For Your Playground Only

by frostyfreezyfreeze54

Sparky and Buster go from best friends to fierce rivals when their gym class starts playing dodgeball. Meanwhile, RK decides to become a director and film his own documentary.

1. For Your Playground Only Script

Thank You, Heavenly

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 6

EPISODE 3

Airdate: October 8, 2017

"For Your Playground Only"

#TYH603

SCENE 1

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Boys Locker Room

Seattle, Washington

Sparky, Buster, RK, and Wade are currently getting ready for gym class.

RK: You know, I was watching Do the Right Thing last night on HBO, and it made me realize how much I want my own Do the Right Thing.

SPARKY: What do you mean?

RK: I'm saying, it made me want to become a director. I want to give my creative gifts to the world. Make something that people will watch thousands of years from now.

WADE: Well, RK, I encourage you to find your niche. You could do great things as a director.

RK: My niche? What am I, an animal? I just wanna make movies, man.

Wade sighs.

BUSTER: So Sparky, you ready for gym class?

SPARKY: I don't know. Coach Bergman seems like a ball buster. I still don't get why Mr. Smith had to transfer to David Zuckerman.

RK: Why? It sure beats wasting your life in this craphole.

BUSTER: Hey, out of all Seattle public schools, this one was ranked #33! I think that deserves a little bit of credit.

SPARKY: Well, whatever the case may be, I don't like that guy.

WADE: Sparky, you need to be more optimistic. People put way too much stock into first impressions and then realize how wrong they are. Give this guy a chance, he might surprise you.

SCENE 2

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Freddie Benson Gymnasium

Seattle, Washington

Coach Bergman has all of the kids sitting in front of him on the school basketball court.

COACH BERGMAN: Welcome again to fourth grade phys ed. Fact of the matter is, you guys have to understand that I'm not here to be your friend. I'm here to make sure you all pass with a good grade. Because if you don't, the school's going to cut my salary. And my ex-wife doesn't give me enough Vicodin.

*whispering to Wade* SPARKY: The only thing I'm surprised by is how much you can talk and not actually say anything.

COACH BERGMAN: Anyway, this year, we're going to start off with a couple weeks of dodgeball. I'm going to split you up into six teams of four and you'll face each other in matches. But only one team will be crowned the champions.

BUSTER: Cool, dodgeball!

RK: Oh, great. Well, I guess I could always coast behind the best player on the team.

WADE: I really hope I'm not on the team that has less players than everyone else. It will be mathematically inaccurate. It will blow my chances!

SPARKY: But there are 24 people in this class.

WADE: You know damn well people aren't going to show up. Making me look like a fool in front of everyone.

SPARKY: I just hope Buster and I are on the same team. Some people are just meant to be together.

COACH BERGMAN: I'll put up the lists tomorrow morning. But be on time. If you're not, I'll kill each and every one of you.

Beat.

COACH BERGMAN: Oh, don't worry, I was kidding. I'm just a big fan of dark humor. But still, don't be late.

SCENE 3

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

That afternoon, KG is watching TV when RK walks up behind him with a camera.

RK: The Jennings house. Humble, proud, relaxed. This is where the magic happens and dreams come true. Guess who's watching the TV? My brother KG relaxing after winning his wrestling meet.

KG: RK, what the hell are you doing?

RK: KG, while I'm filming, please don't refer to me by my actual name. It's a distraction. Here.

RK hands KG a small paper that he opens.

KG: Jason T. Willkins?

RK: Yeah, it's my director name. You wanna get to the top, you have to make people think your name is cooler than it is.

KG: I'm more confused now than I've ever been in my entire life.

RK: Well, after I saw Do the Right Thing, it hit me that I want to do that. I want to make my own cool movies for people to enjoy. So I decided to make a documentary about my life.

KG: A documentary?

RK: Yeah, a documentary. You see, a documentary is a film about actual events and reveals stuff.

KG: I know what a documentary is, RK, but why are you doing it?

RK: Did you not hear me the first time? I was inspired. I want to be creative, do something meaningful. Why can't I be the artsy type for once?

KG: Didn't you used to write for the school paper?

RK: Maybe, but I don't remember that. Besides, I've missed many other opportunities to be creative.

Cut to RK, Wade, and Jaylynn at the local museum, spotting a statue of French artist Henri Matisse.

JAYLYNN: Hey, check this out.

WADE: It's beautiful.

RK: It is. It looks like a sculpture of the great Matisse. Did you know Matisse was a Frenchman known for pushing the post-impressionist movement and upheld the, um...classical style of painting in his country?

WADE: RK, you didn't know any of that. You're just reading off the plaque.

Beat.

RK: YOU'RE JUST READING OFF THE PLAQUE!

RK runs away from Wade and Jaylynn. Cut to the present day.

KG: Well, if you want to make a movie, I guess that's cool, but don't sneak up on me like that. Hollywood needs to see the real me, not the at home me.

RK: So when should I shoot you?

KG: Shoot me at my best. When I'm practicing my comedy or standing in the mirror wearing a cool letterman's jacket, my hair being kissed by the wind and my smile as pure as the Nile's waters, as I give the greatest acting performance that the world has ever seen. KG grabs RK by his shirt. RK, if you want me, you need to get me when I have everything to lose.

Beat.

RK: Um, okay. Look, KG, uh...I'm going to go upstairs and think about what you just told me. And once I do, I'll forget everything you just told me.

RK slowly backs away from KG and then runs upstairs in fear.

