A/N: First things first, this is a PARODY. I'm not making fun of stories that have de-aged Reid, in fact, I'd be a hypocrite since Reid is a foster-and later adopted child in two of my fics, which are AU. I'm just pointing out some things I noticed in other fics. Note, I am not slamming any particular writers that write this, because the majority that are out there are not bad at all. Thank you!

Disclaimer: Oh, Criminal Minds? Own? Nada. It'd be cool, though. :(

Hello, all. I am going to take you through the journey that is a de-aged Reid story. Because the adorkable Spencer Reid doesn't obviously get enough attention on fanfiction. There's only 1/3 of stories that have his name in it, and that's unacceptable.

First thing we should establish is that the story is AU, but sometimes the author won't bother letting you know that although Spencer is can not be in the BAU like he is in canon. And, obviously, de-aging doesn't exist in real life. Duh. I know it's AU, the author knows it's AU, but new fanfiction readers will not know that that word even exists.

How the de-aging happens. Science. That's all I have to say, really. Since ninety nine percent of us are not science experts (I mean, we're on fanfiction dot net and writing De-aged Reid fics) the explanation for Reid turning into a specific age is explained very, very vaguely. Just say it was some "Science UnSub" that "spilled magic powder" onto Reid, NOT ANYONE ELSE, this is VERY, VERY, IMPORTANT. It can be Reid, and ONLY Reid, because Reid is the youngest, and always is treated like a kid, because again, Reid doesn't get enough attention and is a severely underrated character in NEED of it.

The next thing that's important in a De-aged Reid story is the age of Spencer Reid. For some reason, for some damn reason, the magical age for Spencer Reid is four years old. The "magic powder" has no abysmal side effects, even though it was made by a crazed UnSub just for the sake of this story, and it apparently has a set age. Why? Because Spencer is able to talk and not have to go through that baby nonsense of wailing and crying for no apparent reasons because it's not "cute crying" it's more like, "Make it stop, it's crying." Oh, and another thing, to appeal readers with the de-aged fic, is to have him lisp, and/or pronounce his "r"s as "w"s.

For example:

"Weally?" Spencer's voice wobbled, his wide and innocent brown eyes looking up in fear as he sniffled.

See? It's "weally" simple. Oh, and make sure you acknowledge "wide and innocent brown eyes." You'll be using it a lot. After all, what's a good de-aged Reid story without a little fluff, whump, and angst? But more onto that later...

Next, of course, is to address his memories, what he remembers and what he doesn't. The author can go one or two ways. The first way, you can throw all of his intelligence and IQ of 187 out the window, because he's the "magical age" of four, remember? And...the author will have one of the characters mention that "he didn't have a real childhood, with his mom and all..." Oh, and if you are going in this direction, you have to have Spencer wail about where his mommy is at least three times in one chapter. He is four, after all. As for his "evil and psychotic" father-I mean, William Reid, more onto that later.

Reid doesn't go to preschool or anything, the author doesn't feel like developing there, so yeah.

The next way, is to have Reid keep all of his memories, such as his IQ, and the author forgets that Reid was once an adult, so the team is in "wonder and awe" on how he knows all of these things, despite the fact that the team KNOWS he remembers his adult life. Usually in this kind of fic, Reid is really fussy and hates to be taken care of, but eventually grows to like it because "Reid is just sooo cute this way, omg" to the author. Oh, and whenever there's a breakfast scene, make sure Reid asks for coffee, but it has to sound like this: "Cwoffee" in toddler language. The team says no, of course, and then Reid proceeds to ask three more times because, "Omg MY ADORABLE COFFEE ADDICTED tiny ball of cuteness!111" he's a coffee addict, even as a four year old. Reid grumbles very toddler-like that he doesn't get his way, and settles for apple juice or milk.

The next one is the team's reaction to de-aged Reid. Usually, Hotch will pick him up, (because he's a dad himself) and show the team what had happened after the "magic powder spill" claiming that this is Reid. Now, the team usually used in this fic is from seasons 3-5 or season 7, because lets face it, it's the GOLDEN age of Criminal Minds.

Dave is reluctant at first, but eventually believes him. Most authors are not the best at understanding a character like Dave. (including myself)

Morgan's reaction, is usually laughter in disbelief. "What? This is Reid? Nice prank, Hotch." Or something along that. if Spencer is really, really, smart in this fic and has his memories, he'll usually say a statistic on car accidents and that's when "Morgan's face goes deathly pale in realization." Emily and JJ coo at him, because the author has the idea that Emily and JJ are twelve year old fangirls much like the author. Now Garcia, is slightly more like that, usually "squealing" when they get back to Virginia as she asks, "Where's my baby genius?"

Now moving onto whump and angst. This is where Reid's father comes in, as you've guessed...

William Reid is an abusive asshole. Literally, that's the whole synopsis. This is VERY important. No, I'm not joking. Spencer has to make a tearful confession on how his father whipped him for being "too smart" and how he'd beat him and his mother daily, despite him only leaving his family in canon, but the author REALLY REALLY REALLY needs to have Reid have a tragic background in order to create "depth", so abusive William Reid has to come into play. Some how, coincidentally, William Reid returns although all of this trauma happened in the past, to get Spencer back, as if he magically knew that Reid was a kid again to "beat him more". Usually, this ends with everyone putting William in jail, only for him to make a dramatic return, and then put back in jail again.

If the author chooses to bring back Reid to his actual age, the author will lose about half of their followers and favorites, because it's "just not cute" anymore and that it serves no purpose. Obviously, Reid just doesn't get enough attention as it is, and bringing him back to his normal age just ruined the depth! Fan girls normally rage at this point in reviews, and normally, the author will make up some weird plot as the story goes on, such as everything going back to square one with Reid touching the "magic powder" again, because damn, HE IS CLUMSY. CLUMSY REID IS CUTE. This time, the team magically figure out that there's no cure for Reid, and that he stays this way forever, but he still works at the BAU somehow, because of the warmth of "family." Cute? Yes. Realistic? No.

If the author keeps him this way forever, than reviewers will never be satisfied with the never-ending fluffiness, and eventually they'll backlash and say, "Is the author ever going to make Reid twenty and hot again?"

Then, the author abandons the story.

Which makes some reviewers sad, because there are just NOT ENOUGH Spencer Reid stories out there. Seriously, the character is starving for affection and attention!

The End.

A/N: God, I am going to get so much hate for this. But really though, I am not trying to put down authors who do this. I just wanted to go through a whole de-aged Reid story in one chapter, since one or two people requested that I write one. I'm sorry it's just...I don't think I could be consistent with that. I have stories like TTC and TCAL that have a toddler Spencer Reid, and honestly, that's enough for me.

Hoped you enjoyed this little parody, though!

Parody. PARODY. P-A-R-O-D-Y.

~Sammie