This is a result of me reading the new chapter and getting mad at Alma. He's like a kinda pathetic Allen and he restricts Yullen possibilities… He's okay, I just don't like him. He made me think well… kinda how Allen is thinking in this fic. Very angsty but I was finally able to use a summary idea I've had drifting around, I just didn't know how to use it. As a reminder, I don't have a beta *hint hint*. Please review!
I initially was going to leave it at this but thanks to a wonderful review from Fire Storm Weaver I got an idea for a new chapter! And that chapter gave me an idea for a third chapter, but each of them can be read on their own as one-shots, hence why it's labeled complete. The other two chapters will be a bit cute and fluffy, unlike this one.
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Allen wondered if he was a cheap replacement for Alma.
The false smile, the arguments, the physical fights, even his name seemed similar.
More than anything, Allen feared that, yet again, he was only loved for someone he resembled yet was not. More than anything, Allen feared that once again, he would be left because again it would be realized he wasn't the person they hoped he was and he didn't want to be. Allen had dared to hope that Kanda accepted him in his own way, for being Allen, not the Fourteenth, not a savior, not a martyr, not an angel. More than anything, he wanted that to be true. More than anything, Allen wanted to be accepted for who he was and never have to be alone again.
He had dared to long for Kanda to rescue him from his eternal loneliness, for even Lavi or Lenalee would desert him soon in their confusion and their lack of understanding of the darkness that consumed him. But now Allen knew; he did resemble Alma, he could see that. So it was impossible to have the acceptance he yearned for. So, more than anything, Allen wished he had looked away. More than anything, he wished he had never seen Kanda and Alma together. More than anything, he wished he could retain the ignorance and maintain the, though probably false, feeling that he was loved and no longer alone. Even if he was still truly loved by Kanda, memories of Alma and the Fourteenth would always overshadow them and they would break apart, leaving Allen alone.
More than anything, Allen needs love so he will not be alone. And he will never fulfill that need. That is why, more than anything, Allen will live and die horribly, irrevocably, painfully, alone.