SCENE 4

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Freddie Benson Gymnasium

Seattle, Washington

The kids are looking at the team list for dodgeball at Coach Bergman's desk.

RK: Alright! Wade and I are on the same team!

WADE: No, we're not. I'm on team red, you're on team green with Jaylynn.

RK: Wade, that doesn't make any sense. Jaylynn's not even in this class.

The camera widens to reveal Jaylynn standing next to RK.

JAYLYNN: Yes, I am! I said hi to you when you walked in here!

RK: Oh. Well, how come you don't talk enough? You creep.

SPARKY: This is terrible. Coach Bergman's really asking for it now.

JAYLYNN: Sparky, what's the problem?

SPARKY: Buster and I aren't on the same team. We're not teammates, we're opponents. Which means rivals, which means enemies.

JAYLYNN: I don't think it's a big deal, really.

SPARKY: Well, that's because your best friend doesn't go to this school. But I'm a serious competitor and I don't want to go soft on Buster just because he's my friend.

JAYLYNN: Then don't go soft on him.

SPARKY: Yeah, but I don't want to lose my nerve and just go hard on him. I mean, it's just a game.

JAYLYNN: So what the hell do you want to do?!

SPARKY: I don't know, I'm conflicted!

Buster walks into the gym at that point and heads towards the desk.

SPARKY: Oh no. It's Buster. Don't ruin this for him. If he finds out from someone else that we're not on the same team, it would crush him.

JAYLYNN: Sparky, I'm pretty sure Buster can handle not being on your team.

SPARKY: Why are you being so practical?

JAYLYNN: Because if I'm not, you're going to start giving me anxiety.

BUSTER: Hey guys. What's going on?

RK: See for yourself.

BUSTER: Oh no. Last time you told me that, Marvin Marvin got cancelled.

Buster looks at the team list.

BUSTER: That sucks. We're not on the same team, Sparky?

SPARKY: Nope. Looks like we're rivals.

BUSTER: Ooh, a rivalry. That should be fun. We'll be like Brady and Manning, Federer and Nadal, or RK and Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: We're not rivals.

BUSTER: Eh, if you say so.

SPARKY: Look, Buster, you know I have a competitive streak. I don't want to go overboard or go soft on you just because we're friends.

BUSTER: Relax, Sparky, you have nothing to worry about. It's dodgeball, not ballet. The whole point is to be the last one standing.

SPARKY: So it's okay if I go hardcore?

BUSTER: As hardcore as you want. Because I want to win just as much as you do.

SPARKY: Okay. Let's kick each other's ass.

Sparky and Buster shake hands.

WADE: I have a feeling this is going to end badly.

RK: Why can't you be optimistic for once?

WADE: I don't know. But I have a sixth sense about these things.

RK: Oh, really? Would you like to...

RK takes out his camera and starts filming.

RK: ...discuss that for a documentary?

WADE: What?

SCENE 5

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

The guys are eating together when RK decides to pull out his camera again and resume filming.

RK: This is the cafeteria. But it's not just any cafeteria. It's where we create. It's where we break bread, talk about our hopes and dreams. It's where we become more than ourselves. We become...infinite.

JAYLYNN: What the f*** is he rambling about?

WADE: He's making a documentary about his life.

JAYLYNN: Why?

RK: Because I can, and if you don't start respecting my hustle, you won't be in it.

JAYLYNN: Is that a promise?

RK directs his camera towards Jaylynn.

RK: Her name is Jaylynn Skylar Hernandez. One of the most confusing, bizarre individuals I have ever come across. She's a scavenger, normally eating whatever she can get her hands on.

JAYLYNN: Dude, if you don't get that damn camera out of my face...

RK: You guys are going to be begging to be in this documentary once you see what I have planned. I need a story. I need...*RK points towards Sparky and Buster*...you two.

BUSTER: I don't think Bono likes to do nonprofit work if it's not his idea.

RK: No, not them! You guys. You're Sparky and Buster, the world's greatest friendship. You guys put TSE together, you made us all friends. You took a girl from the streets and made her legit.

JAYLYNN: There's a foot just waiting to be put inside your ass.

SPARKY: So what you're saying is you want to build your documentary around us?

RK: Exactly. I'll make it all personal and shit. Call it For Your Playground Only.

JAYLYNN: For Your Playground Only?

RK: Yeah, I want it to appeal to kids like us. Sparky and Buster's friendship will put butts in the seats.

WADE: Do you plan on actually releasing this film to the public?

RK: 36% yes, 64% no. I don't know how serious I'm taking this right now.

SCENE 6

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Freddie Benson Gymnasium

Seattle, Washington

The next day, Sparky and Buster's dodgeball teams are facing each other in the first game of the class. Coach Bergman stands in the middle as the official.

COACH BERGMAN: Okay, I want to see a good, clean game. I want you guys to really go at it, but remember to have fun. This is what will define your careers. This is what will turn you guys from unknowns into national heroes!

WADE: Should we check this guy out for something?

JAYLYNN: Don't worry about it. He just gets flashbacks from when he did tryouts for the 2000 Olympics. He didn't make the gymnastics team.

RK: One coach's struggle for redemption. Two best friends go at it in the fight of the century. Welcome to For Your Playground Only.

WADE: I really hope you don't plan on using that voice all the time or I'm ignoring you.

RK: Wade, this is what all great directors do. In order for their movies to succeed, they have to build suspense. You know? Create a narrative.

JAYLYNN: Create a narrative?

RK: Yeah. A narrative is the story. So in this case, I'm creating the narrative of Sparky and Buster's friendship being the glue that holds everything together.

