Disclaimer: Hamilton obviously doesn't belong to me, but to Actual Angel Lin-Manuel Miranda. And... other people who have legal rights on the show, I suppose (but, like, Lin is the one who matters)
Warnings: English is not my first language. This fics contains two folks trying to fuck away the pain of their unrequited love. Not explicit though.
You'll be reading lazy allegories and lazy and bad homages to the songs.
Have fun!
(Slightly Modern AU? The times wouldn't fit in the canon line, i think? But I wasn't really thinking while writing this so *shrugs* Read it as you wish).
It Almost Satisfies
Alexander Hamilton.
The name drips like honey from their mouths and it's so sickeningly sweet that poisons their hearts, leaving them worthless, helpless. His eyes, the sky; his smile, heaven, ever forbidden for them. They are not worthy of whispering his name with such passion, at nights, when their longing hurts like it could tear their hearts apart.
They still do it, because love doesn't discriminate, it doesn't care for their sins when they feel utterly deeply for a man out-of-their-reach.
They have never talked about it, but they don't need it. They're smart, minds alike, two droplets of water (Alex feels like the ocean against them) and they know what the other wants. How the other feels.
Words are meaningless when they wrap in a disgusting (almost heavenly) embrace, when they kiss and touch and pleasure each other while the longing for the same man burns their souls. It feels so wrong and so right, and it can't never satisfy them, but they keep doing it.
How can they say no to this.
To the comfort that comes from mutual pain, the understanding of never having him in their arms, Alexander dedicating his kisses and his kindness and his brain faithfully to a woman who is too good to be a real human being.
(Both felt disgust at the Reynold's incident. But while Angelica could only felt sorrow, Burr was infinitely grateful. Hamilton doesn't belong to him, but it doesn't belong entirely to her either, and his jealous heart sings).
(Angelica loves her sister very much to that, but she can't say she doesn't understand Burr).
No one would even dare to think of Aaron Burr and Angelica Schuyler having an affair. But it is not such thing, it doesn't feel like that, not when they just use each other. Knowingly. There is beauty in imagining someone else while sharing bed with a person, and not feeling guilty for hurting the person you're with. They both tried before, it leaves an awful taste in their mouths, seeing someone's smile and imagining a different one.
This is not better, but it is different. It hurts good.
It is weird, for Burr, because he is not having sex with a man and so, his imagination cannot truly run free. He doesn't really think in Alexander most of the nights, using the other body as just a consolation, but then, then they're kissing, then Angelica grabs his neck to bring him close with a steadiness worthy of her reputation, and then Aaron can forget the softness of her skin and the sweetness of her smell and think of the owner of his yearnings.
(Angelica cleaning those salty tears that run on his cheeks feels almost good.)
She hates thinking in Alexander because Burr is so different. But she can't avoid it, it's him, it is always him (his eyes, his smile, his words), and the constant reminder that Aaron is thinking something similar, and suddenly all she can feel and think is
Alexander, Alexander, Alexander,
until she smells Aaron or hears him grunt and the spell is broken. But that's perfect, because it was never true and the painful disappointment feels good, because she needs punishment for her thoughts.
God, what has she done with her life and where did it get her.
(She never cries with him. It's weak. For some reason, she doesn't think his tears are weak).
It is easy to act like they always act in front of him. Angelica praises Burr and Alex's rivalry (Of course you do that, it's quite smart) (Except I'm a fucking idiot, Angelica, because I really do hate him) (Every man hates Alexander at some level, your disdain for him, when you keep calling him a friend, has to come from… Well.),
(She's right, as always. He doesn't admit it),
and Aaron likes Angelica's big sis facade (I'm telling you, you even have the guts of flirting with him? You're something else) (It would be weird if I don't. People knows I have eyes, and his are the most beautiful anyone has ever lied their eyes upon).
They both sigh, and keep moving, squeezing and biting and kissing and trusting and moaning (and crying), because they really hate talking while they're fucking because they can't have Alexander. It makes it more real, it makes the other person more real, and it scares them, because they shouldn't be real. It shouldn't be real. They aren't real. The only thing that matters is
Alexander, Alexander, Alexander,
-nothing else is correct. What they want is not correct. How they feel is not correct.
(it almost satisfies).
And if both reach their orgasms screaming Alexander's name, it's another sin in a never-ending itemized list.
.
A/N: I hate myself.
No, I do.
You see, I have been delaying hearing Hamilton for about a year. Suddenly, I decide to hear it. Instant crush. I've been shipping Hamburr non-stop and I didn't want to write a fucking fic for fucking USA founding fathers because fucking damn, one should have limits? i'm not even american? But I'm itching, very desperate for writing a hamburr, and for being unable to ship lams, but reading something where Burr and Laurens relieve some steam about Alexander by fucking and I got curious if I could find the same with Angelica and Burr.
AND I FIND VERY LITTLE MATERIAL? LIKE? PEOPLE? C'MON?
or maybe it's just that my favorite characters are Angelica and Aaron and for that I need them to fuck, even if it is while trying to calm their hearts for thirsting so hard for trash meme lord Alex.
Anyway, I hope you guys liked it, that my English wasn't that lame, and that I can write a hamburr someday.
Just you wait, just you wait~
scream me about hamburr and shit on my tumblr: theawesomefanatic