had a rough life as well. Being a preacher's kid can prove to be a difficult life for anyone to lead. Despite knowing that, however, I know that Matt and Lucy are more than able to follow their own paths in their lives. And given time, I also know that Simon and Ruthie will eventually find their own way in life as well. And whatever happens to Sam and David, I know that they will have each other to lean on. So where does that leave me?

I don't rightly know. For a while, I thought that I had found my way ... that I'd found a path worth following. After all, basketball was apart of my life for so long that I'd gotten used to the idea of using it to get into college. Besides, it was something that I loved playing with all of my heart. Unfortunately, things changed when I let my grades slip; the coach locked the team out and we couldn't play until we pulled our grades up. Instead of doing just that, however, I choose to do something drastic: I choose to trash the gym. I think that one of us –as there were several of my friends with me- managed set off an alarm or something because we were caught in the and arrested for vandalism.

Two simple choices to do the right thing and I choose to do the wrong ones. I suppose that most people have their fair share of mistakes, but these are the two that I regret the most. Why? Well, that's when my life truly started to go down hill. Most people think that my life spun out of control between my high-school graduation and when my parents shipped me off to Buffalo, but I know in my heart that that isn't the case.

In my heart, I knew that dealing with the consequences of my actions was only the start to my troubles. Why wouldn't there be some major consequences to what'd I done? And why hadn't I thought about those consequences before I did what I did? I dunno. I do know that for my punishment, I could no longer play professional basketball, I ended up losing my college scholarship, I was put on probation for quite some time to come, I was required to do quite a bit of community service, and I was required to attend the intervention program.

And that wasn't including the punishment that my parents thought of. Even after all this time, though, there are three things that have affected my life day after day: the guilt over what I'd done to … well, not only the school, but my family; not being able to play professional basketball; and the intervention program. Why did those three things have to become such a big part of my life? I dunno.

Maybe it was because the intervention program helped me deal with the aftermath of the gym bashing. After all, it was there I felt like I belonged somewhere important despite my actions. It also gave me a chance to start over. All I know is that had I been put in jail, there would have been quite a bit more damage to my life than what there already was.

As it was, my actions caused a lot of chaos in my family and in my life. I lost my parents trust and their respect; I'd also lost my faith in God, faith in myself, and in some ways, faith in my family. What I didn't realize at the time, though, was that I also lost my sense of direction and my self-confidence.

At least with the intervention program I was able to start piecing my life together. I was able to graduate on time and with my class. I was also able to earn my parents trust once again. Reality hit, though, when school and the community service ended. I no longer had the routine of community service or basketball to help balance my life out… including attending college. So I choose not to attend college.

I'm not entirely sure that I made the right choice about college, but at least it was my choice. Maybe if I had gone, though, I wouldn't have gotten into trouble once again. I do know that I felt like college was a place to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I also felt that without basketball, I wouldn't have made it through the experience. I later learned, though, that college isn't just to figure out what you want to do… it's about being able to real your goals.

Anyways, as it turned out, my nightmare was only just beginning. After I graduated from high school, I had to find a job so that I could start earning my keep. One of the first jobs that I got I ended up meeting Frankie and Johnny. I know, now, that I made the mistake of becoming friends with the two of them. But that was only the beginning of the situation.

Among the list of regrets that I have is the mess that I got myself into around that time in my life. Debt, drinking, drinking and driving, drugs, sex, the lying, and the double life is what I got myself into and couldn't find my way out. The choices I made… what on earth was I thinking at the time?

I do know that I lost my parents trust again and that wasn't an easy thing to live with. Knowing that I was capable of losing their complete trust in me for the second time in a row was a new low for me… and I also know that I sunk even lower than that. When my parents found out the truth about my life, I knew that my life would change once again.

The fact that there was a second intervention wasn't a surprise to me. What was a surprise, though, was the fact that I was shipped off to Buffalo to live with my strict grandparents. I was so angry, but not at my own parents. I was angry with myself because I had allowed myself to fall into the deep hole that I was in. My parents had to do something with me despite the fact that I was over 18. Why? They had to intervene because of the fact that I was still on probation at the time.