JAYLYNN: I know what narrative means, this isn't Martha Speaks. Just shut up, turn off your camera and watch the game.

RK: I just want you to know that right now, you're coming off as the least likable character.

Coach Bergman blows his whistle and the game starts.

The kids on the bench start cheering and making random noises as the players start tossing balls at each other. Sparky immediately becomes more competitive as he grabs as many dodgeballs as he can. On his third try, he eliminates Will.

COACH BERGMAN: That's one. Will, you're out.

JAYLYNN: Wow. Sparky is like an animal out there.

RK: Sparky MacDougal was always someone who wanted more, who competed for more. Spelling bee victories, some of the best grades in school, a trophy girlfriend. He's living the good life, people.

Buster tosses a ball at Sparky's head, but he misses. Sparky growls, grabs a ball, and launches it at Buster's face, knocking him on the floor.

RK: Sinister, calculating, powerful. This is who Sparky MacDougal becomes when he grabs a projectile.

Wade then pats RK on the back.

RK: What are you doing?

WADE: I've never heard you use that word before. I'm proud of you.

BUSTER: Why did Sparky do that? It's just a game.

Buster shakes his head as he gets off the court and watches Sparky's team try to take out the remaining two members of his team.

SCENE 7

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Boys Locker Room

Seattle, Washington

Sparky is getting changed when Buster walks towards him.

SPARKY: That was one hell of a game, right?

BUSTER: Are you kidding me? Are you seriously kidding me right now?

SPARKY: What's wrong?

BUSTER: You! Were you trying to kill me out there?

SPARKY: No, I was just playing the game. You know, like you wanted me to do?

BUSTER: I wanted you to compete, not throw balls at me like Randy Johnson and try taking my teeth out!

SPARKY: Buster, I don't get it. First, you want me to go hardcore, and now that I do, you have a problem with that? I don't like this.

BUSTER: Well, what I don't like is my best friend walking all over me.

SPARKY: Look, when you have the killer's instinct like I do, maybe you'll be able to get me out of the game next time. We play each other one more time in the tournament anyway.

Sparky grabs his backpack and walks away from Buster. RK appears with his camera and is quickly followed by Wade.

RK: Buster, you were just rejected by Sparky and eliminated quickly in the game. How does it feel?

BUSTER: It feels like I'm gonna get my ass kicked one more time.

RK: And why is that?

BUSTER: Well, Sparky's a way better dodgeball player than me. I don't stand a chance against his team. My brain's not made to handle people throwing things at me. It'll be just like kindergarten.

WADE: Buster, if you want to compete with Sparky and beat him, you have to get on his level. You wanted him to play hardcore, now you have to meet him halfway.

BUSTER: And how do I do that? Jumping jacks?

WADE: Um, no? Training. You have to understand dodgeball if you have any chance of eliminating Sparky the next time you play.

BUSTER: No offense, Wade, but they don't teach you how to play dodgeball at the community center.

WADE: And they don't have to. I can teach you everything you need to know. And Jaylynn's not that bad either. By the time we're done with you, you're going to have the killer's instinct too.

RK: Too bad I can't join, guys. But this camera is where I'm needed.

BUSTER: You can always film it. I need someone to track my road to redemption.

RK: Buster's road to redemption is something that no one ever saw coming. But with the help of trusted friends, he's about to find out that kicking Sparky's ass is gonna take a little more time than he thinks.

BUSTER: Wait, why are you talking about me like I'm not here? Is there another Buster in here?! DON'T LIE TO ME!

RK and Wade groan in annoyance.

SCENE 8

The Saltalamacchia Household

Exterior Backyard

Seattle, Washington

That same day, Wade and Jaylynn are across the backyard from Buster with dodgeballs, while RK is filming everything.

RK: At this time, Buster is entering his redemption stage. This is his chance to be somebody, to become...infinite.

JAYLYNN: Okay, Buster, you ready?

BUSTER: I don't think this is safe. Can't we just go inside and watch Steven Universe?

WADE: No. Now, Buster, the reason why your dodgeball skills are poor is because of fear. Fear of getting hit. You can't be afraid of playing dodgeball. It's a fun sport and it can be fun for you if you remember the three golden rules: Stay elusive, stay cool, and stay in the game.

BUSTER: But what if I try doing that and I still get hit?

JAYLYNN: Then you suck and you don't deserve to play. Here we go.

Jaylynn takes a dodgeball and hurls it towards a frozen Buster, who ends up getting knocked on the ground from it.

BUSTER: Dammit! Can't you at least give me a heads up?

JAYLYNN: I said "here we go" and tossed a moving ball straight at your body. What more of a heads up did you need?

BUSTER: I don't know. Tell me to look out or something!

WADE: Okay, Buster, I'm not saying this to antagonize you or criticize you. This is only to help you improve your game. When you see the big ball coming at you, you have to try and move out of the way.

BUSTER: Thanks for the tip, captain obvious.

WADE: Wow. This really is like talking to a brick wall.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, but the brick wall doesn't have a sweet smile.

Wade briefly gives Jaylynn a confused look.

WADE: Yeah. You know what? I think I have a way to get inside Buster's head. It might be over the line, but he needs to build his confidence somehow. Hey, Buster, do you think Diana could kick your ass in dodgeball?

JAYLYNN: Wade...

RK: Dear Lord, this is juicy and succulent. This is video steak, everyone.

BUSTER: Why would you ask me that?

WADE: I don't know, I'm just curious. I mean, Diana's probably looking up at you and thinking to herself, "Wow. Even I could avoid these shots."

