I was always running never stopping it was my way of coping with the loss as the therapist said. It's been 8 months and I've just transferred schools for the 4th time. My best friend Alli would always move with us since I couldn't stand the fact of not moving and Alli needed some stability in her life which somehow was me so we stayed together.
"We're here" My mom said as she pulled up to a medium sized house.
"Home sweet home" I chuckled
"Don't worry Clare-bear I live right next door visit me anytime."
"I will Alli."
I walked into the house and ran to unpack my stuff.
"Mom I got the room next door Darcy can have the room next to mine." I yelled
My mom didn't reply so I assume she's heard me.
Darcy is my older sister we always shared everything since the time I was little we never had secrets. Darcy was on the cheerleading school back in Bardell, she dated the football quarterback. Alli, Darcy, and I were really close then she died when I was just started high school. She was on her way to a field trip to New York for a cheerleading competition when their train ran off course killing 30 people Darcy being one of them.
"Honey I found one of your boxes I don't know if you're ready to open it yet"
"Bring it up mom"
I heard my mom walking up the steps and to my room. She sat next to me on my floor as I went through clothes.
"Here hunny"
She handed me my bright colored wooden box with his name engraved on it. It was one of the most hardest things I have ever made, but he begged me to make it so when we took woodshop together against my will, I did.
"Mom I can't open it not now, just put it on my desk safely nothing can happen to it."
"Ok dear I will."
I watched my mom place my box on my dresser and walk away. Once she left I sat down at my desk and gently graced the lid of the box with my thumb. I remember making it, I put a whole three weeks into it everything had to be perfect and the colors had to describe me. I used pink for love, yellow for sunshine, blue for my eyes, and white for peaceful which was how he made me feel.
"Clare hunny I found it's mate"
My mom handed me a box which had my name engraved on it inside a little heart. The colors were to describe him. He used red for love, black for the nights we spent together, and grey because he said it was peaceful.
My memories started to come back to when we were decorating the boxes.
"Grey seriously what emotion does that describe?"
"Peace"
"Ok how does grey describe peace?"
"It's a mixture of black and white Clary how can it not be peaceful plus you were a little grey hoodie when we first met"
"You win again"
"Thank you."
"Black?"
"For the nights we spent together remember those lovely nights when you gave me your purity ring?"
"Not here and I do recall you liked it too and were surprised."
"Clare you start Degrassi tomorrow with Alli" my mom said breaking me of my thoughts
"Great I'll pick out clothes for tomorrow then."
"Ok sweetie."
I then felt some tears running down my cheeks.
"It's ok Clare-bear"
"Alli when did you get here"
"Just a few minutes ago your mom let me in. How about we put your boxes away."
I nodded as Alli took my boxes and gently placed them on the top shelf in my closet.
"Did you open one yet?"
I shook my head.
"I still miss him. I remember everything like it was yesterday."
"Do you want to tell me them."
"I remember the first time Josh told me he loved me, we were walking around the mall hand in hand of course and we decided to eat in the mall."
"Of course, but I haven't heard this one yet."
"Then listen"
"Ok so you were eating" Alli said as she held a pillow to her like she was listening to a sad romantic movie.
"We were kissing and people started to stare and talk about us like we were being rude well Josh being Josh thought I'd mind, well when I pulled him back into the kiss he smiled into it and said softly 'I thought you'd mind if people watched' I told him 'Why let them watch we're only kissing' and he said 'That's why I love you' I was shocked and said 'You love me' well he nodded and I told him that I loved him too."
"Awe Clare that's so not romantic" Alli giggled
"But it felt right he said I was his soul mate a week before he died, but told me I'll find mine one day I told him he was my soul mate and he denied it and said he just knew."
Alli and I finished unpacking my boxes I put up pictures of Darcy and my dad who died a year after Darcy did. Josh accompanied me to my dad's funeral.
"Clare your car's here" my mom yelled
"Finally tell Sav to put it in the driveway."
I ran downstairs as fast as I could and ran right into Sav.
"Can I have my keys please?" I asked
"Here and you're welcome for driving your precious baby here."
"Thank you Sav I would've drove her if I could"
I ran outside and seen my baby parked in the drive way. It was a 1999 Ford Mustang automatic, Josh had got her for his 16th birthday party. When he died I got it. Once I ran up to her I hopped inside the driver seat.
"I missed you Clary" I said hugging the steering wheel with my head resting against it I cried.
Yes Josh named her Clary after me he was the only one who called me Clary because everyone else called me Clare-bear and Clary was different. It was the only piece of him that he left behind and she was mine all mine. I drifted off reclining in the drivers seat thinking about when Josh took me driving.
"Clare-bear time for dinner." Alli said sitting in the passenger seat.
"Ok I'll be right in."
"Ok"
I can still feel Josh when I sat in my car so I sit here and often when I run away chances are you can just look in the backseat of Clary and I'll be there. I exited Clary moments later and went inside for dinner.
"Sav left already?" I said as I sat down
"Yea like an hour ago he went home already, you're lucky that we moved an hour away." My mom said
"Yea now when you want to you can see Darcy" Alli stated
"And Josh I know, but last time I seen him I broke down literally."
"Clare it'll be ok." my mom said
I gave them evil looks as we continued to eat. After dinner I helped with the chores, made sure my room was unpacked and watched some TV.
"Clare it's 10 already time to sleep you have school in the morning."
"Yes mom" I said shutting off the TV
I went up to my room and set my phone alarm, got changed into pajamas, and laid into my bed. After ten minutes of stirring I couldn't sleep I put my house key on Clary's key ring, put on a jacket since it's only mid September along with my shoes, grabbed my phone putting in in my jacket pocket with my keys, grabbed an extra pillow and blanket, and ran out side. I opened the door to the back seat. I put my pillow inside and my blanket then I climbed in.
"Josh I can't sleep" I said to no one hoping Josh would appear or at least talk
I felt his presence at that moment.
"I miss you Josh I really do" I sobbed into my pillow
I could swear I heard Josh tell me that he misses me to as I cried. I fell asleep still feeling Josh's presence in Clary and woke up to my phone alarm going off signaling it's time for school.
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