As I reached the bottom of the hill, the temperature seemed to get colder. A blood-curdling scream shattered the silence of the glittering world, or was it a cry of joy? I looked around and realized that I was surrounded by broken-down homes and dark alleys that seemed endless. Was this really the happy little town that I saw from the top of the hill?
A slightly plump woman walked up to me and gave me a toothless grin. "What's your name dearie?" she asked.
"Jonas" I replied, a little hesitant because of her bad teeth.
Her smile widened along with her eyes and she suddenly stabbed me with a large, rusty blade. It plunged into my arm and now satisfied, the woman walked away.
I screamed, loud and clear, expressing my pain. All my pain over everything. Losing Gabe and waiting and hoping that his little heartbeat would continue to beat, and going all this way, just to have another world where everything is just as cruel, though in a different way. My arm started to throb and, wincing, I pulled out the blade. I grabbed a dirty, burnt rag from the ground and wrapped my arm. There seemed to be remnants of terror and pain everywhere. Collapsed buildings, broken windows, and decomposing bodies covered the streets, although calling these pounded down, lanes of dirt, streets was a stretch.
What had happened here? I decided to look for shelter to rest for the night and saw a still-standing home with flickering lights coming from inside.
I knocked and called out "Hello? Is anyone home?" hoping desperately that someone would answer.
The decrepit door opened a crack and a faded woman peered out. "Yes?" she
asked.
"Please help me." I begged, "I just need shelter for the night."
"I'm afraid we can't." said the woman in a cold, unforgiving voice, "Visitors are not welcome in this town."
Then a toddler, about Gabe's age poked his head out. Unlike the rest of this town, he was wholesome, with shining black curls and pale blue eyes, identical to mine. He saw me and giggled, a light, happy sound in such a foreboding place. I glanced up at the woman's face and saw she had turned white, the face of someone who has seen a phenomenon.
"He never does that." She whispered under her breath. "Never."
She opened the door a little more and I could see how dismal of a place it was. A burly man lay snoring on the sinking couch with the smell of alcohol on his breath and a young woman on his lap. Looking into the lady at the doorway, I could see the pain in her eyes and realized that the man was her husband.
"Come in" she said, defeat in her voice, a woman who had been broken by life.
I stumbled in and dropped the bloody knife, drinking in all the filth that surrounded me. Blood splatters decorated the walls and bleak furniture and I could see bits of trash strewn around the room.
"Now, what do you want?" asked the lady.
"I came for help. How did this place become a living hell? I escaped from one, only to come to another. Why?" I asked, my voice getting higher with each word.
"Where did you come from?" What did you leave that is just as cruel as this?" she asked, her eyes knowing, like she sensed the answer.
It was a bland world" I said, "One not worth living. We were deprived of colors and emotions. There were no choices and everything was controlled."
"So you choose here. I would give anything to lose the horrible freedom I have, and go back to being controlled with rigid laws and standards. The right to do anything I want is a curse, but I can't leave with a son to take care of." she said.
"But… How?" I asked.
She shook her head. Her mouth was set in a firm line, determined not to answer.
"We will clean your wound and then you will rest. In the morning, leave this town and never come back."
I nodded once, knowing the matter was closed, for now.
The next morning, I woke up and remembered my gnawing hunger. I walked, wobbling slightly, to what seemed to be the table. I recognized the practical, machine-made plates to the ones in my old Dwelling, but the crudely hollowed bowls and handmade forks were unfamiliar. Slightly stale bread and curdled milk appeared to be my breakfast.
"The best available." explained the woman.
I saw her cut-up feet. She must have searched throughout the town just to provide me with this feast, at least a feast by their standards. I ate my breakfast slowly, swallowing each bite and savoring it. Looking at the woman, I saw that she was once beautiful. Her dull hair had streaks of red in it and her eyes were the kind that you could look into and your pain would be assuaged. But her face, it looked so familiar, one that I knew and loved, delicate and gentle, and one that is rare.
"Why do you live like this?" I asked.
The woman took a deep shuddering breath. Her eyes glistened and her hands shook.
"The memories." she whispered. "I don't know where they came from, but they overwhelmed us. Fear, war, pain, hunger. There were nice ones, but the bad…"
She took another breath, as if to steady herself.
"I watched as people started fighting, killing each other. I watched my community be destroyed. People just stopped caring, nothing mattered anymore. There were no rules because nothing was right or wrong. There was no longer a purpose. "
"Why did you survive?" I asked, still in shock.
"I was strong. The weak, well you saw them outside. They're either insane or dead." she said, her shoulders now squared.
It was my entire fault. I had ended my community when I thought I helped it.
"What is your name?" I asked, hoping and praying she would not say it, hoping and praying she would not confirm my thoughts.
"Fiona." She said.
It hit me like a bullet. I did this. I escaped nothing. There is no purpose for trying and no purpose for living. There is nothing to hope for. I destroyed all these innocent people's lives and caused the end of their peaceful community.
Then I saw the knife, the rusty blade that I was stabbed with, lying on the floor, beckoning to me. I looked down and saw the angelic toddler staring up at me. Only now I saw the grayish tint to his skin, each skinny rib, and his sunken eyes.
A single tear ran down my face. I could feel it trickling down my cheek, over my lips, and falling off my chin.
"Sorry." I whispered.
Then I plunged the blade into my chest and waited for the darkness to take me away.