Wade tosses a ball at Buster and he avoids it.

BUSTER: You want to bring up Diana one more time, you jackass?

JAYLYNN: Great, now he's pissed at you.

WADE: Yes, but this is exactly what Buster needs. Reverse psychology might be the key in making him more of a competitor. You know what, Buster? I won't bring up Diana again, no. But Savanah? Well, she might be laughing at you right now after Sparky pulled your card at school today.

BUSTER: She's not laughing at me! I killed her twice!

WADE: Is that right? Are you sure you didn't get lucky? Didn't Sparky help you the second time?

Wade begins tossing more balls at Buster and he manages to avoid each one.

BUSTER: Sparky...didn't...kill her. I did, and I'm the one that got rid of her! I can do things on my own! And if Savanah's laughing, she can laugh at this!

Buster ends up hitting both Wade and Jaylynn with dodgeballs.

JAYLYNN: For our sake, I really hope he doesn't have a gun.

WADE: Nope. But now we know how to get the savage Buster out.

BUSTER: What's wrong with you guys? Bringing up the girls like that?

WADE: It was reverse psychology, Buster.

BUSTER: What do wrestling moves have to do with this?

JAYLYNN: Look, Wade was trying to get inside your head by teasing you so you could fight back and start becoming a better player.

RK: At this point, Buster Newman is finally finding his niche. When he's no longer defined by his past, he becomes...infinite.

BUSTER: Wait, so you guys were playing tricks with me so I could be more aggressive?

WADE: I didn't want to. Trust me, I won't do it again.

BUSTER: No, you have to keep this going. This is what I need to be just as good as Sparky. And they say there's nothing good about bullying.

JAYLYNN: Um, okay? Um...your voice sucks. I can't tell if you're trying to do a Daffy Duck impression or not.

BUSTER: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Jaylynn tosses a ball Buster's way and he catches it.

BUSTER: Crap, it didn't work. Say something about how I should go to the barber and get my five bucks back.

WADE: No, it worked. If you caught the ball in a real game, Jaylynn would be out, and you could pick one player from your team to come back.

BUSTER: All this from catching a ball? You guys are the best trainers ever! Let's keep this going.

The camera pulls back slowly from the guys as Wade and Jaylynn are unable to knock Buster out.

SCENE 9

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Boys Locker Room

Seattle, Washington

Buster is whistling joyfully as he ties his gym sneakers. Sparky then shows up.

SPARKY: Buster, we need to talk about yesterday.

BUSTER: Okay, what about it?

SPARKY: I know you're still mad at me, but I thought you were okay with playing hard. You're the one who said so. If I really didn't care, I wouldn't have even talked to you about it.

BUSTER: Okay. I understand that what I said is completely different from what I ended up doing. I guess you could call it a contraception.

SPARKY: A contradiction?

BUSTER: Maybe. But, look, you know I get sensitive about these things. I overreacted. After all, it was just a lucky hit.

SPARKY: Yeah. I mean, why should we...wait, what?

BUSTER: I mean, anyone could have tossed that ball at me. It just so happened to be you.

SPARKY: Well, it was pretty hard. And you were just standing there.

BUSTER: Yeah. Let's run with that. You keep on telling yourself that, killer.

Buster laughs as he walks away, leaving Sparky confused.

SCENE 10

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Freddie Benson Gymnasium

Seattle, Washington

RK's team is currently going up against Wade's team.

RK: This sucks. I shouldn't be out here playing, I should be behind the camera. Spike Lee would never put himself in his own movies.

JAYLYNN: So what are you going to do?

RK: Don't worry. I have a plan that's guaranteed to work.

JAYLYNN: I don't really care, but do you.

Coach Bergman blows his whistle and RK immediately steps up to the front where he can easily be hit.

JAYLYNN: RK, what the hell are you doing?

RK: You didn't care about my plan, Jaylynn. You didn't want to hear it. Well, this is what happens when you don't want to hear about things.

JAYLYNN: You told me not to worry about it!

At that point, RK is hit with three balls.

*deadpan* RK: Oh no. I am out. What a horrible twist of fate for me. I shall now go sit on the bench, and think about what an idiot I am.

RK slowly walks off the court, then sits down and pulls out his camera while snickering.

RK: Wade and Jaylynn have been moonlighting as Buster's personal trainers. So what happens when they go at it? For Your Playground Only can answer the question of who is the ultimate trainer. Who is truly...infinite?

Cut to Sparky and Halley also sitting on the bench.

SPARKY: Who does Buster think he is? It was a lucky hit, huh? If his ass actually moved around, maybe I wouldn't have taken him out so easily.

HALLEY: I wouldn't worry about it. Half the time, I don't think Buster even knows what he's saying.

SPARKY: I guess, but it's weird. I can't figure out what he wants. Is he upset that I was playing hard or does he think that he's better than me? What I need to do is...

Sparky looks at Halley counting a stack of bills that she had just recently pulled out.

SPARKY: Where did you get all that cash?

HALLEY: Just gambling.

SPARKY: What? You're ten years old, you can't gamble! Are you an adult in disguise and you've been lying to me all this time?

HALLEY: Relax, I got this money from betting on dodgeball games. I figured out the secret. See, most people bet on their friends to win even if they suck, but I always choose the best team to bet on. I've been making a killing off this.

SPARKY: Well, I don't think you should do it. One day you're betting on dodgeball games, the next you're getting your ass beat by bookies in front of a Vegas casino.

