So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own?
Dr. Reid Oliver was lying in his hospital bed, all hooked up to machines that he liked only from the doctor's side of the bed, not the patient's. They were constantly beeping and making noises and, while he knew perfectly well what they did and why he needed them, they were incredibly annoying and his knowledge of their purpose made them no less so.
Blessed with the incredible brain power that he was, Reid also was painfully aware that he was dying. As a doctor, he knew that he was superbly lucky to have survived the oncoming train speeding over his car altogether, but that did not make the incontrovertible truth that he would stop living within a day any easier. Especially when it wasn't himself about whom he was concerned. What worried Reid most about dying was leaving Luke – his precious, wonderful Luke. It troubled Reid as to what would happen to Luke once he was gone. He knew Luke and he knew Luke's heart – once Luke loved, he did not love lightly. Reid feared that Luke would spend the rest of his life mourning him and Reid couldn't bear to die knowing that. His monitors started beeping uncontrollably as the thought went through his heart like a knife and Dr. Bob Hughes rushed into his room, alarmed by the sudden increase of noise and activity.
"Reid? Is something wrong?" the Chief-of-Staff asked looking at the machines and his incapacitated neurosurgeon alternately.
"Is Luke here?" Reid asked unceremoniously.
"He's asleep in one of the lounge areas you put in your wing," Bob said.
"I need to see him," Reid said, the machines beeping again in his anxiety.
"Alright. I'll go wake him. But, please, Reid, stay calm," Bob reprimanded.
"Thanks," Reid said gruffly as Bob left his room.
Ten minutes later, the door opened again and Luke hurried inside, looked harassed and worried.
"Reid? What's wrong? Bob said you were anxious and you wanted to see me," Luke said, rushing to the side of the bed and sitting down on the space Reid had made for him.
Reid stared into Luke's beautiful, sad, chocolate brown eyes for a few seconds before taking the younger man's hand in his own.
"I want you to promise me something," Reid said.
"Anything," Luke answered.
"When I die –"
"Don't!" Luke whispered.
"When I die – and it will be soon – I don't want you to spend the rest of your life mourning me," Reid said, still looking into Luke's eyes which were now brimming with tears.
"How can you ask me to do something like that?" Luke asked, indignant tears escaping.
"Your heart is too full of love and too wonderful to waste away simply because I'm not here to keep it," Reid said.
"But I love you," Luke said, his voice cracking at an octave higher than was normal.
Reid smiled. "I know, Luke," he said, brushing the palm of his hand against Luke's cheek. Luke closed his eyes at the touch, both to imprint the feeling in his mind and to stop more tears from leaking down his face. "I love you, too. That's why I need you to promise me that you will love again."
Luke imperceptibly shook his head, his eyes still closed. "Luke, please," Reid pleaded, his monitors beeping loudly again in his anxiousness.
Luke opened his eyes at the sound and saw in his lover's eyes how worried he was that Luke would spend the rest of his life alone. Luke bit his lip, furrowed his brow, nodded slightly, and said in barely more than a whisper, "I promise."
"Thank you," Reid said, a mixture of sadness and relief evident in his voice.
"But I won't promise that it will be anytime soon," Luke said.
"Fine. Just don't spend the rest of your life alone," Reid said.
"Get better and I won't have to," Luke responded, sadness and longing in his voice.
"I can't, Luke. The damage is too much."
"But you seem fine!" Luke said, his voice cracking again in indignity.
"I'm not, Luke. Inside everything hurts and everything is slowing down. I can feel it," Reid said.
"Please don't" Luke said, bending over and kissing the dying doctor. It was a forceful but loving kiss, the two lovers putting into it all the emotion that they would never have a lifetime to say. After what seemed like forever, Luke and Reid broke apart, both breathing heavily, Reid because his heart was failing him, Luke because his heart was breaking.
Fighting back tears once again, Luke maneuvered himself so that he was lying next to Reid whose arm was around his shoulders. Luke placed his head on the older man's chest and the faintness of the doctor's heartbeat stilled Luke's own. Reid pulled Luke closer to him and gently kissed the top of his head; Luke draped his arm over Reid and clung to him for dear life.
Reid and Luke lay together, arm-in-arm, a perfect picture of two lovers in love. Because he was emotionally exhausted, Luke slowly fell into a light sleep, dreaming of a life with Reid that would never come to pass. Just as Luke and Reid were standing at the altar, Luke woke with a start as he felt Reid's arm slip off his shoulder and the machines slipped into what sounded like a flatline.
Luke picked his head up off of Reid's chest which was oddly still and looked into his boyfriend's face. His eyes were closed and there was a slight smile on his lips. Luke sat up and grew pale as he touched Reid's face and found it icy cold.
"Reid? Baby? Please wake up," Luke croaked and received no response. "No!" Luke whispered, tears once again falling thick and fast down his cheeks.
Full of anguish and despair, Luke readjusted his position in the bed so that he was sitting next to Reid. He lifted the doctor's head off the pillow and laid it on his chest while enveloping him in his arms. Slowly, he rocked back and forth, cradling the love of his life, his heart completely and utterly broken.