Despite feeling like I had failed my parents and that I didn't want to go to NY, I realize now that it was the best thing that could have happened to me. My parents love me so much that they knew that I needed the extra attention that my grandparents could give me. They also loved me so much that they let me go. It had to be one of the hardest decisions that they had to make, though. Thank goodness my parents had enough sense to know who could help me find my way once again.

And because I was under my grandparent's strict care, I was able to learn about responsibility, trust, self-reliance, respect for others, respect for myself, and how my actions impact others. Those weren't the easiest things to learn, but thankfully I did learn them.

What helped even more, though, was the fact that I was able to work out a lot of the issues that had plagued me while I was living in Glenoak. What things? For starters, I learned that I was more than a preacher's kid, that I could have my own identity if only I claimed it, and that I am who ever I want to be. I was also able to deal with a lot of the emotions surrounding my life, but more in particular, surrounding not being able to play basketball professionally and the trouble that I had caused.

I also learned that there are two places that I don't want to end up: jail or living on the streets. That meant that I had to get my life together… so early on I started working on doing just that. In the end, I started training to become a firefighter … and it's something that I want to do with the rest of my life.

I just need to finish growing up in the areas that I haven't already. You know, being in Buffalo did allow me to grow up in ways that I couldn't have done while I was in Glenoak. Why the heck not? I needed to get away from the spotlight for a while. Dad's career always puts the family in the spotlight… and it's something that makes things even harder to deal with. Getting away from Glenoak meant that I could deal with what I needed to privately.

I also needed to make a clean break from Frankie and Johnny. Being around those two made my life even crazier. Then again, I think that's partly why I choose to hang around them in the first place; that and the fact that I felt like I needed to be 'bad' for a while… not a good daughter that I had been growing up.

There were so many good times in NY that I didn't want to leave. So when the Colonel told me that it was time that I returned home, I couldn't quite believe it. Despite that, though, I knew deep in my heart that it truly was time to go home. I had to finish repairing the old wounds with my family from home… even if I didn't want to.

Unfortunately there were still a couple of lessons that my grandparents wanted to teach me before I left to go home. We ended up having a rather lengthy discussion about how I needed to do some soul searching to do yet… but that I have to do it on my own terms. We also discussed the possibility of me becoming a firefighter… something that I am good at doing, but I'm not ready to make a full commitment to. I asked him what he meant by that, but he told me that I had to find my own answer to that question. UGH!

So I ran home, like I always do. I thought I would settle down in Glenoak and make a life for myself, but I soon realized that I needed to find my own home for myself. Something was already nudging my heart telling me that neither Glenoak nor Buffalo were going to be my home for any length of time… which meant that I had to find a place for me to call home. It's not that Glenoak or Buffalo couldn't be a home for me, but I knew that I had to find a place that was meant for me, and not the entire Camden family.

I just didn't know where to start looking. The United States is a big place… so I looked into becoming a flight attendant. It was the one thing I knew that would be able to help me out with this issue… and I'm grateful that the airline industry gave me a chance to work with them.

Through Jack, I found a place in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida to call home. There's just something about this place that lets me know that I'm home here, but I'm not sure that I can put my finger on exactly what it is. Whatever it is, though, I'm grateful to have found home so quickly. For some people I know it takes years upon years to find their home.

I left Glenoak so quickly, though, that I'm not sure my family understands why I left. I'm not really sure that they ever will. That's okay, for now. What matters is that I know that I need this chance to grow up on my own. Having my family help out until now has been great… but there comes a time when I have to do this growing up on my own. And right now, having a chance to grow up means so much to me; so much so, in fact, I'm willing to move across the country to live on my own.

Since moving here, I have gotten into a familiar routine… one that suits me just fine. I work out every chance I get, I write home on a regular basis, and do what's needed to work my way to the goals that I have set for myself: to become a firefighter and to marry Ben. Both will take a lot of work, but in time I do think it's possible to achieve both goals. I guess this means that I'm actually getting my life put back together.

The End! October 2002; Updated September 2004