HALLEY: Does this have anything to do with your grandpa, Sparky?

SPARKY: Why do you ask?

HALLEY: Because I'm 99.9% sure it does.

SPARKY: Look, Grandpappy MacDougal may have had a gambling problem, but it's not like he would admit it. Even though he used to bet on everything. And I mean, everything. Sports scores, nightly news, who was going to win at the award shows. In 1994, he bet $5,000 that The Simpsons would get nominated for Outstanding Comedy Series. Thought it was time for the younger generation to take over. A few months later, he was starting a petition to get Frasier cancelled.

HALLEY: Okay, that's enough. I didn't want to go that far down the rabbit hole.

SPARKY: He thought it was a lazy, fifty-cent version of Cheers.

SCENE 11

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

Jaylynn is walking out of the gym when Halley runs up behind her.

HALLEY: Hey Jaylynn. You need to get in on this.

JAYLYNN: Halley, for the last time. I hate Sour Power Straws, no matter how many you give me.

HALLEY: Not that. I want you to start gambling with me.

JAYLYNN: Gambling? Look, I know I told you that Mötorhead is an awesome band, but you don't need to do everything they did.

HALLEY: Will you let me explain something to you for once? Check this out.

Halley opens up her bag to reveal the money to Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: Damn. Explain.

HALLEY: Well, the other day, I was in gym class and I overheard Sanna talking about betting money on dodgeball games. At first, I was like, "Nah," but then I realized how easy it is to make money off it. Now I can't stop getting paid. I feel like Donald Trump. You know, before he lost his mind.

JAYLYNN: Eh, I'll pass. And if I were you, I would look into the counselor. Or...Gamblers Anonymous or some shit like that.

HALLEY: Ah, come on. It's not like you're betting hundreds of dollars. It's just pocket money. There's some good action on the game between RK's team and Sparky's team tomorrow.

JAYLYNN: RK's team is my team!

HALLEY: Then you know who to bet your money on. It's not going to look good betting on yourself.

JAYLYNN: And betting against myself would?!

HALLEY: Just give it a shot. Sparky is the best player in the class, he's going to bring you cheese up your ass if you stop being so stubborn.

Jaylynn lets out an exasperated sigh.

JAYLYNN: Fine. Five bucks on Sparky's team. But I still can't believe I'm doing this. You know my impulse control sucks.

HALLEY: Which is why I know you're going to be a great gambler.

ASHLEY: Hey. What are you guys talking about?

JAYLYNN: Uh...is that Channing Tatum right behind you?

Jaylynn and Halley immediately run away from Ashley, who shakes her head at them.

ASHLEY: Sanna's gonna pay for this.

SCENE 12

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Freddie Benson Gymnasium

Seattle, Washington

("6 Foot, 7 Foot" by Lil Wayne featuring Cory Gunz plays in the background)

A montage shows various scenes of the kids playing dodgeball. Sparky and Buster stand out as the star players of the class, which Coach Bergman notices as he takes important notes during their games. However, the two have yet to square off in a rematch. Meanwhile, Jaylynn and Halley continue racking up money from the games, and begin to bet on other fourth grade classes. This results in them skipping certain classes to sneak in and bet on the games. RK continues his documentary, but while filming Wade getting eliminated by Buster within seconds of Wade being brought back in the game, his camera loses battery. The montage abruptly stops as RK is now shown at the electronics store.

RK: Yeah, hey there. I just wanted to know if I could buy a new battery pack for my camera.

CASHIER: Do you know the model?

RK: The model? What, do I look like a professional cameraman? I need batteries, sir.

CASHIER: Do you know what batteries are required for this model?

RK: Again with the stupid questions. Look, I don't have time for this. My documentary's not finished yet. Here, check out the camera for yourself.

RK gives his camera to the cashier.

CASHIER: Yeah, I'm sorry, but we don't make this model anymore. We can transfer your files to a new camera and you can purchase that.

RK: I came here for new batteries and you're just trying to sell me some expensive shit? What kind of idiot do you take me for?!

The montage starts up again as a frustrated RK is filming the rematch between Sparky and Buster's teams with his new camera. The match is more aggressive than the first one as Buster and Sparky are only focused on eliminating the other. At one point, Sparky becomes enraged and ends up hitting one of Buster's teammates in the ear.

BUSTER: Holy shit, that could have been me!

Buster growls similar to what Sparky did from before, and takes advantage of Sparky being momentarily distracted by Jaylynn and Halley smelling their money by hitting him in the groin with the dodgeball.

BUSTER: HA! IN YOUR FACE!

Coach Bergman blows his whistle at that point.

COACH BERGMAN: Timeout! Buster, that was a dirty hit. You're off the court.

BUSTER: What? How is that fair? He couldn't even pay attention. It's not my fault he can't block.

SPARKY: Dude, you hit me in the nuts!

BUSTER: Yeah, when you play hard, I should just suck it up. But when I play hard, call up the wambulance! Somebody's getting their feelings hurt!

SPARKY: What's gotten into you lately? It's like all of a sudden, you think you're this big bad tough guy.

BUSTER: Well, maybe, you're just jealous that I'm better than you.

COACH BERGMAN: Alright, guys, that's enough.

SPARKY: You really need to watch your mouth because this game's turned you into an asshole.

BUSTER: If I was really an asshole, wouldn't I do this?

Buster slaps Sparky in the back of his head and Sparky responds by tackling him. The two end up brawling on the court and Coach Bergman tries to break it up, but he ends up getting accidentally shoved to the ground by Buster. The kids do nothing but cheer and record the fight on their phones.

