Me : Hi again everyone~! ^_^ I've suddenly been having ideas for oneshots, so all I've posted on recently are oneshots. Like the my most recent oneshot, At The Pool, this oneshot is also a crackfic or at least, it's what I think is a crackfic, but this is just a not-so-crackfic-ish crackfic. Please be warned that this story is OOC and this is written in third person's POV, and please take note that this happened around 7 years before the series started, and, without any further distractions, I present all of you with A Christmas Tale! Hope you guys enjoy~ ^_^ :) ^_^ :)
An annual event that is celebrated worldwide is just round the corner, and all the students of both the Night Class and the Day Class of the prestigious Cross Academy were excited. And that event was none other than Christmas Day.
And in the Night Class were two very good friends, one a Pureblooded vampire named Kaname Kuran and the other an aristocratic vampire named Takuma Ichijou. They were the best of friends but were as different from each other in lots of things like the night time differed from the day.
Kaname was the quiet and normally calm type of person that liked to make himself comfortable in a hidden corner to read, while Takuma was a talkative and very much sociable person who like mixing around with other people. One of the only things the two boys had in common was that they were both extremists; Kaname was an extremely pessimistic person, whilst Takuma was overly optimistic.
That Christmas, their friends decided, would be the day that they would try to make both Kaname and Takuma neither too pessimistic nor too optimistic.
...
"Hey, what do you think we should give them?" Aidou Hanabusa, someone whom the humans saw as a genius, asked the rest of his class, that is, excluding the victims of their plan. "We should probably give Kaname something nice while Takuma gets something nobody wants..." Ruka Souen, a beautiful girl with dusky rose eyes, wondered aloud.
All of a sudden, she had the attention of all her fellow classmates. "Ruka! You're brilliant!" Aidou grinned at her. Ruka could only look at him with a shocked expression on her face. Why? Aidou doesn't compliment anyone other than himself.
Awkward silence followed, and Aidou wiped the smile right off of his own face. "What should be give Kaname, then?" Kain Akatsuki, Aidou's cousin, broke the silence with his question. "A red motorcycle." Rima Touya, who had been sitting in a circle with her friends the whole time but hadn't uttered a single word until now, said in her usual deadpan but still cute sounding voice.
"Yeah! We can go and steal one from that parking lot nearby!" Pure anticipation was distinct in his tone when Aidou sprang up with an excited gleam in his icy blue eyes. "Stealing is bad." Senri Shiki, who was sitting beside Rima and sharing a box of Chocolate Pocky with her, spoke up.
The blonde-haired child prodigy crossed his arms and thought for a moment. "We'll buy one." Aidou told everyone else in a voice that said this was the final decision. "I'll ask my father to have the company deliver it here for me." Rima chewed on the stick of Chocolate Pocky she was holding in one hand and spoke "How about Takuma?"
Everyone else's eyes widened slightly, as if they had just remembered something important, but accidentally forgot. "Let's ask the person looking after the horses at the school stable to give us some horse poop." Akatsuki rubbed his chin a bit as he said that.
"Okay, I'll go right now! Ruka! You're coming with me!" Without letting the girl voice out her opinion, he dragged Ruka out of their dormitory to the school stable.
...
Aidou called out to a man brushing White Lily's, a horse belonging to Cross Academy, coat and mane. "Excuse me, mister. Can we have a bag of horse, uh, poop? We need for a Science experiment out teacher told us to do. We're testing whether animal poop as a fertiliser will help plants grow better." He looked at the man with those pleading, innocent chibi eyes that children almost always used when they wanted something.
Seemingly having no resistance to Aidou's charms, the man gave in and took a scoop and a zip-lock bag. He scooped up some smelly gooey-ish horse poop that lay in a pile and put in a the zip-lock bag. Afterwards, he put the poop filled zip-lock bag in a spare sack on the floor.
"Here you go, kids!" the man handed the tied-up sack to Ruka, who took it with a disgusted look in her eyes.
...
Aidou kicked the doors to the dormitory where he and the other vampires resided open with a look on his face that said 'mission success!', while Ruka was following closely behind with the sack of poop. "We have the poop! Let's put in a nice box, wrap the box up and tie it up with a nice, expensive ribbon! Spraying some perfume on the sack and the box might be necessary, though..."
Akatsuki quickly placed an empty decorative cardboard box in front of Ruka, took the sack from her and carefully placed the smelly sack into the box, just to ensure he wouldn't spill anything. Rima took one of the long satin ribbons holding the silk curtains in place and tied up the box without a word.
Just as Rima finished tying up the box, Aidou appeared with a few bottles of sweet smelling perfumes. "Where did you get those from, Aidou?" Ruka questioned, her dusky rose eyes curious. He smiled a mischievous beam and said "I took them from the Sun Dormitory. They belong to the high school human girls. But I'll return them later!"
Both Shiki and Rima simultaneously took a bottle each from Aidou's hands and sprayed the box, not caring whether or not the scent of the perfumes were the same. But, luckily, the scent of the two perfumes were almost the same.
[Five Hours Later]
The motorcycle Aidou's father bought had arrived at the Moon Dormitory and it's inhabitant have already wrapped up the motorcycle in leather cloth, and tied the whole parcel up with a red satin ribbon, which was also holding curtains in position before being used for Kaname's Christmas Day present.
Christmas Day [Finally!]
"Surprise! Merry Christmas!" the students of the Night Class screamed happily as Kaname and Takuma returned from whatever they did outside school grounds. "Yay! By 'merry christmas', did you guys mean I'll get a present?" Takuma asked, smiling away like there was no tomorrow.
"Yes!" Aidou said. He picked up the box near the couch and handed it to Takuma, who eagerly accepted. "But Kaname also has a present!" Ruka said in the way Aidou would have. She, with the help of Akatsuki and Shiki, pushed the leather parcel towards Kaname, who merely looked at it without showing any signs of excitement.
"Open! Open!" Aidou yelled, as if he had also received an awesome Christmas Day gift from his friends. And, as if on cue, Kaname and Takuma opened their gifts at the same time. "Hey, guys! Where did you put my horse?" Everyone else's eyes widened and sighed after they realised their plan was a complete failure.
But a spark of hope still remained as Kaname hadn't opened his present yet. Everyone watched intently as Kaname slowly unwrapped the leather-wrapped motorcycle. As the motorcycle was completely unwrapped, Aidou said "Ta-Da!" in the hopes of getting Kaname happy.
But Kaname wasn't happy at all. Instead, his reaction was the total opposite of what they expected and planned. He groaned and complained "Aw, why did I get a motorcycle? It's snowing outside! I'm too young to have the legal permission to ride it and I'm too short to ride it!" Everyone sighed. Looks like their plan was an epic failure after all...