RK: This is terrible. Without Sparky and Buster's friendship, my movie's ruined. Or maybe I can show what happens when a sport comes between two good people. Then who is really...infinite?

"Let It Roll" plays in the background as Coach Bergman tries to pull Sparky and Buster apart.

SCENE 13

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Principal's Office

Seattle, Washington

Sparky and Buster have been brought into Principal MacGregor's office by Coach Bergman.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Boys, what Coach Bergman reported to me is awful. You guys are not only good kids, but you're like family. How did this happen?

BUSTER: The Jacksons are a family and they beat each other. Why can't we?

SPARKY: Sir, I would just like to say that this all started because Buster hates the fact that I'm a better dodgeball player than him.

BUSTER: No, it all started when you wanted to play hard. It's okay for you, but one shot to the calzones and it's like the freaking world is ending.

SPARKY: Because it was a dirty hit! I might be competitive, but I still pay attention to the rules like all good players do.

BUSTER: Well, how about that? Put a little more sugar in your coffee because you're so sweet.

SPARKY: You know, Halley was right. Half the time, you really don't know what you're saying.

BUSTER: Halley was talking about me?

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Enough! Fighting on school grounds along with putting your hands on a faculty member is automatic detention. Two days each. You're lucky you're not being taken out of dodgeball.

COACH BERGMAN: The worst part is, you guys are my best students. If you just keep your egos in check, we won't be in here again.

SPARKY: There's no egos that need to be in check. He really thinks there's some unspoken rivalry between us!

BUSTER: So you admit that you want to speak about it!

SPARKY: You're a clown. Okay? A brain dead clown.

SCENE 14

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

The lines have been drawn as Sparky is now sitting with Halley, and Buster is sitting with the rest of the guys.

SPARKY: And now thanks to Buster, we both have detention today and tomorrow. I can't believe he's acting like this. All because of dodgeball.

HALLEY: I didn't think he had it in him to hit you. I was shocked. I almost felt like slapping him myself.

SPARKY: Really? You seemed a lot more interested in your illegal money.

HALLEY: Stop it, there's nothing wrong with betting on sports. My dad does it all the time.

SPARKY: Is he any good?

HALLEY: I said he does it all the time, take what you want from that. Look, babe, you and Buster love each other more than anything else in the world. I know that if you try talking to him, he'll come around and tell you what's bothering him.

SPARKY: I doubt it. I already tried calling him, texting him and going to his condo before all this happened and nothing. He's been freezing me out since that first game.

HALLEY: So what are you going to do? You guys can't stop being friends.

SPARKY: I don't know, but for the next 48 hours, Buster is persona non grata. I'm not even going to bother spitting in his direction.

HALLEY: 48 hours? Wait, so if there are 60 minutes in an hour, and then you add 24 hours a day...

SPARKY: 48 hours is two days, Halley.

HALLEY: You know I'm not that good at math!

Cut to the guys' table. Jaylynn keeps scratching her arms and fixing her hair.

WADE: Jaylynn, could you please stop doing that? It's creeping me out.

JAYLYNN: I'm sorry, I'm just coming down from something. Ashley's team almost lost today. I bet all of my money...all of my motherf***ing money on them and I almost lost everything. Ooh, I love taking risks. So sexy.

BUSTER: I was never good at gambling. I even lost money to myself once.

Cut to Buster wearing a Russell Wilson jersey on September 11, 2016, the day the Seattle Seahawks opened up their season against the Miami Dolphins.

BUSTER: Alright, Buster. Fifty bucks says the Seahawks win another Super Bowl this year. You have nothing to worry about.

Buster pulls a $50 bill out of his wallet and puts it on the coffee table. Cut to Buster wearing the same jersey on January 14, 2017, the day the Seahawks lost to the Atlanta Falcons in the NFC Divisional Playoff game.

BUSTER: Ugh, you idiot! You told me it was a sure thing!

Buster pulls out his wallet, puts the $50 bill back inside, and places the wallet in his pocket again. Cut to the present day.

WADE: Buster, just because I'm curious, exactly what the hell were you thinking about in gym class today?

BUSTER: Being aggressive and savage like you taught me?

WADE: Yeah, but that didn't include hitting Sparky down under with a dodgeball and then trying to kick his ass. You went too far this morning.

BUSTER: I know, I know. I was more animal than kid. But you didn't know what I was feeling. For the first time, I was better than Sparky. I was standing over him as a warrior, a conqueror. He didn't even see it coming. I have his number.

WADE: A true player would have his number with a clean hit.

BUSTER: Okay, I'm starting to get mixed signals from you guys. Play hard, don't hit Sparky down low. The fact is, I'm one of the best players in the class and nothing you do or say can change that.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, because we made you. And we can destroy you.

BUSTER: How?

JAYLYNN: I don't know, I just wanted to sound like a badass.

RK: Alright, I don't have a dog in this fight and my documentary has become even juicier ever since you guys started to hate each other, but sooner or later, you'll have to work things out.

BUSTER: Forget about it. He thinks he's all hot stuff because he has the killer's instinct and he doesn't even take me seriously. But after the tournament, we'll see who's the best.

Buster leaves the table and walks out of the cafeteria.

WADE: Well, this is great. Our friends want to kill each other.

JAYLYNN: Honestly, this has been building up for a while. Can't we just wait to see how this plays out? You know, until after the tournament when the big payouts come in?

WADE: We're taking care of it now. It's unhealthy for these guys to fight and not even try to reason with each other.

RK: You know what we need? A plan. The biggest plan to end all plans.

WADE: So you have any suggestions?

RK: Well, we could always write letters in their names saying they're sorry and invite them to dinner tomorrow.

WADE: That could work. Yeah, that could really work.

RK: Really? Well, I guess we won't need to use my second plan.

JAYLYNN: What was that?

RK: We just slap them both silly until they realize they shouldn't be fighting?

Beat.

WADE: We should probably keep that handy for later.

SCENE 15

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Freddie Benson Gymnasium

Seattle, Washington

The next day, the kids are watching Sparky's team take on Wade's team in the tournament semifinals.

RK: Buster's team has already advanced to the finals. It's now down to three teams. Both teams are down to two players. Who will end up...infinite?

JAYLYNN: I'm starting not to understand the story of your movie.

RK: I'll fix it in post.

Wade tosses the ball at Sparky and he catches it. Sparky brings another boy from his team back from the bench and he passes a ball off to him. The boy goes after Wade's teammate, but he manages to avoid three shots. He ends up eliminating Sparky, but another member of Sparky's team takes out Wade's teammate for the win. Sparky and the fourth member of the team run onto the court to celebrate.

RK: It's come down to this. Sparky and Buster in the fight of the century. This is Ali and Frazier in Manila. This is Austin and The Rock in Houston. This is the damn Cavaliers and Warriors. This is...the showdown of showdowns.

Wade walks up to Sparky.

WADE: Hey Sparky, you got a minute?

SPARKY: Sure. You want an interview, haha?

WADE: What?

SPARKY: Nothing. What did you want to talk about?

WADE: Well, Buster wanted me to give you this letter.

SPARKY: I don't want to read a damn thing he wrote.

WADE: Trust me, this is from the heart. He wants to see things your way.

SPARKY: Okay, I could get down with that.

Sparky begins reading the letter that was written by RK in Buster's name.

SPARKY: Wow, there are a lot of misspelled words here.

WADE: Hey, you know Buster. He's not one for proper English.

SPARKY: Well, this is definitely classic Buster. He said he was a big fat meanie and he wants to meet me at Ike's after school.

WADE: That's great. Just don't bring it up to him now. Keep up appearances, you know.

SPARKY: Oh yeah, I'll ignore him until then. But this is awesome! I'm getting my best friend back!

WADE: Yeah, we're all friends again. Oh, and Sparky?

SPARKY: Yeah?

WADE: We never talked about this. Ever.

SPARKY: Why?

WADE: Sparky, listen to me. We...never...talked...about this.

Beat.

SPARKY: I hear you loud and clear.

SCENE 16

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

Buster is getting a jacket out of his locker when RK walks up to him.

RK: Hey Buster. Got any plans for after school?

BUSTER: I don't know. Go on Tumblr, work on my dodgeball game for Friday.

Beat.

BUSTER: RK, why are you here?

RK: Look. I know you usually see me as a director extraordinaire, but I have something you might want. This is a letter that Wade...Wade told me to give to you because Sparky wrote it. For you. And nothing else.

BUSTER: Why would Sparky write me? He doesn't care about me.

RK: That's what you think. Check it out.

Buster begins to read the letter that Sparky "wrote" him.

BUSTER: Oh my God. It says that I hurt him. I'm...I'm a monster. A living, breathing monster!

RK: You know, monsters are important in our world today. Did you know Pixar made two movies glorifying monsters?

BUSTER: Dude, this is horrible. I was so insecure, I pushed Sparky away and I broke his heart! What kind of monster does that?

RK: A very sick one. But you can change that. By seeing him at Ike's right now.

BUSTER: Wow. In this letter, Sparky says to meet him after school at Ike's!

RK: That's unbelievable. Dude, you have to go there and make things right.

BUSTER: You're right, RK. It's time for me to man up and tell Sparky that...

SCENE 17

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Interior Booth

Seattle, Washington

There is an abrupt cut to Buster holding up the letter while confronting Sparky, with RK and Wade near them.

BUSTER: ...you didn't write this letter?

SPARKY: No. So I guess you didn't write this one.

BUSTER: I don't like writing. It's not as exciting as a funny-ass text.

SPARKY: So why are we even here?

BUSTER: Because you planned all this out to waste my time, you sicko.

SPARKY: I didn't plan this out.

RK: Yeah. We did.

BUSTER: You fiends!

SPARKY: But why?

WADE: Because we're sick and tired of you guys and your fighting. This all happened because you don't take Buster seriously and you're too insecure to see you're not in a frigging contest with Sparky. Can't you guys see how asinine this all is?

BUSTER: I don't know what asinine means, but this is far from dumb.

SPARKY: Look, obviously, Buster has a problem with me and he's had a problem with me for a long time. So if he wants to throw our whole friendship away, that's his deal.

BUSTER: You suck, you know that? You always think I'm making this up. Like I'm dealing with this stuff in my own head. Well, I've had it. Come Friday, your ass is mine and you're gonna find out that I'm better than you!

SPARKY: I don't think so. If I have to beat you to get through to you, then so be it.

BUSTER: You're full of it.

SPARKY: No, I'm not.

BUSTER: Yeah, you are.

SPARKY: No, I'm not.

BUSTER: Yeah, you are.

WADE: RK, we're now officially in the eighth dimension of hell.

RK: But this will make the perfect ending for my movie. So in this case, we all win.

Wade gives RK an annoyed look.

RK: What? I think if nothing else, we should at least get the satisfaction of quality entertainment.

SCENE 18

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Freddie Benson Gymnasium

Seattle, Washington

It is now Friday and the dodgeball championship match has arrived. Coach Bergman is talking to the kids of both teams in the middle of the court.

COACH BERGMAN: Alright, everything comes down to this. This is the final match. The winners will become dodgeball champions of my class.

RK: Two modern-day gladiators, two icons of this sport. Two young boys that have defined our generation. This is the ultimate battle. This is to determine who becomes...infinite.

WADE: Will you please put the camera down for once and try to help me fix this?

RK: Would you say that to Stanley Kubrick when he was filming The Shining?

WADE: No.

RK: Then don't say it to me, that is disrespectful to my art.

Cut to Jaylynn and Halley sitting on the top row.

HALLEY: You know, I'm worried this is going to lead to another fight.

JAYLYNN: Yeah. We should try and stop anything bad from happening.

HALLEY: Are you kidding? There are bets from second graders for this match! We're getting that money. Who are we betting on?

JAYLYNN: I don't know. I hear Buster's the underdog, but people love that. Let me make sure there aren't any injuries on either side.

Jaylynn runs up to Buster.

BUSTER: Hey Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: Hi Anja. Look, dude, do you have anything wrong with your body? Any cuts, any bruises? Are you getting sick on me?

BUSTER: I had my shots a few weeks ago, but other than that, I'm good to go.

JAYLYNN: Alright, that's what I like to see. Good luck.

BUSTER: Thanks.

Jaylynn runs up to Sparky.

SPARKY: I know what you're doing.

JAYLYNN: Look, Sparky, a lot of action's on this game. I'm not losing all my cash to the bookie!

SPARKY: Jaylynn, just be careful. And if you're going to gamble, at least do what Grandpappy MacDougal did: Tell the whole world that David Hyde Pierce can kiss his ass.

JAYLYNN: Alright, buddy. Is your tongue coated?

SPARKY: Jaylynn, I have a game to play!

JAYLYNN: Alright. Good luck.

Jaylynn immediately runs back to Halley.

JAYLYNN: Bet it all on the Newman kid. Idiot savant, incredible dodgeball player. Highly motivated.

HALLEY: I know who Buster is, Jaylynn.

Jaylynn begins shaking Halley.

JAYLYNN: BET THE MONEY! THIS IS IT FOR US! I'M NOT GOING BACK TO SLEEPING ON YOUR DAMN COUCH!

SCENE 19

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Freddie Benson Gymnasium

Seattle, Washington

("My Way" by Limp Bizkit plays in the background)

Sparky and Buster stare each other down as Coach Bergman blows his whistle. The kids pick up as many balls as they can, but there are no eliminations yet. At one point, Sparky tries to hit Buster with a dodgeball and he does a backflip to avoid it. RK is seen talking as Jaylynn and Halley keep eating popcorn. Sparky gets the first elimination and Buster's team is already down one. A member of Buster's team is able to get two of Sparky's teammates out at the same time when the ball bounces from one to the other, instantly turning the tables. Buster ends up throwing the ball and Sparky catches it, resulting in his elimination. Everyone is shocked as Buster sits down, even Sparky. Sparky brings in another player and his team gets the advantage. After some time of nothing happening, Sparky takes out one of Buster's teammates, leading to a 3-1 disadvantage. Buster looks close to tears as the one remaining teammate begins sweating. Sparky throws the ball at him to get him out, but he misses. He then picks up the ball and hits Sparky in the head. One of Sparky's teammates goes for the win, but Buster's teammate catches the ball. Buster is brought back in, and he immediately tries to get the last of Sparky's teammates, but he misses.

Sparky's teammate tries to hit Buster's teammate then misses. Buster's teammate goes for the elimination but Sparky's teammate catches it and brings Sparky back. Now outnumbered, Buster avoids getting eliminated and launches the ball from the far end of the court. Sparky's teammate sees the ball approaching Sparky and sacrifices himself by getting hit. It ends up leaving Sparky and Buster for the first time. Everyone is watching carefully as the two begin tossing as many dodge balls as they can at each other, but neither boy gets out. At one point, Sparky trips on a dodgeball and Buster perks up. In slow motion, Buster walks up to Sparky and is about to eliminate him. However, Buster starts tearing up and eliminates himself by hitting himself in the head.

BUSTER: I'm sorry, man! I'm sorry!

SPARKY: I'm sorry too!

Sparky and Buster start crying as they hug each other to a mixed crowd reaction.

COACH BERGMAN: I can't believe they were gay all this time.

JAYLYNN: We lost it all, Halley. It's all gone.

HALLEY: Yeah, but Sparky and Buster are friends again.

JAYLYNN: F*** that, what about the MONEY?!

WADE: They closed the eighth dimension of hell.

SPARKY: Let's never let anything like this ever ruin our friendship again.

BUSTER: You're right. I should have tried talking to you instead of making all my problems about you.

SPARKY: And you don't have to compare yourself to me. You're a great dodgeball player and I never want to make you feel like a loser.

BUSTER: You know what? In some way, we can both be losers.

RK: Two best friends almost torn apart by a vicious bloodsport. But in the end, they learned that the power of friendship is more important than winning. Because when you realize the true meaning of life, you become...infinite. This has been...For Your Playground Only.

RK turns off the camera.

WADE: Well, finally, your movie's done. When are you going to edit it?

RK: Never. I'm over it now.

Wade gives RK a bored look. Cut to black.

("Above the Clouds" by Gang Starr featuring Inspectah Deck plays in the end credits)

©2017 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS